"CHELSEA" I can hear Jack screaming my name but I can't answer him.
I open my eyes. He's leaning over me "Fuck fuck fuck where's this blood comin' from"
whose blood is he on about? My blood?
My eyes close again. I'm in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure I'm dying.
"Stay with me Chels" I can hear him again "AMBULANCE!" His voice is desperate. I close my eyes.
"They're on their way Chels, ya gonna be ok"
Why does he have blood on his face? It's like he had blood on his hands and touched his face.
I fade away again.
The bright light wakes me up.
"Nah it's too early! Anotha four weeks still!" I wish Jack would stop shouting, why is he still here anyway.
***
I can hear a beeping noise.
Talking in the distance.
My nose feels funny.
I raise my hand to bring it up to my face. Fuck that hurts, there's something stuck in my hand.
I move my other hand. Ouch, my whole body hurts.
I lay still.
I open my eyes, it's not my ceiling above me.
I remember the pain and tentatively try to touch my tummy.
It doesn't feel right.
I turn my head.
Jack.
He's sitting on a chair, under a blanket.
I don't think he's got a top on.
Where's his top?
Oh the blood, maybe he had to take it off because of the blood?
Oh fuck the blood!
"JA....." I can't get the word out.
"Chelsea! Oh thank fuck!" He looks up and I can see he is in pieces, his face is blotchy, swollen and red from crying.
There's a lump in my throat and I think of the blood, how scared his voice was, that my tummy feels weird and......empty.
"No, please no Jack" it's a whisper.....I feel a tear run down my face as I look at him.
But no, it can't be. He's smiling now.
His tears are happy tears I think.
He touches the blanket over him and in slow motion pulls back a corner.
I see dark hair, what? Jack doesn't have a hairy chest........I feel my lip start to wobble.
"Oh Ja......-"
He shifts in the chair.
"Shhhhh" he kisses the hair, and I realise it's not his chest, it's on his chest, safe in his huge hand.
"Shhhh" he softly says again to the hair.
"Ya mommy's awake"
***
Baby Tracker 👶
1 day old 🗓️
I'm woken by loud talking "can I go an' get her then an' bring her here?"
"Erm, I'm not sure if SCBU are ready to actually discharge her yet, if Chelsea isn't well enough to go to her then we can have her brought up, but I'm sure she'll be fine, we'll get her on her feet this morning. You can go and see the baby, you don't have to wait for Chelsea"
"Nah I already seen her first! I got there at 8, I didn't know wot time I was allowed, but they let me in. I'll wait for Chels to wake up now ta"
Jack walks into the room and I see the nurse he had been talking to walk off down the corridor.
He kisses me on the forehead before plonking himself down in the chair next to me. He looks happy, but exhausted. I notice him put my hospital bag that had been in my bedroom down as he sits.
"I'm sorry, if that's not appropriate, kissin' ya, but I'm so fuckin' proud of ya Chels"
I don't really know what I've done.
"Where's the baby?"
"Special care, she's fine, do ya remember me showing her to ya when ya woke up?"
I do vaguely.
"It were about 3am I think. They made me go home then. I went back to ya flat, I didn't think ya'd mind?"
I shake my head.
"They took her back to SCBU when I went, they had her for a bit when she was first born, but she's fine Chels, she's so beautiful, she weighed 6 pound 2 ounces, they all sez that's brilliant for four weeks early."
"But all the blood?"
Jack looks like he's really concentrating, looking for the words.
"Ya placenta ruptured Chelsea, it was so fuckin' scary, but the ambulance was really quick" he pauses. "They took ya for a C-section as soon as we got here"
"Where you there? Did you stay with me while she was born?" My lip starts to wobble with emotion.
He's holding my hand. Taking care not to touch the cannula in my wrist.
"Nah, obviously I wanted to, but I wasn't allowed cos they had to put ya to sleep, they said they didn't have any time to lose"
"I'm sorry Chelsea, I'm sorry for everythin' I really am"
"I'm glad you were there......"
"Ah don' I can't even think about wot woulda happened if ya'd been on ya own" be suddenly looks brighter, "so nurse said ya can go an' see her in a bit!"
"Have you told your mum?"
"Yeah, me mom and dad are on their way, so is Sian, they'll all be here around lunchtime"
I look around "this isn't the private hospital is it?"
He smirks "nah, ya in a private room, but at the general, but the private hospital couldnt have looked afta ya last night anyway, ya were seriously ill Chels, it's amazin' that ya ok, an ya amazin' that ya grew our girl, she's so perfect, I can't wait for ya see her properly"
"I'm so glad you were there Jack" I squeak. "I'm glad she had you...."
"Stop" he interupts "look, let's jus' be grateful you're both ok yeah? An' while you were recovering I got to spend time skin to skin with her, an' I gave her a little bottle of milk" he's grinning "it was nice, to be her daddy" his grin literally splits his face in half.
***
Finally I'm sitting in a chair, with my little girl on my bare chest giving skin to skin contact, as Jack had through the night.
The staff are happy with her, and we are told she'll be able to go up to my room with me later today.
"We need to name her" I say to Jack looking at the name tag on her wrist that reads 'baby Kelly'
"Yeah, ya got any ideas?"
"I've really liked Mia since you first said it, it's the only name I keep going back to. I think it suits her?"
Jack grins "ya don't hafta choose a name I said y'know"
"Oh I know, but I really do like the name"
"Mia Kelly" Jack says out loud.
"Mia Kelly Grealish" I correct him.
He looks towards me "she's yours, she'll always be yours, whatever we are together......she's yours"
Jack nods.
"The kit for her DNA sample is in my bag, you could drop it to the private hospital later"
Jack looks at me "there's no rush"