A/N: Putting someone on shame it never make you fame.
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"I just don't like him" Halos di na marinig na bulong ko.
Miles look at me very disgusted to my response to her. Miles she is my highschool batchmate, we're not close pakialamera lang talaga siya, when she saw me with Jared, we arrived together here in our highschool reunion, that's why she's talking to me.
"What the hell Finn! that's Jared all ready, one of the famous model in the country!" Di makapaniwalang sambit ni Miles, she even touch her nape stressing because of me.
I shrugged my shoulder to her and drink my tequila not minding her presence.
Miles walk out and left me alone here in our table.
I tried to look at Jared, he was there three tables away from my place with his expensive group of friends.
"tsk!" Angil ko sabay iwas ng tingin sa kaniya when he look back at me.
I saw Jared formed a smirk bago niya lingunin ang katabi niyang kaibigan nang kausapin siya nito.
Actually Jared is kinda my type, he is not just well-off, cool and fame at all. He is exactly my ideal man but I don't deserve someone like Jared. He is too much just for someone like me.
𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘆𝘀
"𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒏!" I pretend that I don't heard him calling me. Nagtuloy-tuloy ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa makapasok ako sa silid aklatan.
Atsaka lang ako naka hinga ng maluwag ng malamang hindi na siya nakasunod sa akin. Kaya matiwasay akong nakapag aral sa loob ng silid aklatan.
Ang akala ko buong araw na payapa ay buong akala lang pala. "Finn sabay ka na sa'kin" Jared keeps on tailing me.
Nagdire-diretso ako palabas ng school gate. Atsaka agad nag abang ng tricycle pauwi.
"Finn" Nahimigan ko ang inis sa tono ng pag tawag sa akin ni Jared ngunit binalewala ko pa rin siya.
"I said you were going home with me!" Jared held my arm and drag me in front of his car.
He open the shotgun seat for me but I refuse to move. "Get in" I can hear annoyance in his voice yet I didn't obey him. I look at him trying to resist his dangerous impatience face looking at me.
"I'll go home with tricycle Jared, you don't have to do this" I said and remove his hand on my arm and left him there standing irritated on me.
𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿
We were seven year old kiddos back then when we've met. It was Jared's Birthday. I was invited because of my Mama, he was Jared personal yaya when he was still a baby, and when Jared's mom gave birth to Jared lil sister Mama also the one babysitting her.
Jared and I became playmate whenever my mother taking me at her work. Okay lang naman sa mga amo niya kasi wala naman daw ibang kalaro si Jared.
"Who is she?" Tanong ng sobrang puti at may pagka chinitang babaeng bata kay Jared.
Jared held my hand sabay hatak sa'kin palapit doon sa batang babae.
Jared show his charming smile. "Kayla this is Finn" And look at me. "Finn this is Kayla my cousin from U.K. she's here for vacation" Jared forced Kayla and I took a shakehands.
Starting that day on we're trio, Jared, Kayla and I. Kayla and I became bestfriends kaso every summer vacation lang kami nagkikita.
While Jared gets a little jealous but then he make understand Kayla and I because we're girls and we don't really seen each other unlike him na everyday kaming nagkikita. Entire of their house and even sa school.
𝗛𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗗𝗮𝘆𝘀
"Sampid!" Charlotte pushed me, my butt hitted the hard cold ground. I was there look like a shame pathetic little kid in front of Charlotte with her brat squad.
Sinipa pa ni Charlotte ang lunchbox kong nahulog sa sahig kasama ko. "Stop trying to fit in! anak ng kurakot na Governor sa labas!" Charlotte added sinundan pa ng mapanghusgang tawanan ng mga kasama niya.
I look at her, gulong-gulo sa mga pinagsasabi niya. "What are you saying?" Unti-unti ng nagtutubig ang gilid ng mga mata ko.
Charlotte look at me like I am disgusted person she ever seen. "You didn't know! Do you really believed your mother can afford to support your education to this kind of expensive school!" Natatawang pahayag ni Charlotte sabay cross armed.
Naramdaman ko ang unti-unting pag patak ng mga luha ko habang gulong-gulo na naka tingala kay Charlotte. "What do you mean?" Bulong ko.
Charlotte smirk at me. "Anak ka sa labas ni Governor Simeon Pineda, you really believe na tito mo lang siya when the truth is so obvious you two are very look alike, bulag ka ba!" Inis na singhal niya sakin.
I got home and ask mama about it, and she told me the truth. I am an illegitimate child of Governor Simeon Pineda.
Kaya pala ako lang ang paborito niya sa aming magkakapatid. I have two younger half siblings. They told me my father died years ago before mama gave birth to me. Tito Simeon introduce himself as brother of my father when the truth is he is my biological father.
They told me, they have to hide my real identity. 'Cause the time I was born that's the time my father just started people know him and trusted him in political industry. And I'll be a huge hindrance of his raising career he ever dream of.
As time passed by while I'm growing people entitled me as an illegitimate child of Governor Simeon Pineda as he had his own family, and that's the truth anak ako sa labas. How shame dame I am, right?
𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿 𝗩𝗮𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
"But you're so beautiful shame dame Finn!" Sigaw ni Kayla sa malayo. Litaw na litaw ang british accent sa pananalita niya.
It was summer vacation, as usual Kayla spend it here in Philippines with her family and friends, with me.
We're playing volleyball inside their Mansion's backyard.
I laugh at her while shaking my head. Kayla called me a "Dame" it is used in U.K. a title given for a women equivalent rank for Knight. "I'm not Dame, I'm more like bastard" Natatawang sagot ko kay Kayla sabay spike sa bola pabalik sa kaniya.
Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Kayla, nagpamewang at hinayaan tumalbog ang bola palayo sa kaniya. "Don't you ever call yourself again like that Finn!. I will screw you believe me!" Sigaw niya.
Ever since I found out about my real father, people started to put me on shame, sad but I'm getting used to it.
Simula din noon, I started to avoid Jared 'cause I don't wanna drag him with my messy life. Though, I couldn't avoid him at all because I'm working with her Mom as her personal assisstant and I'm living under the same roof with them.
I accepted Jared's Mom offer to me after I graduated. Mama couldn't work anymore as she gets older at may dalawa pa kong nakababatang kapatid na pinag aaral.
Though, Daddy continue giving me and supporting all of my expenses even I graduated, still it's not enough for everyone of us.
𝗛𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗥𝗲𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻
"I just don't like him" Halos di na marinig na bulong ko.
Miles look at me very disgusted to my response to her. Miles she is my highschool batchmate, we're not close pakialamera lang talaga siya, when she saw me with Jared, we arrived together here in our highschool reunion, that's why she's talking to me.
"What the hell Finn! that's Jared all ready, one of the famous model in the country!" Di makapaniwalang sambit ni Miles, she even touch her nape stressing because of me.
I shrugged my shoulder to her and drink my tequila not minding her presence.
Miles walk out and left me alone here in our table.
I tried to look at Jared, he was there three tables away from my place with his expensive group of friends.
"tsk!" Angil ko sabay iwas ng tingin sa kaniya when he look back at me.
I saw Jared formed a smirk bago niya lingunin ang katabi niyang kaibigan nang kausapin siya nito.
I left the party without saying goodbye to everyone and to Jared.
"My poor cousin just told me you turn him down over and over again" Kayla and I are having a video call.
She called me in the middle of the night, just to gossip about what happened with Jared and I highschool reunion.
I rolled my eyes to her and she laugh on what I did. "Seriously! Finn! what's wrong with you?. Our entire family likes you for Jared, what's suppressing you ba?" Ang kaartehan at pati na rin ang british accent ni Kayla ay lalong lumalala. Sumakit ulo ko bigla jusko!.
I took a deep sighed. "I don't deserve him" I stated the obvious.
Napa sabunot sa buhok niya si Kayla. "What the fudge!" Kayla look at me unbelievably.
I saw how Kayla took her deepest sighed before changing her face into more softer now looking at me. "I don't get you but I make understand you. It's your decision I'll support you, always" I am so glad I have my bestfriend. In this chaotic life I am so grateful I have Kayla.
𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿
"Aaaaahhhh!!! my dame Finn!" Sigaw ni Kayla ng magkita kami sa arrival area sa airport.
I welcome her with my warm longing tight embrace. "Miss you Kay" I whispered to her while caressing her back.
Kayla look at me at bahagyang bumitaw sa yakap. "No! I miss you more than life" Sabay kaming tumawa sa kabaliwan niya.
"That's Bieber song" Sabay rin kaming napalingon sa taong nag salita sa bandang gilid namin naka tayo.
"Red!" Kumawala sa yakap ko si Kayla para yakapin ng mahigpit ang pinsan niya. "Miss you too, though you always visit me sa U.K." Natatawang pahayag ni Kayla, Jared hugged her back.
Agad naman akong nag iwas ng tingin sa kanilang dalawa ng tapunan ako ng tingin ni Jared.
It's summer. It supposedly Jared alone will fetch Kayla, but Kayla requested to Jared that I should be there fetching her at airport.
Request ba talaga ni Kayla or request no'ng isa?
"𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝑲𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒂 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒆" Casual na sambit ni Jared when he told me na sumama raw ako sa kaniya sa pag sundo kay Kayla.
Di ko rin alam kung bakit gano'n na lang din ako itulak ng mommy ni Jared kanina para sumama sa anak niya, when in fact, I am with her on a very important meeting.
Nag talo pa kaming dalawa ni Jared nang makalabas ako ng board meeting, dahil ayoko talaga sumama. Natigil lang ako when Jared told me na request nga daw iyon ni Kayla, even I knew the truth na wala naman talagang sinabi si Kayla na ganon dahil magka usap kami buong byahe niya, I'll go with Jared in the end para matapos na.
"The fudge nag talo pa talaga kayo!" Natatawang pahayag ni Kayla sa amin. When Jared mentioned about our small argument before we fetch her.
Kayla turn to look at me from her shotgun seat beside Jared. "You both always fight?" Parang kinikilig na tanong ni Kayla, moving her eyes back and fort to Jared and I.
Isa pa yang shotgun seat na yan. Kayla forcing me awhile ago to take shotgun seat but I strongly refuse. If I knew she's trying to push me to his cousin.
Di ako sumagot samantalang ngumisi lang si Jared.
Tinapik ni Kayla ng bahagya ang braso ni Jared, sumulyap naman ang isa sa kaniya for a bit of seconds sabay balik agad sa daan ang mata because he is busy on driving. "Red, do you remember our grandparents end up together because they're started fighting over nonsense things."
May nakakaloko ng ngisi sa labi ni Kayla when she turn her eyes on me. "Ganyang-ganyan nagkatuluyan lolo't lola namin Finn" Sabay na tumawa sina Jared and Kayla.
"Exactly!" Jared urge to add, atsaka sumulyap sa'kin sa rareview mirror ng kotse niya sabay kindat.
Ginagago ako ng magpinsan na 'to ah.
I was silent the whole ride kahit pa panay ang tukso ni Kayla sa amin ng pinsan niya. While Jared on the other hand really enjoying what Kayla's doing, and he even adding on it and make it even worst.
Since Highschool iniwasan ko na si Jared. It's hard seing him hurt because of what I'm doing. We're friends, Jared and I knew and even people around us knew the real score between us.
But I have to save him, save myself from people couldn't understand our situation.
I know, wala namang batas na nagsasaad na bawal magmahalan ang mahirap at mayaman. But if you were here in my shoe, maybe you could understand my side better.
Maybe if you could feel how bad and hurt the judgment and the shame people keeps on throwing to me everyday.
"Hey!" I don't have to look to know who sat beside me. His voice alone and his masculine perfume sends shiver down to my entire body.
Ang impokrita ko naman kung sasabihin kong, wala akong nararamdaman para kay Jared.
I was sitting here in their mansion's garden alone. They throw a welcome party for Kayla inside. Bunches of wealthy and famous people are there.
I'm not belong in their social. I am a low class and we're too far from each other.
"Stop trying to fit in!" Charlotte words keeps on replaying inside my head each in every moment.
I shook my head. "Hey are you okay?" Napabalikwas ako when I felt Jared hands caressing my shoulder, worrying about me.
I look away avoiding his stares. "Yes I am" Bulong na sagot ko.
"No you're not" Mahinahon pero matigas na deklara ni Jared.
Napa ismid ako. "Stop asking if you wouldn't believe" Inis na tugon ko. Bat ba kasi siya nandito?.
I heard him 'tsk' on what I've said. "Let's get inside" Utos ni Jared sabay tayo.
Akmang maglalakad na siya ngunit natigil ng makitang hindi ako gumalaw sa kinauupuan ko.
"Finn, I said let's get inside malamok dito" This time he had a very soft voice makes me feel goosebumps but still I didn't move.
"Hays" He sighed. He slowly kneel in front of me dahilan para mapatingin ako sa kaniya. Gulat na gulat sa inaakto niya.
"What the hell!" Bulyaw ko, nanlilisik ang matang naka tingin sa kaniya.
Jared met my eyes tenseless, while here I am trembling because of our position. He slowly took my hands and caress like it's the most precious thing he ever held.
"Why are you blind?" Jared straight looking in to my eyes asking that stupid question.
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at akmang babawiin ko na ang kamay ko pero hinawakan niya 'yon ng mas mahigpit.
"Why can't you see us?, people who love you the way you are" Jared added. He move his eyes to our hands he slowly interwined.
Then look back at my eyes. "Why can't you see me" Hurt reflecting on his eyes. Agad na nag tubig ang mata ko. "No look at me, Finn" Jared ordered me na sinunod ko naman. Our eyes met both reflecting pain showing what's inside our hearts.
One tear escape from my eyes. Jared one hand let go of my hand and wipe the tear fell from my eyes while smiling at me. "HAHAHA! how could you do this, being effortlessly cute" pambobola niya dahilan para lalo akong umiyak.
I pouted. "I hate you!" I whispered na tinawanan niya lang.
"Kidding aside" He slightly laugh before continuing his words.
"Why don't you give a try. Try to be selfish this time. Try to love me back" He finally stated it. After so many years of running and chasing, teasing and ignoring, hurting and pretending. After a long years he last confessed his real feelings for me back when we we're in highschool, he tried it again today.
"But Jar-- He cut me off.
"I'll wait, you don't have to answer me now. I can wait" Buong pusong pahayag ni Jared.
"But--- He even put his index finger on my mouth to shut me down.
Gago ayaw ako pag salitain!
"Please Finn, I know you turn me down over and over again but it doesn't mean it less the pain, mas masakit kaya mareject ng paulit-ulit" Pag dadabog niya.
"No Jar--- "Ssshh!" He cut me off again!
"The fuck Jared---- "Don't talk" He even cover his both ears using his hands.
Baliw!
Hinampas ko nga ng malakas braso niya. "Aray!" Angal niya sabay himas sa braso niyang panigurado bumakat ang palad ko.
"I hate you, pag salitain mo kasi ako!" Inis na sigaw ko.
"Saddist!" Sambit niya sabay irap sakin.
Akmang hahampasin ko ulit siya pero agad siyang tumayo at lumayo sa'kin. Tawang-tawa naman ako sa ginawa niya.
"Finn stop it! not because I'm inlove with you, I'm letting you to hurt me huh!" Malokong pahayag niya sabay yakap sa sarili niya.
Tumayo ako, agad namang umatras si Jared palayo sa akin. Taena naman nito!
Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya, atras naman siya ng atras. "Stop moving stand still!" Inis na utos ko pero hindi niya ko sinunod.
"I SAID STAND STILL!" Galit na sigaw ko. Tumigil naman si Jared sa pag atras.
Nilakad ko ng mabilis ang pwesto niya at hinatak siya palapit sa 'kin. "Gusto pa nasisigawan eh" Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.
"Ask me again" Utos ko.
Kunot noong nakatingin sa akin si Jared. "Ask you what?" Clueless na sabi niya.
Umirap ako sa kaniya atsaka siya tinalikuran.
Nag lakad ako palayo sa kaniya, ngunit napahinto ako ng marinig ko ang hagalpak niyang tawa.
I turn my back and look at him furiously. "Fuck you!" Sigaw ko sa inis sabay talikod at martsa palayo sa kaniya.
"I would gladly do but soon!" I heard him shouting back.
Napa iling nalang ako habang naka ngiti papasok sa loob ng mansion nila.
Kayla handed me a hard drink pag pasok ko sa loob. I'm about to drink it but Jared took it away from me so fast.
"Red!" Angal ni Kayla pero sinungitan lang siya ni Jared. "My baby is not allowed to drink, get it?" Naka smirk na pahayag ni Jared kay Kayla.
Kayla's chinita eyes grow wider as her mouth formed a big 'O' unable to speak on what she found out about Jared and I.
Jared pulled me to him. "Baliw!" Sabay naming pang aasar kay Kayla atsaka namin siya iniwang naka nganga pa rin sa gulat.
"Don't!" Sigaw ko ng ipasok ako ni Jared sa kwarto niya. He locked it and pinned me behind the closed door..
"Don't what?" Pa-inosenteng tanong niya. While his hands slowly caressing my cheeks softly.
I cleared my throat and avoiding his stares. "First and foremost let's cleared everything between us" Seryosong pahayag ko.
"Jared!" Suway ko sa kaniya ng bigla niya na lang akong nakawan ng halik sa pisnge.
"Why?" Natatawang tanong niya.
"Lumayo ka nga muna pwede ba!" I pushed him but he just held my hand and drag me to his bed.
"Fuck you!" Inis na sigaw ko ng hilahin niya ko pahiga kasama siya.
"I told you soon, when we get married and baby it's make love. But for now let's do cuddle" He chuckling softly, wrapping his arms around my waist and planted a soft kisses on top of my hair.
Hinayaan ko na lang siya sa gusto niya. Knowing him sobrang kulit daig pa seven year old na bata.
Maybe I can give a try, there's nothing wrong trying to follow what's my heart beating for this time.
Jared was the one who always there for me even how I tried to pushed him away. He draws me close to him and embrace all that I am.
He never gets tired pulling me, chasing me and loving me after how far I'm forcing to runaway from him, even after how I hurted him, he still here loving me the same.
"Penny for your thoughts?" He whispered through my ears sending little tickles on it.
I look up to him and gave him my genuine and sweetest smile. I move up to reach his ears and whispered something that made him tears.
"I just realise how much I love you" Tears of Joy immediately showered on Jared eyes.
I'm chuckling while looking at his handsome soft face and wiping his tears. "And I am so stupid and blinded by my own insecurities and being self-centered just to get other people validation" I continue. "Without thinking you're the one I'm hurting. I'm sorry" Jared envelop me with his warmest embrace when I started crying.
"Hey! It's okay, ang mahalaga we're now together" Pag aalo niya sa akin.
How the tables turned like this? Kanina siya 'yong umiiyak ah.
All the tears, heartbreaks, pretending, running and chasing are all worth it. Having Jared and loving him is the best feeling that I ever have.
Dame,
Finn ♥︎
January 18, 2022 - January 20, 2022
SHAME DAME
Written by:
MISSREIDRIDINGBOOK