I wake up to a banging on my front door.
It's pitch black. The noise won't stop.
Hang on, my front door? That means it's someone from in the building.
I haul myself up.
As I stand I feel the baby stretch out within and give my belly a little pat.
I open my front door.
Jack
"Fuck off" I shut the door but he's quick, his foot is there. I ram the door against his trainer as hard as I can but he stands firm.
"Please let me in, I'm not goin' anywhere an' I'd prefer not to hafta explain a foot injury at training tomorrow" he speaks calmly.
I relent and walk away, letting the door fall open.
He stares at me, looking me up and down, taking me in and I know there's no pretence that I look even slightly 'sexy pregnant' I am now officially '9 months pregnant, in pain everywhere and ready to pop pregnant'
"Ya look exhausted" he says softly as he closes the door behind me and follows me into the kitchen.
I scoff "well you just woke me up! Who the fuck let you in?" It's nearly 10pm. I can do without him pissing my neighbours off just before I bring a newborn into the building.
He shrugs nonchalantly "dunno, I jus' kept pressing all the buttons on the call thing until someone pressed the buzzer"
I shake my head angrily, brilliant so he's pissed the whole building off.
He reaches for my arm and I yank it back sharply, like the action burnt me.
I see the hurt in his eyes.
Good.
He should feel hurt.
"I was really worried about ya, I hadda come an' check ya were ok, I thought ya'd gone into labour!"
"It's just Braxton Hicks Jack, it's fine"
"It's wot?"
"Braxton Hicks"
"I dunno wot that is?"
I look at him. He looks scared, like he's thinking it means something really bad.
"They're fake contractions. Like practise ones, they don't really hurt much, but they're really uncomfortable"
I bite my lip. I can feel tears pricking at my eyes, I want to tell him that I feel uncomfortable, that I'm scared, that I don't feel well, that I'm so tired my vision keeps going blurry, that I feel dizzy when I move, that my back hurts, that I don't think I can do this last part, I'm not strong enough.
But I don't, because that's not the relationship we have anymore.
"I promised I'd phone your mum when it starts. But that's no good if she's leaving her phone behind places" I look pointedly at him.
"Yeah no, there was an issue she hadda rush out an' get Hollie from youth club quick, I shouldn't have used her phone. It was just too tempting when I saw it was you texting her"
"Is Hollie ok?"
"Yeah, I assume so, I didn't hang around, I jus' got in the car an' drove straight here, I had to know ya were ok"
"Well I am. You can go now. Please"
"Do ya really want me to?"
"Yes! Oh my god Jack! What am I supposed to do drop to my knees for you? Jump straight back into bed with you? Jack I was fine with casual sex with you, but you dragged me over the line into the relationship zone, and then when I finally let you in, you destroyed me! Like everyone always fucking destroys me! So yes Jack I do really want you to go!"
I feel my tummy tighten again and bite my lip against the pain.
I look down. I back away at Jack taking a step towards me.
He starts to talk. "I didn't mean like that, I meant because ya look so sad and tired, I thought I could run ya bath, get ya a drink? A hot water bottle? I dunno, make ya comfortable before I went. But thank you for telling me how ya really feeling"
I'm crying. I feel so ill right now. I look at him.
He's almost crying.
"I neva eva in a million years wanted to hurt ya Chelsea"
"You sent me to your house alone and then went off and fucked your ex" my voice is unsteady from anguish and the pain.
"It's not like I planned it....."
"It shouldn't have happened at all" I close my eyes, try to steady myself a bit.
"I know, but it did, it did because I drunk too much, because I'm a fuckin' dick, because I'm always screwing things up. Because meeting ya in Mykonos was the best thing I've eva done, but I didn't realise that until it was too late"
It's all just excuses. I feel sick. I really just need to sleep.
"I want you to go Jack"
"Nah, Chels please, please don' kick me out, not when ya like this"
"If you want to be a dad to our baby, I need to be able to trust you totally, now please, can you leave, I've got lots to sort out still"
"I don' feel ok leavin' ya like this"
"But it felt ok havin' sex with Stacey when you knew I was at your house alone"
He looks down "please don't Chels"
"Was it worth it?" I can't help twisting the knife in. I hold my hand to my tummy, I really feel uncomfortable.
"Wot?!"
"The sex with Stacey, was it worth it? Probably felt good not having a huge fucking belly in the way didn't it?" My head is starting to pound. I wish he'd just go.
I watch his jaw tighten "no" it's a mere whisper. "No it wasn't worth it, it was a fuckin' drunken fumble"
"And the others" my chest feels tight.
"I could barely remember anythin' in the mornin'"
"Well then you really are a fuck up aren't you, to have thrown what we could have had away before it even started" I feel awful now, really unwell, and I've got tears streaming down my face silently. Jack averts his eyes while I rub my face with my hands.
He spots the steriliser on the work top and walks over to it. He starts fiddling with it with his back to me.
He's shoulders are moving.
I think he's crying too. I grip the worktop behind me for balance. I screw my eyes shut, I need to relax. I need to get to bed.
"Chelsea, I love you"
I stare at the back of his head.
My own head fizzes even more now with anger.
"NO!" I Scream, "NO! YOU DON'T GET TO SAY THAT TO ME!" I grip my tummy as a sharp pain cuts across my middle making me feel sick. I hunch over.
"Get out Jack! Get out!" I can't breathe through the pain.
Jack's face is stricken and I know I'm in trouble, but I don't want him here.
"Fuck, Chels wot do I do? Sit down"
he's trying to fuss around me, but I don't want him to touch me. My head feels like it's about to explode, I don't know what's worse, the pain in my tummy or the pain in my head.
I feel a warm liquid between my legs, I need to get to the bathroom.
"Jack go" but I don't think my voice is coming out right.
The pain is searing through me and I sink to the floor.
Everything goes black