TRIGGER WARNING: INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT DEATH
July 28th, 2024
Two Weeks Later
Taylor Swift's Point of View
Dear Diary,
Living is killing me. I feel like that's an ironic statement. A lot has happened the last two weeks and lots of it I wish to forget. I went to Piper's funeral and it was one of the most emotionally destructive moments of my life. I felt like I had nothing left to give. I'm a mother, an artist, and a soon to be grandmother...but, all I feel like is a waste of space. I stopped taking my medicine, stops caring about myself, stopped following doctors advice, stopped eating...stopped. I just want it to fucking stop but the world really said fuck that. Apparently when you stop taking care of yourself you end up in the hospital.
I've been bedridden in the hospital for a week now. I collapsed a couple days after Piper's funeral from dehydration and low oxygen. The doctors looked into it more and my cancer has advanced. They had to get more aggressive with treatment and now I can't leave the hospital. All I want is to be with my children and husband and...I want my life back. I can't live like this anymore. My immune system is shot, I feel like shit all the time, and I can't breathe. I want to die and be finished off.
I can't express how much I wish I could get rid of this. It pains me every single day to wake up and have nothing physically left. It frustrates me, infuriates me. Why can't I just get rid of it? Why can't this just be the flu and be brushed off with antibiotics? Why does my body have to be infested and mutated into death? Maybe I should stop being sad and try and end this on a lighter note.
Olivia, she and Lucas are having a gender reveal party thus week. The baby is healthy and has a strong heartbeat. I'm going to be a grandmother which sounds unreal. Who knows it I'll actually be a grandmother...I'll probably be dead by then.
NO! I'm ending this on a good note. My daughter is going to be a mother, a great one. She will love them and Olivia will make sure they know me.
-Taylor <3
I toss my diary on my bag which doesn't quite work as it just falls on the floor. Well fuck. All I do is just collapse and look at the ceiling which is annoyingly decorated with birds and a fucking sky or some shit. Yes, a painting is going to make me jolly.
"Hey babe." I hear Joe's voice and pick up my head.
"Mom!" Benjamin slightly screams and runs up to my bed. Juliet runs to the other side and jumps on the bed with me. She sits on the end of the bed with her legs cross crossed.
"Mommy, we made you a card! I drew Theodore! The doctors said we couldn't bring him." Juliet pouts but it makes me laugh slightly. I open up the card and glitter spills out everywhere. I see why it was taped shut now.
"Julie! I said you could use glitter, I didn't say you could dump the bottle on it!" Joe says with a laugh.
"What? We were out of glue. How else was I supposed to get the glitter to mom?" Juliet defends herself which just makes me laugh more.
"It's fine. I love the card honey." I kiss her on the top off her head and set the card on my half-assed nightstand.
The doctor walks in to take some vitals and check up on me. "So, how are you feeling today?" she asks me.
"Better now that the family is here. Where's Olivia?" I ask Joe.
"She wasn't feeling well. She's also preparing for the party next weekend."
"She must be excited...I wish I could go." I frown and my mood instantly begins to drop.
"Well, if you continue to do well, I think I could let you go home for a couple weeks to be with your family." Dr. Montgomery tells me.
"Really?"
"Yup. I'll discharge you Friday, but you have to stay on your regimen and be sure to keep track of your health."
"Of course I'll do that!" I practically scream in excitement.
"Now, just continue to be healthy the next few days and you can go home" She repeats to me.
"Healthy. Got it."
• • •
6 Days Later
I sit in the backyard and observe everyone socializing because I'm too dead to do it myself basically. It's Olivia's big day so it doesn't matter to me how I feel. She's having her gender reveal/baby shower combination. She has been talking to me about it non-stop basically. She's excited and rightfully so. All her friends stopped by, along with Lucas's.
Liv walks up to me and carefully sits down. "Hey, how are you doing?" She asks awkwardly.
"I'm better than ever. I thought I wouldn't get to come and now I do." I slightly smile and keep all my glue and tape together. There's a headache reining in my body and I feel like I'm gonna throw up but I'm fine. 100%
"Well, we planned a special surprise for you."
"I thought the surprise was for you."
"Come with me." Olivia gets up with a pretty great struggle, which is understandable as being in your third trimester isn't easy. I also struggle to stand up as cancer is not easy either. I follow her and she shows me a box.
"A box...thanks?" I question.
"It's a gift...you open it."
Shit I'm dumb as fuck.
I open the gift and take out a picture frame. There's space for two pictures, the left has a picture of me holding Olivia when she was a couple weeks old. The right picture is an ultrasound.
"I thought that you could change the right picture out once the baby is born. Right now it's just a ultrasound of them from the other day...It's so you can have a side by side comparison you know. Your first kid and first grand baby." Olivia explains to me. I tear up a bit as I know that I might not even get that picture.
"Do you like it?" Olivia asks.
"I love it, Liv. It's perfect. Thank you so much." I take her in for a hug and just hold onto her for a moment. I think I've started to become content with my fate.
I let go of her and wipe the tears from my face. "Let's find out the gender. They might decide on something else though, gotta keep an open mind."
Olivia smiles and nods. "I'll love this baby no matter what."
Everyone at the party begins to crowd around the table as we stare at the cake in the center. It's gonna be blue or pink...Olivia and Lucas hold the cake knife and take out a piece of the cake which is...yellow???? It's just a normal vanilla cake.
"Uhhhh....did the bakery fuck it up?" Olivia questions.
"Should we call them?" Lucas asks. Everyone shrugs with disappointment and looks at the blank cake.
"FREE THE LION KING!!!" Juliet screams. Everyone turns around where she is holding Theo up in the air. She places him on the ground and he takes off running. When he does, blue powder comes off his fluffy coat. Everyone bursts out laughing and we jump to the conclusions.
"Does that mean it's a boy?" Olivia asks Joe.
"It's a boy." Joe says with a nod.
"WE ARE HAVING A BOY!!!!" She basically screams.
"I'M GONNA HAVE A SON!!!" Lucas screams along. Everyone begins to cheer and Theodore jumps on the table...well...more like he jumped in the cake, freaked out, and is now covered in frosting. I'm having a grandson which is the best feeling in the world.
• • •
I wake up and when I do it's still pitch black. It's probably 2 in the morning or something stupid. I immediately drag myself out of bed and throw up profusely. I sit back while I lay against the cool tile of the bathroom. I wipe my mouth to get rid of my gross vomit covered face. I look down at my hand but it's not vomit. It's bright red...blood. I look in the toilet which is bright red as well. I've been throwing up blood. A pressure on my chest keeps me from getting up and I feel like I can't breathe.
"Joe! I need help!" I scream loudly as possible. I quickly hear loud footsteps and him running as fast as a frickin train. He assesses the situation and slightly tilts his head.
"I thought periods came out of your vagina...not your mouth." He says confused looking at the blood on my mouth.
"Joe-"
"Do girls like eat it-"
"JOE! SHUT UP. I'm throwing up blood-I can't breathe. Something is wrong." I feel my body shiver over and see my lips turning a blue color in the reflection.
Joe takes a deep breath and puts his hand on my forehead. "You're burning up and you're shivering. Are you cold?"
"No...I'm hot."
Joe looks at me and I can see it all in his face. He is worried more than ever and he genuinely is scared for me. I can see it. I think he sees my fate too.
"We're going to the hospital now." He picks me up from the blood soaked bathroom and rushes me too the car.
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Author's Note:
Ooooo a cliffhanger.
What do y'all think?
Word Count: 1,614