"HOW did you know I've always wanted to do this?" I ask Preston, with wide eyes and a permanent smile tattooed across my lips, as we walk hand in hand through the massive crowd gathering in midtown New York.
Families. Couples. Tourists. Everyone's here and the cold winter air is suddenly filled with an energy that buzzes through my veins. It's excitement I quickly realize. Pure, unadulterated excitement.
His hand squeezes mine twice, and the worry and the fear that continue to fight to stay at the forefront of my mind calms a touch as I force myself to focus and soak in the excitement that surrounds me. We are only a week away from the masquerade. One week before I know everything will change. So until then I'm trying to embrace the happiness, embrace Preston as much as I can.
"Aiden told me," he replies easily.
The mention of my brother warms my chest but also pulls at my wounded heartstrings. "He did?" My voice sounds surprised. Shocked that he even remembered.
When I was little I would always talk about going to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting all the time. I loved the holiday. The lights. The trees. The decorations. It was all so magical to me as a little kid. But my parents always called it a tacky tourist trap and refused to ever take me.
Preston's thumb traces over my knuckles. "He loves you a lot Jameson," he tells me earnestly.
I nod knowing it's the truth, but still finding it difficult to digest. Aiden was once my sweet and kind little brother, until one day he wasn't. Until he pushed me away and became hard and cold. Until I was convinced he hated me. Until all I felt was alone.
Until I also became hardened and cold to the outside world.
I know why he did what he did. But that doesn't make it any easier at the end of the day. He's been giving me space, and keeping his distance. And I won't lie, I've been letting him. I haven't been ignoring my brother, but I haven't been trying to reach out either. I've also not been attending family dinners at home anymore.
My mother's been calling me, but I let her go to voicemail. It's been three weeks since I've last stepped foot inside my house. Three weeks since I've seen or spoken to either of my parents.
The last time I saw my mother still replays in my mind. She was trying. It wasn't enough. It still isn't enough to be honest. But that doesn't mean I don't think about it. Think about what our relationship could maybe become if or when I am ever ready.
Preston's hand slips from mine and wraps around my waist tightly as we come to a slow stop. The crowd continues to grow around us as we look up at the insanely large unlit tree. It somehow seems even larger in person. The cold wind whips around us, but he holds me close helping to keep me warm.
"Are you okay?" he whispers in my ear. He could clearly see the way I fell into myself for a moment as I thought about my family.
But I don't want to talk about that right now. I want to stay in the happiness, stay in this moment with Preston. So I lean back into his chest and turn so our eyes meet. "I know it's cheesy, but I want to do this every year for the rest of my life," I confess to him ignoring his question. Because I'm not okay.
"And we will do this every single year," he promises me with such fervor it makes my heart leap in my chest.
My eyes flutter close for a second as contentment soaks through my skin. "I just love how excited everyone gets. The energy around it. Christmas was my grandfather's favorite holiday and he always talked about how magical it can feel," I explain letting the memory of my grandfather fill me with warmth and love.
Preston leans down so his nose traces my cheek before his lips press against my temple. "Do you feel the magic Davenport?" His words are teasing but filled with an unwavering love that makes me melt even more in his arms.
"I do," I play back with a little giggle as he pokes my ribs purposely to tickle me. "Do you like Christmas?" I ask as his arms wrap fully around my waist.
I feel him shrug as holiday music plays around us. "I've never thought much of it honestly. My father was always in the city growing up during the holidays. But my mom tried as hard as she could. For a few years, for my sister, we would really go all out. Those couple years were the best. But it fizzled out quickly once my sister grew out of her believing in Santa Claus phase. We drifted I guess..." he trails.
Drifted. The word forms a knot in my stomach. I know that feeling well. "I get that," I murmur.
I can feel his chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh. "Aiden wants to try Jameson."
My gaze drops to my boots. "I know," I reply quietly. "It's just hard. For so long he dismissed me and sided with my father."
"He—"
I don't pull away even though my body wants to. Instead my fingers find his and hold on tightly as heavy emotions rush through me. "Don't side with him Preston." The words come out harsher than I wanted, but it's also how I feel. I won't sugarcoat my feelings around him. "I know he was trying to protect me. I get it. But that doesn't make it any easier. What about your sister, Piper? Are you trying with her?"
Preston's sister is three years younger than him, though they might as well be twins. Same height, same luscious dark hair, and piercing brown eyes. She's gorgeous, and just as smart as her brother. I know Preston has never been super close with her. But he should try. She deserves him trying, just as much as I do.
"You're right," he concedes with sincerity, ringing clearly in his words. "I need to try. I need to do better. My father ignores her, ignores us all. His company is all he cares about. He only cares about me enough to make sure his name lives on. But my mom cares. She cares deeply. She loves us so much. But I've become older and colder and she doesn't deserve that. Neither does my sister."
I shift in the crowd, even though there's barely any room to move. I rotate in his arms, his hands falling to my hips, to look up at him. I take in his handsome face, his square jaw, and the scar on his cheek that always made me itch to reach out and touch him.
I don't have to suppress that desire anymore.
With a small smile on my lips I let my thumb gently trace it before I raise my arms to wrap around his neck pulling him closer. "Where do you want to go to law school Preston?"
"What?" he asks, clearly confused by my change in topic
But I don't waver. "You just said your father only cares about making sure his name lives on and his company. Rothwell Motors. But what about you? Do you want to go to NYU for law school? Do you want to follow in his footsteps?"
I asked him this question once and he wasn't sure what he wanted. But I can feel it in my bones that he does know. He just hasn't admitted it to himself yet, and I understand that feeling more than he knows.
His eyebrows draw together, and for a moment he's silent as my words roll through his mind. Then what I can only call a look of calm resolution passes over his features. "I always said I wanted to go into business or contract or corporate law. Because that's what my father requested of me. Him and Everett's father made sure I didn't go to jail. They made sure we stayed out of a cement cell. And once Nate got out my father pressed even harder saying we were stronger together and that I needed to follow the plan to make sure we could always stand against the Gregory's," he explains as he speaks about being pressured to align himself with his father in fear of Nathaniel and his father.
My fingers lightly trace through the curls that peak out under his black cashmere beanie. His cheeks are the perfect shade of pink and his dark eyes are clear and focused on me only. I take a deep breath as I mentally save this moment. "We know what could go down next week at the party," I tell him even though the words hurt to say. "We know that tomorrow isn't promised. So tell me what you really want," I implore.
"I want to go to Harvard," he says without hesitation. "I can see myself becoming a prosecutor. I can also see myself going into environmental law. My mom's family made their fortune from oil, and she actually always hated it. She would lead rallies when she was young against their drilling. She always would tell me about how she wanted more for the earth. That it needed someone to speak for it. She hasn't talked to me about that in years though."
I tug on his hair so his forehead meets mine. The air isn't as cold anymore as we settle into each other's heat. I don't care if we look crazy in this crowd. I'm solely focused on Preston. "Talk to your mom about it. I know she would love that," I urge him. "And go to Harvard and pursue what actually interests you. Whatever that is. Even if it is working for your father's company. Just do what you want. Not what your father wants. You'll figure out where you need to end."
I can see the full span of emotions that flicker through his eyes until he settles on what I can say is a quiet contentment. "What about you?" he inquiries.
My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I think for a moment. "My father always treated Yale like it was a place for Aiden. Not me. Like I couldn't ever even get in even if I wanted to. Which of course made me want it even more." Preston lets out a soft chuckle at that. I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah I'm competitive as shit."
He pulls back and uses his thumb and forefinger to lift my chin. His dark eyes sharpen in intensity as he doesn't let go of me. "Don't ever change."
"Never," I agree with a puff of cold air. I wrap my fingers around his wrist. "My grandfather actually went to Harvard not Yale. And do you want to know a secret? My father was waitlisted at Harvard. That's why he hates it."
"So Harvard is your dream?"
I nod slowly as I see his dark eyes softly lighten. "It is," I admit, feeling somehow even closer to the man who holds my delicate heart in his hand.
"I didn't know that," he remarks.
My shoulders lift in a soft shrug. "I've never told anyone before," I whisper in response.
His lips brush gently against mine. "Can we dream together?"
"Please," I say in a quiet but desperate plea.
Suddenly the lights around us begin to flicker. An excited gasp leaves my lips and I flip back around to face the tree.
People around us begin to countdown as the show lights get more intense and spotlights flicker all over the almost hundred foot tall tree. There is a feverish and almost childlike energy hanging in the air and it's almost bewitching how intoxicating it is. I can't look away. Everything about this moment feels perfect as Preston's fingers tangle with mine and pull me into his chest.
Just as his lips press into the top of my head the lights come on and the crowd erupts in deafening cheers.
Hot tears gather in my eyes, but I don't blink them away. I let them exist. I let my emotions shine through, because I want to hold onto this feeling. This happiness for as long as I can. I'm running on borrowed time and I want to bask in every perfect second I can find.
People around us finally begin to disperse and we follow as we walk hand in hand through the city.
Everything around us seems so much bigger and brighter. The city is colorful and perfect until I come to a sudden stop outside a building. A very large building right near Bryant Park.
The office space houses many companies, including my father's law firm. I've seen it many times. I've visited only three times and it was much to his dismay.
Preston's arm wraps around my waist and pulls me in close. "Want to egg it?" he suggests.
A smile quirks my lips at the idea, but I shake my head. Because while that does sound fun, standing here right now with this man by my side, I for the first time know exactly what I want.
I look up at Preston. "I don't need my father's firm. Or his legacy. His empire. Because I'm going to create my own, and make it better." There is no tremble in my voice. There is no pause or nerves. Only untiring determination. But not only to prove my father wrong.
To prove me right.
"Can I tell you a secret?" The smile that breaks across his face is so big it almost steals my breath away. "I always knew that."
Then his lips find mine, and for a moment nothing weighs on me. It's just happiness and love and it's perfect.
♢
We head to Preston's apartment in Manhattan. There's this mix of potent need and youthful giddiness between us that is making my head spin. I never want this feeling to end.
We made out in front of my father's law office. We made out in the Uber over to his apartment. We made out in the elevator ride until we reached the top floor.
When the elevator doors open a quiet gasp escapes me. Everett has a beautiful place in the city, but this puts his penthouse to shame. The span of the living room is almost twice the length as Everett's and has a full view of central park. With the dark sky and all of the lights it almost looks like the city is covered in stardust.
I slip out of my leather boots and thick wool coat, discarding them in the entryway, before rushing over to the floor to ceiling windows. The city looks breathtaking from here.
"Does your dad stay here?" I ask, but as my eyes cast around what looks like the living room, I quickly notice how soft it looks. It looks nothing like what his father would ever pick out.
Preston comes from behind me placing his hands on my hips, and his chin on my shoulder. "Nope he has another place he stays. This was my mom's pick, but she never comes here. My sister stays here the most out of anyone."
My eyebrows lift. "She's not here right now is she?" I whisper.
His laugh makes my skin tingle. "No, Jameson, she's not here," he confirms with amusement shining in his voice.
I again find myself rotating in his arms before completely stepping out of them. He reaches for me but I step away once more making it clear. Don't touch. I step back until I'm leaning against the cool glass letting the exhilaration of my next move fuel me forward.
"Good," I reply with a touch of needy rasp in my voice, before my hands find the hem of my sweater and tug it over my head.
I wore something special for him tonight. Something I knew would make this night even more memorable.
My bra is black, but fully sheer except for the small pieces of black handmade lace that cover where my nipples are. I saw the set online and immediately knew I had to buy it. The barely there lace thong that sits under my jeans matches.
It's simple, but sultry, and beautifully made with expensive and intricate lace.
His eyes darken as they try to take in as much of me as possible. The fierceness that takes over his face makes the hairs on the back of my neck rise, but heat gathers between my legs.
I wet my dry lips. "Do you like?" I ask as my fingers move to the button on my jeans. I slide the denim off my legs and kick them to the side.
He nods repeatedly as if he can't find the right words. His eyes set me aflame as he continues to trace a path across my exposed skin burning me in their wake.
"More or less than lust night?" I push knowing exactly what I'm doing.
His hands once again reach out for me, but I side step them. They fall into fists at his side as he lets out a rumble from deep within his chest. His eyes meet mine with such raw intensity it makes my stomach flip. "I almost lost my fucking mind on lust night when I saw what you were wearing Jameson," he confesses and it sends a chill down my spine. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to tear it off of you or never let it leave your body." His words grate against my skin like a white hot rod and it only spurs me on.
My dark hair falls over my shoulder as I step towards him. I see the way he sways towards me, but he doesn't touch. A smirk spreads across my lips at him following my silent rules.
The power he so willingly gives me turns me on more than he will ever know. "You didn't tear it off of me..." I trail. "Do you want to now?"
"Fuck yes," he answers so darkly I feel it in my toes. He makes a move to grab me. To take me.
And I almost let him because everything about this moment is so fucking hot I feel like I might combust at any second.
But instead I hold up my hand and stop him one last time. "What's the magic word?" I tease with a wicked smile hanging off my lips.
His eyes narrow. "Jameson..." he growls, showing me how close he is to the edge. I know he's only one more push away from cracking. His strength is hanging on by a thread.
"Answer me Preston," I push. "And you can have anything you want."
"Anything?" he counters.
I nod letting my face show how honest I'm being at this moment. "Anything and everything," I reply, letting the insinuation hang heavily in the air between us.
"Please," he answers before he steps forward and lets his hands cup my face. The intense passion in his eyes mixed with the gentle touch of my cheeks has me feeling lightheaded. The duality of this man will never cease to amaze me.
I've never felt more desired or cherished by someone.
I lean forward until my lips brush against his. "I want you Preston...I want everything," I barely get out the last word before his lips crash against mine.
Our hands immediately tangle in each other's hair as my half naked body is pressed into the glass window looking out onto the city. Something about it makes this moment feel even more intense and wild.
I know no one can see me, but the idea that anyone maybe might, or that I can see them sends a bolt of arousal through me like a lightning strike.
Before I know it Preston and I are peeling off his clothing until my hands are landing on his bare skin. He feels so hot to the touch it makes the chill of the glass on my skin seem even more intense.
His hands slide under the waistband of my thong and palms my ass until he gives me a swift slap. It makes me jump with a small yelp, just as his teeth sink into the sensitive skin of my neck pulling a desperate moan from me.
He's everywhere all at once and it makes my head spin.
Preston's tugging on my hair, and kissing my lips. Slapping my ass, and sucking on my nipples through my sheer bra. Biting my neck, and letting his fingers trace the lace between my thighs.
It's the most delicious whiplash and all I can think is that I need more.
I need him.
He tugs down the strap of my bra so harshly the fabric rips. The sound flies through the air and I swear it has both of us panting for more. The reveal of my breast has his fingers slipping under the edge of my underwear to find out just how wet I am.
And all I know is that I need more.
So much more.
A few days ago we were messing around in his car and his bathtub, but that did nothing to curb the desire that is currently burning through me. If anything it only ignited it further.
Preston's fingers trace me slowly, tauntingly, until he finds my clit and presses his thumb down on it forcefully.
"Oh my god," I cry out as my head falls against his shoulder. My body aches for more. For release.
"What do you want?" he whispers darkly as he slips two fingers roughly inside of me, making me moan.
"Preston," I groan as I feel my body begin to spiral out of control at his precise movements.
"Tell me exactly what you need Jameson," he demands, letting his lips hover around my ear. "I know what I want. What I'm dying for. But I want to make sure you feel the same."
He then pulls his fingers from me and pulls away a touch to fully look me in the eyes.
I can see how much he wants me. But I can also see how much he wants to make sure I'm on the same page as him. He doesn't want to overstep or push me too far on this.
A sincere smile lights up my face as I pull off my askew and now ruined bra and underwear leaving me completely naked.
I grab his hands and place them on my bare chest. He can't help but squeeze the overheated and needy flesh making my thighs clench.
"I want everything Preston," I tell him.
"Be specific."
"You want specific?" I question as the air around us becomes even hotter and heavier. "I want you inside of me. Your tongue. Your fingers. Your cock. Everything. All of it. Now." I'm the demanding one now and it sets me on fucking fire.
I barely utter out the last word before Preston flips me around and presses me up against the glass. My cheek and breasts are flush against the window, my nipples hard as the thrill of him fucking me right here and right now soars through my bones and makes my skin simmer with electricity.
"Don't fucking move." His words are harsh and dark and almost menacing as I become frozen in place at his wicked command.
I hear the rustle of his jeans and the clatter of his belt and I know he's grabbing a condom.
The crinkle of the wrapper rings out in the air mixing with the sounds of our heaving breathing. Everything in this moment feels as if we are one soft exhale away from exploding.
Preston's hands land on me, making me jump at the force, because he isn't gentle. No, he's rough as he grips my hips. His fingers bruise my flesh as he tilts them back at the angle he wants.
And in one single motion he's inside me. It's dead silent until we both succumb to the feeling of each other and then we both let filthy words fall from our lips.
It's at this moment I feel it all. The love. The fear. Everything and it's mind blowing.
For a single second we are completely still taking in this perfect connection. I've never felt as complete as I do when Preston is touching me. Kissing me. Worshiping me.
I didn't know sex and love can feel like this. All consuming yet beyond empowering.
He then moves. It's a slow yet hard thrust that has my entire body shuddering in need of more. He's buried so deep I feel as if I'm almost too full. As if it's almost too much. But also nothing with Preston is enough. It's confusing and addicting this sensation.
The thrusts are steady and controlled, until they aren't. Until it feels as if Preston's restraint is beginning to slip. The feel of his fingers dipping into my hips and the sounds of skin slapping has me hurdling faster towards that finish line.
One of his hands breaks from my hip and moves up the front of my body, between my breasts, until he finds purchase on my neck.
He wraps his fingers around me like the gold chain that sits there. But as his movements become more wild, his grip tightens, making the lights of the city dance until they become shooting stars.
Trembling in his arms I find enough energy to murmur, "I want to see you."
Preston doesn't waste a second at my quiet request. He pulls out of me, the loss of him pulling a muffled cry from my chest, and flips me around pressing my back against the window. His face is flush as he lifts me up until my thighs are wrapped around his waist.
He grabs his dick and angles himself perfectly at my entrance. But he doesn't enter me.
His large hand grabs the back of my neck and forces me to watch him slowly, inch by agonizing inch, slide inside of me. The view is dirty and I should be ashamed, but I'm not. Instead I want more of this untamed naughtiness.
"Fuck..." he rumbles as he takes in what we are doing. "You're so perfect."
The praise sends me over the edge and a breathy whimper escapes me.
Preston pulls back and dives even deeper into me. My hands grip his shoulders, my nails digging into his scalding skin. He grunts at the way I mark him and I know it's sending him into a spiral as much as it is me.
His fingers find my clit as if it's my reward for taking him like this. He kneads and rubs and pinches just enough to set me off like a rocket.
I am flying off the cliff faster than I can comprehend as his name escapes me in a desperate scream and I explode into a million perfect little pieces.
Preston goes practically feral as I come apart in his arms. He doesn't stop. Instead he picks up the pace until I feel like he might actually fuck me through the glass.
His intense and relenting thrusts rock though me until he finally begins to slow down, but his movements are just as powerful as I slowly come down from the dizzying high. His eyes are filled with so much fire as if he could watch me fall apart a million times and never tire of it. The wild flames dancing in his eyes have me clenching around him.
His jaw locks at that little movement. He's still so hard inside me, and even though I just came I'm somehow ravenous for more.
Preston's silent as brushes the sweaty hair out of my face and lifts my chin up with his knuckles. His lazy thrusts continue to send sparks through every inch of my body and he can tell by the way my hips begin to eagerly meet his again.
"Yeah, I know." The three words are breathed out with a smug smirk. He knows exactly what he's doing to me as he builds me back up for him. And something about his sexy confidence makes my whole body shudder.
With that he picks up his speed and both of us are climbing until he pounds into me a few more times and before I know it I'm flying again, but this time he's right by me. He stills as a sexy groan leaves his lips, and his forehead falls against mine as pleasure racks his body.
Everything about this felt deeper than the first time we had sex. More. Heavier. Wilder.
Maybe it's because we know what lies before us. Maybe it's because we are speeding down a highway with no breaks and we both know it's only a matter of time before we crash and burn.
As we catch our breath he continues to hold me close and doesn't set me down. His eyes never leave mine as they continue to sear directly through me. We wrap around each other like ivy as he carries me from the living room, away from the massive windows, and up the stairs into a quiet and dark room.
We fall into the large king sized bed silently as we continue to hold on. As if we are scared of what letting go of each other might mean.
My fingers trace down his nose. "I've wanted you forever," I tell him in the darkness of this room. But I see him clearly. I see how relaxed his face is, but how scared his eyes are. And I know he sees the same in me.
"I've wanted you longer," he counters, drawing me in and placing a lingering kiss against my lips.
Before I know it he's grabbing another condom from the bedside table and he's back inside of me as the only thing that illuminates him is the moon.
This time it's slow. Sensual. It's more than sex. More than fucking. It's making love at its purest and we move as if we have all the time in the world letting our bodies say the words we are too scared to speak.
But as we quietly fall apart in each other's arms it doesn't feel like forever or a new beginning.
It feels like we are saying goodbye.
•
Authors note :
So sorry for the late update! Work has truly been eating up my life but I hope this chapter was worth the wait.
Thank you all again for your support always ♥︎
Next chapter is the big one. It's almost done and I'll be sharing soon!