It's mid afternoon and Im wedged on the sofa between Jack's sisters.
Kevin and Kevan are playing a card game.
Jack's been summoned to the kitchen by his mum and I've watched him through the window walk several times from the kitchen to his car loading up with the food being sent home with us for tomorrow.
When Jack reappears in the lounge he looks at me "we're basically being kicked out" he says.
"I'm not kicking you out!" Karen scolds him, "but Chelsea looks exhausted and your aunt Michelle is coming round and Chelsea doesn't need that lot questioning her"
Kiera springs to life next to me "oh moy god, I don't need that, Jacky I'm coming back back to ya place too"
"Ya fuckin' not!" Jack hisses towards his sister.
"Mom he swore at me!"
Simultaneously Karen swipes Jack around the side of his head and answers Kiera "you'll not be going back bothering them, let them spend the rest of Christmas on their own, it'll be a whole world different for them next year" she smles. She's obviously picturing a baby here next year, but I can't help wondering if I'll be here too, as jack's girlfriend, or simply as his 'babbas momma' as he called me, or will I be home waiting for jack to return our daughter to me after our Christmas as co parents.
Jack, who is leaning over the back of the sofa whispers "sorry" into my ear. But I am loving it! I've had the best day. I was the only child in my family, unwanted by a sea of grown ups and Sian is an only child too, so I've never ever experienced this, and I'm relishing it.
***
I'm sitting on a comfy leather sofa in the family area of Jacks large kitchen diner.
He brings over a cup of tea and sits next to me.
"Mom was right, ya do look tired"
"I am, but I'm ok" I smile. This is weird. This one room is bigger than the floorplan of my entire flat, yet he's also got a media room, lounge, study and utility room down here and god knows how many bedrooms upstairs.
I look around, it's nicely decorated and furnished, but sparse of personal touches.
"Have you always lived here alone?"
He laughs "yeah, Stacey's neva lived here, stayed here, but neva lived here"
"That's not what I meant"
"I know, look, I'm neva here much on me own, Kiera or Kev, or friends are normally always stopping ova, but, well it is a family house, they had kids living here when I looked around before I bought it......there's a big garden, I've only ruined a bit of it playin' footy.....it'll be perfect for the baby as she grows up, I'll get her a trampoline and a car thing she can ride around in...."
I stare at him.
"Jack, my life and work is in Manchester, you're talking like I'm moving in?"
"Well ya can? I know ya work in Manchester, but ya gonna take a break ain't ya?"
"Jack, oh Jack we haven't even spoke about any of the important stuff...." My voice is small, overwhelmed.
"I was only going to take three months off to start with, then take on freelance stuff at shoots......the agencies I work with are all Manchester based, I don't want to lose the client base and contacts I've built"
He looks shocked "wot about the baby when ya working?"
"Nursery, I've put her name down at a really good one, it probably won't even work out a day a week......"
"If ya was here me mom would have her"
"Oh my god Jack, I can't be here and work in Manchester" I pause seeing the look on his face, "you've had this conversation with your mum already haven't you?"
"Well no, kinda, but also cos I thought there'd be times she stayed with me? But I have training..... Chels? I thought we were seeing how things went I was jus' workin' it all out?"
"We are supposed to be taking it......I guess, slowly......but......talking about me living here doesn't feel very slow?"
"But looking at it positively, isn't that like the ideal outcome?"
I feel like I've got a brick in my chest. "You can't move to Manchester?"
He laughs "nah, I play for Aston Villa! I mean at least for this season"
"Why does everything need to be so complicated?"
"Nah, nah don' ya get upset, it's Christmas! No tears......it's not, not really"
"It is" I sniff.
"Nah, have ya had a good day today?"
"Yeah"
"An' are ya looking forward to me game tomorrow?"
"Yeah" I smile.
"An are ya still planning on stickin' around for new years?"
"Yeeeeeeahh"
He kisses me then "well there ya go, jus' a few days at a time that's all we need to worry about"
I don't know what to say. What am I doing?
"Jack we are having a baby! We cant fucking plan our lives day by day with a baby!"
"Yes we can!" I look at him, his words make no fucking sense, but he delivers them so calmly I almost believe him. "We will go slow Chels and it will be ok"
I've zoned out, I'm staring at his mouth and in my head I'm transported back to his room in Mykonos, he promised me then we would take it slow too.
"Chels" he calls me softly back to the present "Chels, ya two hours up the road, so it's not like I can't get to you around trainin' an' I've plenty of room here" he looks at me earnestly and slowly repeats "we will be ok"
Finally, exhausted by the day, I follow Jack upstairs to his bedroom. His bed is huge and it looks so much more inviting than the bed at his mum's.
He stops me in the doorway and just stares at me. I know I look as exhausted as I feel.
His eyes are dark and sultry.
He brings his hand to my cheek and runs the back of his hand across my skin gently.
"I'm gonna look afta ya Chels"
"I know"
"Are ya ok? Can I look afta ya now, or ya wanna sleep?" He has a mischievous glint in his eye.
I bite my lip and nod.
His hair has long fallen from its slicked back style, his jaw is tense and he brings his arms around to move my hair from my face.
His lips graze mine without meeting them....he leaves me panting, mouth open.
Slowly he undresses me, I keep catching his breath right on my skin, but his lips still not making contact.
His fingertips are tracing every contour of my body as I stand naked before him.
I am shivering with anticipation.
His eyes are drinking me in.
I should feel self conscious, I'm wearing nothing other than the delicate bracelet he bought me.
I don't feel vulnerable, I feel empowered. He makes me feel beautiful.
Finally he brings his lips to mine and it's so passionate I want to cry.
He removes his own clothes as he covers every part of me with kisses, his hands carressing every inch of me.
My breathing increases and I grip his shoulders for support.
"Lay down" he instructs he joins me, continuing to smother me in gentle kisses, his hands continuing to roam.
A small groan escapes my lips, the mix of him, his soft bed, the relief of knowing sleep isn't far away.
He kneels up between my legs. "I wanna see ya face" he offers as he starts pulling pillows down and shoving them under my bum, lifting my pelvis up. He wriggles himself to me, easing his thighs underneath me, angling his tip at my entrance "this ok?" He asks
I nod, and my eyes close as he pushes into me easily.
"I love that ya always wet for me"
He's pushing fairly deep but I appreciate the control he's keeping of his movements.
His hands smooth up my thighs as he drives himself in and out.
My hands reach out and he catches my hands within his own "look at me" he demands and he rocks into me, holding my hands, gazing into my eyes, I didn't think it was possible to feel this close to someone.
We move, we moan as we read each others faces.
This isn't just sensual, it's verging on spiritual.
We are moving as one, two people connected, and we are connected, by the 3rd heartbeat in the room, the one within me that links us together.
Moaning softly, gripping hands, eyes burning into each others souls, we come together.
A beautiful gentle tidal wave washing over us together.