Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-man (Tom Holland Movies)
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Characters: Peter Parker | Spider-man, New York City
Tags: BAMF Peter Parker, New York City, Overpowered Peter Parker
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Brief Warning: this has mentions of a fight and canon-typical violence, as well as mentions of discriminatory acts. if these are some of your triggers, please proceed with caution.
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Spider-man was a study in contradictions, at least to Shaun.
The hero was something that he couldn't quite understand, an enigma; one he couldn't comprehend into words.
Publicly acknowledged as Queens' hero, Spider-man was a rising star in heroics. One of the most well-known in the state and was fast becoming a symbol of heroics in America despite not being part of the most well-known hero teams in the country like the Avengers or Fantastic Four.
Close to the people, technically skilled and with the charisma to boot, Spider-man was the hero.
But to Shaun who had only arrived in Queens for less than three weeks, the hero was an enigma.
The hero was loved - adored, really - in this part of the US but Shaun had grown up in an area of the country where people like Spider-man were killed without remorse, buried with no funerals and discriminated against for fun. Mutants like Spider-man were regarded as monsters; mutants like himself were regarded as monsters; practically criminals in the making.
Shaun was taught to hide the features that made him unique, to 'keep the monstrosity that was himself hidden'. He was taught that the only way he could live was to become average.
Yet, when he moves to New York in search of a safer environment, he is faced with a mutant, much like the ones back home, much like himself, that was not killed or hated or discriminated against but adored.
He didn't understand - couldn't understand.
Sure, the Avengers had saved the world. But, they were so far away and out of reach from his hometown that their achievements were practically meaningless. To them, the Avengers were practically myths, too ridiculous to be real. After all, how could six people defeat an entire army?
Where he came from, to be different was a death sentence.
So, as he watches Spider-man swing through the city, whooping and hollering as if it was just a part of the routine every night for two weeks straight, Shaun didn't know what to make of it.
He who was taught to hate himself, to hide himself; who was taught that safety was being average and mutants were abominations; Shaun who was taught that he was a monster from a very young age, had, for once in his life, been presented with a new idea.
Because, like himself, Spider-man was a mutant. Whether he was a mutant of his own making or of nature's designs, he could never know, yet, he was a mutant all the same.
Spider-man was just like him.
And despite that, despite everything, Spider-man was also many things that wasn't Shaun.
Spider-man was loved, wanted.
Spider-man was a mutant who was thanked after every save, whose eyes people didn't go out of their way to avoid.
Spider-man was just like him and had everything he had ever wanted.
Here, in Queens, Spider-man was treated the same, if not better, than everyone else. He wasn't treated as if he were some monster or a villain in the making.
Here, mutants like Spider-man (like himself) are treated like people.
Here, Spider-man is synonymous with hero.
(and isn't that a food for thought?)
Yet, despite all this, Shaun could also see that Spider-man was just like him. Frighteningly so.
It was in the hard set of his shoulders, posture always upright and straight, as if he had something to prove. It was in the careful calculation of his strength and the always subtle topic changes in every interview.
Sometimes, Shaun forgets that every hero is a traumatized man.
Above all, Spider-man was, like him, a monster.
Because it takes one to know one.
Shaun is painfully aware that it is right there, at the edge of their fingertips. The power, the ability to just do is right there.
For mutants like them, who had powers and abilities beyond imagination; who defied nature and science; for people like them, it takes a great deal of power, restraint and conviction to remain gentle.
And for the life of him, Shaun couldn't understand why.
Why is Spider-man treated like a hero?
It was unlike anything he had ever seen, even compared to that of the likes of the Avengers.
Spider-man was loved. He was adored unlike any other hero out there.
Queens loved Spider-man and Shaun couldn't fathom why.
How do people sleep at night knowing that a monster prowls outside their window?
The revelation doesn't arrive until a few weeks later.
It isn't until he witnesses, for the first time along with the rest of the world, the true abilities of Spider-man that he understands the hero or, at the very least, fathom his intentions to some degree.
It isn't until he watches Spider-man arrive at the battlefield, leading New York's vigilantes, and sees nearly every civilian on the scene visibly relax slightly, taking comfort in the hero's presence.
It isn't until he takes note of every move Spider-man makes in the fight without blinking, afraid he'd miss even a second of it.
It isn't until he watches Spider-man take on the last and strongest opponent with full knowledge that every other hero there wouldn't be able to keep up and therefore, also wouldn't be able to provide back-up if needed.
It isn't until Spider-man stops trying to hold back his usually carefully managed power that Shaun finally understands.
Because when the opponent is finally defeated and Spider-man roars to the sky, he remembers the poem he had loved as a child.
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody but unbowed.
It was a stanza in the poem Invictus that, as a child, had struck him to the core. When the world had told him that to be a mutant was to be a monster, to be different was a death sentence, to be himself was a catastrophe in the making, Shaun had clutched onto this line like a lifeline.
To remain victorious even in the midst of adversity, to push through against all odds.
Here, as he watches the being hit the ground, watches Spider-man lower his fists and pant tiredly, as he watches realization set in and as he watches the hero roar, the city roaring with him, Shaun, for the first time since he had arrived in Queen a few weeks ago, understands, ever so slightly, why New York loved Spider-man the way they did.
There is a different, more culpable excitement watching him, one that you would never be able to feel twice in your life. He makes you want to cheer him on; makes you feel invincible. Spider-man felt like a wall between them and you. He was like the last line of defense.
Spider-man was New York's hero and it takes a good deal of skill to be able to say that and have no one question it.
And for Shaun, who had spent every moment of his life questioning his entire being; who had been brough up to feel like a monster, it is here that everything changes.
Because like him, Spider-man was a monster.
But for Spider-man, to be a monster was to be different.
Here, as he watches Spider-man raise a fist to the sky, bloody but unbowed, he is reminded that to be a monster was to be a hybrid signal, both shelter and warning at once.
Spider-man was a symbol.
The man himself a deterrent, whose very presence was a warning to criminals.
It said, to do crime was to go against Spider-man and going against Spider-man means to go against a monster.
Spider-man was a monster, yes, but he was also a safeguard.
Because here, he finally realizes that the people of Queens were able to sleep at night knowing they were safe not despite the fact that Spider-man was a monster but because he was a monster.
He is reminded that Spider-man was a hero and for mutants like him?
That meant the world.
Of course, he doesn't realize until a while later during an interview with Iron Man and BBC but this is also the very reason Spider-man did what he did. Because despite everything Spider-man was a realist and he knew that he couldn't save everyone.
But, what Peter Parker had realized after years in the field was that he could be present. He could bring people comfort and peace. He realized that representation mattered.
So, every night without fail, Spider-man would arrive yet again and fight the good fight.
Because representation mattered.
And he knew that his very presence, the fact that he was out here doing what he did, as a mutant, as someone who represented a group that was wildly discriminated against, mattered.
After all as Ocean Vuong said, to be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.
Spider-man, who had never disclosed his identity before, represented something far bigger than himself. Because even if he didn't do it on purpose, no one knew who was underneath that mask.
That also meant that anyone could be underneath that mask.
Anyone could be Spider-man.
It could be someone of any race, of any ethnicity, of any age group, of any gender.
Spider-man represented a lot of people.
And maybe that was all that mattered.
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Author's Note: this was originally posted on AO3 on December 5, 2021. feedback and comments are very much appreciated! thank you!