❝ he loved her, although she hated him.
and she hated him, although he loved her... ❞
~~~~~
EREN
it seemed like depression and other things were eating y/n up from the inside. her head was still lowered and she showed no reaction, especially because the rain was getting heavier and the drops were pattering down on her burgundy dress.
I ran over to her and dragged her to the curb across the street first, so that she would be safe at the last second and not get hit by the cars.
i quickly took off my jacket and put it over her shoulders. normally i would have held an umbrella over her, but i didn't have one with me. i didn't expect the rain to get so heavy. it was like a storm that wouldn't stop.
she was still whispering a few words that i couldn't make out.
y/n's skin was freezing. she was literally freezing and shivering all over, even though she had my jacket.
i picked y/n up bridal style and ran with her all the way to my house because of the rain.
it was important to me first and foremost that she had a warm place to sleep and didn't lie on the street. who knows what could happen if a car came racing at her. luckily i saw her or she might not be here anymore.
the cold was getting stronger and stronger, but i wasn't interested in that at the moment. i wanted to get y/n to safety, so i didn't even think about the cold.
my parents were away on business, so i was able to take y/n home with me. i quickly opened the door and put her on the couch where she was last time. i immediately went to get a new blanket and wrapped her up so she wouldn't freeze.
i wanted to change her first and would have given her my clothes, but if she had gotten up and seen all this, she would have been out the door faster than i could blink my eyes.
i wanted to avoid negativity, so i just wrapped her up.
and so i could not take my eyes off her.
her face, she herself looked so finished and it still broke my heart. it hurt even more to know that she would no longer open up to me and that i would therefore no longer be allowed to help her. her anger and hatred towards me was now always in her way.
I did not know how to help myself anymore.
and i did not know how i could help her.
she refused any kind of help, be it only a look. she did not even pay attention to me.
and the fact that she didn't pay attention to me left more and more scars in my heart.
now i sat in front of her, still looking at her. her face wet from the rain, her makeup smeared, and her hair disheveled and messy.
i took the risk of waking her up and stroked a small strand of hair out of her face. now her face was completely free and i could see her closed eyes.
how much i hoped inside that she was at least thinking of me.
because as soon as i closed my eyes, i saw only her in front of me.
"i hate him..." she whispered softly and i took some distance in case she woke up and saw me.
she woke up, but still didn't recognize me or where she was. she only whispered to herself and swayed back and forth. she had probably drunk a lot, which didn't surprise me rather said.
but what surprised me was why jean is never near her when she needs him.
Her eyes opened more and more and she looked at me with a tired look.
"i hate him so...much..."
"who do you hate y/n?"
"eren. i ... hate eren..."
my heart was breaking more and more into small pieces.
even though i was used to living with this pain, it still hurt like hell.
"why do you hate him?"
"why did he hurt me like that... why..."
"I'm sure he didn't hurt you, not on purpose."
"you don't know that...i'm disappointed though..."
"although what?" i asked curiously.
"although i actually already liked him..."
my heart jumped back and forth. i could have guessed it, but hearing it from her mouth was beautiful even though she hurt my heart so much with every negative word she said to me.
But she tore me out of my thoughts again when she took my hand in hers.
"jean, you love me, don't you?"
"of course i love you..."
"and you won't let me down, will you?"
"never."
"and will you ever let go of my hand?"
"i'll never let go of your hand. i'll hold it tight, i promise."
after that, she fell asleep peacefully and i couldn't help a tear flowing from my eye.
---
i prepared breakfast while y/n was still lying on the couch sleeping.
I was immediately startled when y/n hastily got up, but then propped herself up on the table because she was still swaying.
"hey be careful-."
"don't touch me eren! why am i here?? what's this all about??"
"i saved you from death. if i hadn't come, you might be dead."
"well, i'd rather be dead than be here in your house.
i'm leaving now."
"you should rest, you're not clear-headed yet. don't leave until you're rested."
"i'm leaving now whether you want me to or not. it's not up to you! i hate you eren, why don't you just fuck off? fucking bastard..."
she ran to the door and tried to push the handle down.
I pulled her away from the door, pushed her and held both of her elbows.
"why are you like this to me? why do you believe everything they show you but don't believe me yourself? i thought you fucking knew me but i was wrong. you deceived me. y/n i was always so good to you even though you hurt me over and over again. i was ready to give you everything but you just trampled on everything. you stepped on my heart... do you really think i could do something bad to you?? do you really think i want to do something bad to you?? don't be so stupid in your head, you know very well."
"eren you're hurting me, let me go..."
"i'm hurting you??? in front of me is someone who only thinks about herself. you only think about yourself, you don't care if people die next to you or not. you only think about yourself and that fucks me off. you want me to hurt you?? you've hurt me all the time. while you were sleeping, i was crying all night long! while you were smiling, i had to play my laughter for you even though it looked completely different inside me. i regret everything i did ... all the good i regret so much, you don't deserve me."
"if i don't deserve anything, why don't you just let me go and let me go??"
"because i can't let you go. i promised to hold your hand tightly. no matter what, i'll hold it."
"you're sick. don't talk that shit and let me the fuck go or i'll get-"
"go get jean. i don't care right now."
"eren let go of me now..."
"you know what i regret the most y/n?"
"what?"
"i regret giving you my heart, even though i knew you would break it. i regret ... falling in love with you. with someone who only wanted the "me" instead of a common "we" tell me y/n, i know you love me! why don't you finally admit it... let the warmth enter your heart and admit it... i know -..."
"eren Jaeger, you are disgusting. i hate and loathe you so much, you don't believe me. just the thought is disgusting, you don't seriously believe that anyone could love you? i will never love you."
"so you will never be able to love me?"
"not in this life and not in the next. i'd rather die."
"thank you for at least... telling me to my face."
i let go of her and she disappeared. her steps increased and she was gone.
my anger disappeared with each passing second. it felt like this was my last moment with her. the last moment i could look at her beautiful face.
like a goodbye that didn't really feel like a goodbye.
it felt like i was falling to pieces and she was coming back to put the pieces back in place.
but it also felt like she would never enter that door again and ignore my existence.
my heart was heavy. so heavy.
My emotions finally left me and I stood there, unmoving.
without even noticing anything.
I was frozen, as if the fire inside me was finally extinguished.
But despite the lack of emotion, i shed a tear that was heavier than a thousand stones.
a tear that had to come out because she could no longer bear the pain.
and she herself could no longer bear the pain.
i always loved her anyway.
and i will always love her.
after all, i also made her a promise.
to hold her hand very tightly. no matter what happens....
~~~~~~~~~~
*'Authors note'*
its not the end lmao
btw thank yall for the little views<33