Sean’s POV:
I can’t breathe. I literally can’t breathe. My lungs are sealing together making it impossible for oxygen to get into my body. What in the hell made me think I could juggle two guys at the same time? What possessed me to kiss Dover?
‘Because you wanted it Sean. You’d been dying to get your hands on Dover for a while now.’ My conscience answered. It was right. I mean Dover is sexy. Military grade ‘A’ sexy and I would have to be blind not to want him. But that didn’t excuse that fact I was trying to make it work with McClane.
‘Stop getting your panties in a bunch. You aren’t officially dating McClane. There was no contracts signed, no blood oaths made. You said you’d give it a try. McClane has had his share of double dipping I’m sure. It’s time you sample what’s out there and have a bit of fun.’ My conscience said. Cutting my eyes to the left I looked at McClane. I would be an idiot to think I was the only one McClane’s ever been with. It was time for Sean Wesley to finally stand up off that bench of fear and finally get into the game. The only way I would be able to make a choice is if I kept my options open.
‘That’s what I’m talking about. Playing the field isn’t cheating. Playing the field is making an informed decision.’ My conscience cheered. Cutting my eyes to the right I drank in the image of Dover laughing at Avery’s joke. I felt my resolve set in as I leaned back in my chair.
‘So it’s settled. I’ll date the both of them until I can make a decision on who I choose.’ I thought to myself.
‘Give yourself a deadline. Knowing you this could drag out forever.’ My conscience said.
‘Well I’m shipping out in four days… so it’ll be impossible to date them while I’m on duty… but I get a month relief after my first assignment so I’ll start then.’ I said satisfied with myself then something occurred to me.
‘Should I tell them?’ I asked. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in the back of my head as if someone slapped me in the back of my head.
‘HELL NO YOU DON’T TELL THEM! ARE YOU NUTS?!’ My conscience yelled.
‘Okay, okay there is no need to scream at me… or cause me pain. It was just a question.’ I thought trying to get my conscience to calm down.
‘It wasn’t just a question. It was a dumb ass question. You want them to be their selves. Not trying to one up the other guy. If you tell them it’ll be about them and not about you. This is about what you want not them. We already know what they want, they want you. It’s about what you want, do you want Dover or do you want McClane? Dating the both of them will help you decide what you really want.’ My conscience explained.
‘You’re right… I won’t tell them. I’ll date them both after I get back from my first assignment. I’ll alternate dates and at the end of the month I’ll make a decision on who I want.’ I said. Nodding its head my conscience gave me a salute.
‘Now that you’ve got that straightened out you might want to stop talking to yourself. I do believe your mother asked you a question and you’ve been sitting here like a bump on a log.’ And just like that he was gone. Blinking I turned my head to my mother to see he was right. The entire table was watching me.
“Huh?” I said. My mother and Mrs. Owens looked to one another then back to me.
“Maybe I shouldn’t leave just yet.” My mom said as she watched me with worried eyes.
“Huh?... I’m fine mom… I was just mentally check listings things I need to get done before I leave.” I said trying to look reassuring. Again they shared a glance.
“If you say so sweetheart.” Mrs. Owens said as she picked her fork back up. Everyone slowly went back to their meal. I could feel their eyes as they tried not to stare at me.
‘Great. Now they think I’m crazy.’ I thought.
‘Let’s be honest. You are a bit crazy. Hell two days ago you gave me the silent treatment. I’m your conscience you can’t give me the silent treatment. I do believe that they have cause to worry my friend… just saying.’ My conscience chuckled.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The day my mom, Micah, and Declan headed home I was surprised to see someone waiting for them at the gate. My dad stood there watching me as I watched him. I hadn’t seen him since I told him I was possibly gay. He looked tired. Like he’d not been sleeping very good lately.
‘Serves him right for being a closed minded jackass.’ My conscience growled. Swallowing hard I had to fight the urge to turn around and walk away. My mother didn’t speak to him neither did Micah or Declan. I stopped a few feet away unable to go any further. I didn’t ask him to come here. He did that on his own free will. If he wanted to speak to me he would have to walk the last five steps separating us. Keeping my face neutral I watched him yank on his wrinkled jacket and take the last five steps forward.
“Sean.” He said. He smelled of cigars and motor oil.
‘His truck probably broke down on him again.’ I thought. I could see my conscience standing beside me tapping his toe impatiently.
“Sir.” I said. Looking to my mother he gave her a small smile which she didn’t return. I could see his cheeks coloring a bit at the brush off my mom had just giving him. Turning back to me he stood straight meeting me eye to eye.
“I know how I left things. I know I can’t come and things will magically be alright but I wanted you to know before you left that despite what I said to you before I am proud to be your father. I am proud my son is a Marine fighting for his country and I do love you with every fiber of my being. Stay safe over there, fight smart and come home in one piece when you’re done.” He said his voice cracking a bit at the end. I stood there staring at him trying to understand what just happened when he pulled me in and hugged me tightly.
“I gotta go but know I will be praying for you.” And with that he released me and walked away. I stood there stunned at the turn of events so much I didn’t realize I was crying a bit. Taking my hand my mother squeezed my fingers.
“They called our flight sweetie. Give your mother a hug.” She said. Hugging my mother I breathed in her scent and tried to imprint it on my brain.
“I love you mama.” I whispered into her hair.
“I love you baby.” She whispered back. Releasing her I moved to Micah who was a watery mess. Pulling him into a tight hug I remembered the first day we met. He’d always been there for me as I was for him. He was the best friend a guy could ever ask for.
“Take care of my mom for me.” I said to him as I squeezed him tighter.
“Come home, alive and unharmed.” Micah croaked. Smiling at him I winked then turned to Declan. He wasn’t crying but he wasn’t all too happy to see me go off. He’d offered me his hand but instead I pulled him in for a hug.
“If I don’t make it back take care of them both for me.” I whispered quietly. Slowly he pulled back and stared at me in the eyes.
“Please.” I begged. Looking to my mom and Micah Declan turned back to me then nodded.
“You got it man.” He said his voice thick with emotion. Once our goodbyes were done I watched them go until I couldn’t see them anymore.
‘Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.’ My conscience said as I made my way from the airport. The drive back was long and quiet but I welcomed the quiet. I promised I’d have drinks with McClane tomorrow before he Katlin and Avery headed off. Then on my last day state side I told Dover I wanted to just chill with him until it was time to go. It felt strange driving through town knowing I was about to leave everything I knew behind. Goodbye was starting to become my least favorite word. I wish I could have seen the gang before I left but with everyone’s life pulling them in different directions it wasn’t possible.
I do cherish the little time I got to speak with them on the phone. I could hear Laurie and Ginger in the background crying while Megan and Milly tried to comfort them. Bryant kept telling me he wished he could come all the while making me promise to come home safe and sound. Vivian wasn’t there but she did text Declan’s phone to wish me a safe return. Pulling onto the base I sat in the parking lot and stared up at the sky. I would be leaving soon heading into a new chapter of my life. I wondered what life had in store for me now… I guess I’d see soon enough.