'I love you with all my bruised heart,'
[Violet Trefusis]
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Adeline was sent to the hospital wing for the rest of the month after that day.
Although she hated it there, Addie agreed to stay. She wouldn't be missing much in class, after all, as exams were coming up (which she wouldn't be taking), though it pained her to see the look on Harry's face when she told him.
If Madame Pomfrey's predictions were correct, she only had one more month to live—and for her to be spending this month in the hospital wing just made it all too real for them all. It was hard not to count down the days—and as the sun set each day like a scythe, his heart broke more and more. Even when he tried to hide this, she saw it in his eyes every time their gazes met.
Despite literally dying and experiencing every ounce of her illness as her body weakened, Addie was in surprisingly good moods in the early weeks of June. She had decided not to think about the future, but just the small moments that made her chest all warm and fuzzy (most of which was with him). And although she had everyone come to visit many times, it was Harry who showed up the most and stayed the longest—even skipping many classes to spend the day with her.
Determined to spend as much time with Addie as he could, Harry visited her everyday to hang out. He used the time they had for revision to be with her for as long as he could before Madame Pomfrey would kick him out. Hermione, and Addie, did encourage him to try and complete some studying so he didn't fail all his classes and leave him screwed for next year's studies. Thereby, if he'd get to the hospital wing early and Addie would still be sleeping, he'd pull up a chair and do some reading or written work and wait for her to wake up, which was most days as she slept longer and longer.
He recognised she needed a lot more sleep than he did, and thereby offered to not visit her as often to give her space—though Addie had shaken her head almost immediately at this, because it wasn't space that she wanted. It was him.
Usually, Madame Pomfrey would never allow such frequent, long visits, but she was lenient in this case. She would only make him leave if it were for his own good, as she knew he'd skip every meal of the day if it meant just a couple more hours with Adeline. Aside from this, she'd let him stay longer than usual also because they both seemed more at peace when the other was there.
One of these times was when he, Ginny and Ron had visited her one morning to say hello before one of their quidditch matches, (Ginny smirked as Addie blushed at the sight of Harry in his quidditch gear). They'd already been late to the match, though Harry had insisted they drop in anyway, and though they were out the door again in under a minute after a kiss on the cheek from Harry and a quick conversation, it made her day.
Her days had become so significantly boring in those early weeks of June, but it also meant that any little exciting thing made her happier than it usually would've.
Therefore, her day was made even more when Harry visited her again after the match, fresh out of the shower. He was exhausted, as he'd spent forever trying to catch the snitch only for Hufflepuff's seeker to snatch it before he could, and it was Gryffindor's first loss in a while—so as the captain, he wasn't feeling the best afterwards.
Adeline had just woken up after a long sleep-in when he walked through the doors. Seeing him yawn and shake his head defeatedly after she asked how the game went, she scooted over, patting the mattress beside her, and he sent her a grateful glance and climbed in.
It took no time at all for him to cuddle into her side. Harry wrapped an arm around her middle, and his face met the crook of her neck, eyes closing. Sat up a little against a couple of pillows, Addie ran one of her hands through his silky hair that was still a little damp from the shower, her other hand resting on his arm that he'd circled around her. The hospital wing was quiet, with Madame Pomfrey in her office sorting out cabinets and no other students around, so it was perfect for him to rest.
After a few quiet minutes of his warm breath on her skin, she thought he'd fallen asleep until he started planting small kisses on her neck. Addie laughed softly as his lips met her skin in small pecks, trailing from her neck to her jawline to below her ear, and her chest buzzed with warmth as he mumbled 'I love you,' quietly between each little kiss.
They were only light kisses so as to not leave any marks, given that the occasional small dark spots never went unnoticed by their friend group—always leading to teasing from Ginny, fake gaging from Ron, and raised eyebrows from Hermione
Harry held her closer, moving his head back to her shoulder, and she rested her arms around him back in a loose hug, her fingers caressing his upper back over the fabric of his hoodie. Addie knew he'd fallen asleep when his breathing became slow and evened out, his arm around her middle a little looser, and she smiled a little to herself.
She couldn't count the number of times she'd fallen asleep on him the way he had now, so it gave her a good feeling knowing she could be of the same comfort to him.
Having slept through most of the morning anyway, she wasn't tired enough to close her eyes again, so Addie moved as gently as she could and grabbed a small book from her bedside table. Balancing it in one hand, she read as he slept, with her other arm around his upper back.
After a while of reading, he stirred a little, though only nuzzled his face further into her shoulder. Harry slipped his hand beneath her sweater to rest against the small of her back, his messy hair brushing against her neck, comforted by the solidity of her presence with the scent of lavender lingering on the familiar softness of her skin, the rhythm of her breath, and the way her arm rested over his back, drawing him closer.
Although Madame Pomfrey had been against the idea of him merely lying beside her in the bed, eventually she let it slide, because not only was Adeline at her happiest during his visits, but she'd get better sleep—and at this point in Addie's illness, Madame Pomfrey considered her mental health to be the upmost priority.
These days Harry found it harder to sleep without her than ever before, so more often than once he stayed the night by accident.
Ron had rolled his eyes whenever Harry told him this ("An 'accident'? yeah, right,") after he'd returned to his dormitory wearing the same clothes as the day before—but it actually had been an accident. Most of the time, anyway.
He'd long figured that staying the night in the hospital wing in the same bed as Addie would be pushing Madame Pomfrey's boundaries when it came to the couple, and in no way did he want to compromise the special treatment she'd already been giving them.
On one occasion, almost halfway through June, Harry had visited Addie a bit later than usual at night and had promised himself he'd only stay for an hour or two.
But after this hour or two, having her wrapped in his arms was all too comfortable, and she'd already fallen asleep—so, before he knew it, he'd switched the lamp off and closed his eyes too.
They'd awoken to the sun shining through the window the next morning.
It was so nice to wake up to the familiar, cosy warmth of his arms around her, and as Addie stretched a little, having been in the same position for most of the night, Harry had only held her closer.
"Stay," he mumbled instinctively into her hair even though she wasn't going to leave, his voice notably low and less smooth than usual. His morning voice, even after months of being in a relationship with him, and having woken up with him many times before, always managed to stir butterflies around her chest.
"I'm staying," Addie whispered, amused. Warmed by his body heat and the light streaming in through the glass, she groggily opened her eyes. His arm lay just below her chest, hand resting on her bicep. "What time is it?"
"Too early," he said into her ear, and she laughed quietly.
"You'll be late for class."
"Mmmh," He buried his face into the crook of her neck, eyes still closed, and she grinned, moving back a bit to look at him.
The yellow glow of the sunlight brought a soft colour to his messier-than-ever hair and smooth skin, his face only inches hers. He looked so peaceful—so perfect, and she couldn't help but bring a hand up and trace the line of his jaw. At her touch, his eyes opened sleepily, gazing into hers.
"Hi, love," he said softly.
The word had fallen from his lips so easily, and suddenly she felt warm and fuzzy all over at being called such a beautiful word.
Harry had called her 'love' a few times by now, and it was such a simple and soft greeting that it made her heart melt every time. He'd say it into her hair when hugging her from behind, or when she'd sit next to him in the Great Hall, or into her ear when she'd slip under his bedsheets in the middle of the night. Adeline loved the word 'love', so for him to call her that meant the world and more.
Although Ron blamed Harry's constant visits on just wanting some private snog sessions, they'd only been caught once, and it was that very afternoon.
It was after school hours, and the two hadn't even been kissing for very long, but Madame Pomfrey walked in and made Harry leave. He'd quickly got off her bed and made his way to the door, and although sad that he was going, Addie had to stifle a laugh at how messy his hair had become as a result of her hands, and the way he flushed and tried to flatten it as Madame Pomfrey raised an eyebrow at his scruffy appearance.
Once he'd gone, she sent Adeline a half-stern, half-amused glance, who smiled back innocently, and flattened her own hair down a bit as the nurse went into her office. Only about ten minutes later did she emerge again—the hospital wing quiet, as Addie was the only patient—to go to dinner.
"You'll be okay for the next half-hour or so, Adeline?" she asked by the wooden doorway, and Addie turned around from where she'd been looking out the window to nod. "Don't hesitate to ring the bell if you need me, dear—and I might be a bit longer if there's treacle tart," she smiled before leaving, and the hospital wing was silent once more.
Addie sighed a little—bored. She wasn't tired enough to sleep, though not energetic enough to do something like read or...read more. She always forgot how boring the hospital wing was when Harry wasn't with her, and now since he'd be at dinner, she wouldn't see him for the rest of the night.
Just as Addie debated getting up and moving around a bit, the creak of the wooden doors resounded throughout the hospital wing, but when she peered to them, no one was there. The doors closed once more.
Sitting up, her brow furrowed as she eyed the doors suspiciously, and it was then that Harry appeared seemingly out of thin air as he tugged off the invisibility cloak.
Addie hadn't laughed that hard in so long.
Tears formed in her eyes, and her sides ached as she failed to catch her breath, and this only made his smile grow as he walked over to her bed. She put her hands over her mouth to try and quieten her laughs so they wouldn't get caught and was only just able to suppress them as he sat on the edge of her bed, dropping the invisibility cloak onto the nearby chair, laughing a little at her breathlessness.
"Where were we?" he said, cupping her face with one hand, and the distance between them was almost closed until she pulled back a little, grinning and almost laughing again. Her eyes were bright as she spoke quietly, trying to repress her laughter.
"Madame Pomfrey could be back any minute," Addie said, and he only hummed in response and leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers before she could say anything else—but she didn't pull away this time.
She felt tingly as his lips moved against hers, not even realising he'd moved on top of her until her head met the pillow. With one hand still on the side of her face and the other propped against the mattress to keep himself up, he kissed her less gently than usual, though she welcomed this change, and kissed back with the same momentum. Her hands found the back of his neck, and as she ran her fingers through his silky hair, he sighed with a small sound.
"You're good at this," he murmured against her lips, and as she smiled into the kiss, her heart warmed at his words.
That snowy night back in December was Addie's very first kiss, and given that she didn't have kissing experience with anyone other than Harry, she was so happy to know she was doing it right; that he felt just as many butterflies when kissing her as she did with him.
Too soon, the kiss became slow as she grew tired. Harry knew she wouldn't want to be the one to stop or admit that she didn't have the energy to keep going, so he was the one to pull away, and he kissed her pink cheek before laying down beside her.
As Addie yawned into her hands, she rested her head on his chest as his arms circled around her automatically. Fiddling with the fabric of his red and gold tie, she looked up at him.
"Can you read to me?"
"Which one?" he looked to the pile of books on her nightstand.
"Any," she said, and Harry picked one from the top.
As he read quietly, her eyes fluttered shut to the rhythm of the words as they left his lips. Within just a few pages of details on plants he'd never heard of, the low thrum of his voice had lulled Addie to sleep. Her breath fell rhythmically, the end of his tie loose in her hold, and she didn't even stir when he stopped reading as the hospital wing doors opened.
Madame Pomfrey looked annoyed at first, but as her lips parted to kick him out again, she stopped after seeing the peaceful slumber of the girl in his arms and the book in his hand. Her expression softened.
'One more hour,' she mouthed, giving him a pointed look, and he nodded.
After that day, it all went downhill.
June continued ruthlessly, and it seemed like every hour Addie was weaker than ever before. It was too hard to find the energy to read her books, or talk as long with Harry, and she was sleeping for so much longer than usual.
He did as much as he could to comfort her as July came closer and closer. He'd read to her, or visit her either with Ginny, Ron or Hermione, or by himself. He'd sneak some flowers from the Herbology greenhouse—vibrant fuchsia ones he didn't know the name of though knew she loved—to brighten her day a little. Ron would pass on sweets to her sent by Fred and George, and his banter with Harry always made her laugh, even when she didn't feel like laughing. Hermione and Ginny would talk with her the way they used to in their dormitory on so many late nights, so for even half an hour, everything felt normal. Everything seemed okay
She'd try not to cry, because it took so much energy, and because she could almost hear Harry's heart break whenever her eyes welled up, but she couldn't help it. Everything seemed so heavy all the time, and although Addie had grown to accept the fact that she'd be gone in a week, all she wanted was to stay. All Harry wanted was for her to stay.
But nothing ever stays.
On the Monday afternoon of the last week of June, her face was red and puffy from crying, and the fabric of his white shirt on his shoulder was wet from her tears. She was so sad, so sad, and her tissue box was almost empty, and every sob she tried to stifle only made the lump in his throat grow. But then he had an idea.
She was hugging her knees on the edge of her mattress, and from beside her, he leaned down to his book bag and grabbed a blank piece of parchment and placed it on his lap. Addie watched intently through her tired eyes, her quiet sniffling being the only sound for a moment as he folded the parchment in a few different ways.
Her heart melted in warmth even before he was done because she remembered that first day all too well, and knew well before Harry showed the folded parchment to her that it was a paper plane.
She smiled a watery smile for the first time in days.
"I still remember teaching you how to throw it," he laughed with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. They were on the same hospital bed, in the same seating positions, with a paper plane just like they had been all those years ago when he first met her.
It was odd to think of all that had happened between back then and now. He remembered that day like the back of his hand.
"And you kept holding on to it instead of letting go," he recalled, and it was her turn to laugh a little, wiping her eyes. He threw the paper plane, and they watched as it travelled for a while before falling on one of the beds. Harry quietly summoned it back with his wand and handed it to her.
She threw it, too, laughing as it didn't go very far. He summoned it back again, showed her how to hold it properly, and when she should let it go. Addie threw it again, and this time it floated gracefully over many beds until it landed where it had for him.
They continued this for a while, only stopping once they'd both been able to hit the wall at the very far end of the hospital wing.
"I loved that day," Addie said quietly, lips upturned in a reminiscent smile as she twirled the paper plane in her fingers. "I loved meeting you."
Harry watched as she felt the parchment beneath her fingertips. The sun was beginning to set outside, making the sky an abundance of pinks and purples; a golden glow seeping in through the window. Addie looked up at him.
"I've loved knowing you. And I wish I could stay, but we both know I can't," she said softly. "This isn't me saying goodbye, but just in case I don't get to say it, I'll say it now, again and again."
He swallowed the lump in his throat, and she continued.
"I've loved knowing you, past tense. I love knowing you, present tense. And I don't know what happens when you die..." she trailed off a little, "But whether I meet angels, or become a star, or become nothing, I will keep loving you, future tense, forever."
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a/n:
hellooo
i was gonna have this be a really long chapter but i've decided to cut it in half
so there's still one chapter + the epilogue to go of angels AAAAAAAAA
ily all so much
lemme know what u thought of the chapter!
-g