"Are you ready?"
"Not particularly no," I responded.
"I know it's scary. Especially as you haven't met them before, but they're good people. They've been vetted and they do this often. They specifically only take in teenagers and their last foster just grew out of the system and moved out. This is a great opportunity for you Alden. I won't let you throw it away," Allison said.
I sighed. "I'm not throwing it away. I just need a moment."
"Okay."
"Do they know about..."
She nodded almost pityingly. "They have to be aware of your history. You know that."
I looked out the window toward the house we were parked outside. It looked ordinary, more affluent than anywhere I'd been in the past in terms of foster care. It seemed like it was two storeys but with a loft extension judging by the slant of one of the windows I could see at the very top. The front garden was kept neatly mowed and a fairly new looking Ford Fiesta sat in the driveway next to the house. They managed to get an end terrace. I had a house like this when I was really little, if I remember correctly.
"They have a couple kids of their own too," Allison said. "One's around your age. Maybe you two could be friends."
"Were they told about my past too?" I asked. I could see my reflection in the mirror. My skin was pale, lips a little chapped, unruly red hair sat atop my head in the form of messy ringlets that needed a wash.
"No. Cassandra and Michael may have told them though, I can't be sure. Anyhow, once they see you, you know they'll have questions even if they don't out right ask you to your face right away."
I looked at my neck through the glass where my reflection still shone. Half of it covered in a long nasty scar cutting across horizontally. It still stung sometimes when I looked at it too hard. The knife would slice my memories now. My hands would tremble. I'd close my eyes and think of those moments where I was bleeding out, sure that my short life was over, only to open my eyes again and be shocked that I was still here five years later. Too bad the same couldn't be said for my parents.
"That doesn't mean you have to tell them everything Alden," Allison continued. "Just as a reminder. The curiosity of others doesn't entitle them to know everything about you if you don't want to share."
I nodded. I was used to this anyway. People always stared and some were brave enough to ask. Sometimes I'd tell them the truth. Other times I liked to make up stories and see how much of it they'd believe. Sometimes I'd straight up tell them it was none of their business because it wasn't. And sometimes they'd act like I was rude for not telling them.
"Yeah, I know."
"Ready to go in now?"
"I suppose."
We left my things in the car for now and Allison kept reassuring me that if anything went wrong then I could always contact her. That was actually quite reassuring even though I'd probably never admit it. I hadn't been in a foster home for at least seven months now and all my previous homes had been pretty awful. Most of them only fostered to get more money and soon grew tired of me causing them too much trouble and would send me back. I shuddered at the memory of one particular home in which the foster dad's older sister had come to visit over Christmas and tried to touch me up. I was out of there the next day and left them with a lamp they'd have to replace after I smashed it into the woman's head.
Allison rang the doorbell and we waited patiently for someone to come open the door. I felt a little hesitant and nervous for some reason. No matter how much they'd been vetted, a nasty truth about them could surface at any time. What if they were pure evil hiding behind a fake smile? When they opened the door, I was greeted with smiles that maybe didn't look quite as fake as I was expecting though.
"Alden, hello!" the man, Michael, said in greeting.
"Hello," I replied with a nod of my head. I caught them briefly glancing at my scar, but they didn't say a word about it and instead beckoned me and Allison inside.
"Is there somewhere we can all sit down and have a talk?" Allison asked. The Colloways brought us over to the dining table in their open plan kitchen. There were pictures almost entirely covering the wall closest to the dining table of Michael and Cassandra with an array of different children, two of which remained constant throughout almost all of the photos. Those two must have been their actual son and daughter; the rest all their previous fosters. They all seemed happy in all fairness, and I wondered if one day my photo would be up on the wall too. I wouldn't be keeping up my hopes though.
"So, Alden, as I mentioned before this is more of a trial period, for both you and Mr and Mrs Colloway," Allison started.
"Oh, but please, call us Carrie and Mike," Cassandra said interrupting.
"Right, this is a trial period for both you and Carrie and Mike," Allison continued. "I'll be coming by to check up on everything in around a week's time where we can all determine if this could be a more indefinite home for Alden until he at least turns 18."
"We're more than happy to let you stay until you finish college though Alden, even after you turn 18. That's what we've done for all our kids, some have stayed even longer until they sorted out a place to go," Carrie said plastering a kind smile on her face. I didn't trust it.
I nodded and absentmindedly listened to what more Allison had to say and then I watched her get in her car and leave me in these strangers' home after Mike got my things out of the boot. Once again, I was just another foster kid that no one cared about. At least in the home no one pretended; we all knew we were nothing and the adults wouldn't shower us in fake love.
"Well let's take these up to your new room then eh?" Mike asked.
I didn't have a lot of things just a few boxes of random stuff and a couple bin bags with all my clothes in. I grabbed one of the boxes while Mike grabbed another and led the way upstairs.
My room wasn't too bad in all fairness. It was a simple square shape and big enough to have a double bed, a desk, and a standing wardrobe. There was also a chest of drawers, and the bathroom was directly opposite me of which I only had to share with their son apparently.
"Once we've confirmed that you'll be here indefinitely, you can do whatever you like with the room as it will be all yours," Carrie explained. "If you want to get posters or lights or any other kinds of decorations just let us know and we'll go shopping. You can even paint the walls if you like."
I looked around at the plain white walls. I liked the them as they were, clean and neat and without any holes or cracks in them. I didn't want to paint them and ruin how pristine they looked. Maybe some posters would be cool though if somehow this actually works out for me. I've always wanted a space I could really make my own even if it only lasts for a little while.
"Thanks," I replied to her as Mike went down and brought the rest of my stuff up for me. I thanked him too when he was done.
"The kids will be back from school soon for you to meet. They're looking forward to meeting you too actually. They've always ended up becoming friends with all the last kids we've had. Kind of like a really long fun sleepover. That's what they used to say when they were younger anyway, course they're older now," Mike started saying. "But yeah, we have a son and a daughter; Emily and Charlie. Charlie's your age, well 18 but only a few months older than you, in the same year and everything. Emily's 15, in year 11."
"Cool," I said. I didn't really know what else I could say.
"Great well, I suppose we'll leave you to unpack. We'll be downstairs though so don't hesitate to come get us if you need anything. I can make you some quick food if you get hungry before dinner." Carrie's golden hair bounced as she walked away with her husband whose own hair looked a dull brown and like it might be starting to thin a little.
I didn't bother unpacking my boxes. If I did end up having to move out in a few days, if this didn't work out, then it was going to be really annoying to pack up again. However, upon seeing free hangers in the wardrobe I hung up my clothes at least, to stop them getting all wrinkled, and put my underwear in the chest of drawers for easy access instead of wading through a dark bin bag.
And then I just waited. I don't know for what exactly. Maybe I was just waiting for the Colloway kids to come home so I could get the whole meeting them thing over with. Or maybe I was just buying myself time to get rid of the pit of anxiety that sat at the bottom of my stomach which was normal for whenever I joined another family. I worried about all the things that could go wrong and I worried about liking it here so that when things would go wrong, I'd just be crushed in the end.
Only less than a year more of this, and then I could just be free of it all. No more homes and no more people pretending they care about me. When I turn 18, I get access to the money my parents left for me in the will and when I graduate, I can go wherever I want. Maybe I'll go to university and try to make a life for myself, or maybe I'll go travelling. I could go to a small Greek island like in Mamma Mia and live my best life in the sun singing songs. Maybe I could even have a goat.
I used to have dreams when I was little of working with my father. He didn't exactly have a very exciting job though. He worked for this Tech company probably just running things in management and he was good too. Before he died, he'd been appointed as the CEO which was crazy for us considering we didn't come from much in the beginning. My parents worked so hard to take care of me, my dad especially which is why I wanted to work with him. I wanted to take some of the burdens off his shoulders so he could spend more time with mum, because I could tell she missed him the more hours he worked, and I could start to take care of them instead.
I heard new voices downstairs that brought me out of my thoughts. Charlie and Emily must have come home, and I wanted to get meeting them out of the way, so I wandered downstairs hoping to find them quickly.
"Oh Alden," Carrie said coming over to me. "Here he is guys, this is Alden Zeal. He'll be staying with us for a little while, you know the gist. Alden this is Charlie and Emily."
Charlie was around my age like Mike said, a little taller, brown hair, blue eyes. He was cute actually not that I'd tell him that, especially when he was a weird kind of brother to me now by technical terms. Emily looked just like him but with softer features and much longer hair. She'd dyed the front two bits of her hair blonde though. I thought it kind of suited her.
"Hey mate," Charlie said with a nod. I noticed him glance at my neck. "Sorry about the shit in the bathroom, I was helping her bleach her hair yesterday. I'll get it cleaned up today."
"Okay," I said not knowing what he was talking about. I hadn't looked in the bathroom yet.
"It looks good though right," Emily said. "My friends all said they liked it," she told her brother.
"Yeah, cos I'm sick at bleaching hair obviously," Charlie joked.
I wondered what it was like to have a sibling to bleach or dye your hair for you. Not that I'd do anything to my hair. I'd only recently learned to love the red hue of it and the bouncy curls.
"Cool name by the way Alden," Emily complimented. "Oh! Come with me, you have to add your name to the book."
"The book?" I asked confused.
"We have this book where we get everyone who stays here, even if it's only for a day, to write their name in and some stuff about themselves," Charlie explained.
"Oh, why?" I asked following them back upstairs. Emily's room was further down the hallway with a bathroom that she shared with her parents between her room and the master bedroom.
"Like, so we can remember everyone," Charlie replied awkwardly with a shrug. "Sounds a bit silly but we started doing it when we were little and yeah I don't know, it stuck."
"It's not silly," Emily argued. "We just like to remember everyone." She smiled at me like I was really truly welcomed into this home, and she didn't want to forget I'd been here. I looked away as I frowned. I didn't like when people acted like they cared about me before they even knew me. It made it seem untrue.
"Oh okay."
She handed me the book and a fair amount of pages were actually already filled in. All the people who had stayed here before. Even if I was only here a day, they might flip back through these pages one day and find my name and remember my brief stay here. It was stupid.
"You don't have to write much, but you can write more if you think of something later that you want to add," Emily encouraged.
I just wrote down my name and birthday and how old I was. I didn't really know what else to add to it.
"You want help unpacking?" Charlie asked on the way back to our rooms.
"Oh, uh nah. I'm good thanks."
I hid inside my room after that until dinner time. Being around them reminded me of the things I'd lost and would never have again.
I almost wish I could say that my parents were terrible people and that I would have never had this regardless of if I was put into the foster system or not, but that wasn't the truth. My parents were wonderful. My mum would read me a bedtime story every night until I was 11 and I decided I was too old and too cool for bedtime stories anymore. Now, as I was on the cusp of being an adult, I could only wish to hear her voice again; her delicate quiet voice as she read me a story until my eyelids became droopy and sleep overtook me.
Dinner was fine, but a little awkward. I knew they had a lot of questions for me, but I think they got the hint when I started only giving them one word answers that I didn't want to talk much. I didn't know these people, and they didn't need to know me. I was just a lodger if anything.
So, when they'd finally shifted their attention from me, I ate in silence and watched them interact as a family. I was surprised how easily they were able to act like everything was normal and there wasn't a stranger at the table, but I guess this was something they were used to. I could tell Carrie and Mike loved their kids and I wondered why they wanted to foster, especially a teenager, when they already had Charlie and Emily.
They didn't ask me to stay behind after dinner was over, so I slipped away quietly back into my temporary room. Through the window I could see a crescent moon. A row of houses stretched on either side of me. Some may have called it suburban hell, but I almost felt a calm settle over me.
I lived in a neighbourhood like this with my parents, in both the little house we had and then the big house we could afford with all my dad's promotions. I liked the quiet of it. The gentle breeze that knocked at your window and carried with it the smell of peace.
I loved the city when we'd go there as a family for shopping sprees at Christmas or family date nights, but I remember thinking I could never live there. I remember wondering how I'd ever sleep with all the noise.
And then when my parents died and I moved into care, and all my previous foster homes had been in cities or in busy towns where I never felt a moment of that quiet peace. It was kind of nice to hear it again here, a lack of noise.
Since I started college, all my foster homes had to be nearby my sixth form. I'd talked to Allison about it and she'd agreed understanding that it would disturb my studies too much otherwise. So, when the Colloway's were the first family in months who were willing to take in a teenager and who lived nearby, of course Allison put me with them immediately. I didn't mind so much now that it reminded me so much of where I used to live. But it also kind of made me miss what I used to have even more, even years later when I'd tried so hard to move on and not miss it as much.
Still, I didn't know how long I was going to be staying here but however long it was, I think I'll quite enjoy this silent peace.
~~~~~~~~~
New story yay!
I'm enjoying writing this one and have gotten a few chapters into writing it so I figured I was ready to share it with people now.
I'm not going to have a specific upload schedule and just do it when I feel like it but there should be updates every week at the very least.
Hope you'll enjoy this <3