Simon
Here's a guy who doesn't have a fucking clue what he's doing. It was a miracle no one could see it on me. Or no, not a miracle, I was just a hell of a professional looking guy. And I guess I was a professional too, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting in first class on a plane home from a business trip feeling sorry for myself.
All the meetings with clients had gone well, I had been praised by my bosses as usual and smilingly received those male back slaps that were apparently obligatory after closing a deal, so why was I sitting here feeling miserable? After all, I was their poster boy, their star pupil, 27 years old and already considered a partner in the firm. They absolutely loved it when I showed my dominant side and put my opponents on the spot. If they only knew.
I stared into my own green eyes that met me in the dark airplane window. It had been two weeks since I met them at Cupid's. When my stupid fucking mouth betrayed me, and I unsuspectingly told them that I certainly had a girlfriend, and she certainly didn't care if I had fun on the side. While that was true, I had never planned on telling anyone. After all, I had an airtight separation between the worlds and that was the way I always wanted it. It was easier that way. A polished world, where I was Simon with a girlfriend and a really overpaid job, and that other world. Where everything I enjoyed was. Where I was known as Simon, the guy who was a pro at knife play. Where I was myself.
It had been impossible to escape the shocked look Jamie got when he heard the word girlfriend. And my automatic reaction had been to want to take him by the arm and pull him down into my lap and explain to him, but Ash had beat me to it and then the opportunity had passed. It would also have been damned inappropriate to do it in front of the others. But I had wanted to explain. To Ash too, although I figured he probably understood more than Jamie did. Jamie was still so innocent. So sweetly innocent that it ought to be forbidden. And when they'd come back inside after a while, they'd been like they were in seventh heaven. They were so incredibly different from each other, but so strangely well suited to be together. The chemistry between them was like electricity. Addictive.
I jerked as the plane thudded down onto the runway. Shit, were we home already? Just the thought of coming home to the apartment made me uneasy, I had no desire whatsoever to see Evelyn right now and be forced to answer her usual questions about how the trip had been and if everything had gone well. She meant no harm, I knew that, but after eight years we'd run out of topics to talk about and had started repeating ourselves instead. I tried hard to send out signals to the universe that she was staying with friends, so that I could at least have the apartment to myself, but since it would be closer to eleven o'clock at night when I got home, that wish was probably completely impossible.
My seatmate and boss grabbed me by the arm and grinned.
"Shall we pretend the plane is delayed and have a beer at the airport?" he suggested, slurring his words a little. "The ladies don't need to know we're home yet, right Simon?"
He had sucked down at least four whiskeys while we were in the air, and it was embarrassing how predictable he became then. Every trip was the same, he'd party around and get hungover at meetings, and I had have to stand in for them instead, because I had the sense not to get wasted every night. I shook my head. I wanted to go home, but still, I didn't. I wanted to get away from the job I had been living in for a week. Desperately wanted out of my fucking disguise and to finally be able to breathe again.
"Evie's waiting for me," I lied, smiling apologetically.
"Oh well, just wait a few years and that infatuation will be over," my boss chuckled and got his carry-on off the shelf.
I don't have to wait. That happened a long time ago. But I didn't want to say that, it was easy to have Evelyn to blame and besides, my boss had nothing to do with it. Nobody had anything to do with it.
When the cab stopped in front of the entrance, my skin crawled. It had never been this bad before. Sure, I hadn't been overjoyed to come home from work trips in a long time, but now it was something extra. I felt irritable and restless, almost as if I hadn't had sex in a long time and was just walking around waiting for the moment. I hadn't had it either, but it wasn't something that usually bothered me very much. But at some point, that was bound to happen too of course.
Evelyn was sitting on the big couch, where she had strewn books and papers and her long hair was set in a messy bun on her head with the help of a pencil. She looked as if she had been sitting there studying all evening, and she looked up wearily when I stepped into the room to greet her.
"Did the trip go well?"
How many times had she asked that now? I had lost count.
"Sure," I replied. "I'm gonna take a shower and head to bed, tired as hell."
She just nodded and went back to the books. I exhaled in relief. She also seemed to have realized that she was just repeating herself and letting the subject rest instead of just continuing. I went into the bathroom and stripped off my suit, my official disguise, and with each item of clothing that ended up in the laundry basket, more of myself came out again. That damn poster boy wasn't there anymore. I ruffled my blonde hair, so it wasn't so neatly combed and stepped into the shower.
After standing there for a while, just letting the warm water flow over me, a memory came into my head. The feeling of seeing Jamie on his knees there in the booth. Ash's hot breath in my mouth as I kissed him, how equal we were in our battle for dominance. Our hands in Jamie's hair and the way he looked up at us with his amber gaze, fully focused and all glossy-eyed with horniness.
I groaned as I let my hand close around my hardening cock and closed my eyes. It had been so crowded in that little booth, but we hadn't cared at all. Jamie had done exactly as I had told him to do, he'd been so natural and willing to obey and the reaction from Ash had been irresistible. The taste of vanilla in Jamie's mouth, the surprised gasp from Ash, the way he just let go of his resistance in the end. The feeling of sucking him off with his and Jamie's hands in my hair. The way Ash took charge and jacked us off, damn he was a pro at that.
The orgasm came so fast that I had to push my forehead against the tile, and I bit my tongue to keep from moaning loudly. This was what I needed, just a release and I would calm down. That I had thought of them was just a coincidence, they had been the last ones I had been with, that's all. And it had been fucking hot, I couldn't deny that. Best sex in a long time, if I didn't count that crazy night of tequila. That had been... I stopped there. No wonder I had been thinking about them.
Evelyn had gone to bed by the time I got into the bedroom after standing in the shower for another half hour trying to scrub the inside of my head clean. I tried as quietly and unnoticed as I could to sneak into bed so as not to wake her, but as I pulled the covers over my chest, I felt her hand on my hip. Damn it. I didn't feel like it.
"You smell nice," she whispered, sliding her hand further down and slowly started to jack me off.
Why did she have to want to now? Why now? She hadn't touched me in probably a month, and I hadn't missed her either. But it was unfair to her. She was letting me live out what I couldn't do with her with others, I should be grateful. But gratitude didn't make me horny. I closed my eyes and tried to just feel the touch.
I want to hand-fuck you together, so come here.
The memory of Ash and Jamie kissing each other while Ash pressed our cocks together made my whole body buzz and I opened my eyes in a panic. Even though I could get hard in a second just thinking about it, it was so totally fucking wrong. I pushed Evelyn's hand away.
"Sorry, I'm too tired," I muttered, turning my back to her.
Her frustrated sigh made my guilty conscience grow even stronger. I might have been able to make her cum with just my hand, but I really didn't want to.
"I'm going out clubbing with friends tomorrow," she said, making it sound like it was a punishment against me. "So, I'm spending the night at Sophie's."
"Ok," was all I could think to say.
***
It wasn't so much a matter of wanting as an intense need that made me decide to go to Oubliette the next night. I needed to feel like I was grounded somewhere, I wanted to go somewhere where I could relax into myself and escape the thoughts of that ordinary real world. And now if Evelyn were to go out, I would have the apartment all to myself. She always used to get ready at a friend's house, so I could choose my clothes without having to close the door to my room.
That had been one of the premises when we moved into the apartment, she wanted me to have my "other stuff" in a room of my own. I hadn't objected to that, why should I have? She allowed me to express who I was but didn't want to have to see it. And it wasn't like we couldn't afford a big apartment. Or rather, I could afford it. So, I had my own dressing room, as Evelyn called it. I called it my kink room.
Kaylee, one of my relatively regular play partners and occasional sex partner, had texted me earlier in the day asking if I wanted to have a session and I had almost over-enthusiastically said yes. I was practically itching to do something. She had said she would wear clothes that I could tear if I wanted to. And I certainly wanted to. Why was I so damn eager, anyway? After all, this was nothing new, neither Kaylee nor the clothes I was allowed to tear up. But something told me that this feeling of unease I had would go away as soon as I set foot inside Oubliette. That feeling had been with me ever since I had turned my back on Evelyn yesterday.
When I had put the clothes I wanted in the bag, I stood and stroked my hand over the handles of the knives. I had them all laid up in a special cabinet, lined with black velvet. Just looking at them calmed me down. Better focused. Kaylee never wanted the knife to penetrate the skin, so I had to choose one of the dull knives, but I always had at least two knives with me, and one was always sharp. My fingers slid over the butterfly knife's two-piece handle. That one was dull.
I'm a pain slut.
Jamie's quick breaths with my knife against his throat, his trembling body, Ash's excited smile at me when we finally gave Jamie permission to cum.
The memory made me decisively let go of the knife. I didn't want to use that one. Not on Kaylee. I didn't want to ruin the feeling. What the hell was wrong with me? I cursed and picked up a broad-bladed, dull hunting knife and my usual stiletto knife and walked out of the room. I needed to get my shit together.