Pregnancy Tracker 🤰
9 weeks 👶
I've tried calling Jack twice now, but he hasn't picked up. There's no option to leave a voicemail on his phone.
He's either just totally flat out ignoring me, or he deleted my number and doesn't answer to unknown numbers.
I wait until Friday, Ive got the afternoon off.
I've somehow managed to carry on at work despite the sickness.
I'm pretty sure no one suspects anything.
I sit down for lunch and pick up my phone and send a text.
'Hi Jack, it's Chelsea, from Mykonos. I hope you're ok? I really need to talk to you. Please can you call me? X'
I press send. Then cringe, Chelsea from Mykonos, fuck sake hopefully he's not forgotten me to that extent.
I potter around. I keep checking but he hasn't even read the message.
What if I've got his number wrong? What if he's changed his number?
No, calm down I tell myself. Worse case, Layla can get a message to him via Ben.
At 5.40pm he's read the message, finally.
I wait, but nothing.
I feel sick. And not just pregnancy sick. Like proper rejected feel sick.
Finally, just after 6pm my phone rings. It's him.
"Hello, Jack?"
"Hi, Chelsea?"
"Yeah" I laugh.
"Ya ok?" His voice sounds as lovely as I remember.
"Where are you?" I ask. "I mean, can you talk, privately?"
"I'm in me car, we've just finished at the gym, I'm about to drive home"
"I tried ringing you, before, the other day?"
"I'm sorry, I changed me phone, lost the most recent numbers, sorry Chels, ya wheren't saved on me SIM....." I can't help wondering how true this is.
My tummy lurches. I just need to say it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Jack I'm pregnant".
Silence.
"Jack?"
I hear lots of muffled sounds, a clicking. I think I hear him swear, but he sounds really far away.
I hear a loud click.
Suddenly he comes back and sounds really clear.
"Er, I just knocked the phone takin' it off loud speaker" he says, his voice shaky.
"Did you hear me Jack?"
"Yeah, but are ya sure?"
"Yeah, I'm 9 weeks. I've got blood tests next week and a scan in 3 weeks, it's all happening really fast" my voice cracks as I say this.
I hear Jack exhale loudly.
"Right, erm, yeah no, I didn't know ya 9 weeks ago though Chelsea......" He stumbles over his words. "The holiday was wot, 7, nearly 8 weeks ago?"
"Jack it's calculated from the first day of my last period......it's weird I know, but that's how they do it"
He sighs. Then silence.
"Jack?"
"So wot, are ya sayin' it's mine?" He sounds annoyed, abrupt.
"Yes......."
"Fuckin' hell Chelsea!"
He sounds so distant, so detached. Tears prickle my eyes.
"Yes Jack, it can only be yours, because before the holiday, and you, there was no one, not for months.
Don't judge me by your standards"
"Ya wot?" He sounds pissed off.
I can't do this. I sob and hang up.
I lay on the sofa and hug the cushion to my tummy. I cry until there's no more tears.
I zone out, I've no idea what I'm actually watching on the TV, I'm just trying to not think, about anything.
45 minutes after I hung up, my phone rings again. It's him.
Nervously I answer.
"Chelsea?" His voice is much more gentle now. "Chels, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean.....look I've got no reason to not believe ya"
I cut in "Jack, it can't be anyone elses, but I've no issue if you want a paternity test when it's born"
"Ok, look I'd be a mug to not want that wouldn't I? But, like I sez, I've no reason to not believe ya, it was just a massive shock y'know? So wot happens now?"
"A shock to you?? Fuck sake Jack, how do you think I felt?"
"I know, listen, I'm sorry"
I breathe deeply
"Ya ok?" He asks.
"Yes, well, no, I'm not, not really" I'm trying so hard not to lose control of my emotions on the phone to him.
"It was that morning, on the beach wheren't it? Afta the sunrise? I knew as soon as ya sez it"
"I think so"
"That were actual amazing though watching that sunrise with ya"
I smile at the memory "didn't need a lasting memory though did we"
"Nah, not really......have ya thought about wot ya wanna do? Do ya wanna have it?"
"Yes!" I snap "with or without you, I'm having it!"
"Ok, that's fine, I just wanted t'check.......so wot now?" He's sounding surprisingly calm.
"I've got forms, a questionnaire I need you help me complete before I see the midwife again. Your family medical history and stuff, but there's no hurry, I'm not seeing her for ages"
"Do you wan' me to come to any appointments or anythin' with ya?"
I think "well, you could come to the scan? If you want to? We could do the questionnaire then to"
"I'd love that, yeah" he sounds brighter now, like he really means it.
I give him the details and he assures me he'll speak to his manager as he isn't certain of the pre season training schedule.
We hang up, and I'm feeling rather positive, and very relieved. Maybe we can do this.
***
Pregnancy Tracker 🤰
12 weeks 👶
Scan day.
I've got the day off and it's fallen on a rest day for Jack.
He's on his way.
He is going to come round for some lunch and to complete the form I need before we go to the hospital.
I feel nervous about seeing him again. Which I know is ridiculous considering I'm growing his baby inside me.
But, I never thought I'd see him away from the holiday setting.
I get myself ready, I look at my reflection and run my hand over my tummy.
Still flat, no signs at all that anything is there.
I dress in comfy leggings and a lose summer top.
Finally heading towards the end of August and typically we see summer in the UK.
I dry my hair and as I run curl cream through it I notice how sullen my skin looks. I haven't worn make up for weeks.
I decide I don't want Jack thinking I'm a total tramp so I rub on some tinted moisturiser, and just a light coat of mascara.
Suddenly my buzzer goes off. I pick up the receiver. It's him.
"Come up, 3rd floor, go left at the top of the stairs" I tell him.
I hear the gentle tap at my door mere seconds later.
He's there.
I open the door. He's standing there in simple grey shorts and a white t shirt, with a black cap on.
"Ya alright?" He asks
I nod and let him in.
He follows me into the lounge.
This feels weird. Awkward.
I notice him looking at my tummy and instinctively I put my band there.
"There's nothing to see yet"
"Sorry, I, yeah no....."
"You found the building ok? Did you park where I said?"
"Yeah, next to the red car at the end, that's yours?"
I nod.
"Chelsea?"
I turn to him.
"Ya really ok? I jus' wanna say that you don' hafta do this alone. I wanna be part of it. I do wanna do a DNA test, but if I'm gonna be a dad, then I WANT to be a dad" he looks at me intently "I know wot ya said about ya family an' that an' it won't be like that for you an' our baby"
He's so sweet. I can see he means it.
"Thank you" I need to say it, that unspoken elephant in the room.
"But, we're doing this together, but like, friends, not a couple right......we wouldn't work?"
Jack looks like a weight has been lifted of his shoulders "yeah, I think that's probably for the best"
"Yeah......probably best with your complicated fuck buddy" I smile.
"Ah nah, don't" he shakes his head, his eyes soften "Chels, we're gonna give it a go, y'know? When I got back we had a chat an'......"
"Jack honestly...." I cut him off, "I want my baby to have its daddy, that's all. I really don't think we have any common ground anyway, no offence but half the stuff you did on holiday would bug the hell out of me if you were my boyfriend"
He laughs.
"So have you told her?"
"Nah......I'll talk to me mom first, but I thought if I hadda picture to show her she might not shout at me for bein' irresponsible as much........we will get pictures won't we?"
"Yeah, I think so. And you can tell her we were both irresponsible.......I seem to remember I was on top when I realised....."
"It don' matter now.....right ya sed ya'd do me some lunch an' I'm bloody starvin' I am!"