𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 !
𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐄, 𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐄
"IT IS INDEED good to see you again."
What the fuck?
He thought with wide eyes, in actual disbelief at your person in front of him. He wished none of his victims to be interfering with his work life which still kept him somewhat sane and human and now you were here and stepped in, completely destroying his vision in every way possible.
Why are you suddenly taking over his life?
His blue eyes flickered from your face down to your body as to still trying to process that you are truly here in front of him. That this wasn't one of his fantasies of his where he'd murder you any second.
Then, the realisation kicked in and his frown began to vanish.
However, this would make things much easier as he had already noted that you weren't one of those annoying women like his co-workers who would pester him just for existing. He wouldn't have to constantly text you and meet up with you at different locations in order to get closer to you when you're working right at the same place as him.
This could be a game changer.
Mission "Making (Y/n) fall in love with me'"? Consider it done.
A big smirk made its way on his handsome features at the sudden opportunity swimming before him. And so he put an arm on your desk after giving you the book he wanted to borrow and just kept eyeing your every move.
"Why are you here? I mean- when did you start working here?" he questioned as he leaned further in.
You gave him the book back after scanning it and typing in some things on the computer in front of you, "Remember when you were at my place and we were drunk and I told you about having found an opportunity for a job? And I said it was as a librarian at a uni?"
Howl thought for a second, trying to recall the conversation you mentioned only for him to stand there cluelessly. You raised your brows at his obviously confused face, crossing your arms in front of your chest in annoyance. You actually had repeated yourself saying this many times while you guys were drunk that day.
The man's eyes met your sharp ones until his brain finally clicked. "Oh right!" he snapped his fingers, "I totally forgot... So I never told you at which university I work?"
Looking up as if to visualise your thought process, you shook your head, "No, never,"
The young man let out a small huff at that, "Is that so? My bad," he chuckled before taking the book in his hand and stepping away from the desk.
"Well, I started working since Monday and yeah... I actually never saw you until now even if I left to grab some stuff out the campus... It's weird, isn't it?" you fake smiled, tilting your head to the side.
"Yeah it is," Howl hummed, "But we should hang out more often then, you know, when it's break time, grab a coffee and talk," he threw you a teasing grin.
You giggled, "Sure, I would love to,"
And so you both did just that.
He showed you the whole university building and rooms, even advising you on which teachers to get closer with and told you to come to his office whenever you wanted. He'd be glad to help you out with anything and everything.
Each break you'd both go to the same café to grab a drink and eat sweet pastries, exploring each other's world and personality more. You found it comforting that you had someone that you knew well enough on your side to guide you and even waste your time with since this university was a prestigious and respected one. And you absolutely didn't want to lose this job at all costs.
So far you liked most of the teachers. They were professional and kind as expected and you were sure to learn a lot from their fields and lives. Of course you set yourself the rule to never murder anyone from your job since it's where you could live somewhat normally as mentioned before and could enjoy your love for books.
"Hello Ms (L/n). I'd like to borrow this book for a month," the female student spoke as she handed the object to you.
You raised your brows in admiration, "Oh? Dazai Osamu, huh? Are you okay?" you asked half jokingly as you scanned the book.
She giggled at your question, "Yeah I am but this book was recommended to me for a long time so I thought why not,"
A hum left you, "It sure is a brilliant book. However, sweetie," you started to whisper, "it has some trigger warnings, but nothing explicitly written. You shouldn't read it when at a low point in life either. Y'know I'm just saying," you gave the book back to her while she listened to you attentively.
"I understand, don't worry. I am aware of the things mentioned in the book so... Yeah, thank you Miss. Have a good day!" she smiled and then went off.
"You too!"
There were many other students at different tables, diligently studying for whatever exam awaited them and laughed quietly amongst themselves. Sometimes you forgot that some of them were the same age as you since you didn't really ever study anything.
Watching them get an education and live a decent life made you feel good perhaps? Thing was, you understood people and their emotions but lacked any affection for them. From your teenage years you already trained your mind and emotions how to act or how to think accordingly to a situation or people's behaviour.
So the fact that these students were able to live out their dreams, go through journeys, meet trustworthy people made you happy for them, if you tried thinking the way another person would.
Everything you did was actually just a facade.
When you returned your eyes back to your desk you noticed an expensive pair of glasses was placed in front of you and you quickly remembered that these belonged to Howl. He had visited you here at the library shortly before heading to his psychology class and must've forgotten them here accidentally.
You rolled your eyes.
"That idiot."
㋡
"Is there someone who could list a few other mental disorders or mental illnesses?" Howl's deep voice echoed throughout the hall after he lectured them about anxiety disorder and it's different forms and symptoms.
Mostly he would hold a normal lecture but he liked to include his students a few times because he loved it when they talked.
Blue eyes wandered across the sea of young people when it landed on a specific guy.
"Yes! Jaeger," he stuffed one hand into his pants' pocket.
"Sir, there's schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar disorder. psychopathy, narcissism, eating disorders etcetera," the young man listed lots of things off to which Howl kept nodding and grinned.
"Very good. Well done. We're going to focus on these disorders a lot from now on. How to differentiate them, categorise them. For example psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. We're going to learn and analyse in depth to see the world through their eyes and how they think and feel about everything. Because that might ease it for you to understand these disorders and illnesses well if I use methods to make you think like them. Also-"
He was cut off by the door opening and every student's head turning away only to see you, standing there awkwardly, holding his precious glasses in your hands.
At the moment his mind went blank and could only focus on you and his glasses that he had searched everywhere, having totally forgotten where they were. He quickly snapped out of his trance, clearing his throat before he spoke up.
"Miss (L/n)?" he waited patiently, running a hand through his hair.
Your eyes kept flickering over to the mass of students staring at you which made you slightly uncomfortable but then turned back to Howl. Sure, you liked attention from others but not in this way, where you are literally the center of attention, feeling every eye on you and seeing them acknowledge your existance, which you didn't exactly always want.
"Uh yeah you forgot your glasses at my desk," you explained rushed as you walked over to him with fast paces, growing a little red under their burning gazes.
Howl blinked a few times before smiling and taking the glasses from your 'trembling' hands and put them on his nose.
"Thank you. Sorry for the trouble I must've put you through. You really didn't have to do this," his voice wasn't as loud when he gave his lectures but it was loud enough for everyone to hear what he was saying. He turned away from you and began to press a key on his laptop to show the next slide or his presentation.
"Would you guys mind not staring that much, please? She doesn't like it," the students knew he was talking to them but he never looked at them while speaking and complied his plea almost immediately. At that moment they began whispering to each other as you two exchanged words with one another.
"They're kinda cute, aren't they?"
"Yeah, they'd definitely make a cute couple!'
"I've just seen her for like two minutes but I ship, I don't care."
"No no but the way he stared at her and lost all of his speech at first? Wish that was me for real."
"But like the way he just kinda acted protective over her by saying that? Do they know each other by any chance?"
"Yeah they hang out every break."
"Yo then it's canon bro."
"You seriously didn't have to come now, sweetheart," Howl repeated himself as he folded up his sleeves.
"And you didn't have to say that just now. I was fine with them staring, they've never seen me before anyways," you let out a huff. You were actually mentally slapping yourself because of how stupid you were and let your legs act quicker than your brain and interrupted a lesson of his he got paid for.
He smiled again, "No you were obviously anxious and I just did you a favour. That's all,"
"Whatever, I'm leaving. Sorry for interrupting your lecture, that was super unprofessional of me," you apologised, not looking him in the eye because that's what you're supposed to do in these type of situations as you recalled.
"It's fine (Y/n), my students don't mind. My lectures are never that serious and I'm pretty casual with them. We're cool," he walked you to the door and had his hand on your back in respect.
"Hm alright..."
"See you later?" he raised his brows in hopefulness as you arrived at the door.
You nodded, "Yup, see ya," you grinned, still a little red.
A chuckle left him as he booped your nose, muttering, "Cute," and then shut the door.
The action left you frozen for a second when you headed back to library, your heart beating fast with a scowl.
Even just the simplest fucking touches of his make my heart race. Ugh why?! What is this?
㋡
Currently you were at your place, cooking a delicious meal, having returned from work since an hour. It was around 9 pm at the moment and the sizzling sounds and spicy aroma reached Howl's nose in your living room, his focus on his phone.
Sometimes you guys would stay at the other's house for a night if you ever got too tired and needed someone to feed you. This went on for a few weeks now and just happened on its own, none of you two questioning anything and accepting each other's company.
You placed the food into two plates, steam and a very good smell radiating off from it, making it hard for you to resist stuffing your face into it. Walking over to the table, you put both plates onto your dining table and took two more laps to the kitchen and back to bring glasses, drinks and cutlery.
As you were already used to everything, you didn't even have to communicate for Howl to sit down next to you on his own, immediately digging into the meal and ate silently with you. Silence would accompany you at times, never leaving any awkward traces however, only indifference.
Being around people and having had many 'relationships' in your lives was nothing new to you two. It was a little weird considering how alienated you'd feel among society, a certain button in your brains being shut off, unabling you to grasp what being human was anymore. Because of the lack of actually caring much, the empathy, it has been so difficult for you to fit in, adjust or even maintain relationships besides with your relatives.
As for you, you lived an ordinary life plagued by the abuse you faced because of your father. All you could do was stay quiet until you were allowed to move when you turned 18. However, things had changed when you turned 16. In school you heard from your female classmates that a girl was working at a certain nightclub, working as a prostitute to earn her money but the girl told them it wasn't what they think it was and said through working there she could let her 'frustrations out'.
Hearing that you grew curious as to what she meant because you had plenty anger to release onto something, being treated disgustingly for years. So one night you got into that nightclub after some research and met girls from your age up to their 20s working there. When you looked into their eyes, you recognised an emotion that you seemed to have in common, something that you couldn't explain yet.
In order for you to see what they did here, you lied to them that you wanted to work here and were able to convinced them to show you their work with your charm. Jacqueline, a 24 year old college student, she was the first person you met there and she was the one who led you down to the basement of this supposed nightclub. Once you arrived, she opened the door to see a man tied up in a surgery bed, mouth stuffed with thick cloth to keep him quiet, his eyes darting everywhere and then to you, looking absolutely terrified.
Jacqueline turned to you for you to explain as she placed a warm hand onto your shoulder, "We lure men in who think they can just take pleasure from young girls and women and lead them to this room every night and then simply... kill them as brutally as we want. Since all of us were victims of abuse and sexual abuse for years, we just let our frustrations out on these swines and get paid for it,"
You couldn't believe what you were being told. This was the best thing in the world ever being said to you. At listening to how everything worked, you felt actual happiness after so long and finally met people who shared the same struggles as you did. You felt heard by them... is what you believed was the case because you never perceived such emotion since it was so foreign to you. As a young girl you thought that this was amazing and something worth doing on your own.
"Are you okay with seeing him getting killed now or... do you wanna leave?" Jacqueline looked at you in care as she spoke with a soft voice.
You locked eyes with her, a unsettling grin growing on your lips, "No. Not at all. I want to see all of it,"
And that was the moment where 'The Man Punisher' was born.
You permanently started working there the day you first entered and slaughtered a man every night. All of you did it together with different techniques and utensils, taking turns each time. What you didn't know was that other men, men who weren't like the ones who visited, were the ones who actually established this whole concept and place for women like you to let everything out and receive money for it.
Everything in that nightclub was illegal of course. The drugs and drinks served to the guests was very strong so the victims and the ones who weren't picked as victims yet could not think straight or stay conscious when one of them wouldn't return after a while. They didn't think much of it anyways. Nor did they ever connect the dots that the absence of their friends or colleagues was because of the nightclub. You were never caught.
Austyn, the lead of the whole nightclub was probably the nicest man you had ever met in your life. He had made you feel as if there might be some hope when it came to men. He was always empathising with you women, so did his colleagues who treated you as equals and with respect. You'd notice if a man was being pretentious but that was never the case with these men. They genuinely wanted to help you and care for you when your fathers or male figures never did. Even if it meant to do illegal things.
They had installed cameras with high intelligence which could gather information from all the men who came into the club by scanning their faces. That made it easy for you to aim for men who didn't exactly have a family or too many connections where nobody would care if they disappeared without a trace.
One day you had cut open a man's stomach and gouged his eyes out while another girl called Taís had strangled him first and then another girl named Alyona had stabbed him repeatedly with a nakiri bōchō knife in the chest, causing splashes of blood to paint the walls.
The door had opened mid session and you all turned around with horrifying expressions on your faces, eyes wide, blood everywhere, absolutely insanity written all over you three as you licked the small droplets of blood near your lips.
"Hey guys we've brought Kare-Kare and Abobo!"
Immediately you all returned to your normal selves at the sight of Austyn standing there carrying two bags with the aforementioned filipino food's smell filling your nostrils. You then put away the knives next to a table covered with loads of other utensils and went to the bathroom to wash yourselves. This was normality, you released your anger on these men, then Austyn and his men would chop their limbs to smaller pieces in order to drive to a cabin far away in the woods to burn their corpses and bury those ashes in the soil.
You, Taís and Alyona would sit down that night and eat the delicious meal in front of you, pretending nothing happened just minutes before. You'd laugh, smile and feel at ease in those moments. For years you felt like it was sinful to not carry any empathy with you whenever you saw men suffer in movies for example, but during the times at the nightclub you could finally unleash your apathetic self when you took a man's life. It was freedom in your eyes. The suffering of others.
Another time you had asked Austyn something rather unique.
He stared at you in silence with a slightly ajar mouth once the question left your lips.
"You want to bring your dad here? And you want to kill him?" he repeated your question with a raised brow.
You nodded with a smile. "Yes. Please let me kill him, Austyn," mustering up your pleading face he couldn't possibly refuse your plea.
So the very next day you sent an ad of your nightclub as a flyer to your dad through mail and he received it, looking pretty satisfied. The moment he entered the place, Jacqueline linked her arm around his, putting on her seductive face and speaking huskily towards him that she wanted 'some fun' with him and immediately escorted him down to the basement. Your stupid dad believed everything when he was placed onto the bed, ready to to unbuckle his belt when you came into the room.
"(Y/n)? What are you doing here?" he asked surprised with agitation laced in his tone.
"Oh you'll feel it soon enough father," you pulled a sickening smile on your features as Jacqueline sneakily tied him to the bed so he couldn't move.
As you came close you never took your gaze off of your pathetic father. He noticed the restrains and began to panick, getting louder but was silenced by the thick cloth buried deep into his mouth. Whimpers of terror and fear were the only things you could hear as Jacqueline left you alone with your father, shutting the door behind her.
Grabbing a butcher knife you gripped the handle tightly, aiming it to the spot between his eyes, which increased in size when he realised what you were about to do..
"Now then... As you may have noticed father... I am about to kill you," your tone changed from innocent to anger, "Did you seriously think that you'd live your life peacefully knowing you molested your own daughter for so many fucking years? Did you think you'd get away with it?!" you were yelling at this point. He was tearing up in utter fear, trembling all over.
Your other hand wrapped around his neck tightly, blocking him from taking any air. "Good bye," was the only thing you said before you bore the blade in between his face, blood splashing on your face as you repeated the same movement as least six more times and then stabbed his eyes, face, everything so no one could recognise him anymore. After that you went to slice through his neck, swinging your arm with so much strength that his head detached from his neck. Then you went on to chop off his legs and arms, his private area you hated so much and even went to use a hammer to beat his already limp body until your rage had run out. There was so much blood everywhere, your whole clothes dirty with it, heavy breaths leaving you, your heartbeat slowing bit by bit.
A knock ripped you away from your sadistic trance and your eyes saw Austyn's shocked expression but he immediately calmed down and came inside. "So you did it hmm?" his green eyes travelled along your work before he smiled at you.
"Good job. I hope you were able to release your all into this asshole," he patted you on the head to which you hugged him. "Thank you so much for this,"
A chuckle left him at that. "No need to thank. Now go clean yourself up, you look like shit,"
You laughed before you left the room, joy filling you up in a way it never did before.
You had told your mom that you hadn't seen your dad after you killed him and told her that you were at work, which you also lied about as a waitress at a restaurant rather far away.
But when you turned 18, Austyn decided to leave the country and open up a restaurant instead, thinking he wanted to start over and live a normal life and not continue doing these illegal things because they were getting to his head.
That news saddened you but you understood and respected his choices and began your career as a librarian. That's also the time where you'd start murdering men or even disgusting women from time to time to the point you'd do it very frequently. However you matured a lot more and planned your schemes before setting them into action.
"I received a letter in which our local museum wanted an art piece painted by me and show it around in that museum. I was pretty shocked," Howl announced with a small grin on his face as he kept eating the meal you cooked.
You twisted your head to him, "Really? That's such a great achievement! I'm happy for you," you patted his shoulder in congratulations to which he giggled.
"Thanks... I actually still can't believe it... But they said that it had to be a painting of a muse, a person and not just paint a simple portrait of them but make it something that will catch people's attention and get mesmerised by it," he elaborated, his spoon scratched against the plate, creating a noisy sound as he gathered the last bits of rice to let his tongue savor it.
"And you haven't found your muse yet?" you questioned, taking a sip of water, eyes still glued to him, waiting for his reply.
The blonde shook his head, "No... I don't..." he trailed off when his eyes met yours, (e/c) hues staring at him with interest and curiosity.
Your skin had always looked so soft and smooth to him, and whenever he managed to touch your hand it confirmed his theory. Your (h/l) (h/c) hair always shone in the sunlight, cute and small strands poking out or remained in front of your face, the urge to tuck them behind your ear so strong. Or your smile. That stupid smile that sometimes, just sometimes caused him to stare a little longer than needed. He'd be an absolute liar if he said that you didn't resemble a gem he so desperately wanted to keep for himself. The outside of it so solid, that it was hard to crack. It protected the sparkling beauty and mystery within which was the actual thing that peaked his interest. And he wanted what resided inside that gem so badly, the things it hid from him in order to exploit it for it own selfish needs.
He wanted to break you.
"Actually if I think about it... You could be my muse," he suggested, trying to pull at a nearby string of your heart.
You stopped eating at that, putting your fork down, having probably misheard him, "Excuse me, what?"
"I know you heard me," Howl said sweetly as his eyes trailed your face, "Be my muse,"
A huff left you, "Why me? I am not even that pretty to be your muse," you argued before stuffing your mouth with the last bit of food, turning away from him so you could get up to wash both of your dishes.
Howl followed you to the kitchen, not even dreaming of giving up. "Stop saying that, I'm serious. I don't know why I couldn't think of this earlier but you'd be the perfect muse for me,"
You rolled your eyes, scrubbing the oil and sauce from the plates, "Yeah right... Nice smooth talking Howl," everything men spit out were just lies to you, especially when it came to compliment women, trying to make them feel special.
He started to whine, "Oh come on! Don't be so stubborn," he leaned down so he could make eye contact with you but you wouldn't let him and resumed to clean the remaining dishes.
"Look for someone else. I'm sure they've got something better to offer than me."
At your response he took your wrist and moved your body towards him in impatience and placed his other hand on your chin, forcing you to look into his blue eyes, "(Y/n) please... Out of all the women I know, you're the one I am most comfortable with. You're not actively seeking my attention or trying to be a pick me and I like that about you," as he spoke he travelled his gaze around your face, taking in every detail, especially focusing on your lush lips. "If only you could see yourself through my eyes," he began whispering, "and see how fucking beautiful you are, love," his large hands ran through your hair soothingly, your heartbeat instantly quickening under his touch and words.
"H-Howl," you managed to whisper out, every limb of yours growing weaker by the second, hating how fast you submitted to him. You wanted nothing more than just to kill him.
But his voice, the words he chose, his large body that always towered over yours, the way his gorgeous eyes would devour you, it was so hard to remove yourself from him. Every time he did this, you had an internal conflict with yourself.
Little did you know that he had a knife in his had behind you as he kept you distracted, his urges trying to take over him while he let the tip of the blade trail along your body without putting much pressure into your back. His mind was racing and telling him to stab you but he couldn't do it just yet, so he carefully laid the knife back onto the counter, which fell into the sink on its own, getting engulfed by the soap and water.
"M-My hands are wet, I don't want to ruin your shirt, please step awa- AH!" you squealed when he pulled you even closer until your noses brushed against each other, his teasing smile never leaving his pretty face.
"I won't let you go until you become my muse," he chuckled, loving the way you squirmed with his grip on you, the submission you radiated once he let his charm go loose boosted his ego.
"Howl please!" you moved your body to somehow escape from his grip but it was impossible. He was too strong.
And when you locked eyes with him again, seeing that he truly wouldn't let go until you gave in, you released an angry breath with eyes shut to calm down your nerves.
"Fine! I'll be your muse! Now please let go of me," he released his hold on you which caused you to stumble a little but you didn't fall down.
"Good. You'll have to stay at my place every Friday to Sunday so I can finish my painting, okay?" you nodded at his orders and handed him the dry plates which he stacked on the highest shelf of the wall cabinets.
After you were done with everything, you both sat down on your comfy couch and turned on the TV. You took your phone and went to YouTube, clicked on a certain channel and chose to watch a specific video of said channel. After that you connected your smart TV with your phone and let the video play on YouTube.
"Hi friends how are you today? I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Baily Sarian and today is Monday which means... it's-"
"Murder, mystery and makeup Monday!" you spoke the words with the same excitement as the woman on the screen, happiness swimming around you. Howl only eyed you in bewilderment at your sudden hyped up personality and then shifted his attention back to the TV.
"If you are new here, hi! Every Monday I sit down and I talk about a true crime story that has been heavy on my-" both you and her clicked your tongues at the same time and said "Noggin',"
"Jesus, can you stop?" Howl mumbled with a scowl, annoyed by your antics.
You glared at him, "Nope. I love her very much and it's our job as fans to say these things with her, we feel connected to her and she's very fun," you raised your head high in arrogance at that and made yourself comfortable on the couch.
The other only rolled his eyes and continued to listen to Baily.
"Before we hop into today's story, I need to add a disclaimer," the video cut to her holding a microphone close to her mouth and a black and white filter was edited upon this clip, "Warning. The following presentation is intended for mature audiences. It contains graphic description of crime scenes, adult dialogue and strong language. Viewer discretion is advised," the next clip was her talking about how people requested her to tell the story and that she tried to avoid famous crime stories because she wouldn't be able to add more things on her own but then she finally began, "[...] His name is Richard Ramirez. AKA, the night stalker,"
Howl had heard of this serial killer before. He was absolutely disgusted by his doings, the unnecessary pain he caused to innocent people. Yes, he was a serial killer himself, however he would never hurt people like himself, who suffered from heavy abuse or were absolutely innocent, just like he was. He wanted a normal life and not get terrorised by his own mother. You see, Howl was a missionary killer, someone who sought purpose to rid society off of toxic and evil people like his mother. If he were in Los Angeles in the 80s, he'd instantly brutally murder Richard for the injustice and trauma he inflicted to harmless people. In his eyes, only evil people deserve to die, and that by his own hands.
This ideology was something both of you shared. You wanted to remove evil people from society. People who reminded you of your parents of where your brains told you that this act was immoral. To the both of you what you did was totally okay and justified, it made logical sense to you. Because if there was nobody to stop people's misery than it had to be you both.
For example you wouldn't necessarily attack men only, but also women where you knew they were bad and killed them sometimes, giving them the equal amount of torture as you did with men. But your focus was more on men and to kill them since your dad was the reason for your youth to be ruined, so you naturally gravitated towards men with the same characteristics. Howl did the same. His primary victims were women similar to his mother but he would punish men for their evil doings as well, having no mercy on both.
When he was a child, he'd repeatedly receive mental abuse every day, being hated by his mom for no valid reason and had to suffer all his life because of her. She loved his father though and he'd never notice or even hear Howl's screams when his mom tortured him.
When he was about 15, he got caught up with the wrong people, a group of boys in this school who actually never paid attention to him because Howl, despite being a heartthrob and a charming boy, was never really in the spotlight. These boys invited him over to the 'leader' of the group's hideout, whose name was Derek, who was from the rather older grades and Howl had heard that they did some shady stuff every now and then.
When Howl sat there, on the couch, he saw how they dragged in a boy he didn't recognise and put him in front of the spot where Howl was sat. He glanced back and forth between Derek and the kid.
"This guy right here made fun of my dad who's severely ill at the moment and even called me a pussy, not knowing the heavy abuse my mom inflicts onto me," Derek kicked the boy in the guts, earning a painful groan from him.
Howl's rage began to rise the further the older boy talked, not believing his ears.
"And the reason we invited you here was that you seem pretty cool and strong. We'd like to add someone like you to our group y'know," the brown haired boy kept talking as he smiled devilishly towards Howl.
"So," he leaned in with an extended arm, "Wanna join?"
Young Howl thought for a few moments when he said something else, "Will I be able to release anger and stress out on people if I join you?"
Derek cackled obnoxiously along with his friends, "Of course! That's what we're here for. There is no rules when it comes to our group. Ya can do whatcha want,"
A smile rested on Howl's face at that, "Okay. I'm in," he shook hands with Derek.
The other boys cheered at his answer and started to search for an aggressive rap song to get pumped up over when they start hitting the boy on the ground.
"On one condition... you won't ever talk about our relation outside of this hideout. Got that?" Howl coaxed with a demanding look to which all the boys went silent and made Derek smile weakly, a little intimidated by him.
"Of course, I got you."
And ever since then, they'd commit every crime imaginable. They'd steal, punch people, vandalise, even become burglars, sell drugs, drink and do everything with violence. In school they'd never even made the impression to do such things but in that hideout? They were monsters.
Howl would become more relaxed releasing a fit after his mother would hurt him again.
The boys never questioned his private life and left him alone and do his thing. They respected Howl.
Howl would usually part take in beatings of boys or even young men if they had done terrible stuff, the rest he didn't care about that much as a young boy. He thought what he did was a good thing. Even though he had not much in common with these boys, he still would've called them his friends. Especially Derek.
This whole thing went on for 2 years and their violent tendencies had gotten even worse.
One night, Howl headed for the hideout after having tried to endure his mother slamming a broom against his body, beating him until tears broke out of his ocean eyes. When he entered the main location where they'd sit and abuse their victim, his eyes landed on Derek... doing... no way... to a younger girl...
He stopped dead in his tracks as he heard the obvious screams of pain and not pleasure from the girl or two other boys pressing the burning butt of their cigarettes against her skin, causing the poor girl to scream even louder.
Howl couldn't even grasp the situation.
His now ex-friends... sexually assaulting a girl? The more he saw, the faster the rage rose within him. The blonde's face grew red in anger as he pushed the boys away from the girl and pulled her towards himself, eyes darting around for her underwear somewhere or her pants as Derek and the others stared at him in confusion.
"What the fuck are you guys doing?!"
The way his voice was roaring made all three of them step away a little from him, his feral face a complete contrast to the way he gently held the poor girl in his arms, who was clinging onto him for dear life. "Spit it out! What is this shitty behaviour?!" he kept yelling super loud, Derek and his friends being intimated by this darkness that Howl wore.
He slowly removed himself from the girl, assuring her that he's with her. "Don't worry sweetheart, I'm here. Tell me," he grabbed her underwear and pants from the couch and handed it to her, "What's your name?" his tone as he talked with her was the opposite of how he treated the boys. He was calm, comforting and kind to her.
She slowly slid on her clothes in her own pace, keeping eye contact with Howl. "S-Sylvia," he nodded before he put his arms around her back and the backside of her knees and carried her to a bathroom nearby.
Upon arriving there he let her sit on the toilet seat and crouched down on the ground, letting her look down to him as he held her hands, "I'll take care of the boys, okay? Just wait here," he waited until she nodded and muttered a timid "Okay," before walking out of the bathroom and locked her inside.
"Now then.. let's get started boys."
Howl ended up killing all three of them while blasting loud aggressive music to drown out their screams. That was the first time he killed someone. The first time that he felt this amazing need and thrill to take a person's life. In the room they in there was a huge baseball bat and so he took it and beat all three of them until they couldn't move and went to grab a kitchen knife in one of the drawers and sliced them and stabbed them to death, no emotion in his eyes whatsoever. His whole clothes were covered with blood and some of it trickled down from his cheek.
After his murder spree, he went to clean his face and hands with a blanket nearby to look more normal and then proceeded to open the bathroom door to tell the girl to leave with him. He escorted her back to her home, asking if the tortuous moment hadn't lasted too long to which she replied that he came five minutes after they started to assault her. Howl was relieved hearing that and asked if she wanted to report to the police.
"No... it's okay. I'll be fine," her eyes were downcast as she answered.
Howl sighed, "Are you sure?"
She nodded with pleading eyes, "Yes,"
He gave up after that, "Okay then Sylvia... take care," he began walking away when she pulled him in for a hug.
Howl didn't know how to react but awkwardly patted her head as she sobbed.
"Thank you."
After that incident he never hung out with those boys anymore and threatened the others if they ever hurt an innocent person, that he'd kill them in the same fashion as those three.
When Howl was in university, it was around winter time when someone from his course, his name was Aki, threw a party at his house and many people went there. Howl had planned to go there himself to get loose a little but also had another thing in mind.
He wanted to kill his mother.
This plan of his had been going on for about 6 months and he carefully gathered all supplies in order to set his plan in motion.
Howl had informed both of his parents that he'd go to that party and probably not come home up until 2 am. The party was announced many months before by Aki and served as the perfect alliby for when he would kill his mother.
After having stayed about 3 hours at Aki's house, they ran out of tobacco as Aki and his friends were heavy smokers and Howl volunteered to bring them some to which they said okay. That was the moment he went to a nearby fast food place with a small bag and asked them if he could use their bathroom. Howl had already prepared for many things that wouldn't get him caught. As he was in the bathroom, he changed his clothes that were in the bag and taped something under his shoes so that the police wouldn't see his footprints if they ever suspected him. He wore a beanie after tying his hair up in a bun to avoid leaving any hair strands or wore clothing which wouldn't let any lints fall as evidence that he was the one who maybe transferred all the weapons over to the location he was going to kill his mother. He also wore gloves to avoid any fingerprints once he would grab any of the weapons. He made sure he was all clean and tugged in.
As he came by bike, he drove away from the boy's neighbourhood and had to go along a path which didn't have any neighbourhoods but had only woods surrounding it. And if he went any further, that's where his neighbourhood would be and that's where the better tobacco always got sold, according to the smokers in his university.
And that area with the woods would be the place he would kill his mother.
Once he arrived at that spot, he laid out all the utensils he'd use to torture his mother and then called his father.
"Hey dad," he winced in fake pain, "I got badly hurt while running some errands for some friends and ah-" he'd groan, "It really hurts... I accidentally cut my myself with the chain on my bike at my achilles tendon and can you tell mom to pick me up?"
"Oh no my son of course! I'll call her straight away!"
When he ended the call, Howl began to laugh in joy.
It was normal that he'd never talk to his mother per phone except if he was physically with her. So whenever he needed something from her, he'd call his dad. Plus they didn't have a car, so she'd have to walk all over to this place, becoming tired enough for him to strike. And people wouldn't grow suspicious that she hadn't returned with their car after he would've killed her, which would make Howl a suspect at some point. Also, his mom had broken her phone not long ago, so police wouldn't track her either that she did come all the way to where Howl was and assumed that she might have been kidnapped.
So the moment his mom arrived, he stood up and waited for her to come closer to him.
"Howl you son of a bitch! Why can't you do anything on your own! Your poor mother isn't that young anymore, she can't possibly walk this much just because you fucker hurt yourself!" she started to cuss him out as she usually did unaware of the weapon in his hand.
"Mother- mother listen."
She went quiet at his voice, blood rushing to her face, ready to hit him again.
"I'm not hurt. However you will be in a few seconds," he smiled creepily at her which made her even angrier.
"How dare you say that! You filthy ba-" that's when Howl lounged a rock against her forehead, knocking her to the ground.
He released a relieved breath, "Finally I will never be able to hear your shitty voice again,"
Grabbing her feet, he dragged her over to where his weapons were and took a long knife in his hand. He didn't hit her that badly, so she still conscious.
"What are you doing..." she groaned in pain as blood gushed out of her head.
"Killing you."
At that moment, Angel Face was unleashed and he re-experienced the thrill and sheer pleasure he had when he killed the three boys years prior as he stabbed into her mouth first and then the rest of her ugly face. Howl had sliced open, chopped off and dismembered her body and even repeatedly stomped on her with his feet in anger. Her cries for help were music to his ears.
Her body was unrecognisable after he finished and tasted her blood that was all over his face with his tongue, smiling at what he had accomplished, feeling as if he became free.
Not long after he continued to chop her limbs into smaller pieces and put them far away from where he was, burying them and would ask someone he recently had contacted to burn her flesh the next night so the evidence was gone. And as for the weapons, he went another direction in the woods which led to a river and he washed all the weapons and face with the water to remove any traces of blood. He also changed back into his previous attire. A month before he came here to dig a hole right at a tree near the river to stuff all of the weapons inside and cover the spot with leaves and dirt which the guy he hired would pick up as well. He made sure he discarded his gloves and removed his beanie to look like he left the party.
After all that he'd call his friend Aki, telling him the same story as to his father and told him that his mother hadn't arrived yet. If you had to compare whether his mother or Aki would arrive quicker, it definitely would've been his mother, that's why he chose to get her here in the first place because he purposefully halted at a spot at the woods which was closer to his neighbourhood.
Aki understood his trouble and said that he'd pick Howl up with his car. Another reason to tell the police why Howl kept quiet was that his dad did night shifts for his work and he didn't want to disturb his father at all costs. However he called his father right after he called Aki and he grew worried that something might've happened to his wife. Howl also expressed fake worry since he was pretty trained at doing so.
The handsome man was completely confident that he wouldn't get caught since nobody had ever managed to see through his lies because he seemed so convincing and charming at all times. So the possibility of his fellow students to back him up was very high.
Right after he called both people, he did another thing he planned which was to actually cut his achilles tendon with the bike's chain. And he bit down into his lip to not make that much of a loud noise and left a deep cut across his achilles tendon.
Then he waited until Aki picked him up and brought him to the hospital.
His mission was successful. His life? Was pure freedom.
Howl always vividly replayed that moment of his life whenever he was about to kill someone. It pumped him up.
You both had finished that episode by Baily Sarian and chilled a few more moments in the living room. The both of you were on your phones, watching TikTok or scrolling through other social media to keep your minds busy. Howl seemed to be very interested luckily when you watched the true crime story. You both would come up with ideas on how Richard could've avoided getting caught or how terrifying it was that he never had a specific type he'd go after. Both of you could've been his victims at some point if you lived in the 80s in California. However he seemed to only enter yellow houses for some reason.
Both of you were suspicious of one another at some remarks you guys would leave which normal people wouldn't have said or ever thought about. That's when you realised how similar you guys were but never went further with your thoughts. For example how awfully well you two knew about knives and what types there were or both of you trying to think like Richard, explaining the world and everything through a murderer's eyes which you shouldn't have spilled too much about. Because it was just too unlikely for an ordinary person to think exactly like one. It was scary how accurate Howl was being and how similar you operated as well.
You tapped Howl's arm for him to look at your phone, "Look at this!" it was a video of a kitten playing with its owner.
"Aww how cute... look at its wittle tail!" Howl softened at the small animal's adorable antics, pure adoration decorating his eyes.
"Right? I want one sooooo bad," you whined in pain, almost about to cry at how cute the kitten was being in that video.
"Why don't you buy one?" Howl asked.
"I'm too busy and I honestly don't think I'd be a good owner," you pouted, sadness taking over you because you'd never let a small fragile creature like that in the same house you had killed so many humans.
"I doubt that but I get what you mean. Same to be honest," he resonated with your struggle, the same reasons you didn't own a cat resurfacing in his brain.
A yawn left your mouth as you felt super drowsy once you shut your phone.
The man next to you saw your tired expression and smirked, "Tired are we?"
You peered over at him with a small smile, "Hmm yeah, today was a long day,"
"I totally agree. How about you go to your room and I'll sleep here, just like we always do-" he ceased talking when he felt something touch his shoulder.
As he stared down he saw how your sleeping figure leaned against his shoulder and just rested there peacefully. You took steady and slow breaths, eyes shut, making him see your pretty eyelashes. Howl blinked a few times at this current moment, finding it a little funny how quickly you fell asleep.
He found it adorable actually.
Slowly, he moved his body and wrapped his arms around your form and carried you to your bedroom in bridal style. "You were just fawning over little kittens and now you became one," he giggled. Your hands were placed at his chest, your feet dangling as he finally reached the bed and gently laid you on your bed. Then he put your blanket on top of you, a few mumbling words left your mouth as he did so.
"No... don't...i wan' t'cuddle"
He chuckled at your behaviour, preparing to leave when he felt your iron grip on his wrist which propelled him back onto your bed immediately. Howl gasped when he fell on your body and panicked that might have woken you up.
But then you began to say, "Please stay here. I want someone beside me," your tone was quiet and even a little whiny.
The blonde man just sat there speechless, not knowing how to act and what to do with the information received. His mind began to race and his heartbeat quickened. When he didn't do anything but stare, you yanked him over, practically forcing him to lie down beside you.
"But (Y/n)... we can't do that. There isn't much space for us both," he reasoned, refusing to lay down next to you.
Sitting up with a frown and a scoff, you pulled him back under the sheets and then let his arm extend to the side, so he was laying on his back and you placed your head onto his arm and scooted closer, allowing you to wrap an arm around his waist. All the while you were doing that, he froze up, not daring to move a single muscle. Out of fear he moved his eyes to you, whose nose was poking his chest, the warm breath hitting against him and your arm which was now resting on his waist was giving him butterflies in his stomach.
How did you two always end up in these type of situations?
An hour ago he had you in his grip, turning you almost submissive to him but now that you were unconscious he didn't have to put on his usual facade. He decided to admire you, slowly wrapping his own hand around your smaller waist and basked into the warmth between you both. For some reason he felt safe with your touch. He was usually never affected by any touches like these from women because he had physical contact with many women throughout his life which he dated only to break their hearts and then later kill them. But what's up with you? Why did his body react that way? He couldn't help but let his guard down when you were this close. You were basically hugging each other.
When he was very close to your face at the kitchen, he wasn't going to lie, he desperately wanted to kiss you out impulse but stopped himself because that was such stupid thing to even think of? He grew frustrated when he couldn't figure out why you made him feel this way and then he finally clocked.
Was he falling in love? Or was he already in love?
He gasped quietly at the realisation.
The first thing he liked about you was your personality, your habits and your character. That's what initially attracted him to you and he wanted to get to know you more. He had never developed these type of feelings before for anyone and he felt lost.
Howl looked down to your sleeping face again, feeling all fuzzy again when you smiled, pressing yourself even closer against his body. He couldn't help but smile at your actions, covering his eyes with his free hand, smiling like an idiot.
"You are the end of me," he whispered quietly, a sigh leaving him.
"I'm glad that I am."
His eyes shot open so fast at the soft voice emerging from beside him. There you were, a teasing smile drawn over your lips, just silently watching him lose his shit.
"Y-You were awake?" his cheeks grew super warm and he was so embarrassed that you might've seen him basically fawn over you.
"Yup. I heard and could sense everything you were doing," you admitted with a giggle, finding that his reactions were cute. You patted yourself on the back at getting him to like you to some degree.
"God this is so embarrassing what the fuck..." he buried his face in the crook of your neck, trying to hide away from you, his ego now completely crushed.
The possibility of him actually liking shouldn't have made you this happy like at the moment. But for this night you thought it was okay to ignore your initial plans to kill him and just live your life. This man was one in a million and he made you feel things like no other.
"Howl..." you grabbed his face gingerly to which he turned his head to your level, faces very close.
You almost immediately forgot what you wanted to say at his glory being this close to you in your own bed, words were stuck in your throat. However you managed to choke them out with all the willpower you had.
"I like you."
Was all you said.
Then silence.
He just stared at you, not believe his ears which might be playing tricks on him and that this was all just a dream. His eyes tried to find any signs of a lie in your expression but there were none.
"Are you serious? Do you really mean it? You like me?" he wanted to be sure.
You nodded, a little annoyed, not wanting to repeat yourself, "Yeah butthead, I like you... very much," you began to get shy.
Howl laughed gently, "You're so cute..." he leaned further in, getting a hold of your cheek. "If that's the case... I like you too, baby,"
At hearing his confession, you almost wanted to burst into tears but pressed your lips against his instead. This simple touch felt like fireworks to you, like something that you had never felt ever in your life. You both had kissed many people but without any actual emotions. Whatever this feeling was, you wanted more of it.
Your lips matched so well with one another, like sending electricity to your bodies, you felt so alive. At first you'd go slow but the kisses grew more desperate and heated.
"I wanted to kiss these lips ever since we stood in that park after our café hopping. They just never left my mind y'know," Howl whispered against your jaw as he trailed kisses down from that spot all the way to your neck.
You whimpered at that. "You don't know the emotions you release in me when you touched me. I always wanted to feel you like this Howl," you ran your hand through his hair, loving the silky sensation of it.
His soft lips nibbled on your skin and left marks on your neck, pressing his head further against yourself, ecstasy taking over. For a moment he paused his actions to look back into your eyes.
"Every word I said earlier was true. I fully meant everything. You're absolutely gorgeous," he did the thing again. Trailing his eyes around your features, seeing how love struck he was.
For this night, you were allowed to not hold back. To let your desires out.
"Oh Howl... Please don't leave me, I need you. Stay with me a little longer. You were the special someone I waited for in my whole life," tears welled up in your eyes as you spoke.
"(Y/n), my love. Of course I'll stay. Let us start a relationship then. Let me be your boyfriend. Let me love you," he kissed your whole face, the last one being on your lips, having tasted your tears.
"Please do."
After your confessions, you both hugged each other while you tried to sleep, the other's calm breaths lulling you to close your eyes and let consciousness to slowly leave you both, eventually leading to a heartwarming slumber.