Hoseok
Okay, so mini shower breakdown aside, I've pretty much come to terms with what's about to happen. I've agreed to it and won't go back on it. Jooheon isn't so bad. Perhaps love is overrated anyway.
I was madly in love with Namjoon my entire life before and look how that turned out? Not so great for me. I thought we were meant to be. Jooheon may not be my soulmate but he isn't the worst option. Maybe I could grow my feelings for him overtime, right? We'll have all the time in the world. I can get over my issues and he can help me. I feel it.
He obviously has to really care about me and want me to do all this. It's a lot of effort on his part. I don't know if anyone else would think it worth it. I know Namjoon would not.
Sighing, I bang my head on the shower wall and try to get a grip. I can do this. I will do this. The soul joining stuff and the...t-the sex.
Gulping, I try not to ponder on that aspect too much. Or the only previous experience I've ever had—with Namjoon. This lifetime and last.
I wouldn't consider it rape but it also definitely was dubious consent on my part. I did not want it but deep down I also couldn't deny it—or him. My fault.
It's really something I just want to pretend never happened. I'm still a virgin in all the the ways that count, mentally at least. I suppose that means I will consider Jooheon my first time officially in this life. He will be the one to take my real virginity and lay claim to me in every way.
No big deal. Ha ha. Right.
Not. One. Bit.
I'm not a kid. I'm a full grown man. I shouldn't be freaking out over this. I mean even on earth people sleep with random strangers like it's nothing. Why should this be any different? Well, besides the whole 'permanent mate thing'. Otherwise not so different.
Steeling myself, I force myself to climb out of the shower and hastily dry off, nearly giving myself a concussion in the process. I blame the nerves.
Swiping the steam from the mirror, I gaze at my appearance and frown. Will he even want me after having me? I'm nothing special. Don't really get all the hype to have me in bed. Maybe he will realize tonight that he doesn't want me forever. Just like Namjoon.
Stop it. That's the past. Move on, idiot.
I hear Jooheon moving around in the bedroom and sigh. Guess he's tired of waiting on me. He's been waiting awhile, though. Reluctantly, I slide on my fluffy warm robe and knot it tightly before stepping out into the bedroom.
I blink, surprised to see Jooheon, in fact, moving around but not as I was expecting. He's fully dressed and throwing clothes all over the bed. A large suitcase of sorts open and ready to be filled.
"Um..."
He pauses, looking up at me with both longing and frustration. "Our mating will have to wait. Change of plans. You will be leaving for earth in the next couple hours."
"W-what!"
Coming to stand before me, he rests his hands on my shoulders, studying me. "It's no longer safe to wait. I truly wish we could complete our bonding but your life is more important than my desires." He gives me a little sad half smile. "But I'm sure you are relieved, yeah?"
Now I feel bad, damn it. "What changed?" Wanting to change that subject immediately. Guilt piercing me. Ugh. Along with slight relief.
"A member aboard this ship is causing trouble. He likes to invade my personal spaces—which just so happens to be the safest place for you. Unfortunately I cannot trust to keep you hidden or for them to leave anytime soon. If they discover you here...it would be very bad. For everyone."
I honestly can't understand. "They hate humans this much?" A little excessive if you ask me.
He laughs a bit. "No, it's not really about humans. They don't really like humans but it's more about you specifically." He admits.
Now I'm even more confused. "But why? I don't even know these people."
"Not in this life." He sighs.
My eyes widen. Oh. So another issue from my past coming to haunt me once more. Just great. Of course. Can't escape it. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. "I don't remember having so many enemies." I quip lightly. It's true, I don't.
"It's not about who you were but what you were. You were a Median." He reminds me.
"Ah." Right. "They are Cedians."
He nods. "I can't in good faith say I can fully protect you from them. If something were to happen to you because I'm selfish enough to hold you here any longer...I would hate myself. There will be time later, in the future, for us. I'm sure of it." He tries to smile. A sadness fills his gaze. "Hoseok...could I kiss you? A goodbye kiss, at the very least? For now."
My breath hitches at his hopeful yet disparaging expression. He expects me to deny. Licking my lips, I nod once. "Y-you can." It wouldn't be fair to say no. True be told...I don't want to say no. Not to this. Not to him right now.
Eyes widening in surprise, he doesn't hesitate to take my face in his hands and meld out lips together. His tongue thrusting immediately into my mouth full of passion and vigor.
I taste him and I'm surprised by how sweet he tastes. Like a vaguely familiar fruit candy I can't recall from my other life. Strange. Almost bittersweet. It was also my favorite.
I get my baring and kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me, wanting him to deepen the kiss further.
I'm feeling things I never expected and it's throwing me off. He kisses me thoroughly, passionately, and my body temperature rises until I'm sweating. Panting, I give and take, eager. I'm surprised by myself. This is Jooheon. Your past mate's brother. How can you feel this strongly from just a stupid kiss?!
It's not stupid, though. It feels amazing. It feels strangely right and that thought throws me completely unbalanced. I feel hungry for as much sensation as he can give me. If I'm feeling this only from a kiss...what more can he make me feel...
He breaks our connection abruptly and steps away, shocked and panting. "I...I apologize. That was too much, yes?"
I'm immediately embarrassed at myself and my stupid need. Clearing my throat, I tighten my robe around me and look away. "It's f-fine. Don't apologize. I agreed to it."
His smile is blinding as he brushes hair off my forehead. "I can't wait until the day our bonding can be real and complete." A sigh follows as he looks around. "Get dressed and I'll prepare for your departure." He briskly leaves the room and I'm alone again.
I touch my still tingling lips, smiling a little. Maybe mating with him won't be the worst thing ever. Not if he can make me feel like that.
Suddenly...I'm reluctant to leave this ship and it's captain behind.