Hakuna Matata.
That was what someone used to say whenever something would go wrong. Seonghwa wasn't sure who it was, he couldn't quite put a name to the voice, but the saying stuck with him. He couldn't remember if it was a classmate who always said it when they got a bad grade on an exam or if it was a teacher- or maybe even a distant relative he stopped seeing halfway through high school. But regardless of who it was, those were the only words he could think of for a long time.
There are no problems. No worries.
He hadn't been able to actually accept that saying for so long because he couldn't afford to think that way. No worries, no problems, a happy-go-lucky attitude would get him nowhere in life and probably have him ending up dead. Seonghwa chose to look from a more logical side, not even pessimistic, he just tried to see things for how they actually were and not what he hoped they'd be. As a kid, Seonghwa was that one child that would laugh at everything and would smile no matter the occasion. He hardly got in trouble and listened to his parents because he loved seeing them smile and he loved hearing the praise they would give when he did something well.
From a young age, he had been a people pleaser without even realizing it.
Though he could never pinpoint a place in time when that all changed. But there was a distinctive difference between kid Seonghwa and teenage Seonghwa. When he looked back at it, Seonghwa couldn't remember an event that caused his melodramatic behavior change, but he figured it must've just been a process of growing up. That's the excuse he slapped on the question, even though the rest of his friends never experienced the same thing. They were all smiles and bright personalities for as long as he could remember, despite them growing up as well.
They were the living and breathing definition of "Hakuna Matata", and Seonghwa was jealous of their carefree attitude because they didn't seem to carry the weight he did. The invisible and heavy weight that slowed him down no matter what he did, always attacked the worst at night.
But now, things were different.
Now, the sun seemed a little brighter, regardless of whether it was hiding behind dark rain clouds or not. The sun was warm on his skin, like gentle and soft kisses, almost as if it was embracing him in a loving way. This time, Seonghwa knew what the change was. He knew the event that caused this sort of resurrection. It was a physical reaction, for all of them really, the same event that caused Seonghwa's eyes to open for what felt like the first time in forever was the one that left them all frozen for hours.
Wooyoung had been the first to cry when he heard it, followed by Mingi. Those two were the only ones who shed physical tears, but Seonghwa could see Yeosang was doing everything in his self-control to keep himself together. His eyes were glazed over, swollen and red the longer he tried to keep his tears from spilling, and every now and then he would sniffle and look around the living room instead of the radio on the coffee table they all stood around.
Seonghwa wanted to reach out and hold him, he wanted to tell him that it was okay to cry, that this was a moment worth crying over. But he didn't, he just stood behind all of them and let them process the information on their own time as he and Hongjoong had done hours before.
"This isn't..." San started, his eyes wide and almost unbelieving. "This isn't true, is it? Like it can't be- there's just no way..."
As soon as he said that, Jongho sat down and put his head in his hands, and sucked in a heavy breath. The room was dead silent except for the single message the radio was spewing on loop.
"Just like that? After so long?" He continued, licking his lips and looking around the room frantically to try and meet everyone's eyes for some sort of explanation.
Wooyoung grabbed onto San's arm and squeezed it, pressing his face into the juncture between the older's neck and shoulder. He tried saying something, but Seonghwa couldn't quite make it out, but San's eyes widened even more and he pressed his lips into a fine line. He shook his head, meeting Hongjoong's gaze, and opened his mouth in a silent question.
"This has to be a joke-" San choked out, finally finding his voice. He sounded so unsteady and it only got worse the more Wooyoung squeezed him.
"So they finally responded..." Yeosang said, looking up and blinking his eyes quickly as he let out a half-hearted chuckle.
"What?" Yunho asked. He had been rather quiet the entire time, standing behind Mingi and observing what was going on silently.
Yeosang swallowed thickly before glancing over at Hongjoong for a few seconds, getting the slight nod from the older to continue. He dropped his hand down onto Jongho's shoulder who had not moved at all and squeezed him tightly.
"It's the US," he nearly whispered, his lips finally curving into a smile Seonghwa had not seen in so long. "They're finally coming."
Seonghwa leaned down and gripped the back edge of the couch tightly, tuning out everyone for a moment and just let the radio ring loud in his ears. He was stuck between believing the message and not. It was clear that previous messages about the apocalypse being over had been nothing more than a trap and false hope- but there was something different about this one. Before, the messages had come out of nowhere and had no build-up to them- there had been multiple times where they'd get fake leads during their time at the base. Some had been written on paper and given anonymously to Seonghwa or Yeosang- or some had even been recordings that magically appeared on Hongjoong's desk. All of which were fake of course, but they all had that one thing in common.
This was different.
There was a build-up. Hongjoong and Yeosang had been anticipating it. Apparently, that was another thing Hongjoong had been keeping from Seonghwa alongside Yeosang and Jongho's pending arrival. That was also the thing Yeosang had talked to Hongjoong about- and the same thing Hongjoong tried desperately to keep from Seonghwa when he accidentally said that the United States hadn't been all that quiet as of late.
Seonghwa had found out that morning after they both were able to pull themselves out of bed and after Hongjoong was able to let go of Seonghwa's arm and demanded an explanation that Hongjoong and Yeosang both had been intercepting messages from the US military. Yeosang had been hearing it from wherever Jongho and he had been staying and had asked Hongjoong if he had been hearing the news as well. Hongjoong had apparently said yes but to not look too into it because it could be another hoax.
"They said they made plans- rescue plans and built camps for refugees," Yeosang was saying, drawing Seonghwa back in. "They had been hit hard, and it took them a long time to get everything stable again. They said some other things but my English knowledge only goes so far- but they said they planned to respond to distress calls is what Hongjoong was able to confirm..."
At that, everyone seemed to crank their heads towards Hongjoong who just nodded his head slightly.
"And well... it seems like," Yeosang paused, tipping his chin down to nearly press into his chest. "It seems that they're responding."
Then it was silent again, except for Wooyoung's occasional sniffles that escaped the confines of San's shoulder. The message on the radio still played out loud, the words chopped up a bit here and there and in a different language, yet they still could understand the simple words. Seonghwa zoned in on the small radio again, his vision tunneling down to a fine point.
"This is the US military ... responding to distress calls thirty-five degrees North and one hundred and twenty-seven degrees East ... " the radio chimed out, the voice behind it choppy and rather robotic. "... Sending bombs at eighteen hundred hours ... clear major cities and head to docks..."
Then the voice would go to list the docks they were supposed to head to for what Seonghwa assumed would be rescue missions. He imagined large navy boats docked in the bay waiting for the few survivors left in their country to take them back to a place where life could be normal again. The message was just repeated and repeated, the words all the same no matter how long they listened to it.
"Bombs..." Yunho muttered, looking down at the ground, clicking the heels of his dirty boots together.
"They're gonna blow everything up," Hongjoong clarified as if the message wasn't clear enough. "It's been deemed that Korea was too overrun to be saveable. So they are going to blow the cities to pieces and rebuild from there is my guess. They'll probably come in with troops after that to take care of the strays that survived the bombs, but right now it's a known fact that zombies stick to the cities mainly, especially those mutated ones."
"They're smart," Yeosang added, still looking completely beside himself. "Like I know from a medical standpoint they're dead. Their heart doesn't beat and there is no brain activity... yet it seems the ones that have mutated have cognitive reasoning. It's like they stay in hordes and in the city because they know that's where people will go for help- they know when to run and when to be quiet. I was able to study them when Jongho and I were taken in and I can't even begin to list off the different things that took me by surprise."
"So the US is... it's clear?" Yunho asked, finally looking up.
"It seems they have large sections cleared and blocked off from the rest of the country and it's only expanding every day. It took them a long time to get things under control and clear cities so they could rebuild to sustain life for their own people first. Now it seems they rebuilt enough that they can send resources and help other places," Hongjoong answered him. "They're collaborating with other countries that have seemed to get things under control as well, but I haven't been able to figure them out yet."
"So it's over," the taller said rather bravely, the specific words making everyone turn to him. "So does this mean the apocalypse is over?"
"Yunho..." Seonghwa mumbled.
"What? Forgive me for being a little hesitant in accepting something like this, but haven't we been here before multiple times?" Yunho stressed, his eyebrows furrowing just a little to show his frustration. "Time and time again we've been tricked. We've been told that the apocalypse is over- we've been told that help is coming and even waiting for us- but each time it's a lie and each time we hardly escape with our lives. I don't mean to be a downer but we almost lost San last time... that's not something I'm willing to risk again."
Seonghwa couldn't argue with that. Not one could. Those were all valid points, ones that he would've believed himself if he didn't have that one specific feeling in his gut.
"Like I really don't want to be that person..." Yunho continued, looking a little distraught. "Believe me, I want this to be true more than anything in the world- I want this fucking nightmare to be over already. I want all the zombies gone and dead, I want to rebuild this world, and I want things to go back to how they were before. But after everything we've been through, all the lies and the mind tricks people pull- even after seeing complete destruction of city after city- I just can't bring myself to ..."
His voice died out completely, the tone almost as choppy as the one on the radio. Yunho's hands fell to his side like he was defeated as his shoulders sagged with an invisible weight. He wasn't crying nor did he have tears in his eyes, he just looked beyond tired.
"We have a perfect life here," he whispered, his voice now pleading. "I mean if you really think about it at least. Yeah, we fight and we argue- sure things could be better, and sure it gets hella boring doing the same thing every day... but at least it's safe? That's not something we've always been able to say. We haven't always had stability or safety, especially these past few years, but we have it now. But we're okay here, we've cleared out this town and it's zombie-free currently, we can go out freely if we want to!"
Seonghwa pressed his lips together, his heart warming steadily as he looked at Yunho who seemed to be fighting against his instincts to celebrate the good news. It was a tense moment for them, yet Seonghwa couldn't help but find it endearing.
Yunho's gaze found Seonghwa's quickly, this tongue slipping out to wet his dry lips.
"Do you believe it?" He asked, stepping forward by only one step. "Do you believe that this is real?"
Seonghwa did not respond verbally, instead, he walked around the couch quietly and stopped in front of Yunho's tense body. The taller's eyes were darting all over Seonghwa's face for any sort of hints of an answer and only grew antsier as the silent seconds flew by. For a few moments, it was just the two of them alone in the room, alone in the whole, wide world. All the sounds were drowned out by his beating heart, which seemed to have taken the nervous speed of Yunho's own.
"Yunho," Seonghwa said softly, his head tilting to the side as he reached a hand up and pressed his open palm to the other's cheek and held him gently. "I am not entirely sure what to believe yet. But my instincts have yet to fail me and I only have good feelings about this message."
The taller man sighed, slightly leaning into the warm contact on his cheek, and closed his eyes without a word.
"There are still a lot of unknowns," Seonghwa continued, speaking more to everyone instead of just Yunho. "It's in our best interest to follow this lead with a lot of caution. If we do that, we won't end up in the situation we did the last time. Hongjoong has not responded to the calls so our location still remains a secret if this is all just a hoax. I think it's in our best interest to listen and watch from the sidelines for a while, because Yunho is correct, right now we are stable and safe where we are. We can afford to make sure this call is for real."
It was quiet in the room beside the slight nods coming from the others, and just as Seonghwa was going to pull his hand away from Yunho's face, the younger reached up and pressed his own palm against Seonghwa's hand and held him still.
"Do you really think this is a good thing?" He asked, looking down at Seonghwa with a careful expression. "Because if you truly feel that something good will come from this, then I trust you."
Seonghwa's lips parted, his chest only growing warmer at Yunho's mild confession. It shouldn't have meant that much to him, they had all told Seonghwa many times that they trust him, especially when it came down to his instincts. But there was something about this moment, the quiet room and the warm hands, that made Yunho's I trust you even more powerful.
Seonghwa could only nod for a moment, his lips curving up even more into a gentle smile. "I really do think that this could be a good thing."
Yunho sighed, halfway stuck between the answer he wanted and the answer he didn't. But he just patted Seonghwa's hand once and then dropped his own.
"Well if that's the case, then I'll do my best to see this as a new opportunity."
"Like Seonghwa said," Hongjoong cut in. "For now it's best to lay low and watch from the sidelines. We'll know if it's true in a matter of months. I'll be listening to the radio for any changes or for anything that sounds suspicious. It sounds like all of this will be happening in waves so we have time. This town was not on the list of cities that were to be blown up, so we can stay here and no harm will be done to us."
Wooyoung peeled himself off of San for the first time and wiped his eyes, his bottom lip still quivering slightly. That too made Seonghwa melt a little, even though it felt wrong to feel that way when seeing Wooyoung cry, but it was just the fact that he was allowing himself to cry and feel after so long, that made Seonghwa's heart swell. His precious Wooyoung, the boy he found behind the dumpster, banging on the metal with a tool and risking his life to save his best friend, the same man who refused to shoot anything even if it was attacking him- was the same man that stood before him now.
There was no doubt that Wooyoung had changed, and realistically it was for the best that he did to increase his survival rates. But Seonghwa knew deep down that he wanted the innocence back, he wanted to go back before Wooyoung had to shoot a zombie and go against everything he believed in- back to this very moment where he looked as desperate yet hopeful as he used to.
"So, if it this is all real-" he wiped his eyes again, blinking back more tears as he looked at Seonghwa. "Then that means this is it- that means we can mark today as the end. It's finally over- this nightmare is finally over and we can go back to how things were before! It's finally the end..."
The end.
Those were two words Seonghwa thought he'd never hear in a serious setting. They had joked about it before, something to get their spirits up when it was a tough day- but they had never really considered that it would actually be over. After what had happened in the past, they all just accepted that this was their life now, and they were going to do their best to make the most of it.
"I wouldn't say the end just yet," Yeosang mumbled, stretching his arms over his head before glancing at the radio that was still repeating the same message.
"Then what?"
Yeosang hummed, lost in thought, as the other turned to look at him. He tapped his index finger against his temple, the gears visibly turning in his head.
"Ah! I got it," he announced, his smile wide and beautiful. "How about the beginning of the end?"
The room seemed to be in agreement, Wooyoung nodded his head before leaning it down on San's shoulder where his shirt was wet from his tears.
"I think that sounds good, I like the ring to it," San whispered, reaching his arm around and draping it over Wooyoung's shoulders and holding him close. "The beginning of the end sounds like things are coming to a close literally. I'm not sure how to prepare myself for it."
"What month is it anyway?"
"Probably like June."
"No way, July or August at best..."
"You're fucked in the head if you think it's August right now."
The playful bickering went back and forth between the younger ones in the group easily. There were harsh words and insults thrown in there, but all were said with big smiles and laughs so no one took it seriously. It was normal for them, to tease each other like they were now. There was an easiness to the atmosphere as Seonghwa watched them banter back and forth.
He couldn't help the proud expression on his face as he watched. It was relieving to see them like this, and he couldn't help the relieved feeling that washed over him as he watched Wooyoung playfully kick at Yunho's hip when the taller made a sassy comment. Wooyoung's laugh was therapeutic in more than one way, is rung sweetly off the walls, and always pulled laughs out of the others.
Seonghwa's eyes darted between each of them, noticing the warm and lively color of their cheeks. It was a firm reminder that they were still alive, the golden color of their skin dusted with a soft pink was a visible reminder that they were all there in the room and still breathing- not just a memory Seonghwa's lonely mind cooked up to help him get through the rest of his days.
They were alive and laughing.
Seonghwa shook his head slightly, chuckling at them before he turned his head and his gaze fell low on Hongjoong's form. The smaller man was leaning over the back of the couch on his forearms, the corner of his mouth pulled up.
The older found himself staring, the sounds of the others drowning out like he was pushed and held underwater. His gaze remained constant, unlike his heart that lurched forward and nearly pushed him closer to the other man.
Seonghwa swallowed the lump in his throat, warning sounds, and giant question marks popping up all over in his head as his eyes faltered away, looking down at the ground and then at the cream-colored walls where the paint was chipping off to look anywhere but Hongjoong because he realized the younger man had been looking at him the entire time.
But even then, Seonghwa couldn't suppress the slight and almost bashful smile that overtook him no matter how hard he bit down on his bottom lip. He also couldn't stop the heat rushing to his cheeks, the room suddenly boiling hot as he turned his whole body away to try and calm himself down.
He could feel eyes burning into his back, the holes melting right through him and making his poor heart race even more. Seonghwa covered his mouth as his eyes panicked, trying to figure out what was wrong with him and why he had no control over his body and why he was acting that way.
When no answer came to mind, he hung his head in defeat, letting the heat consume his body twice over.
The beginning of the end.
Seonghwa sat on top of the wooden carriage that had a broken wheel and watched Wooyoung and the others rummage around the junkyard on the far side of the town. It was a small junkyard, it seemed that's where everyone dumped off old appliances and cars that stopped working due to old age. It made a perfect place to scavenge for parts, at least Yunho and Mingi had a field day whenever they went down.
The others usually just looked around for random things, sometimes finding weird things like toasters or magazines. The options were limitless, San even found tires buried in the ground and Yeosang found a console for videos games. That finding, unfortunately, led to a long conversation about whether or not Xbox or Playstation was better- which ended in the votes being split down the middle with San and Hongjoong tying it up because neither had any experience with either one and wanted to be menaces to society.
But Seonghwa decided to just watch them all this time, sitting peacefully with his rifle resting beside him.
They had cleared the town out long ago, and ever since Yeosang had come back with blood all over him that one time, they had not seen another zombie since. Yet, that didn't stop Seonghwa or any of them from bringing their weapons and keeping them close by. The junkyard was gated, and Seonghwa always stood to watch at the front with his legs swinging over the edge of the carriage as he watched the others climb over the heaping piles of trash and rusted parts.
Every now and then Wooyoung would scream his usual "I'm the king of the mountain" to which Yeosang would punch him in the back and tell him to shut up. Seonghwa would laugh and sometimes he wouldn't- today he didn't. He had other things on his mind.
It seemed Mingi had found some weird and funky part which Yunho was looking at it with him, discussing its purpose most likely. Seonghwa guessed it was a car part.
He turned and looked down the long dirt road, their footprint visible in the mud because it hadn't stopped raining for four days. It was only a light sprinkle now, but they had been out there for at least two hours and Seonghwa was soaked, just like the others. At least it wasn't cold rain, the only perk of the burning hot summer was warm rain where they wouldn't risk getting sick. But that didn't mean Seonghwa liked sitting out there with water dripping off his nose and his pants muddy up to his knees because the ground was slippery and he was accident-prone.
But Hongjoong had insisted that they go because he wanted to find a part for the radio, something about long-distance whatnot. Seonghwa had tuned him out after that because he was reading the same book he had already read probably twenty times because it was the only book in the house and he was bored out of his mind- so he wasn't entirely sure what the part was for. But it seemed important and Mingi was already putting his shoes on before Seonghwa could protest and mention that it was still raining and the junkyard was on a steep hill.
So there they were. In the muddy junkyard and soaked to the bone- with Hongjoong nowhere in sight.
"You know what I think we should do?" Wooyoung called out, jumping down from two cars that had been compressed and stacked on top of each other. He landed in a puddle, the dirty water splashing San who was waiting patiently for him on the ground. Seonghwa could see and feel the irritation radiating off the older man.
When no one responded, it didn't phase Wooyoung one bit.
"I think we should go zombie hunting, you know, like the whole 'the prey becomes the predator' type of deal."
Seonghwa nearly choked. "What-?"
"Like it's been a while since that message right? They're gonna blow the cities up, that means no more zombies. So I say we go on a raid before that happens and give them a taste of their own medicine!"
Yeosang was in the area and stopped what he was doing to give Wooyoung a quick eyebrow raise.
"I think it would be fun, sort of like a last hurrah!" Wooyoung turned to look at San who had an expression that Seonghwa couldn't quite read.
"I don't think that's a very good idea," Seonghwa answered, pulling his gun across his lap and holding onto the barrel. "That's looking for trouble which is exactly what we said we weren't going to do."
"Yeah I know, I know. But think about it," Wooyoung walked over, setting his own smaller gun onto the carriage next to Seonghwa. "We haven't done anything fun for so long, it's just been the same thing for months. Day after day is just scavenging and surviving... that's all. I don't know about you but I'm very tired of it."
It seemed Yunho and Mingi finished discussing the presumed car part and had stuffed it into the worn bag they brought and came over to see what the commotion was about and stood by Yeosang.
"Wooyoung..." Seonghwa warned, already knowing where this conversation was heading.
"No just listen to me for a second, I know it's way out there- but I think you should consider it," Wooyoung pushed, leaning up against the carriage. "Just think- running through the streets and shooting down zombie after zombie, which may I remind you were the very creatures that took our lives from us. We may never get to have this opportunity again, in fact I know we won't. You can't look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want revenge."
Seonghwa pressed his lips in a fine line and said nothing.
"We are strong and healthy now- we've recovered from the worst and we can fight back for once in our lives. I don't feel helpless anymore, I can feel confidence run through me because I know that we are finally not at the bottom of the food chain any longer. You can't tell me it's wrong to want revenge after everything that's happened," Wooyoung turned to look at the other six, finding that Jongho had magically appeared out of thin air. "They stole my family, my life, my friends- they tried to take everyone here away from me, and they almost did. I know revenge is an ugly thing and it's not something you should give in to, but they're going to die anyway- hell they're already dead!"
"They can still fight back you know," Yunho said, his arms crossed over his chest. "Just because things are starting to change doesn't mean that everything will go smoothly if you go looking for trouble. I can't say that I don't like the idea, I want nothing more to give into my desires take back what was taken from me."
"But do you actually get anything back?" Seonghwa asked, pulling one leg up to his chest, pushing a hand through his hair to keep it from dipping on his face. "Think about it, if you are going to go just because you want to take back what was taken from you... do you actually get it back? Are you going to get your family back? Your friends? Are they going to magically appear out of nowhere when you rain fire? Revenge is a very dangerous thing... especially when you get nothing out of it."
"You get satisfaction," Wooyoung countered.
"And how long is that going to last?" Seonghwa continued. "A few days, maybe a month. It might only even last as long as the blood of your enemies is plastered all over your skin. Satisfaction is temporary, it's an addiction. You'll crave violence no matter how many you kill. You'll be sitting on the floor years later wishing you had killed more, thinking that what you had done was useless because at the end of the day you just killed zombies. Not even the ones that did you any harm. Nothing will come from it, especially in the long run."
Wooyoung was quiet, as were the rest of them.
But even though Seonghwa had said all of that, he couldn't deny his desires for revenge as well. He couldn't lie and say that Wooyoung's idea of a last hurrah wasn't something he was interested in... because he was. Seonghwa considered himself a simple man, and he also couldn't deny that he too was bored. He wanted to go back to a city- any city- and rain hell down upon the poor lost souls that had become the problem itself.
He was terribly and heartbreakingly angry at the creatures that took their world from them. He wanted nothing more than to walk down the streets and lay to rest each and every creature that came to him. For the sake of revenge and the sake of feeling like he was serving a purpose.
Wooyoung was right, if they really were going to bomb the cities, they wouldn't get a chance like that again.
But was it worth it?
In the grand scheme of things... would it actually be worth it?
"Then how do I get rid of this feeling then?" Wooyoung asked, his tone tense just like his shoulders. "How do I get rid of this ache in my heart that's telling me to seize the opportunity while it still lasts? Sometimes the urge is so strong that my hands shake, I can feel it in my veins that I have to do something."
Seonghwa swore it started to rain a little harder when Wooyoung brought his hands up, visibly shaking just a little.
"Sometimes I can feel it in my chest," Wooyoung continued, pressing an open palm over his heart. "I can feel it in here- the urge and desire to take charge for once. I hate running, I fucking hate it. Yeah sure we don't have problems anymore, at least not what we used to, but something still isn't right. Why does it feel like we're hiding? Why does it feel like we are still running with our tails between our legs, or why can't I feel satisfied with what we have?"
"Wooyoung-" San tried to interrupt but Wooyoung kept going.
"When are we going to start living?" He asked, the volume of his voice slightly louder. He wasn't yelling or accusing anyone, though it felt that way when he looked up at Seonghwa who only gripped onto his gun even tighter.
"We are living," Seonghwa said carefully.
"This?" Wooyoung took a step back and gestured to the land around them, waving his hands up and down. "This is not living. This is hiding, this is just getting by. Yeah sure we are comfortable, but this is not living Seonghwa. This is just surviving."
Seonghwa looked away, his gaze falling down to the ground where he could see the water droplets making tiny little splashes in the puddles as the clouds seemed to darken even more.
"There is a fine line between living and surviving," Wooyoung told him, turning his head to look at the others. "I can't live like this knowing we aren't making the most out of this life. I know there is a better way of life out there, and I am sick of running from it. We could be out adventuring- driving across the wastelands doing whatever the hell we want because we survived what most of the world couldn't- we could be doing so much more."
"We can do that," Seonghwa said, his own body growing tense. "We can, and we will. All in due time."
"Why wait?" Wooyoung asked, opening his arms up like he was offering someone a giant hug. "What are we waiting for?"
Well, what were they waiting for? Protection? Leveled cities? Guaranteed safety? What was it?
Seonghwa tried to think of a time that safety was always guaranteed, and even when the world was normal, nothing was ever guaranteed. So what was the difference now?
"We're waiting for the cure," a voice came from behind Seonghwa as a body jumped up on the other end of the broken carriage, startling all of them. Seonghwa jerked around to see Hongjoong crouched low, his hair soaking wet and sticking to his forehead and neck. His shirt left nothing to the imagination as he stood up and regarded them all with a stern look. "Which brings up the point that none of us ever came around to. Who gets the first dose of the cure? When do we go out for more? I think it's our duty to cure ourselves of this virus before we go on death missions for the sake of an adrenaline rush because if we die then we only add to the problem. Everyone here is a capable adult with a decent head on their shoulders so you can make your own decisions- but at least be smart about it."
The death grip Seonghwa had on his rifle lessened significantly as he exhaled.
"Now that you bring it up, that is a question we need to answer before anything else happens," Yeosang added almost reluctantly, pulling the second strap of his bag over his shoulder to ease the heavy weight evenly. "I still have the stuff I need to inject the cure, but who is getting this first round?"
"We'll vote right now to put an end to this discussion, it's gone on for far too long," Hongjoong continued, walking forward until he was standing just behind Seonghwa with his arms crossed.
"Look at that," San teased, pointing up to the older man. "He likes to stand on things to make himself taller, then he gets all serious and bossy-"
"San."
"Sorry."
Seonghwa sighed, but he couldn't help the way his shoulder shook lightly as he laughed. He decided San was getting a few extra fresh berries Seonghwa had found with his dinner tonight.
Hongjoong made a disgruntled noise and grabbed onto the low ponytail Seonghwa wore and yanked it back just a little.
"You're just as bad as them," Hongjoong grumbled, but before Seonghwa could whip around and punch Hongjoong in the gut, he was already moving backward and away from the steaming male. "On the count of three, point to the person who you vote for. Remember this is nothing to get upset about, all of us will be getting the cure at some point this is just the first round. Think of it as being a human guinea pig. Sound fair enough?"
"Yeah, that works. As long as it's not me, I hate needles," Mingi mumbled, shifting rather nervously from one foot to the other.
Hongjoong hummed softly, looking down to meet Seonghwa's gaze. "Seonghwa, what do you think?"
Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows together, yet still answered without as much sass as he had intended. "Sure."
Hongjoong waited for a moment, his eyes glancing over all of them a few times as they seemed to think about it. But Seonghwa knew that they already knew who they were going to choose. It had been long enough since Yeosang and Jongho had come back and they were given the task of thinking about who was going to take the first round. They had already figured it out.
So when Hongjoong started counting from one, Seonghwa was at peace with his choice and he could tell the others were as well because as Hongjoong counted down there seemed to be no hesitation in their eyes or body language.
When Hongjoong reached three and all their arms lifted at the same time and pointed in the direction of the respective chosen person. There was no hesitation, the choice was clear, no one needed to consider a single thing. Seonghwa couldn't say he was surprised, especially when all their arms but one landed on a single person. He smiled softly, his chest warming despite the cooling rain that drenched them all as the chosen one's eyes widened and drew his hand up to his mouth.
Wooyoung.
"You know that's a really big needle," Wooyoung muttered, his arm outstretched from where he stood as Yeosang rubbed alcohol over his bare skin.
"Well then don't look at it, it's a standard needle," the older responded, chucking the alcohol wipe into the trash bin that he had pulled out and set next to Wooyoung.
"That doesn't look like a standard blah, blah," Wooyoung tried to yank his arm back when Yeosang grabbed onto the shot but the older already had a tight grip on him and forced him to stay still. "Is it too late to say that I don't want this?"
Yeosang looked at him with a raised eyebrow before glancing over at Mingi who was standing behind Yunho with his chin resting on the older's shoulder.
"He's worse than you with needles," Yeosang commented, laughing just a tad when Mingi just shook his head, his cheeks a little paler than normal. "Every man in this room is basically a mass murderer and you're telling me you guys are afraid of a little needle?"
"That needle you're referring to is like four inches long," Wooyoung shot back, still instinctively pulling away. "And it also goes stabby, stabby. I don't like things penetrating my skin thank you."
"This four-inch needle is maybe one and a half, but I'm not surprised that you overestimate the length of small things..." Yeosang glanced back to Wooyoung, the smuggest look on his face as Wooyoung's mouth dropped open and San cracked out a wheezing laugh.
Seonghwa rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter. They're all children, no one matured past the mental age of fifteen clearly.
"You know what, fuck you," Wooyoung hissed at Yeosang, moving to roll up his sleeve even more before he turned to look at San who had tears in his eyes and was thanking Yeosang for a job well done. "And fuck you too, this whole house is Wooyoung-phobic and I will not stand for it."
"Oh stop being a baby, you can't go anywhere without this cure," San laughed once more, patting Wooyoung's back firmly, enough to nearly launch him forward.
"You know what? Fine, stick me then. Just shove that needle right into my arm and I won't even flinch- just you watch. I am not a fucking baby," Wooyoung presented his arm proudly, tilting his chin up into the air, and appeared to be doing his best to stay still.
Seonghwa thought it was the highlight of his day, even though it had been a great day already because he had finally gotten a pure coffee mix, but seeing Wooyoung shy away from a needle was definitely the cherry on top. Yet, Seonghwa knew that needles could be a very big deal for some people and they couldn't control their fear, so he also couldn't help his parental nature that turned on when Wooyoung seemed to get nervous again despite the teasing.
"Do you want me to hold your hand?" He asked, moving to the other side of Wooyoung's body and offering his hand.
"Fuck no," the younger hissed, but as soon as Seonghwa dropped his hand, Wooyoung secretly reached out his own and grabbed Seonghwa to hold him tight.
It was endearing really, though Seonghwa swore all bones in his fingers were being squished apart and he did his best to not grimace in pain.
"This won't hurt," Yeosang said, once again bringing the needle close to Wooyoung's skin, but ultimately pushed on Wooyoung's cheek to get him to look away because his pupils had dilated at least two sizes.
Well, it did hurt. Yeosang lied.
Seonghwa swore that was the day he lost all feeling in his right hand the second Wooyoung squeezed so hard all his joints popped, including his wrist. He couldn't help the yelp he let out when Wooyoung screeched, doing his best to not jerk away and make everything worse. Seonghwa also swore that he walked away from that incident more injured than Wooyoung.
He held his limp wrist carefully in his other hand, trying to nurse it back to life as Wooyoung was furiously whipping his arm around in circles because Yeosang claimed it would hurt less later on the more Wooyoung moved it. The others clearly got a kick out of the whole ordeal, even Hongjoong and Jongho who seemed uninterested at first were smiling as the whole thing panned out.
"See? That wasn't so bad was it?" Yeosang asked, cleaning up his little medic station he created in the kitchen. He also reached over and patted Wooyoung's arm right over the little bandaid he had placed there seconds ago.
"Fuck off- don't touch me I'm wounded!" He nearly cried, jumping away from the blonde and holding his arm like it had been shot.
If Seonghwa hadn't known any better, he would have guessed that Wooyoung had been shot... twice.
"Hey, I thought we said we'd work on cussing less," Yunho laughed, leaning over the table as Wooyoung glared at him before flipping him off.
"Listen buddy, I'm allowed five a day, leave me alone."
"Should I tell you your current running tally then?"
"I think an exception should be made."
"Enough, enough," Yoesang pushed Yunho away, with more force than necessary before turning back to Wooyoung and pointing a finger at him. "You are resting for the next few days. I'd put you on bedrest though I have a feeling you won't want to leave bed regardless for at least four days. This cure is nasty- so if you feel like you're dying then it's working. But don't worry it won't last forever and when it's over you'll be free of the virus."
Wooyoung's face paled as he froze. He clearly was trying to look like the news didn't phase him at all but Seonghwa could easily tell.
"How spectacular, is this going to be like the time I got food poisoning?" He asked, a stressed laugh coming from his throat.
"Oh, this will make food poisoning feel like a walk in the park," Yeosang mused. "You'll wish you had food poisoning."
Wooyoung's lips parted but no words came through as he just nodded his head in both defeat and denial. Seonghwa almost felt bad, almost being the keyword, but ultimately decided it was for the best and would allow Wooyoung to do what he wanted. That and Wooyoung also broke his favorite mug the other day, so at that moment Seonghwa didn't feel all too sympathetic.
However, that quickly changed over the course of the next few days. What Seonghwa thought was going to be bad paled in comparison to what actually happened.
He had never seen someone sweat so much before, even when San was fighting for his life after his arm was amputated. It didn't help that the heat outside was sweltering already and Seonghwa did his best to sit by Wooyoung's beside and fan him with whatever he could find to try and help. It was nearly impossible to keep food down, and Seonghwa feared Wooyoung was going to die of dehydration at one point.
Wooyoung was pretty nonverbal for a lot of it, which made it hard to make decisions for his own betterment. He even lost muscle strength in his arms and hands on the third day and Seonghwa only knew that because he went to try and hold Wooyoung's hand to comfort him and Wooyoung couldn't even grip him a little bit. When Wooyoung could speak he would just say how bad his head and chest hurt, he would chant over and over to make it stop.
Seonghwa stayed with him the entire time, staying by his bedside and kicking San out to tell him to sleep elsewhere. Wooyoung would pant all night and day, whimpering like he couldn't escape the constant pain. Seonghwa had to remind himself that in the end, it would all be worth it- that was the only thing keeping him going if he was honest. Seeing Wooyoung struggle that bad, no matter how much trouble the younger man caused him, was something he never wanted to witness.
On the third night when it was late and the candle in the room was almost burnt out and Wooyoung did his best to grab at Seonghwa's hand, his eyes teary and red from all the crying he had done that day, Seongha barely kept it together. Wooyoung told him that he didn't think he could do it anymore, that he was just so tired and he was struggling to breathe. Yeosang said it was normal, which is what Seonghwa told him. The older told him that it was only downhill from that point and the worst was already behind him. But it wasn't convincing at all because he was also tearing up as he placed a gentle kiss on the back of Wooyoung's hand, causing the younger to flinch because his entire body was far too sensitive and everything hurt to touch.
"Just think, soon you'll be able to go anywhere in the world you want. You'll get to travel like you always wanted to, you'll get to be free," Seonghwa whispered to him on the fourth night when Wooyoung was having troubles opening his mouth and eyes. "You just have to get over this hump, you can do it- I know you can."
He was almost positive Wooyoung hasn't heard him, the younger's eyes were glazed and crusty, just like his nose. Seonghwa wanted to try and clean him up but Wooyoung's skin was too sensitive for touch at the moment and he couldn't bear to hurt him more. It was torture for all of them, and even if Yeosang kept a close watch and assured them all that Wooyoung was handling it well- it was hard to believe. At one point Seonghwa had to pull Yeosang aside because Wooyoung's skin color was physically changing to a soft gray color and Seonghwa couldn't accept that it was normal.
But Yeosang just put a hand on his shoulder and offered a soft smile and told him that even though it looked horrible and misleading, the cure was working. He even told Seonghwa that he suspected Wooyoung would look like a completely different person in the morning. Yeosang claimed that all the test subjects and patients he worked with all appeared to be on their death bed by the fourth night with their skin turning either a shade of gray or pink and then were almost completely fine in the morning besides heavy fatigue. He suspected that when they all woke up, Wooyoung's fever would be broken and he would be able to speak and move again and his skin wouldn't be so sensitive.
Seonghwa found that impossible to believe because every time he looked at Wooyoung the younger looked absolutely dead and it was far too unsettling. But he did his best to believe the blonde, as it was the only thing he could do besides stay by Wooyoung's side and watch him struggle to breathe. Hongjoong even brought him a glass of water that night, which was his first appearance in that room, and told him to drink before he too ended up like Wooyoung.
Seonghwa only drank half.
But when the sun finally rose after what felt like years, Seonghwa had fallen asleep with his head on the mattress as he still sat in the chair he hardly left by Wooyoung's bed. It was a position that would leave him with days of unresolved back pain, but he couldn't bear to be away from Wooyoung just in case something bad happened. He knew Yeosang said he hadn't lost anyone who had taken the cure, but Seonghwa was a paranoid man.
He woke with a gentle but slightly shaky hand in his hair, almost petting him like he was a sleeping cat. It made it extra hard to wake up, the touch was so soothing and warm after days of extreme stress and worry, but as soon as his conscious self realized it was Wooyoung who was moving on his own and very much awake- it was easy to bounce upwards.
He desperately tried to play it cool so it wouldn't overwhelm Wooyoung who looked absolutely exhausted but also slightly radiant.
"How are you feeling- do you hurt anywhere? How are you doing?" Seonghwa stood up and pressed his hand to Wooyoung's forehead and sighed out in relief. "Your fever is gone."
"I'm okay Hyung," Wooyoung croaked out, a small yet tired smile on his face. "My head is still pounding but I can breathe."
"Thank god," the older muttered, sitting down on the edge of the bed and grabbed onto Wooyoung's hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it, and watched the younger fall into a light sleep. His breathing sounded much better now and his skin had returned to its nice golden, honey color.
He sat there for a long time, just admiring the younger, and pushed his bangs out of his face and behind his ears. The worst was over by far, and even if Yeosang did say that Wooyoung probably wouldn't want to get up for another two days once the worst of it was over, Seonghwa couldn't help but feel completely relieved.
"Seonghwa," Wooyoung mumbled, the older's name coming out in a jumble of weird syllables. His eyes were still closed but he was clearly awake.
"Hm?" Seonghwa hummed softly.
"Come here," came the response, followed by a very weak attempt to pull Seonghwa closer.
Seonghwa was not going to refuse at all.
He didn't care that the sheets were soaked with sweat or Wooyoung smelled fairly unpleasant because he had sweated so much and had hardly moved for days- Seonghwa curled right up next to him, his head on Wooyoung's chest as his arm draped over the smaller man. Wooyoung's chest vibrated for a second before Seonghwa felt the younger's arm wrap around him and then go limp. It was comfortable and warm, and there was something about listening to Wooyoung's beating heart that was more comforting than anything had been in a long time.
Seonghwa was out cold in seconds, Wooyoung no doubt following right after him. If anyone came in to check-in, they didn't bother them or make too much noise and just let them sleep until the sky turned dark once more.
Seonghwa slept well that day. For the whole day.
A week and a half later when Wooyoung's strength had come back full force and he was back to all his shenanigans- the big question was brought up once more. They all were waiting for the question to pop up, and especially after Wooyoung said he felt even better than he did before, that it finally came to head one evening. Seonghwa knew it was going to happen- absolutely hated the idea- but he knew it needed to be done.
Hongjoong had been listening to the radio religiously and so was Yeosang. It seemed the messages were getting heavier in detail, going as far as to list the cities in order that were to be bombed and where survivors should head if they were in that area.
Busan was first, followed by Masan it seemed. There were scheduled ships to come by and dock hours before the bombs would be dropped supposedly.
Yeosang and Hongjoong had been talking secretly a lot lately, behind closed doors that took everything in Seonghwa's self-control to not press his ear against the wood of the room he was supposed to be sleeping in and listen to what they were saying. But at the end of the day, he decided that he too deserved to know, especially when they brought Jongho in to talk and left him out, so he camped just outside of the closed door and listened to the whole thing.
"- were in Busan, if that's the first to go and if this message is true, then they won't be there."
That was Yeosang.
"Were you able to get in contact with them?" And that was Jongho.
"Yeah I was, it seems they believe the message so they're heading to the docks in a week and camp out there just in case," Yeosang answered, followed by the sound of a lot of paper shuffling around and the creaking of a chair.
"Are they bringing the cures with them?" There was Hongjoong. He was exhausted and Seonghwa didn't even have to see him know that.
"Yeah, I told Minho that he owes me the few that we need because I played matchmaker. I did what he failed to do in a singular month and for that, I demanded that he save what we needed. He said he's still holding true to it, Minho is bossy as fuck- but he's still a good person so I have faith in him, they've got a good group over there."
"Matchmaker?" Jongho asked, and Seonghwa could practically hear his pout. "With who- why didn't I know about this? Was it with ... what was his name? Changwoo...Changho..."
There was silence for a few seconds.
"With their leader idiot, I don't know what his full name was because they never told us. But all I heard was Channie-Hyung this and Channie-Hyung that- so I just called him Chan in my head."
"You and Minho are long-lost siblings you know that? It was like I had two of you ganging up on me and I was terrified."
"Shut up, Jongho."
"Hey, let's get back on track. I'm tired and we need to figure this out already. Did they give you coordinates?" Hongjoong asked, cutting off the previous conversation.
"Yeah, I have them. If we travel by truck we can leave in a few days and make it on time. Minho told me that if the boats and bombs are real then they're getting on the boat to head to the safety camps," Yeosang answered smoothly, more paper shuffling.
"So are we going?"
"Well, I'm taking an educated guess when I say that I'm guessing they're going to bomb the coastal cities first. If they're hitting Masan after Busan then it looks like they're going in this direction. The closest major city to us is Mokpo, which is after Masan. I'd say Gwangju is next but it's farther inland so I'm guessing after us it's Gunsan. They claimed Jejudo Island is rebuilding but they haven't got far, though they can take some ships in, it seems after that the rest are going to America for now."
"Is that where we would go?" Jongho asked. "To America?"
Seonghwa felt his heart drop suddenly, his stomach twisting into a tight knot.
It was silent in that room for far too long, and with each passing second that went by Seonghwa found himself starting to panic. Did they want to leave? Would they all go if the boats were real? Seonghwa took one step away from the door, his hands slightly shaky.
"Too soon to tell. Right now we need to get the other cures. Yeosang, is there any chance they could meet us halfway?"
"I doubt it. They like to play things safe like us, the less traveling the better, at least while things are so unsure right now."
"Well, I can't argue with that. I'll give you the radio so let them know we're coming in a few days."
"We're?" Jongho stressed, the sound of the bed Seonghwa longed for creaked like someone sat on it. "Few days? I don't remember signing up for this."
"Well you love me and I said you're coming with us so-" Seonghwa heard more movement and then the horrid sound of Jongho screeching.
"Not in my room- go to your own if you're gonna do that!" Hongjoong hissed.
"This is Seonghwa's room too, you kick him out all the time, I'm sure he wants to be sleeping now. But instead, you kept us captive."
Hongjoong was quiet for a few seconds. "That's different."
"Sure, sure, whatever. But speaking of Hyung, he's not going to like this you know. Especially when he finds out Wooyoung wants to come. He'll put a stop to that real quick," Yeosang said, and Seonghwa could see a soft shadow move underneath the door.
Wooyoung? Wooyoung wants to go? Wooyoung already knows?
The knot in Seonghwa's stomach only grew.
"I have a feeling he already knows. Something tells me that he's more curious than he lets on to be. If that's the case, then I know he knows that this is necessary. Seonghwa would also know that it's unreasonable for us all to go. To split half and half would be best. The crops need to be tended to, and in case of an unfortunate event, it's better that only half go so at least half survive. I'm sure Seonghwa knows this already if the looming presence by the door is anything to go by."
Seonghwa's heart skipped a beat.
"What?" Jongho asked.
"Nothing," Hongjoong was quick to say, the chair squeaking as it moved. "We'll talk more in the morning, bring Wooyoung next time. And go find Seonghwa too, I know he's tired."
Seonghwa heard Yeosang chuckle, followed by multiple footsteps.
"You care a lot don't you?"
"More than I should," Hongjoong answered, though Seonghwa wasn't paying attention as he was watching the dancing shadows under the door.
"You should just say something, you know? I can't keep my mouth shut forever."
"You can't keep your mouth shut at all-" Jongho said, but stopped short very quickly.
There was a harsh smack noise and the shadows moved quicker and started getting larger as the forms approached the door. Seonghwa had enough sense to dart away at that, doing his best to skip down the stairs that did not aid his stealth mode at all with their creaks and groans. But it seemed Yeosang and Jongho were the first to leave the room as the soft candlelight erupted into the hallway. The two of them said their goodnights to Hongjoong before heading down to Seonghwa's room turned theirs, followed by the soft click of the door.
Seonghwa let out a breath from around his hiding spot that just happened to be around the corner. He had no reason to be hiding, yet he found himself once again sneaking around his own house.
"Come to bed," Hongjoong's voice spoke out, a soft whisper but Seonghwa still heard him loud and clear. He was probably standing at the top of the stairs if the dark and elongated shadow on the wall was anything to go by.
Seonghwa stepped out from the comfort of the darkness and into the barely-there light at the bottom of the staircase. Hongjoong was indeed standing at the top, his arms hanging loosely by his sides as he looked down at Seonghwa.
"Do you have to go?" Seonghwa asked, his feet remaining stubbornly still.
"You know we do," came the answer.
"Why can't I go?"
"Because someone has to make sure things are in order here," Hongjoong said. "You're the perfect person for it. I know how much you love it here."
"But-"
"No but's Hwa, come on," Hongjoong outstretched his arm, holding out his hand that he knew Seonghwa wouldn't take. "Let's go to sleep."
Seonghwa clenched his jaw tightly, the warm air around him turning cold and wet as he felt his chest tighten again, but not in the warm and comforting way he craved. Yet, his feet followed Hongjoong's call on their own and stepped up each step with a heavy weight until he reached the top and passed by the younger man without so much as a look of acknowledgment.
That night, Seonghwa laid restless in bed on his back as he stared up at the ceiling, despite Hongjoong's protests. The sound of the ocean's waves was usually enough to induce his sleep, but not tonight. His mind was more awake than ever, running through hundreds of different situations of what could happen in the following days.
He didn't think he was moving around too much until Hongjoong let out a loud sigh and turned around to face him, his eyes swollen from a lack of sleep as he glared at Seonghwa.
"What's wrong?" He asked, the darkness of the room made it impossible to see his facial expressions because there was no moon.
Seonghwa was silent, not wanting to give his true and heartfelt thoughts away. He didn't want to appear vulnerable or weak, despite how he truly felt at that moment. He feared that Hongjoong would laugh at him and then make fun of him for his worries, and cover it with "well that's just life, grow up" as his parents would sometimes.
But even then, the words were being pulled from his lips before he could stop them.
"I hope Yeosang never gets in contact with them," he said softly, cringing at his own honestness.
"Why?" Hongjoong asked, his voice much gentler than Seonghwa expected it to be.
"Because," Seonghwa sighed, his eyes filling with emotion that made Seonghwa feel even more selfish and cruel. "Because then you guys will leave me."
It was quiet for a few seconds and Seonghwa held his breath, the hole in his chest deepening with each silent second. He could feel his heart pounding, the sound of Hongjoong shifting around only making it worse.
"We're coming back," the younger answered. "It's not forever."
Seonghwa wanted to cry.
"Maybe not this time- but eventually it will be forever. One day, you guys won't come back because you found a better adventure to start..."
"Seonghwa... where is all this coming from?" Seonghwa could tell Hongjoong raised his upper body up, resting on his forearms to try and get Seonghwa to look at him, though the older refused. "This isn't the end you know, why are you so worried?"
"It's the start of it though. I just know it- maybe not this time but the next for sure. You guys are going to see that it's not dangerous anymore and want to explore and have fun taking back the world."
Seonghwa did his best not to sniffle as he became angrier with himself for being so emotional over nothing. He wasn't sure where any of this was coming from either. He didn't know if he was throwing a fit because he had been left out of the loop for a little while when he was used to knowing everything, or if his subconscious knew that even though this trip they had to take wasn't anything bad- he knew it would be showing them a world of what they could have if they wanted.
If the cities were leveled and the zombies were gone, there would be nothing keeping them there with Seonghwa any longer.
"Are you- Seonghwa are you crying?" Hongjoong asked, his voice barely there and Seonghwa could feel the ghost of a hand over his shoulder.
"No."
He was.
Hongjoong knew better.
"Seonghwa..."
"Forget it," in a fit of frustration in himself, Seonghwa rolled over on his side away from Hongjoong's concerned form. In the back of his mind, he wished he wasn't so irrational and twisted when he got like this. No one deserved it, even Hongjoong of all people. He hated himself for more than one reason, so he thought the best way to make that feeling go away was to remove himself and his feelings from the equation.
So that's what he did.
Hongjoong didn't push him or say anything after that, and only when Seonghwa pretended to be asleep did Hongjoong lay back down with a loud sigh. The older figured that Hongjoong could tell that he wasn't actually asleep, especially since he seemed to know every little thing about the older already, but at least he had enough sense to play along.
And for that, Seonghwa was thankful.
The day came sooner than Seonghwa could prepare for. Yeosang was able to get into contact with the man named Minho and their leader, whose name Seonghwa was never sure on, a lot faster than expected. Like Yeosang thought as well, they refused to meet halfway, but in the event they missed them, they would give Yeosang directions to where they hid the cure so they could still get it if they didn't make it in time before the boats left.
Seonghwa kept his mouth shut whenever it was brought up, especially the day they left.
He bit holes through his cheeks as he watched them load the truck with supplies they'd need for the journey. They estimated about a week and a half, but Seonghwa made them take supplies for two just in case. Wooyoung couldn't contain his excitement, practically bouncing all over the place with newfound energy. Seonghwa wanted to be happy for him, he really did.
Wooyoung was a free soul, one that wanted to fly high, and now he was getting to without the fear of anything. But as Seonghwa watched Wooyoung laugh with San as Yunho and Mingi helped load the back of the truck with Jongho, Seonghwa couldn't help but feel isolated from them.
"You have food, water, and plenty of fuel right?" Seonghwa asked Yeosang who had been the subject of these sorts of questions for about the past fifteen minutes. "You might not be able to get fuel for a long time so make sure to take extra. Also, take the extra ammo- we won't need it here, so I think it's best if you take it just in case. You know you can never be too safe, if anything looks sketchy at all come back immediately-"
"Seonghwa."
"I'm not kidding, you need to be very careful because I'm not going to be there. Here, let me go get you some more food just in case-"
"Seonghwa!" Yeosang called his name louder, finally knocking the older out of his worried head.
The older flinched a little, his shoulders rising and his face dropping in shame. When he turned back to Yeosang, he was surprised to not see an angry face.
"Breathe," the blonde told him, his voice sweet and gentle. "We're coming back."
Seonghwa swallowed thickly, letting his head hang a little when Yeosang approached him and put both his hands on the taller's shoulders. Yeosang was dressed in the same outfit he had come back in, and so was Jongho, and for some reason, it hit Seonghwa with a feeling of deja vu. Yeosang gave him a gentle squeeze before patting Seonghwa's cheek when Wooyoung called him over so they could leave before the sun rose too high in the sky.
"Wait patiently for us okay? Have some faith, we learned from the best you know?" Yeosang smiled at him, a small but knowing look in his eye. "We'll be back before you know it."
Before Seonghwa could find his voice to respond, Yeosang was already stepping away and taking all his warmth with him. There was no breeze, yet Seonghwa stood on the raised porch shivering cold. He could see Hongjoong chilling with Wooyoung in the back bed of the truck as Yeosang slid into the passenger's seat next to Jongho. They did a double check to make sure they had everything they needed, and part of Seonghwa wished they found something that they forgot so they'd stay just a few minutes longer.
But he had no such luck because Hongjoong gave Jongho the all-clear.
San yelled out a goodbye, waving his arm over his head. He was smiling widely, mirroring the one that rested on Wooyoung's face.
Part of Seonghwa wished that Yeosang really knew why Seonghwa was so upset. He was sure the blonde thought it was because Seonghwa didn't believe in their abilities to keep themselves alive. However, Seonghwa knew that each one of them was more than capable of surviving on their own. He had a feeling they wouldn't run into too much trouble with the dead creatures, and even if they did, he knew they'd be okay.
Because Yeosang was right. They all learned from each other, they knew what they were doing.
But no, Seonghwa didn't want them to leave for a whole other reason. It was the same reason he tried to explain to Hongjoong previous nights before but failed to put it into words. He hated how he didn't even know himself, how he couldn't put words to his thoughts and feelings. He hated how selfish it sounded and overdramatic, but he couldn't help it.
Seonghwa was a worrier, and as much as he hated it, with a heart made of glass.
And so when they left, the dust kicked up by the wheels long gone and the sun high in the sky, Seonghwa couldn't help but feel like he had already lost them, even though they promised to come back.
He counted the days religiously, one after the other, and carved little marks into the wood post in the room he shared with Hongjoong as each day passed. The days weren't bad because they did have plenty of work to do around the house and San, Yunho, and Mingi did a great job of keeping him occupied and his mind full of things to do. They let him deep clean and repair some parts on the house that technically didn't need it, but would benefit from it. They let him help out in the garden even though that was work assigned to San and Yunho, and occasionally San would throw a strawberry or two into Seonghwa's mouth.
Seonghwa even let Mingi teach him how to rewire electrical wires. They still didn't have power, and probably never would, but the older didn't mind because Mingi was so passionate about how to carefully lay the green wire over the yellow and the red, before securing it with electrical tape. Seonghwa wasn't as smooth with it as Mingi was, but he tried his best.
So yeah, the days that the four of them were gone weren't as bad as Seonghwa thought they'd be.
But it was the nights where he was alone in bed that were the worst. He kept the doors open to the balcony like Hongjoong always would, and he also left all the papers the younger left out on the desk instead of cleaning them up like he usually would. He found it puzzling that his boots never disappeared, not even once like they usually would as well.
The worst part was the cold bed, where he laid and could never seem to get warm. Seonghwa would lay there thinking about where they were. He wondered if they had found the group that found Yeosang and Jongho. He wondered if they had gotten the cure yet and were heading back. Seonghwa tried to estimate how many times Wooyoung would say the word "wow" or even his humorous "are we there yet?" when the drive was more than five minutes long.
But then his mind wandered off darker like it always would. He wondered if they had been caught, or if they had been killed. When that happened, sometimes he would climb out of bed and sneak in to San and Wooyoung's room to lay with San for a while. It was better there, though it wasn't as warm and the sound of San's smooth breathing wasn't as calming as what Seonghwa was used to.
One week turned into one and half a week, and then more days would pass by. Each day that passed would make Seonghwa feel worse and worse, and at one point he refused to leave the radio in case someone tried to reach out.
When Seonghwa counted fourteen marks in the wood he made with the knife Hongjoong gave him, he couldn't keep himself still. He tried to reach out to them, Hongjoong gave him the channel and frequency they'd be using in case of an emergency, but he received nothing back.
It was clear the other three were a little worried as well but did their best to not show it too much because it only made Seonghwa more miserable.
"It's a long journey, they might've had to find another way because of a blocked road. That happens all the time, it's nothing to worry about," San said on the fifteenth night when Seonghwa couldn't stop pacing around the living room. "Or they might've popped a tire, it would take all of their brains put together plus an extra three days to figure out how to fix it."
"That is not helping," Seonghwa hissed.
"Maybe they did sightseeing?" Yunho suggested, his foot bouncing up and down from where he sat on the couch. "I heard Busan is gorgeous this time of the year. I've never been there before but I've always wanted to go."
"Or maybe they were able to meet up with that group Jongho was talking about the other day. I know they said it would be a matter of time if they were able to catch them before the boats left or not, but maybe they were able to see them," Mingi followed up.
"Or- now hear me out," San stood up quickly and cracked his knuckles. "They probably had a hard time finding the cure. Listen, I love Wooyoung but sometimes he can't find his socks when it's right under his nose. So I am willing to bet it's taken them this long because it was hidden a little too well."
They all looked at each other for a few seconds, all deciding that they would convince themselves that's what it was.
"It's been fifteen days, almost sixteen. They were supposed to be back five days ago max," Seonghwa murmured, looking at the clock on the wall that didn't work, the time forever frozen at ten-thirty.
That was the last of the conversation that night, none of them could think about it more. They could only convince themselves of things for so long before reality was unavoidable.
On the morning of the seventeenth day, Seonghwa awoke from his seated position at the kitchen table to a sound that made his bones shiver.
It was apparent that the other three heard it as well because they were all racing down the stairs like a herd of elephants and fumbling with all the locks on the front door before squeezing past each other to bolt outside. Seonghwa was dizzy when he stood up, his vision spotty and he made his way almost blindly through the living room following the sound that echoed in his ears.
He heard San yelling something, his vision coming back to him as he passed through the opened door and saw him jumping up and down waving his arm all over the place. Yunho had his hand in his mouth and whistled loudly- another thing he tried to teach Seonghwa but to no avail- as Mingi stood by his side with his flashy and wide smile on his face. All three of them had horrible bedhead and were half-naked as they stood out there, and Mingi had only one sock on.
"Welcome back!" San yelled, still jumping like he was ten years younger.
The truck that was rolling up the long dirt and gravel driveway was unmistakable, especially as Wooyoung hopped out of the back bed before the truck even came to a complete stop. He came running at him, the biggest smile on his face.
"San!" He yelled, making a large jump onto the mentioned male and clung to him tightly. San spun his around, an airy and relived laugh coming from deep down as he set Wooyoung down, yet wrapped his arm around Wooyoung and kept him close.
Seonghwa was sure they kissed after that, but he didn't see it as he was already moving forward. He thought he would be more relieved than anything, yet was surprised that he felt only anger burning deep down. He briefly caught Yeosang and Jongho climb out of the front, some sort of black, plastic box in Jongho's hand as they greeted the two giants that came bounding towards them.
But Seonghwa had his eyes locked on his target who had some serious explaining to do before Seonghwa rung his neck right off his shoulders. He could see Hongjoong climb out of the back where Wooyoung was with him, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and just sitting there unlike jumping down as Wooyoung had down. He saw Seonghwa coming, and he had a look on his face like he was overjoyed and proud of himself.
Seonghwa was beyond furious.
"You won't believe what we saw-" Hongjoong started, his eyes beaming like the morning sun. "Busan is completely leveled- there is nothing left of the city anymore! We even watched them come in and drop bombs on Masan- Seonghwa it's real! They weren't lying, it's finally happening!"
Seonghwa clenched his fists together, stopping short of just a few inches from where Hongjoong was still sitting above him. He glared harshly at him, taking sick pleasure in seeing Hongjoong's face fall.
"You're ... not happy?"
"Of course I'm not happy- I waited seventeen fucking days for you guys to get back! Seventeen whole days without so much as a word... I heard nothing from any of you. No calls, you never let me know that you were okay, you didn't even give me a single hint of a puzzle piece that said 'hey we're still alive, don't worry yourself sick'! You know the courteous thing to do was at least answer my calls, do you know how worried I was? Fucking hell Hongjoong I thought you all were captured, or worse- I thought you were dead!"
Hongjoong's eyes widened, his hands reaching forward a little but pulled them back when Seonghwa glared more.
"But I did radio in, I swear I did. We found the cure ahead of time but Jongho thought that maybe we should stay and make sure the cities were destroyed like they said they would. But Busan was already gone by the time we got there- I can't even describe what it looked like- but it was almost magical. That's when I called you, I wanted to let you know that we were going to travel to Masan to see if it was cleared out too to confirm the bombing patterns- but you never responded," Hongjoong answered, the sound of his voice the softest it had ever been.
Seonghwa tightened his hands but then released them, feeling the blood rush back into his fingertips so he could feel them again.
"I called three times," Seonghwa said, his head clouding up as he looked up at Hongjoong. "I called three times and you never answered. Hongjoong I thought the worse- I couldn't sleep, I could hardly eat... I was an absolute mess. Do you know how scared I was? You should've come home right away."
Despite the words he was saying, they didn't come out with the force or grit he intended. His voice was soft and weak, but it seemed to have more of an effect on Hongjoong than it would've if he had been yelling. For some reason that made his head pound and his thoughts swirl even more because Hongjoong looked absolutely wounded where he sat on the edge of the truck's bed.
"You were scared?" Hongjoong asked, his voice sounding broken.
"Of course I was fucking scared," Seonghwa nearly barked at him, taking a step closer to him.
"I never meant to scare you, that's the last thing I want to do," Hongjoong whispered, his hands twitching again, almost reaching out to the older.
"Then never leave me alone like that again," Seonghwa croaked, his eyes watering before he started blinking furiously to try and keep himself in check. He shifted his weight back and forth multiple times, nervous energy spiking through him. He couldn't figure out what to do with himself, both relief and anger still coursing through his body at alarming rates. "I've got a fragile heart you know? You guys need to stop scaring me like that- please, that's all I ask."
Hongjoong's lips parted open just a little, the corners of his mouth pulling downwards. There seemed to be a moment where he wasn't going to do or say anything and Seonghwa felt himself deflate even though he had no idea what he expected to happen. But then Hongjoong was shifting forward a little, his knees parting as his arms opened.
It was a silent invitation, one that required no words but Hongjoong still nodded his head gently to coax Seonghwa forward, letting him know that it was okay. Seonghwa swallowed thickly, but his body was moving forward before he could even think about it.
The action was so unlike Hongjoong who did everything by force and with aggression, and Seonghwa found himself both confused and buzzing when he stepped into the kind of warmth only Hongjoong seemed to be able to provide. His arms wrapped around Hongjoong's waist, the fabric of his shirt smooth and soft against his cheek that was most likely wet. His eyes closed instantly, squeezing the smaller man when he felt a hand on the back of his neck, fingers running through the thin hair that lay there and pulling the older even closer.
He couldn't stop the choked and silent cry that left him with only made Hongjoong hold him tighter, smoothing his other hand over the top of Seonghwa's head. The action was so unlike Hongjoong but also exactly like him at the same time as it left Seonghwa pressing his face further into Hongjoong's chest as he let the younger finally hold him.
There was the heat he was desperate for, and there was the comforting feeling that he had been longing for each second of the day.
Seonghwa finally let out a breath that he had been holding in for so long, the tension in his shoulders leaking away when Hongjoong tucked some of his hair behind his ears.
"We're here now," he whispered. Seonghwa could feel the slight vibrations through his chest.
"You brought them back," the older managed, refusing to move, not that Hongjoong seemed to mind.
"I'll always bring them back."
Seonghwa dug his fingers into Hongjoong's shirt and held it tightly. He just nodded his head, not trusting his voice to work even though he had calmed down significantly.
Hongjoong leaned forward more, wrapping his own arms loosely around Seonghwa's neck, and just held him close for a few moments more.
And for those few sweet and comforting moments, Seonghwa pushed away any blaring warning signs in his head or the confusing questions that plagued his peaceful moment, because, for the first time in so long, he could finally breathe.
a/n: Yes I broke the final chapter up into two parts... sorry it was going to be way too long regardless. I WILL POST PT.2 SOON!!