But his love was too much for him, he felt paralyzed, he wanted to sleep inside her lungs and breathe her blood and be smothered.
— Tim O'Brien
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Him
He's sitting with his parents under a pergola in the garden as his father explains to her mother the need to return to their home, and her mother insisting on staying behind in Baghdad, suggesting he goes without them. They've already overspend their stay here. But it's a home to his mother that the home of his father never had been.
He watches as Noura runs in his direction with his wooden sword, waving at him, her hair a mess as if she has gotten in a tussle with someone, which given her fierce personality he believes she might have.
When she sees his parents there, she stops in her tracks, hesitating on approaching him. His mother notices her and smiles welcomingly at her, motioning her over.
"Come here, darling. What happened to your hair?"
She gingerly comes closer and his mother opens her arms for her. Her timidity dissipates as soon as she steps into them.
"A boy was fighting me for this sword. I fought him back. He pulled me by my braids," she tells the princess.
"How rude." Princess Halah runs her finger through her hair affectionately. "Let us redo your braids, shall we?"
Her
"Don't create trouble," he continues to whisper, sending a jolt through her. "Unless you want to end up in the dungeon for spying. There are guards on duty here."
The proximity of him to her dismantles her rationality to bits and pieces. Adam keeps her pressed to his chest with his lips against her ear and his hand around her mouth. In the given position, she's barely able to think straight, let alone speak. His body against hers sets her afire. She's not used to this contact-- not so much, not this close.
Noura digs her nails into his wrist in an attempt to get away from him. He hisses, and she can almost imagine the black storm rising in eyes.
"For once, don't be an unruly woman, habibti."
Helpless and trapped in his arms, the only thing she can think of doing is what he had done to her. And without thinking it over, she licks his palm. He nearly jerks behind her but her trick fails as his hand keeps her mouth clamped shut. She grumbles his name in annoyance.
"Don't speak," he warns. "I'll release you, but don't get us caught. Understood?"
She wants to start a war against him as soon as she gets away from him. She wants to jump at his throat and cut off his tongue with her dagger for spoiling Eskander's reputation to the caliph-- for plotting behind her back whilst playing nice. She hates him for making her trust him only to cheat her. But she can do nothing against him, at least not now. So she only nods her head.
Adam removes his hand from her mouth, but his arms go to circle around her waist firmly instead. She turns around towards him and he quickly puts a finger to her lips.
"Shhhh."
Noura looks up at him, in the dark the devil within him seemingly coming to life. The light from the torches dance in his eyes, highlighting the mischief there, but something else too-- something potent, a craving so intense that it chokes her. She urgently pushes against his chest, but he doesn't let go.
"It suits you." He caresses the headchain in her hair. "You look lethal."
"Don't speak," she reminds him, her voice a bitter whisper, disregarding his compliment that she under different circumstances might have appreciated. "Release me."
Adam frowns, loosening his grip on her. "Are you upset with me about something?"
"I heard Khalifa and the vizier talking," she tells him.
"You snooping around will get you in real problem some day."
"I don't know about myself, but if I keep learning unpleasant things about you, then we for sure will have a problem."
He gives her a confused and bothered look before gesturing down the hallway. "Come. Let's go to my room."
She follows after him without a protest and he navigates their way through unguarded corridors towards his room. As soon as they're inside, she lets her fury unleash at him.
"You've been suggesting to the caliph to send Eskander back to the borders?" Noura seethes. "And not only that, but preferably somewhere far away? Why? What were you thinking? Is this a way to get him away from me?"
Now when they're alone without the fear of being caught, she can focus more on him. Instead of being dressed for the occasion tonight, he's wearing rather plain clothes. Noura glowers at him as he calmly takes in her tantrum.
"I did." The coolness of his confession is only fuel to her fire. "But," he raises a palm to silence her before she could run her tongue again, "not because of you. Rather, it's for a greater good. I sincerely doubt that he'd stay true to the crown if rebellion strikes."
"And so you degrade him in the eyes of the caliph?" She scoffs. "Don't tell me you've been spreading rumors about him and I too in the harem."
"As if I've got nothing better to do than gossiping with the women in harem," he retorts.
"But you've always seen him as the traitor, haven't you?"
"He was a servant of prince Sulaiman. I believe if given a chance, he'd still choose to serve him rather than the Khalifa."
"So the greater good is that you replace him?"
She notices the ticking of his jaw. He's not liking the argument. And neither is she. But she's not letting him get away with it so easily.
"The greater good is minimizing the damage that Eskander's treason can cause us," he explains. "As the general of the army, he has a large force behind him. Even if not all of them obey him, those who might would still be enough to weaken our defenses, given much of those men are recruited by him and are training under him."
She fists her hands. Though the truth is not hidden from her, having Eskander already revealed his intentions to her, she believes he will fight for what he finds right and not merely follow the prince blindly. He wouldn't risk the lives of his men for nothing, as Hafez had confidently assured her, neither endanger innocent civilians. He has already strategized for adversities if they are to befall.
The thought of Eskander leaving and her being trapped alone here sends her in a state of anguish. Whatever Adam is up to, she cannot fully trust his motives either. She cannot let any of it be.
"Fine." She lifts her chin at him stubbornly. "When you've convinced the caliph to send him away, then convince him to send me back home too."
Adam scowls in displeasure at the suggestion. "These are two different things."
"Your manipulation remains the same," she mocks. "What more the caliph wants from me? He seems happy with the queen. And you too."
"Noura," he grits, his eyes turning to inky ocean brewing hurricane. "You ask me to do this only because the general leaves the palace?"
"Yes," she admits blatantly. "What do I do without him here? Who do I have?"
"Everything I do for you still isn't enough to make you put your faith in me?" He steps towards her. "What do I do to convince you of my sincerity towards you?"
"You're reminding me of the favors you've done me?"
"No. God, no. You're so blinded by that man you see nothing besides him," he spits and her glare on him only turns shaper. "If you've no one here, then who am I?"
"Don't you dare bring up your status as my husband."
"But I am your husband." He holds her elbows and pulls her to himself. "You married me. Don't forget that."
"Temporarily," she spits back. "Don't forget that."
Their gazes battle heatedly. She clutches the sleeves of his shirt, the rage within her only rising like a frenzied sandstorm amidst hot desert. If she could, she would've murdered him with her looks alone. But then like always, something about him tries to wrap her in its warmth. Her resolves begin to shake as his orbs go tender-- almost desperate.
"You're saying this only because of Eskander?"
"Adam." She pulls away from him. "I've spent my life dreaming of him. Please don't try to take away from me something so dear to my heart."
"Don't make love confessions about someone else to me," he forbades sternly, then scrubs his face in frustration. "Damnation, what have you done to me? I was so fine before you came into my life. You've wrecked me."
"I have wrecked you?" she utters in disbelief, a newfound anger rising within her.
"Yes! Yes, you have," he growls in fury of his own. "It wasn't a suffering when I wasn't feeling so strongly for you. Now it's nothing but a torture every time I hear you say his name. You make me want to distort that face you fantasize over so much. You make me want to burn down the world. Tell me now how to stop this madness inside of me? I want to throw away my heart because of you!"
Noura stares at him in shock, gaping at him, unable to respond for a while before gathering herself and snapping back. "Then throw it away!"
She tries to walk past him but he grasps her arm. Adam looks straight into her eyes. "I could've killed him if I wanted to, you know? No reason needed. No one would've ever known."
"Would that have done you any good besides earning my hatred?"
He's silent for a few seconds. Then, he mumbles, "You'll bring me to my knees like this, farasha."
"Leave me," she asks so simply that it brings a havoc in his expression. He huffs out an unamused laugh.
"Leave you?"
"Yes. You helped me when I was in need and I'm grateful to you for that. But now the caliph has forgotten about me, so free me. And you're free of me. I'll return to my home."
"This is not so easy."
"Why not?"
"I..." he struggles with his words, his gaze fleeing from her suddenly as if being chased. He let go of her arm. "I enjoy being with you," Adam confesses weakly, almost fearfully, as if expecting a rejection from her. "I don't want to lose you, Noura."
She doesn't know what to say to him. She doesn't trust her abilities of weaving a response anymore. He appears to have left himself vulnerable to her, and she has no desires of stepping on his raw nerves.
"This is dangerous," she says, as if appraising him of the ramification if their relationship is discovered-- as if it was ever lasting to begin with. "Khalifa will kill you if he finds out."
"And if he doesn't, you will."
"Adam," she swallows, a strange feeling compressing her ribs upon her heart. "Don't make it complicated for us."
"Why not?" He reaches for her again and she pulls away. He steps forward and she walks backwards until she hits a table. He comes to trap her between it and himself, putting his arms on both sides of her. "Eskander makes you feel safe, and I don't?" He tilts his head closer and she leans back, the narrow space between them good for nothing to calm her racing pulse. "Eskander can love you, but I can't?"
She stares at him, utterly stunned and lost, and he bumps his nose against hers, sending a shudder through her. Noura tries to crawl away, nearly on top of the table, a poor attempt of escaping from whatever he's sparking within her.
"Adam?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't."
After what seems like much effort, he separates himself from her, allowing her to finally breathe and fill her lungs. She's unable to meet his eyes but can feel his on her.
"You've never given me a chance to prove myself to you," he says tersely. "You stitched me to yourself, and now you want to tear me away. You don't want to stay with me, you want the general to be with you. If this circus of love pleases you so much, then fine, Noura, I'll do as you say."
She doesn't look at him. She cannot take anymore of it. Without spending another moment there, she rushes out of his room.
When she arrives back at the harem, she finds Faris outside of it. Noura tries to sneak her way inside but he notices her. So she pretends as if nothing has been the matter and speaks as she walks by him into the harem.
"I needed air."
Inside, it's as suffocating as it has been for her minutes ago with Adam if not more. She goes to sit with Manizheh as she hurries towards her and offers her a seat besides her.
"You took quite a while, sayidati. I was getting worried."
Noura doesn't respond to her, too focused on the looks she's receiving from the women-- some scornful, others simply studying her. Their comments are piercing and flagrant, paying no mind to whether they'd be heard or not, shamelessly throwing glances and insults in her direction.
"What did caliph Al Shafay even like about her?"
"How is she different? I see nothing extraordinary about her."
"No one competes with queen Arwa. Khalifa loves her. She still remains the Malika."
She tries to ignore the remarks, but the mumbling keeps closing in on her, only becoming more objectionable.
"I heard she has an affair with the general."
"General Eskander? Isn't he her brother?"
"Not by blood. They spend late nights together. Maybe that's why Al Shafay gave up on marrying her."
Unable to take it anymore, she tries to get up, ready to answer them all, but Manizheh holds her down.
"No, sayidati. Don't pay them any mind."
"They're pointing fingers at my character." She frees her hand from her, standing up, and they all shush down, turning to her. "Why did you all stop talking?" Noura sweeps her eyes over them, letting her features display her wrath and disapproval towards them. "Talk to my face. What nasty has Eskander and I been doing that the caliph found me disgraceful to marry?"
No one dares to respond back, the silence falling over the harem like a thick mist of graveyard, before the sound of footsteps echo through the place.
"What is this quiet?" Arwa enters the harem, looking around at everyone before her gaze comes to rest on her. "Noura, is something the matter?"
"I hear unpleasant things about myself here, sayidati," she replies frankly. "I don't think I'm welcomed here. I better leave. But I only came to congratulate you and join you in your happiness. May God make this child a blessing for everyone. Now if you'll excuse me."
She gathers her dress to depart but Arwa stops her. "No, stay please."
She walks up to her, the power she holds over everyone vibrating throughout with each of her step. She's elegant. She's devastatingly beautiful. Noura cannot overlook the authority this woman possesses. Arwa is rightfully a queen, and she understands why so.
She comes to stand besides her, turning to face the crowd around them, announcing loud and clear. "If I, from now onwards, hear any word of offense against Noura Al Makhzum in this harem, then by the order of Khalifa Al Shafay, you yourselves will be responsible for the punishment that befalls you." Arwa nods towards her. "She's daughter of a noble man. Her father served caliph Khalid ibn Al Malik all his life, and he was a great teacher to my husband, Yusuf bin Khalid, and made him into a better man and a just ruler. Any of you who honors the caliphs will honor the lady. Failing so shall result in grave consequences."
There's another stretched moment of silence before Arwa dismisses them all with a wave of her hand.
"Proceed the celebration," she orders before turning to her with a smile. "Sit down."
For the first time during all her stay here, she finds a friend in her-- someone who has defended her and spoken up for her when she felt alone. Noura gives her a small smile.
"Thank you."
She nods in acknowledgment of it before taking a seat. Noura does so too. The chatter continues and what escalated minutes ago remains nothing but dust.
"You look phenomenal, malika," one of the women compliments. "Your necklace is so lovely. Is it a gift from the Khalifa?"
Arwa smiles fleetingly. "Al Shafay gifted it to me," she tells them.
"If I recall correctly, princess Halah bint Al Malik had the same necklace," one of the older women says. "Is it the one, malika?"
"Yes," Arwa confirms. "It was a gift to the princess from her brother, caliph Khalid. I found it among her things left at the palace. Al Shafay suggested that I keep it."
"Ah, it would be only fair. Princess Halah always loved you like a daughter," the old woman says.
"My aunt was a sweet woman," Arwa replies, a distant look of nostalgia glimmering in her orbs-- sardonic and full of yearning.
But all Noura can pay mind to are her earrings. They're exquisite and lavish, gemstones crafted to perfection in that piece of jewelry. They're impossible to miss, and rather impossible to forget.
She had seen them before, back in the bazar when she visited the jewelry stall with Adam. She cannot be mistaken in recognizing them. And she's certainly not mistaken in guessing where the queen got them from.
An impressive gift to her from Adam.
✵
Well, any idea where are we going with the story?
Or any idea of a little surprise coming up ahead? Or maybe not really little.
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