25
"Huwag na huwag mo akong tutuksuhin," banta ko kaagad kay Kuya pagdating ko sa bahay namin.
The lights were all lit up. The maids were all busy cooking and cleaning. Everyone was anticipating this very moment.
Syempre, ipapakilala ko na ang boyfriend ko over dinner. Of course, it's a very exciting event. This is what they want. This is the event of the year.
Alam ko naman na sobrang unfair na ipinakilala na ako ni CJ sa pamilya niya. I should atleast make it official with my family, too, kahit nakailang kita na rin sila. After all, it will still come to this point.
I have no choice.
"Wala pa nga akong sinasabi, eh."
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Kilala ko ang tingin na 'yan. Do you think you can fool me?"
"You are just being defensive, Ysah. Bakit? Nahihiya ka ba?"
"You fucking piece of shit."
Sasakalin ko na sana siya nang maabutan kami ni Mom at Dad. Tumawa lamang si Kuya nang inirapan ko siya upang halikan ang mga pisngi ng mga magulang ko.
"Kanina ka pa ba?" Mom asked me.
"I just arrived."
"How about Attorney Perez? Anong oras daw siya dadating? The food is not yet ready."
"Mamayang 7 PM pa."
"I should go to the kitchen to monitor it."
Oh my gosh, they are exaggerating. I rolled my eyes when Mom left to the kitchen. Dad also excused himself to take a call.
"Nasaan si Ate Irina?" I asked.
"Nasa guest room, nanonood ng movie."
I left my brother and went to the guest room. I am nervous but I don't want them to see it. Kaso, gusto ko talaga ng advice. Eh, sa pamilyang ito, si Ate Irina lang naman ang makakausap mo nang matino.
I really hope she's in her best mood today.
I knocked on the door. "Ate?"
"Sino 'yan?"
Sobrang mahinahon ng kanyang boses. She sounds like a literal angel. Even her voice.
"It's Euresah."
"Oh, come in!"
Binuksan ko ang pinto. She was sitting on the bed, eating chocolates. Her baby bump was getting bigger. Pumasok na ako at isinara ang pinto upang lapitan siya.
Ate Irina was watching Powerpuff Girls. Gosh, can I bring her home na lang? She's really cute and beautiful.
"Ayos na ba sa labas?" she asked.
"Hindi pa. Actually, nandito ako para makipag-usap."
She looked at me in wonder. Then she smiled. Umurog siya sa kama at tinapik iyong space na nasa tabi niya. I sighed and sat there, too.
Para kaming mga bata. We were watching Powerpuff Girls. She was eating chocolates. And I'm having boy problems.
"Kinakabahan ako," panimula ko. "Is this a good idea? How about you? What did you do when you presented Kuya to your family?"
She tilted his head and looked at me.
"Ysah, we're different. You shouldn't ask what it's like. Instead, you should experience it firsthand. Of course, this is new to you because all your life you've been closing your doors to everyone."
Napalunok ako. "Ate..."
"Hush. I know. I am not a fool. I've been there before. Depression."
Tumingin ako sa TV para iwasan ang kanyang mga titig. I already got over it but it's weird to talk about it maliban na lang sa therapist ko.
"I don't know what happened but I can see that everything is new to you. These past years, you've been very distant. Now that you have your man, you opened yourself not just to him, but also to the people around you."
Pinaglaruan ko ang mga daliri habang nakikinig.
"Kaya naman naiintindihan ko sina Mom at Dad. Kung bago ito lahat sa 'yo, bago rin ito lahat sa kanila... sa amin. I'm happy for you."
I smiled. "Salamat, Ate."
Naramdaman ko na parang totoong kapatid ko talaga siya. Of course, iba pa rin kapag may babaeng kapatid. They understand your moods, your hysterics, your anxieties. Kasi nafe-feel din nila iyon.
I am grateful to have Kuya Sebastian. And I am also grateful that she married a woman like Ate Irina.
"He's a great guy, Ysah. And very rare."
"Yeah, he is."
"And look at those muscles! Naku, kahit naka-tuxedo iyon palagi sa tuwing nakikita ko ay halata na sobrang malaman ang katawan."
I laughed, especially when she sounded so cute describing it. Sobrang mahinahon niya talaga.
"I know this is awkward," wika ko, "but can I hug you?"
Nahinto siya sa pagkagat ng tsokolate at tiningnan ako sa mata. She looked like a rabbit.
"Pero hindi naman kailangan kung ayaw mo. I mean, I'm not forcing you to hug me. I am just very nervous and worried-"
Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang niyakap ako ni Ate Irina. It was very comforting. In that very moment, I closed my eyes and felt her warm embrace.
I was not worried anymore. My confidence regained and I got a grip of my thoughts.
This thing is important to me. This is important for my family. Ate Irina was right. I was opening myself which is a very rare sight.
Kaya naman naiintindihan ko kung bakit exaggerated si Mom. Kung bakit ganito kasabik si Kuya. It was rare for me to talk to them. It was rare for me to share something to them.
"Ayos na lahat," ani Mom.
Proud na proud siya nang nakatingin sa dining table na naka-set up na. Sakto naman na nag-text si CJ na nasa labas na siya.
"He's here. I'm going to meet him outside."
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh," si Mom.
"Kalma, Karen," sabay tawa ni Dad. "Parang ikaw pa yata ang may ipapakilalang boyfriend sa amin, eh."
My hands were sweating. I took a deep breath and went outside of the house. Napangiti ako nang makita si CJ na lumabas sa kanyang sasakyan.
Inayos niya ang kanyang buhok at nang makita ako ay kaagad na ngumiti.
His white dress shirt was perfect. Pati na rin ang kanyang slacks. Sobrang simple lang naman ng suot niya pero ang lakas ng dating sa akin. O baka masyado lang akong biased kasi mahal ko siya.
"Let's go?" I asked when he was in front of me.
"Let's go."
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at sabay kaming pumasok sa loob. Nakita ko ang pagngiti ng mga maid.
Nang makarating na sa dining area, sabay silang tumingin sa magkahawak naming kamay. Nakita ko na paiyak na si Mom.
"Cooper," ani Kuya.
"Sebastian." Pati kay Ate Irina ay tumango si CJ
"Good evening, Cooper," ani Dad.
Nagkamayan silang dalawa. Si Mom naman ay hinalikan ang pisngi ni CJ at kinailangan pang mag-tiptoe kasi sobrang tangkad ng boyfriend ko.
Pumuwesto na kami sa dining area. I sat beside him. Nasa tapat naman namin sina Kuya, Ate Irina, at Mom. Nasa gitna naman si Dad. The food was served.
"So you are a real estate lawyer?' panimula ni Dad.
In a minute, they started to talk about politics and law. Ngunit nakakatuwa rin na hindi lang sila nag-focus sa amin.
The topic would divert to Ate Irina's pregnancy, the company, planning to have a vacation soon, and many more.
I thought they will press us but I'm glad that they didn't.
Sumulyap ako kay CJ at nakita ko kung gaano siya kasaya ngayong nakilala na nang mas pormal ang pamilya ko. I also gave Ate Irina a small smile.
"I am really happy that you joined us tonight," ani Mom nang tumayo na kami upang magpaalam kay CJ.
"It is an honor, Tita Karen."
"Ihahatid ko muna si CJ sa labas," sabi ko.
Naglakad na kami papunta sa labas. Kaagad akong nakahinga nang maluwag lalo na at sinalubong kami ng malamig na simoy ng hangin.
I looked at CJ and saw a ghost of a smile on his face. He was really enjoying it, huh?
"I hope hindi ka nakulitan sa mga magulang ko," I said.
"Hindi naman. Sobrang cute nga ng mom mo."
"Not really." I made a grimaced.
He chuckled and patted my head. Gustong-gusto ko sa tuwing ginagawa niya iyon sa akin.
"Thank you, Euresah."
I smiled. "Thank you, CJ."
It hurt to see him opened the door. Parang tanga lang. Kahit alam ko naman na magkikita pa kami bukas, namimiss ko na siya.
"Text kita pagdating ko sa bahay."
"Sige," sabi ko at kumaway. "Ingat ka."
Hinintay ko pa na mawala ang sasakyan niya bago ako pumasok sa loob. Nasa hapagkainan pa sila at nag-uusap. Umupo na ako sa dating upuan at kumuha ng dessert.
"Ang gwapo naman ng boyfriend mo, Ysah," si Mom.
"I like him," ani Dad.
"He's the best boyfriend so far."
Mahinang natawa si Kuya. "Mom, siya pa lang ang nakilala nating boyfriend ni Ysah."
"Who knows, right? Baka naman may naging boyfriend na itong si Ysah na hindi man lang sinasabi sa atin, 'di ba?"
Natigilan ako at tumingin kay Mom. Nakita ko na masaya siya ngayon. But...
"See? Sobrang dali lang namang magpakilala ng lalaki sa amin. Kaya naman huwag ka nang mahiya pa. Ilan na ba ang naging boyfriend mo?"
They all looked at me.
"Wala pa akong naging boyfriend maliban kay CJ."
Mom sheepishly smiled. "Sus, huwag ka nang mahiya."
"Noong high school ay wala ka ba talagang naging boyfriend?" ani Dad.
Inilapag ko ang kutsara at tiningnan silang dalawa. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin.
"O baka may nagustuhan ka man lang," si Mom. "For sure, sa States ay may naging boyfriend ka rin doon during your master's degree."
All this time... they never really cared. They never really noticed.
Kuya noticed my mood. He got serious as he looked at me. Lalo na nang bigla na lang magtubig ang mga mata ko. What the hell. I just had a perfect night. Why did they even ruin it?
"What's wrong?" tanong ni Mom.
"You are asking me if I ever had a boyfriend during high school?" I asked. "Mom, I already told you a lot of times. I had a hard time during my teenage years."
"Euresah," tawag ni Dad.
"I was bullied!" galit kong tugon.
Tuluyan nang kumunot ang noo nila. Ate Irina bowed her head down. Kuya drank some water.
"Come on, Euresah, that was a long time ago," ani Dad.
"Oh my gosh." Tuluyan na akong tumayo. "Did you hear me? I said I was bullied."
"I heard you, Anak, but that was a long time ago-"
"Mom, jusko! That was a long time ago but I was still traumatized about it. Ilang beses kong sinabi sa inyo pero you just thought na nag-iinarte lang ako. I pleaded... begged... pero hindi niyo ako pinakinggan."
Mom was puzzled. "Anak, hindi ka namin maintindihan. What are you talking about?"
This is what I feared most. The more she got confused, the more I proved that she didn't care at all.
"You all believed that I am strong but I am barely surviving. You did not listen to me when I told you that my classmates locked me up in the CR. You don't know how much I cried because of what they are telling me. I was traumatized. I was depressed."
"Now this is too much," ani Dad.
I looked at Ate Irina and I saw that she was the only one who understood. She was the only one who felt it.
And I had enough.
Walang sabi akong naglakad palabas ng bahay. Narinig ko ang pagtawag nila pero hindi ko na sila pinakinggan. I went inside my car, crying my heart out.
Within that night, I texted Greg that I'll be gone for a few days, I booked a flight to Cebu, and turned my phone off.
I need to escape. I need to be alone. No one cares. No one listens.