If you will be given a chance to unmeet someone, will you? If you'll ask me that, in a heartbeat I will. I don't believe in second chances, their mere existence only proves that people will validate their wrongdoings, that after one chance, you'll surely give a second.
"We really need to chill before law school finally starts," Riley said in a whisper. Hindi pa ba chill 'to? We've been drinking since 10 pm last night, and it's freaking 4 am already. Mom would kill me, dapat ata makitulog muna ako sa condo ni Ate Trish. But, the bitch is a talker, too.
"Can you stop texting!" He said, annoyingly. "Ang under mo, 'no."
I rolled my eyes. "Who'll pick us up if I don't text him."
"Let's just book a Grab." He suggested.
"Tss.. Asan na ba sila?"
"I don't know. Probably, enjoying it. Tss, ang KJ mo minsan."
We waited for half an hour before my boyfriend picked us up. Nakataas agad 'yong kilay niya sa akin, I didn't even text him about this, nagtatampo kasi ako dahil sobrang busy niya sa med. Not that I'm a bitch girlfriend, pero tangina sa date namin transes niya kaharap niya at hindi man lang niya ako pinapansin. Pati sa buto nagseselos na ako.
"Hi!" I smiled widely then planted a brief kiss on his cheek. Naunang nag-start ngayong sem 'yong klase nila. Same age naman kami, we met during our college days, football player siya, pero naglalaro din siya ng basketball, gaya ng mga kaibigan ko.
"Tss, at least inform me about your little rendezvous with your best friend," he whispered.
Because I don't want to be shouted at home, sa condo ni Riley ako nagpahatid sa boyfriend ko. He's cool with my friendship with Riley, pinsan din naman kasi ng best friend ni Ate Trish na si Kuya Marco si Riley. And ever since my 6th birthday we were inseparable.
Lahat ng katarantaduhan niya alam ko, he knew me so well, too. We got each other's back, like siblings. Gano'n din naman siya mga best friend kong iba.
First sem started, sabi sa akin ni Riley wala naman daw ganap sa unang week ng law school, pero tangina sino ba informant niya at may recit agad sa isang subject? Halos mabaliw akong basahin lahat kagabi. And hell, during that recit nagja-jump si Prosec, halos dasalan ko lahat ng santong kilala ko. Luckily, I was not called.
"Sino ba informant mo? You're so wrong, dearest best friend," I said, mockingly.
"Si Kuya Calix."
"Kuya Marco's brother?"
"Yeah. Why are you giving me that face?! Ako nga 'yong nakatayo ng 30 mins." He said with an irritated voice.
"Tss. Next time, let's ask someone else, he's not even legit." I said, slowly.
Umupo muna kami sa bench habang naghihintay nang dating ng isang prof. Male-late daw, pero tangina 1 hour na, wala bang grace period dito sa law? Sa Accountancy no'n 15 mins lang e.
Riley creased his forehead. "Bakit nandito sa building ng law si Ate Trish?"
Sinundan ko 'yong tingin niya. "Tss. Patay na patay."
"Kanino?" Tanong n'ya kahit nagbabasa siya sa codal niya.
"Kanino pa ba? Kuya Miggy. Hindi na lang kasi magpatulong kay Ate Gab, pinapahirapan pa 'yong sarili. Or ang dami namang nanliligaw sa kanya. Tss."
He laughed at me. "Nagsalita 'yong hindi patay na patay sa jowa."
"Excuse me, hindi 'no! Speaking of that asshole, he's not even replying. Nakain na ata ng cadaver." Pagbibiro ko.
"Baka or may iba nang ginagawa," halos pabulong na sabi niya.
"Ano?!"
"Wala. Magbasa ka na. Pustahan tayo, meron si judge?"
I arched my brow. "Anong kapalit? Ako wala. Hello, 1 hour na."
"You'll treat me from breakfast to dinner for a month." He said, slowly.
"Dukha," natatawang sabi ko. "Fine, deal."
And the asshole won, not that I'm complaining, it's weird not living with someone. During my undergrad kasi may times na nakitira ako sa condo ni Ate Trish, but damn, I can't live with her, my body will fail me. Lahat takeouts talaga, na-try ko pang iisang condo kami nila Ate Gab, Ate Trish at Kuya Josh at mas worst. Ang lala nila kasama, lahat instant, noong nalaman ng parents namin 'yon, lahat kami pinauwi sa mga bahay namin. Though, no'ng kita nilang hirap ako, may condo na silang binigay, hindi ko nga lang lagi tinitirhan.
Luckily that time nandito pa si Kuya Paulo, may driver kami. Kahit anytime ang gala sinusundo kami, even Kuya Marco. Unang bar hopping experience namin ni Riley, sila ang kasama namin. And I swear, pre-med and med students are wild.
"What's with the face?" Riley asked. My class just ended, it's freaking 9 pm already. Nagugutom na ako, kailangan pang umuwi, tapos gagawa pa ng digest para hindi matambakan. Why did I commit to this anyway? I could just help my brother run our businesses. Or ask mom to build me a bank since I passed the CPALE, but that's too much. And I wanted to pursue this.
"Troy's not replying." I murmured. Naghihintay kami ng na-book n'yang Grab, we rarely bring a car since it's so annoying driving at this hour with the kind of traffic in Manila.
"When was the last time he texted you?"
"Last week... He told me LE week nila, so I didn't bother him. Pero Saturday na, kahapon pa tapos 'yon."
Sumakay na lang kami ng kotse. We talked about my frustrations of Troy, isang sem na kaming ganito. I don't want to be the clingy one, wala rin naman akong time sa mga shenanigans n'ya, at napupuno na ako. I hate waiting for too long, if I want something to be done I do it immediately, instead of having gap moments where I overthink and self-doubt, I act on it. Mommy didn't raise me that way, ang maghintay lang lagi.
"Just go to his unit, tomorrow." Riley suggested.
"Oh, bakit parang natakot ka?" Dugtong niya.
I changed the way I sat. I can't lie with this asshole. "I kinda opened his messenger last night, and I don't know. He had a convo with his classmate, 'yong lab partner niya, pero almost deleted 'yong thread."
He challenged my stares. "Do you feel something weird about it?"
"Kinda. I mean, is that normal? You delete 20+ messages?"
"I don't know. Why would I exert an effort to delete messages?" He asked, meaningfully.
Yeah, I thought of that, too. Pero may tiwala ako sa kanya. But, lately he's doing everything in opposite, I tried hard to understand, though lagi niyang sinasabi na tambak 'yong backlogs n'ya, na araw-araw 'yong exams nila at hindi natatapos ang SGDs' nila. Sometimes I pretend that I understand him, ano ba 'yong SGD?
I didn't sleep peacefully, paikot-ikot ako sa kama. Like my soul was anticipating something tragic, instead of letting my anxiety eat me, I just did my digest.
The next day since it's a Sunday, niyaya ko munang magsimba si Riley. This is a routine for us. Si Yca naman parang puyat din, saan ba galing 'to? Classmates sila ni Troy sa med, so parang panatag akong may bantay ako.
"Puyat na puyat," komento ko.
"Yeah, bakit puyat ka?!" Tanong naman ni Riley. Dito pa ba sila mag-aaway? Sa harap ng Diyos talaga? They've been together since they're sixteen. Pero lately nagkakalabuan din sila. Yca was supposed to go with us in law school, pero in a minute nag-NMAT si gaga.
"We went out last night. Block." Sagot niya.
"Hindi ka man lang nagsabi." Sabat ni Riley.
"Kasama niyo ni Troy?" Tanong ko na halata namang obvious.
"Yeah, pero nauna akong umuwi. Nakita ko kasi sa bar si Kuya Yvo, napauwi tuloy ako. I just wish hindi s'ya madulas kay Ate Yna, baka malaman pa ni mommy."
Riley smirked. "Tss."
Dahil mukhang mag-uusap 'yong dalawa, nauna na akong umuwi. But, on my way to my condo I decided to just drop by at Troy's place. Isang school lang kami hindi pa kami nagkikita, forgiven, sobrang layo ng building namin, at magsisimula ang klase ko patapos na 'yong kanya.
Bumili din ako ng cake since 4th year anniversary namin last week, pero hindi naman kami nakapag celebrate kasi Long exam week daw n'ya, which is every week naman. Kung sa law, recit ang araw-araw, sa med ay exams at SGDs'.
We know each other's code for instances like this na hindi man lang ako replayan ni gago, I asked if he's home. Wala man lang reply, tumuloy pa din ako. Mabilis lang naman ako nakarating.
Pagpasok ko halos nakasara pa 'yong mga blinds ng glass wall n'ya. I opened it for better lighting. Nilagay ko din muna sa ref 'yong cake, I also ordered other foods, baka sabihan nanaman n'ya akong hindi 'sya pwedeng lumabas since may SGD s'ya or may exam bukas.
I went to his room after, the bed was undone. Ang gulo. I scanned the whole room, wala namang bago bukod sa magulong kama. His shirt however was on the floor together with his pants. Pinulot ko na lang at nilagay sa laundry basket.
Rinig na rinig ko 'yong agos ng shower n'ya. But, what caught my attention in his dresser was a Chanel mini bag. It was not mine, surely, it looked fake. I didn't bother looking for signs kung kanino 'yon.
My instinct was so fast, binuksan ko agad 'yong shower, and what the fuck, I caught him having shower sex with his classmate- Eina. Lab partner, really? Ganito ba nila inaaral ang Anatomy? By having casual sex? Kasi never pa namin ginawa 'to.
The girl tapped his shoulder, nakatalikod si gago habang gumagawa ng eskandalo, the girl tried to hide her ugly face on Troy's shoulder. Nahiya pa si gaga, imbes nag-aaral, nagpapabayo.
Humarap s'ya sa akin. Tangina! Hindi ko s'ya magawang tignan. Sinara ko agad 'yong pinto at lumabas ng kwarto. Mabilis kong kinuha 'yong bag ko sa counter, pero naabutan n'ya ako. Nakatapis na siya ng tuwalya.
Pero dahil sa inis ko, kinuha ko 'yong cake sa ref at hinampas sa mukha n'ya. Tangina, kaya pala inalis ko agad sa karton kanina, may purpose pala.
"You're so gross and dirty. Tapos na tayo. Tangina ka! Don't you fucking go near me. I'll destroy you."
"Baby... it's not what you think. Ngayon lang, swear. I'm just stressed with exams." He begged.
"Oh, yeah? Stressed din ako e. Maybe I should find someone to have sex with too? Might ease everything, right? Fuck you, we are over!" I said then slapped him with my Balenciaga bag, a real one. Ish, wrong move nadumihan pa, mas mahal pa 'to sa kaluluwa niya.
"You okay?" Riley asked for the nth time today. One week na rin namang nakalipas 'yon. I think I'll be okay, soon. Ano ba naman 'yong four years kumpara sa pangarap kong lifetime. Madali ko s'yang mapapalitan if I want to, I got suitors from my department and from his. 'Yong iba mga anak ng kasosyo sa businesses.
"Tss. He's here again." Riley added. Nasa harap nanaman ng condo si gago, kanina pa tumatawag 'yong lobby. I blocked his way here and in my life. And bonus pang nabugbog s'ya ni Kuya Marco. I am thankful he did that for me, pero sinabi kong wag munang sasabihin kay ate. Because knowing Trishabella, she can drag and pull someone's hair without blinking.
Second semester started way better. I felt calm. The vacation helped me somehow, I rarely think of him. Or dahil gano'n ginawa n'ya kaya diring-diri ako sa kanya. Kuya Marco even filed for a restraining order against Troy, how money can easily do magic for you.
Pero hindi paawat si gago. I can see him in school still, hindi man lumalapit pero pinapakita n'yang nasa paligid s'ya. He transferred to a different school, Kuya Marco forced him. I don't know about that talk they did in a precinct, I'm too drunk to remember.
For weeks, Kuya Calix was popping up everywhere. Sa coffee shop, sa library, sa hallway at sa condo ko. What's with him? I'm getting annoyed already.
"Why are you here again, Kuya?" I asked, mockingly. Kasama ko si Riley ngayon sa Tim Hortons. Malapit na 'yong prelims namin.
"Ayaw mo talaga?" He asked as he sipped on my coffee. Bakit kahilig niyang makihati sa mga order ko? How bored is he to be always around me anyway? Fourth year na s'ya pero ang chill n'ya, or was it because he's equally smart, too.
"Still no," I answered. "Why you kept insisting we pretend anyway? Ano ba makukuha mong tulungan ako, ha?!"
His side lips angled playfully, he held my stares like he owns me. "I'll help you move on."
Fuck you! You helped me move on from him, but you never taught me how to move on from you. Who's gonna help me now, Calixto Luis Silva?