Okay, so many moons ago I promised another chapter so this is me fulfilling that promise, like 4 months later than I said I would. So so sorry about that. Some very kind and helpful commenter brought up said promise and I pretty much can't do anything unless I'm basically guilt tripped into it so here is the next chapter! So thank you to that person. Don't worry people not giving up on this story. TW for pretty much every thing this story contains that you already know. Also thank you for all the comments I haven't been responding to because I felt bad but I appreciate them all!!
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Toni dropped to her knees in front of Carol's motionless body.
It felt as though time simultaneously stood still and sped up. By the time she was able to force out a cry fo help, she had no idea how long she had been kneeling there.
The house remained eerily silent.
"Carol, fuck. Get up," Toni cried, her voice wobbling and shaking so much so that the words came out as more of a jumbled, broken mewl.
With trembling hands, she reached out and shook the body. Too gentle to even stir a light sleeper.
Carol's half lidded, unresponsive eyes stared back at her, just off centre to make eye contact.
"Okay, okay okay," Toni muttered to herself frantically in an attempt to gather her thoughts. She tried to take a deep breath in but ended up choking on air. Leaning over Carol's body she tried to listen for breaths but could only hear her own rattling, heavy exhalations.
Frustration built in her chest, "Shit!" She pushed herself away from the body and pounded her fists into the floor. One after the other until her knuckles screamed at her to stop.
It became obvious that no one had heard her call for help. Toni scrambled to her feet on jelly legs and stumbled into the lounge where Carol's friends were still passed out. A bolt of dread flashed through her as she considered that they were all in the same condition as Carol, but then she remembered that she had heard snoring on the way in.
Finally something clicked in her mind that this was an emergency situation. "Hey!" She walked up to the couch where the man was sleeping. "Wake up!" she exclaimed, not wanting to touch him but giving him a firm shake. He stirred slightly so she yanked the blanket off of him. Toni instantly recognised him. It was the man greasy man that barged into her room thinking it was the bathroom about two months ago. She shivered in disgust but there was no time to linger on thoughts of that night.
She gave him a firm slap to the face which, in hindsight, she might not have chosen as the method for waking him up had she not recognised him. She man jumped up and immediately clutched his head.
"Why the fuck did you wake me?" he grumbled, rage coating his tongue.
Toni didn't fuck around. "It's Carol she in the other room and completely unresponsive."
The mans face went white. "Wait, like... she's dead? Oh fuck." The greasy man stumbled off of the couch and staggered over to the woman who was still passed out.
Toni assumed he was getting her to help so she started walking towards Carol's room again. "She's just in here."
Just was she rocked up to Carol's bedroom door she heard the front door slam. "No no no no," she muttered racing back towards the lounge. Both of the guests were gone.
Toni bit her lip so hard she tasted copper. This was the first point where she seriously contemplated calling an ambulance. But fuck it, no. She was not going to let Carol fuck up her life over some stupid overdose. She was going to fix this herself.
It struck her that of all the people that she could call to help her with this, she was the most qualified to deal with it. She was the only one of her friends that had handled overdoses before. Regardless, she had no idea what Carol had overdosed on, hell it could just be booze for all she knew. But she knew Carol, alcohol was not enough for that lady once she got going. She scoured the house to find what they were using.
In conclusion, she found pretty much every drug that she knew the name of and a few others that she didn't. But there was pills. Lots of them. Hopefully those were the cause of Carol's overdose.
Her heart was in her throat when she got back to Carol's room. She was exactly how she left her. Toni knelt over her again and this time, calmed herself enough to listen for breathing. It was faint, but she was breathing. Thank God. Fuck. If you're up there thank you, Toni thought to herself looking up at the sky.
When Toni looked back down it wasn't Carol. But her mom. "What?" Toni shook her head her heart sinking to her stomach, "This isn't r-" she took a deep shuddering breath and closed her eyes. "This isn't real." When she opened her eyes again it was Carol. This was not the time for her mind to be playing tricks on her. She had dealt with drug overdoses before but, as far as she was aware, never her own mother.
She stored that hallucination/memory away in her mind to never touch or address again. She had enough fucked up memories for a life time, she didn't need another.
Looking around Carol's room she eyed a waste-bin under her desk. She grabbed it and brought it over by Carol. She braced herself for one of the most unpleasant things she would ever have to do. She propped Carol up so that she was between her legs and leaning against her torso. A small groan exited Carol's mouth. That's a good sign, Toni thought. "I know, believe me, I do not want to do this either," Toni said softly.
Toni tried to send her mind anywhere else before shoving her fingers down Carol's throat.
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Toni sat in Carol's room and watched her.
After emptying the waste-bin, washing her hands and moving Carol to her bed the only thing Toni could do was wait. She couldn't leave Carol alone to clean the house so she decided to text Shelby whilst intermittently checking that Carol was still breathing. She had never, in her short time living with Carol, been so grateful that it was a weekend.
Toni stretched out the the weird freudian therapy couch thing that Carol had in her room. It was more comfortable than her own bed.
She only had one unread text from Shelby.
Shelby: Tell me you got home okay please!
The message was only sent about half an hour ago. Toni looked at the clock and realised that that would have been when she got home. Even though it felt like hours the whole ordeal really only lasted 30 minutes.
Toni: I'm home. Carol was sick so I was helping her out. She's fine now though. What are you up to today?
Toni opened instagram and scrolled. There were tons of posts from her teammates about the last game which was on yesterday. Toni didn't go because she couldn't bare to watch her team play without her. They lost. Shelby replied after a few minutes of torturing herself wishing she had been on the court.
Shelby: I feel like 'sick' does not actually mean sick but as long as you're okay I don't mind. My dad is taking me dress shopping for the pageant next week. Yay
The yay was followed by an emoji that definitely indicated the opposite of 'yay.' There was something that Toni always wondered about Shelby. Well, wondered after she got to know her properly.
Toni: Does that mean you are not exited to shop with your dad or not excited for the pageant?
The text bubble appeared with '...' before disappearing again. This happened three times before Toni started to feel guilty for asking.
Eventually a message came through.
Shelby: Both
Just as Toni was trying to formulate a reply to the minimal response, another came through.
Shelby: I think. I don't really know how to know what I like. Hell, I didn't even know I liked you until I kissed you. I think I like the singing aspect of pageants but not much else and definitely not going dress shopping with my dad.
The message promptly broke Toni's heart into a million pieces. Sure, her life hadn't been sunshine and rainbows but at least she knew who she was and was given the space to know what things brought her joy. Shelby was just handed hobbies and told that she liked them. Toni couldn't imagine having to fake something so much that she couldn't even tell which of her feelings were real.
Toni didn't know how to respond. What do you say when someone tells you they don't even know if the thing they've devoted a huge chunk o their life to is something they enjoy? Toni took the cowards way out. She answered with another question.
Toni: What would happen if you told him that?
She hung her head. She wished that she had the right words to say but Shelby and her had such opposite lives and were such different people that Toni's advice would probably get her kicked out.
Shelby: I think he would probably start watching me a lot closer to see what or who is causing me to act unlike myself
The text bubble came up showing that Shelby was still typing. Toni held her breath.
Shelby: Changing one extracurricular activity that I don't love is not worth losing you
Toni didn't know whether or not that made her feel good. Because as nice as it was to hear that Shelby didn't want to lose her, she also knew that the only way they could be together is if Shelby has to be someone else for... well, indefinitely. Before Toni could type out a response her phone dinged again.
Shelby: Let's not worry about all that right now. We have time to figure things out. I am free after that at about 1ish? If you are
Toni couldn't help the slight relief that coursed through her that that conversation had been shelved for now. Day two of their relationship was not the time to start panicking about the fact that they were sneaking around. Shelby was right. They had time and they also had bigger than average consequences of being found out.
Toni: Yeah we wouldn't want your dad hovering any more than he already does. You're right, we have time to figure something out but we will come back to this conversation. I'm free then. I don't think Carol will be bothering me too much today
With that thought, Toni got up to check on Carol. She grabbed Carol's wrist and felt for a pulse. There was one there. It felt totally normal to her. Suddenly Carol's wrist was yanked out of her grip. Toni stumbled back.
"Get out of my room," Carol's voice came out quiet but venomous. That was enough for Toni. She had done what needed to be done. Grabbing her phone she quickly exited the room and closed the door quietly behind her. She tried not to think about the irony of how relieved she was that the person she wanted dead the most was alive.
By the time Toni had finished cleaning the house, it was close to 1pm. She checked her phone to see if Shelby had messaged but instead saw an email from school. She opened her mail app and read the subject: Grades for the End of Term Physics Assessment.
It was only seeing the subject title that Toni remembered how much was riding on this grade. These 2 months without basketball showed just how hard it was to get through regular life let alone life with Carol. The amount of fights she's had and drama she's stirred has been innumerable since she was kicked off the team.
As her finger hovered over the email to open it a message came through from Shelby. She pressed the notification. The first thing she saw was the sheer number of party hat emojis.
Shelby: We did it!! You got your A
Without a second thought Toni clicked the call button in the corner. It rang twice before a voice came though of the other side. "Toni you're back on the team!"
Toni didn't know what it was but the second Shelby's ridiculously excited southern accent blared through her speakers Toni absolutely shut down. White noise reverberated through her head. She could hear muffled sounds coming from the speakers but couldn't place the words or understand what was being said.
All that she could hear, see or feel was her mother, lying in a puddle of her own sick, her own frantic screams and the feel of the cheap, prickly carpet under her knees. Flashes of a memory that she had buried 7 years ago completely assaulted her senses.
The sound of sirens. Blue and red. The paramedic knocking her out of the way by accident. The other one sitting Toni in her lap while he stabbed her mom in the thigh with a long needle. "These people shouldn't have children." The phrase bounced around her head like someone was whispering it into her ear.
Her own voice echoed next, young, quiet and scared, "Where are you taking her? Are you leaving." Someone's hand holding her own. "We are going too don't worry. We won't keep you from your mommy." Images of streetlights, barely lighting the road, chain gates and Christmas lights wrapped around the top of trailers flew before her eyes, blurred by tears that weren't currently in her eyes.
Like a rubber band Toni snapped back into her own head. For a moment she was lost in time until she heard Shelby's voice, "Toni? Toni I'm coming now." The jingling of keys. "I'm on my way, hang on."
Finally her voice came out, gravely and horse, "Shelby I'm fine."
"What happened? You were talking and then it sounded like you were crying."
Toni noticed her position. Sitting on the floor in the middle of the hallway. Though there were no tears on her cheeks. "Don't come over." She took a shuddering breath and pressed her hand against her chest to calm herself. "I'm fine".
The sound of a car horn reached her ears. "Toni, you are not fine. I'm coming to pick you up around the corner. If you don't want me there I will take you to Dot's or Martha's house but I'm not leaving you alone in that house."
Her lungs were not filling with air. "Don't take me to Martha's or Dot's. Please," her voice cracked.
"Okay," Shelby breathed as though she was holding her breath. "We can drive around. I'm nearly there."
Toni gingerly got up, grabbed her coat and left. The memories of a life she barely remembered were still fresh in her mind.