The following morning, Rodney stood a few buildings down waiting for Alicia to come out of her building. Today would be the day she would return to Lotus to pick up the contract. As he waited, he whistled to himself, glancing at his watch. The bright glare from the sun didn't bother him nor did the loud music coming from an open, apartment window since he was in a good mood. He smiled to himself as he thought about the night before; he couldn't remember the last time he had smiled or laughed that much. Normally, he didn't enjoy drinking since Cortes or Michael always did something crazy to him since he was such a lightweight, but being able to let his guard down for once was freeing and it was all because of Alicia. He didn't expect her to be surprisingly understanding and thoughtful like that. He chuckled to himself and shook his head.
The door opened and Maxine came out, dressed in scrubs. Though it was the weekend, it looked like she was going to work. Quickly, Rodney ducked as she crossed the street. When she was far away enough, he stood up straight and strolled over to their building. He squinted up at Alicia's bedroom window, continuing to whistle a cheerful tune.
Finally, Alicia came down and when she noticed him standing there, he smiled brightly at her.
"What are you doing here?" she frowned.
"Aren't you going to sign those papers today?" he asked.
"Yes, but you don't have to be there for that," she said.
"Oh come on, you said you'd interview me too," he said.
She weighed this silently, tilting her head this way and that. When he woke up today, the first thing on his mind was to see her again, though he technically had no reason to. Subconsciously, he told himself that she still needed to interview him and wanted to make sure she got her venue. After coming up with that reason, he didn't question his motives anymore.
But perhaps his desire to see her again was there, birthed in the spaces between them from the day before. In the laughter, the silliness, the europhia they shared yesterday. He half-smiled lazily.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"For what?" she asked.
He twisted his body this way and that hesitantly before saying, "For acting out of character last night when I was drunk."
She shook her head, but smiled, "You didn't do anything wrong."
He nodded, wondering if he should push, if he should mention how he held her too. When he got home last night and all this morning, he kept replaying the moment in his head and how right it felt to be holding her like that, how perfectly she fit in his arms. She smelled so good and felt so soft. If he had to admit it, holding her like that felt better than any woman he's ever hugged or slept with in the past—which should've been alarming since she was so plain, but he had thought about the moment several times that he had come to terms with it.
And perhaps she wasn't necessarily anyone's 'dream girl' per se just by looking at her, but holding her sure did something to a man. Her skin smelled like jasmines, and was so smooth, so supple. Still, he doubted if she's ever had any experience with men with the way she darted away from him afterwards. He bit his lip, thinking about her encounter with that dumb basketball loser from yesterday and how she shyly smiled at him. He wondered if clowns like him founded her appearances appealing; he stuck his tongue into his cheek. Just to himself, he was able to admit that the little attention she got from men like that loser bothered him, but he quickly casted that thought aside.
"Rodney?" Alicia called and he shook out of his daze. "Let's go."
She led the way and he followed after her, putting to rest the situation. It didn't matter to him if she had experience dating or not. It wasn't like they would be hanging with each other for very long. Spending time with her these past few days was fun and the highlight of his day, but that was it.
She interviewed him along the way and a little bit after she picked up the contract. Afterwards, they grabbed lunch at the mall again before spending some time at the Hudson river again where he skipped rocks into the water, which made her clap for him, laughing.
"Wow, you're kind of cool, I see," she said.
Impressing her with something as little as skipping rocks over a river made him feel untouchable. It made him want to think of more ways to make her laugh and think highly of him. As he continued to fling rocks into the water, she cheered him on and loftily, he stood up straight, squaring his shoulders.
When they got off the train and was in Harlem, he decided to walk her back to her building. She tried to decline, but he wouldn't take no for an answer so she gave in. A part of him was a little disappointed that they wouldn't be spending the day together like before, but he couldn't think of an excuse for them to still hang out.
"Rodney? Aye, is that you?"
The two of them whirled around and Rodney froze. There stood Derek, walking up to them with this frosty smile on his face. Without thinking about it, Rodney grabbed Alicia's wrist and pulled her behind him, as if that could protect her from being in Derek's presence. At his touch, she froze over, but didn't pull away. Rodney made a mental note that even a simple touch made her antsy. She wasn't exposed to the world of guileless touches or more and she possibly never would be. She looked at Derek as if she had seen a ghost.
"Hey, Rodney, how are you?" Derek asked.
Rodney gritted his teeth and stood up straight, trying to remain calm, but he kept cursing himself out in his head. He just had to visit her, had to see her—now his brother caught them together. Honestly speaking, he didn't want Derek seeing him with this girl and thinking something.
"I said," Derek play pushed him harder than normal, "How are you? Are you deaf?"
"I'm fine," Rodney said flatly.
"That's cool," Derek paused and glanced at Alicia again, "I'm great."
Rodney didn't say anything to that, hoping Derek would move along. Hoping he wouldn't have to introduce him to Alicia. It wouldn't matter after this week who this girl was. They weren't going to see each other now that he knew she was okay and not upset over his words anymore. Besides that, Rodney honestly didn't want to introduce her to his brother. Derek would clown Rodney for hanging out with someone like Alicia the wallflower.
"Okay, well, see you—" Rodney said, pulling Alicia along.
"Hi, I'm Derek. Rodney's older brother," Derek said, stopping Rodney with a stern hand.
"I—I'm Alicia," she said.
"Oh word? Heard you," Derek said, "So, what's up? What you doing hanging around my brother for?"
"Well—" she started.
"It's for business," Rodney cut in.
Derek turned to look at Rodney and implied that he didn't believe it. Rodney let go of Alicia's wrist and let out a sigh.
"Business, Derek, come on...stop it, man," Rodney said.
Alicia lowered her head as Rodney clenched his teeth, eyeing his brother.
"Don't lie to me, my guy. You on a little date—" Derek said.
"Date?" he snapped. "Don't play me. This isn't a date. I wouldn't date..." he stopped himself from saying more and glanced at Alicia nervously. He couldn't see her expression because her head was still lowered. God, did he hope he hadn't stepped on her gentle feelings.
"Chill out. You're hurting the girl's feelings. How you just gonna say to her face that you wouldn't date her—"
"I didn't say that. I just said—"
"I—I have to get back home. Excuse me," Alicia said, entering her building.
"Wait a minute—" Rodney said, following her.
She didn't slow down and her head was still lowered. He had to jog just to catch up to her.
"I'm sorry about Derek—"
"I don't care about all that."
"You don't?" he asked, "Then look at me."
He pulled her to face him as she furrowed her brows. He wondered if she felt humiliated. He couldn't understand why. He was just telling his brother the truth. This thing between them was business, nothing more. He ran a hand over his head and cursed his brother for appearing suddenly. For ruining everything.
"I didn't mean to diss you—" he said.
"You didn't diss me," she folded her arms. "It was just business like you said...I...I know I'm not your type. Maxine is. I know. That's why you were speaking to her."
"Alicia—" he said.
"Look, I have to go. I have a lot on my plate," she said, leaving him there.
He felt the pain that he felt before at making her cry surge through him and punched the air. He didn't know how to stop hurting her, and they didn't work out at all so why did the laughter and smiles they shared yesterday impact him so fiercely?
***
He didn't live with his grandmother anymore like he did when he was a teen, but occasionally he visited her whenever it seemed like life was getting to be too much. As he sat in the kitchen, listening to her talk and cook, he stared at the plate of food that sat in front of him. He always relied on her to make him feel better when the going got tough, but he had been here for over an hour and he was still thinking about Alicia.
"Rodney, do you want some more—?" his grandma started, "You haven't been eating this entire time, baby? Aren't you hungry?"
"Yeah, Grandma," he forced himself to eat.
She paused, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said.
She chuckled, "Now I raised you, boy. Enough to know that you didn't come all this way to Brooklyn just to tell me that nothing's up."
Rodney sighed, setting his fork down, "I ran into Derek today."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah... and I was with a girl," he said and when her smile widened, quickly continued, "We're not dating, grandma. It was for business, but...Derek, he could be a jerk sometimes. He saw and interpreted it differently. I tried to tell him it was for work, but he wouldn't believe me. I...I think I hurt this girl's feelings."
"You're afraid you embarrassed her?" grandma asked.
"I know I did. I kinda said I'd never go out with someone like her," he explained.
"I see," his grandma said, sitting across from him, "You were embarrassed too, weren't you? To be found out by your brother being with a woman you aren't attracted by."
"Well...yeah."
"Who is she?"
"She lives around the current site I'm working on. She works for a magazine. She likes reading and just graduated from college. She's a little quiet and shy, but it's cool. I like it," he said.
"You just don't like it or her anymore when your friends or your brother come around?"
"What?" Rodney frowned.
"Nothing. Son, if you want something, don't be afraid to get it."
"I tried apologizing, but she just walked on, ma."
"So, try harder. That's what's wrong with men today—"
"I climbed a fire escape for her."
"Don't cut me off," she said, "Now, do you have her number? Email?"
"I know where she lives, but I doubt I should just visit her like that again," he said, "The only other thing I know is that the magazine she works for is having an event a month from now and she's going to be at it."
"So go!"
"I can't. That would mean I'm following her," he shook his head.
"But you are."
"I...that's weird and humiliating."
"Well, you humiliated her today. Now, it's your turn," she smiled at him.
"I'm not going," he said to her, "I can't."
***
But when August came, he did end up going to the Lotus event. He couldn't help it. Day in and day out, he thought about Alicia. She never left his mind. He hoped to accidentally run into her and get the chance to apologize, but they never saw each other again. Still, she did end up publishing his story in Electric, much to Clayton's appreciation, so Rodney was promoted a week later, but he didn't feel any different nor did he care about the promotion or article. And although it was summer, he didn't care too much about hanging out with his friends and partying, picking up different girls either. All of that bored him. The summer was just so long, so forgetful. He often stayed home, thinking about those magical, few days he shared with Alicia around the upper west side.
Rodney ran a hand through his suit and pulled out his phone, stopping when he got to Lotus. Finally, after a month had passed, he was going to see her tonight.
He was only half an hour late, but the grand hall was already packed. The music found him and as he neared the hall, the usher turned to look at him. When she took in his appearance, she blushed and ran a hand through her hair, but he didn't care. He ignored her flirting as she scanned his ticket and went through the entrance, leaving her asking for his phone number unanswered.
He had to find Alicia. He started to maneuver past people, disregarding the looks he garnered from many women. There was a DJ playing rap music and people dancing near him. He extended his head automatically when his eyes zoomed in on Alicia. She was sitting on a couch a few feet away from the DJ. She was wearing makeup and a fashionable navy blue dress that looked wonderful on her. For a minute, he just stood there, feeling strangely nervous for some reason. It had been so long and he had been waiting for this day that now that he was in front of her, he didn't want to mess his chance up or for things to be awkward between them.
He snapped out of it. He couldn't waste this opportunity. He moved past the crowd until there was no one else between them. When she met his eyes, he started to smile, but then his smile wavered and he froze in astonishment.
She wasn't alone. A man sat next to her, leaned in. His face was near her bare shoulder and his arm was around her waist so that she was squished against him. The tips of his hair was blonde and he wore a matching navy blue suit, which meant this was her date. What else could it have meant?
This was her partner. It was the one she was always talking about. They worked together. Five days a week. In the time Rodney couldn't see her, this man was able to see her whenever he wanted and there was nothing Rodney could do about it. Rodney should've been able to move past that fact, but he couldn't. He saw the guy's arm clinging tightly to her waist. Too tight. And his face near her shoulder. His lips near them.
And Rodney's mind began to whirl with thoughts he couldn't suppress anymore.