[ wlw & mlm solidarity ]
( harriet & newt )
1:03am
marlene mckinnons whore: sometimes i get sad i don't have wings
sirius blacks slut: please i beg of you just go to sleep.
marlene mckinnons whore: i can't i'm so excited for university !!
sirius blacks slut: I'm not it's just gonna be high school all over again.
marlene mckinnons whore: university is gonna be different.
sirius blacks slut: No it's not, you're an adult now, you'll get charged for beating the shit out of people for calling me names.
marlene mckinnons whore: THAT DOESNT MEAN I WONT THROW DOWN FOR YOU NEWTIE, YOURE MY BESTIE FOR THE RESTIE.
sirius blacks slut: Goodnight, Harriet.
marlene mckinnons whore: awww good night my little newtie patootie, dont let the bed bugs bite😉
sirius blacks slut: The block button is looking too good right now.
[ Ryan and Sharpay Evans ]
( sonya & newt )
8:34am
sexy sibling: is your bitch ass awake?
smarter sibling: Unfortunately yes.
sexy sibling: good, alby's driving us.
smarter sibling: Harriet's coming with us.
sexy sibling: really?
smarter sibling: Yeah, she got excited for university, drank 4 red bulls, ate an entire bag of gummy bears and crawled through my window at 1 am, then she went through a sugar crash and fell asleep at the bottom of my bed on top of my feet.
smarter sibling: She's kind of like an over excited golden retriever.
sexy sibling: okay, cool, cool.
-
smarter sibling: Care to share why you bolted into the back seat next to Harriet when I went to sit down?
sexy sibling: no i don't, thanks for asking though.
[ Two Pretty Best Friends ]
( minho & thomas )
2:13pm
meanhoe: just met my roommate
meanhoe: he reminds me of my really cool stoner grampa
greenie: i love your stoner grampa
meanhoe: he was unpacking his stuff and pulled out like a big bag of pot and i cleared my throat to show my presence and he shoved it into his shirt and put i his hands up like he got caught by the cops or something
greenie: your roommate sounds like an interesting man.
meanhoe: i had a brief conversation with him and he said he had to go and vist his sister and his best friend and sprinted out of that room so fast.
greenie: he shy?
meanhoe: nervy too.
meanhoe: wanna get coffee with t-money?
greenie: yes, meet you outside
[ Tom and Jerry ]
( thomas & teresa )
2:37pm
chaotic bisexual: oh my god can you be ANY slower?
chaotic bisexual: minho has been using a spoon to fix his hair for like 10 minutes
mother teresa: shut up
mother teresa: i was grabbing my roommate
chaotic bisexual: hurry your bitch ass up
chaotic bisexual: also minho would like to ask if by chance she is hot
mother teresa: she's a lesbian so give him that
mother teresa: and i'll be there in 5 minutes we're walking
chaotic bisexual: RUN BITCH RUN
[ wlw & mlm solidarity ]
2:46pm
marlene mckinnons whore: coffee🤲🤲 right now 😡😡 come to wicked beans 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
sirius blacks slut: Why do you insist on texting like an eleven year old that just got her first IPhone?
marlene mckinnons whore: why do you insist on texting like a grandfather that just got his first iphone?
sirius blacks slut: ...
sirius blacks slut: Fine. I'll be there in 5 minutes. But I'm protesting the place we're going because who sits down and think "Yeah I'm gonna name my coffee shop 'Wicked Beans'"
marlene mckinnons whore: be the change you want to see in the world, newtie. never stop protesting!!
[ Tom & Jerry ]
3:00pm
mother teresa: if i see you eye fuck that man one (1) more time i'm gonna go online and get myself a marriage license so i can marry you two right here next to the 'Wicked is Good' sign.
mother teresa: i bet mary would cry so much, she could fill up my nightly bath water if she found out her son got married next to a coffee bean grinder.
chaotic bisexual: why did you and minho keep from me that your lesbian roommates best friend and minho's nervy roommate was SO FUCKING ATTRACTIVE.
chaotic bisexual: this is betrayal. you traitor.
mother teresa: yes because when harriet told me she was bringing her friend, my first thought was "oh is he hot? maybe i could get thomas' lonely ass a date!!"
chaotic bisexual: yes. and the fact you didn't astounds me.
harriet created a groupchat!
harriet added teresa, newt, thomas, minho, sonya, alby & brenda!
harriet: hey boo thangs
sonya: heyyyy
minho: hey mamas
harriet: see newt, i told you hey mamas lesbians DID exist!!
newt: Ground breaking information. Thank you, Harriet, for this jaw dropping piece of knowledge.
thomas: i bet ur fun at parties.
alby: harriet why have you created this?
harriet: to get to know my fellow student body!
harriet: obviously because i wanted friends, alby.
harriet: i know you aren't too familiar of the concept bc newts your one and only friend and he's basically an outdoor cat that only comes home when there's food.
newt: piss off
brenda: i was just busy re decorating my side of the room and i come back to this?
brenda: what a lovely evening
harriet: truely gratifying, i know.
harriet: my presence does that to people
harriet: ANYWAYS
harriet: let's all share our deepest darkest secrets🤪🤪
sonya: i shared a womb with a man named after a lizard and it's forever changed my perception on how i see the world.
newt: I'm gay.
harriet: no not you two.
harriet: i know all about you two.
harriet: practically watched you two come out of that womb sonya's on about.
teresa: yummy, ur definitely gonna have to tell us that story another day
teresa: but i think what harriet is trying to say is she wants us all to get to know each other
thomas: ah yes that makes more sense
thomas: i'm glad a deleted the paragraph i had typed about my obsession with draco malfoy at the ripe age of fourteen.
brenda: how can you write an entire paragraph on that?
thomas: i'm an english major, that's why.
thomas: i can make a story out of you taking a shit, and make it seem heart felt
newt: Inspirational.
thomas: thank you, newt
harriet: okay everyone share their name & a fun, cute & quirky fact about themselves🤪🤪
sonya: and your star sign.
alby: sonya
sonya: i don't want to hear it alby. i need to know
alby: just don't tell her the time you were born.
sonya: NO INCLUDE THAT
minho: alright as they say hot people first so *i* will be going first
teresa: i think you mean, you'll be going last.
minho: dont fuck with me agnes. i will sneak into your dorm in the middle of the night and smother you in your sleep.
harriet: i'm harriet, my star sign is leo‼️‼️
harriet: and when i was 9 i broke into newts bedroom window, thinking it was my bedroom window and saw him sleeping with a stuffed dragon
newt: Don't bring Sniffy into this you little shit.
harriet: oh i WILL bring sniffy into this.
brenda: i'm sorry, not that i dont love the name sniffy and think it's perfectly normal to climb in through random little boys windows, but why did these things happen?
harriet: just moved into the house next to newts and i thought it would be fun to see if i could climb in through the window but then forgot which house i lived in and picked one and climbed in it.
sonya: newt named his stuffed dragon sniffy because he was always sniffling because he was upset he couldn't blow out his birthday candles.
minho: that's psychologically distressing.
minho: anyways, i'm the hot, the sexy, the one with the unbelievably amazing hair. i'm minho!
thomas: i read that like an announcer
minho: that's what i was hoping for
minho: oh and i'm also a leo🥳🥳 and fun fact i'm here on a track scholar ship🤪🤪
sonya: ew.
alby: sonya, behave yourself.
sonya: i can't! hes a leo!
harriet: i'm a leo???
sonya: but he's a leo MAN
harriet: fair enough.
teresa: right then.
teresa: i'm teresa, a virgo and i like it when minho and thomas dont speak😙
brenda: seems reasonable
brenda: i'm brenda, i'm a scorpio and my fun fact is that i have a thing for milfs😍
teresa: thomas, let mary know someone's thinking of her.
thomas: how about you dont refer to my mother as a milf???
teresa: what about your step dad? can i call vince a step dilf?
thomas: you can try
minho: omg i love vince and mary
minho: milf and step dilfs for life 😍😍
thomas: this conversation isn't happening
thomas: i'm thomas, im a pisces im pretty sure??
teresa: yes
thomas: cool, and i DO NOT HAVE A MILF
teresa: whatever floats ur boat
sonya: right, i'm sonya, taurus woman here, everyone clap and congratulate me
newt: Someone's been having too much Harriet time.
sonya: what
newt: You're starting to sound just as narcissistic as her.
harriet: I AM NOT NARCISSISTIC I AM JUST A HOT WOMAN AND I KNOW IT
newt: "Whatever floats your boat."
teresa: he corrected my grammar and spelling 😐
sonya: right, and i've already told you my fun fact
minho: you actually shared a womb with a man named after a lizard??
sonya: it's very unfortunate, but yes, he actually does look sort of like a lizard too.
newt: You're a bloody pillock.
minho: dude fuck off she was just sharing her fun fact, no need to be so moody
newt: I'm the one named after the lizard.
minho: you guys are twins?? wait you're siblings??!?
harriet: AJSKAJSHA
harriet: THEY LOOK SO IDENTICAL WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
sonya: newt does need a haircut or else we are gonna be identical
newt: Piss off.
harriet: newt, alby, your turns.
sonya: alby passed out like 30 minutes ago
harriet: oh
harriet: hold on
-
harriet: alby share your fun fact and star sign
alby: NO YOU BITCH YOU JUST DUMPED GATORADE ON ME
newt: LMAO REALLY?
alby: stop being over joyous about this, newton.
newt: No, Albert, I won't.
alby: i'm alby, i'm a capricorn, and i'm going to take a shower and wash my WHOLE BED because SOMEBODY decided to pour gatorade all over me
brenda: what flavour?
alby: why does that matter?
minho: just answer the question
alby: blue?
minho: there's nothing to complain about there.
brenda: yea blue is the best flavour of gatorade
thomas: no orange is
minho: we're done being friends
minho: i'm returning you
minho: costco takes everything back.
teresa: he isn't from costco, he's a walmart boy.
harriet: not that i don't love this argument
harriet: newt, do you have something you'd like to share with the class or am i bringing around more gatorade?
newt: I locked my door.
minho: i share a dorm with him, i've got a key
harriet: NEWTON
newt: Fine, I'm Newt, I'm a whatever Sonya is, and I believe Harriet should seek mental help immediately.
harriet: that's not a fun fact
minho: maybe not but it sure is a fact
harriet: WHORE
newt: We have classes starting tomorrow, get your asses into bed.
harriet: yes, mum.
alby: yes, mum
sonya: yes, mum
newt: Teresa, round up your children.
teresa: mother newt is right, bed all of you
thomas: yes, dad
minho: yes daddy
teresa: minho have i ever told you how much you make me physically cringe everytime you speak?
minho: sounds familiar so probably
teresa: okay perf just checking
teresa: goodnight y'all<3333