Ellie had never known loneliness like this. Bleak expanses of empty spaces and dark corners that threatened to swallow her whole - ones worse than those that consumed her after Adelaide's death. All had melted in the weeks that had followed her leaving Hogwarts, everything, and now Easter was here but not even that was enough to get her out of bed.
This time of year was about beautiful pastel colours and the weather starting to get warmer, but nothing had ever been so miserable in Ellie's world before. When she was younger, her mother would walk her out to the fields beyond the woods around their grounds to see the new born lambs as soon as Easter arrived. She'd giggle, Adelaide would smile adoringly, and that would set the tone for the months that would follow. But it appeared that this nothingness she felt now was what was going to determine how the rest of the year went instead.
Not even the Orangery could provide any comfort, yet Ellie lay in there buried under her duvet almost all of the time hoping that one morning she'd wake up feeling less like a shell of herself. The vines and ivy still coiled around the support beams on the roof, the flowering plants up the walls, the ferns in pots all over the floor, but nothing was the same. How could it be when her world had been fragmented into forever broken shards?
Cyrus had tried, but his daughter refused to speak to him, refused to even be in the same room as him, look at him, be in the house when he was. He'd broken her trust beyond what should've been possible, for he'd always been understanding before this, always been happy to listen to her opinions, but now he'd made this decision without her input and changed the way that Ellie thought they understood each other. She'd not only be angry with him for a long time, but maybe never truly forgive him either, and when Cyrus tried to explain again why he'd made this decision, she'd just turned her back on him and trudged back out to the Orangery. He of all people should understand, she thought constantly, he grew up with Monty, went to school with him, and has never not lived next-door to the Potters, so why would he want to force me and Prongs apart?
And as if all of that wasn't enough, the world still turned, the full moon still rose, and Ellie had to endure them alone. She'd begged to spend those awful nights with the rest of the Marauders at Hogwarts and been denied company every time; she'd pleaded to have at least Remus come to her if the school was the issue, and been told no by everyone - even Professor McGonagall who she'd wrote to desperately, hoping that her favourite teacher would be as understanding as she always was underneath her stern exterior, but she'd only received a reply saying that she held no authority in the matter.
Men, Ellie had cursed for a long time. Men in power who think they know best - Dumbledore. Controlling fathers who think their daughters are mere liabilities - Cyrus. Euphemia couldn't get a word in about how wrong she thought it was to pull Ellie out of Hogwarts, Cyrus just shook his head and said the decision was final; Madam Pomfrey had been brushed off when she'd protested sending Ellie anywhere that she wouldn't get the correct treatment after a full moon; and even Camille had started to have doubts as to whether Beauxbatons was best after she'd received countless letters from her niece begging for her to change her father's mind. "You can't possibly be serious, Albus." McGonagall had asked in total bemusement when she was told Ellie would be leaving.
It appeared everyone, bar the men who were making this decision for her, believed the best thing for the beautiful girl was to stay right where she was. Ellie was sure that if her mother was here to have a say, Cyrus would've long been put back in his place.
So here she lay on her mattress in the Orangery as usual, cocooned tightly in her duvet as she tried to sleep. It was morning but that didn't matter, sleep was easier than being awake. In sleep nothing mattered - not her having to move to France, not her being torn from her friends that she called family, not the fact that she was a Werewolf. There was only peace and her dreams full of how things were supposed to be. Until, of course, she woke up again and the peace was shattered.
This time when she stirred though, it wasn't the usual sigh of 'now I have to face the world', at which she'd normally roll over and bury herself further into her duvet, but more of random disturbance in her sleep. One of those unexplainable reasons why you just wake up in the middle of the night, or in Ellie's case, the middle of the day. But perhaps not so random or unexplainable, but unexpected, for someone was fumbling around with the bedsheets. Clementine no doubt; the sweet house elf was worried beyond words over the beautiful girl's state and fussed constantly in a bid to brighten her mood just a tiny bit.
Ellie squirmed and kicked a leg out.
"Please." She begged in a mumble, "Not today."
But the voice that replied was definitely not Clementine's.
"How rude." Sirius scoffed, and Ellie completely froze for a moment, "Where are you buried underneath all of this, Cubs?"
He was patting the duvet around her, clearly very lost, and so she lifted up a section of it to let him crawl to her. Sirius hardly stopped to kick off his combat boots before finding his way into her arms, allowing himself to be swallowed by the bedsheets too as he sprawled on top of his girlfriend, Ellie's hands smoothing over the leather wrapped around his shoulders. Within seconds it was as if they were trying to mould themselves together, a tangled mess of limbs desperate to be touching.
"What are you doing here?" Ellie breathed, one of her hands finding its way to the nape of his neck where she could trace swirls onto his skin.
"We're off school for two weeks, beautiful." Sirius replied with relaxed sigh, "It's the Easter holidays."
"I know, but how are you here so early?"
"Minnie let us floo with our stuff so we didn't take all day on the train and could see you quicker."
"Us?"
"Everyone. Prongs, Moony, Wormtail, even Evans. We-"
"You're all joining the Order..."
Ellie's caution surrounding joining the Order of the Phoenix had been evident all along, regardless of how badly she wanted action against injustice, and where Lily had now been convinced that it was the right decision after becoming of age, the beautiful girl remained wary. Especially with how badly her trust in her father and Dumbledore had deteriorated recently.
Yet Sirius, as he always had been, was ready to dive right into fighting this war; he merely shrugged at her statement.
"But we're here to see you most importantly."
That reassurance was all Ellie needed to forget about the Order for now. They were finally back in each other's company after all.
"Yeah?" She grinned lazily, the first smile she'd formed since leaving Hogwarts.
"Mmhmm." When Sirius inhaled deeply, his tucked his face as far into the crook of her neck as possible, more or less completely pinning her back against the mattress, "We've been apart for too long."
"Too long..." Ellie hummed, "Now, come here."
"I can't come any closer."
"No, come here."
Coaxing him out from the crook of her neck, she pulled his face so that it was right in front of hers, their noses brushing lightly.
"Are you gonna kiss me?" Sirius started to smirk like she'd never seen before, stormy grey burning as bright as the star he was named after.
"I want to get a good look at your pretty face." Ellie told him with the faintest blush tinting her cheeks.
His slightly crooked nose from all the times it had been broken; the way one of his eyebrows quirked higher than the other; how his cheekbones and jawline became impossibly more pronounced as they continued to get older, and with that how his aristocratic grace shone through no matter how much rebelling he did; his hair tied up off his face in that way she adored - there'd never come a time where she'd grow tired of looking at him. Ellie had every perfect imperfection of his face memorised, every one of his many facial expressions, and now more than ever she felt pressured to appreciate his beauty.
Just being away from him for almost two months since she'd left Hogwarts had really put into perspective how hard being at Beauxbatons was going to be. Already there were things about him that were that were new, like the smudge of black in his waterline that looked like casual eyeliner and not the special occasion kind she knew from him, or how there was even the whispers of stubble across his top lip. She'd never known him to even have to buy a razor before, that was Remus' thing, and even Peter's actually. James and Sirius weren't ever going to be the types to grow beards like their Headmaster's.
Taking a hold of his chin, Ellie proceeded to angle her boyfriend's head from side to side, letting out a breathy chuckle as she smoothed the pad of her thumb over what she hoped wasn't going to be a pathetic excuse of a moustache.
"You're judging me." Sirius pouted and she rolled her eyes.
"It's called admiring."
"Then why are you smiling like that?"
"Like what?"
"All amused by my face." He'd seen right through her lie, Ellie hadn't been very good at hiding her opinion about his attempts at facial hair, "Moony's got a moustache."
"And we all berated him for it." She smirked, forgetting that Sirius had always been the one to applaud Remus' new look.
"Well, mine'll be cool." He grumbled defensively, and when he tried to turn his head away, elbows propping himself up over her, Ellie had to cover up a snort.
"If you're going for the shaggy dog look in all aspects of your life." She scoffed.
"You can't say anything, Cubs. It smells like something died under these sheets."
"My will to live did." Ellie fired back immediately.
Sirius would've laughed, maybe said something sarcastic in response, but she wasn't joking. The corners of her lips never twitched upwards; her eyes didn't glint with mischief. She'd meant those words as seriously as anything, and his eyebrows crumpled together as he tried to sweep rogue chocolate waves out of her face.
"Hey, come on, it's not-"
"It is." She batted his hand away, "Everything's shit and the fact that you're here means that it's only two weeks until I'm shipped off to France."
"Don't wish our time together away. We're gonna do loads before then." He tried, but Ellie wouldn't listen.
"And then once I leave? What do we do then?"
"What do you mean? We said nothing's gonna change, so we don't break up or anything..." Sirius about choked on his next words, "You don't want to break up, do you?"
"I love you." Ellie scowled.
"Would you tell your face then."
"Padfoot, please be serious with-"
"I'm always Siri-"
"Make that joke and I will break up with you."
"It's a good joke."
"Not right now."
Pushing him off, Ellie proceeded to squirm as far away from Sirius on the mattress as possible, siting up with her knees tucked into her chest. She wanted to be happy he was here, excited to spend well needed time together, but everything was clouded by Beauxbatons looming above her head like an angry sky before it thundered. There was no way to forget about it when the time was so close now, and it had the beautiful girl constantly on the verge of tears.
"Okay, no jokes and no judgement." Sirius said softly, gathering himself as he shuffled to sit right in front of her, fingers curling around her ankles, "When was the last time you had a shower?"
"I dunno..." Ellie shrugged, too numb to feel ashamed.
"And when was the last time you ate anything?"
"I dunno..."
Sirius' thumb was smoothing circles on her skin so carefully.
"No breakfast?"
"Clementine brought me something, I wasn't hungry."
"Alright." He nodded once before moving to stand by the side of the bed, shaking out the sleeves of his leather jacket, "We're gonna get you fresh and fed, and then you can tell me all about how you think we should break up 'cause we're not gonna see each other very often, and I'll remind you that I've already betrothed myself to you." He offered a hand down towards her, "Sound like a plan?"
Ellie shook her head, tears welling.
"I don't want to go into-"
"You can use my bathroom, beautiful. I know..." Sirius soothed - Euphemia had filled them all in briefly right after they'd arrived, "Mum will jump at the excuse to whip up some cookies anyway."
"Double chocolate ones?" Ellie blinked those big eyes of hers, now sea glass being tumbled in the swash.
"Whatever you'd like." He smiled.
Finally taking his hand, the beautiful girl let him pull her up off the mattress, and she flung hers arms around the back of his neck immediately. Sirius stumbled slightly, chuckling under his breath until she was whispering in his ear and all the air was knocked out of his lungs.
"I missed you so much." She told him, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.
"Well, I think I missed you more." He replied with a forced sense of calm.
A real smile formed on Ellie's features, a toothy grin that made his knees so weak he had to tighten his hold around her waist to keep himself upright.
"Impossible."
Her lips curled around the word perfectly and she was batting those eyelashes; Sirius let her go, turning his back on her quickly so that he could take a deep breath.
"So competitive, Merlin!" He scoffed as dramatically as possible, gesturing that he was willing to give a piggyback.
"You started it!" Ellie cried in outrage, yet jumped on his back all the same, wrapping her arms around his neck once more as Sirius supported her thighs and started out of the Orangery.
"Me? I'd never be so theatrical!"
"You would, 'cause you're an arrogant arse that's more up himself than Prongs is."
"Bloody hell, you better scrub that sass off you in the shower or there may have to be some consequences."
When Sirius shook his head back and forth in feigned disapproval, lose strands of hair fell down the back of his neck, and Ellie took to coiling them around her fingers like ebony ribbons.
"I don't think you've got the balls, puppy." She hummed.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Sirius carried Ellie all the way through the gardens, the woods, and into the Potter's House without breaking a stride once. He didn't even stop for her to say hello to the others who had been waiting outside for when he arrived with the beautiful girl by his side. James had tried to stop his tracks, demanding that he had to share their best friend, that he was being selfish with her already - Sirius merely stuck a middle finger up at him and said they wouldn't be long. Ellie had grinned the whole time.
After a quick stop in the Kitchen to request cookies off Euphemia who just seemed overjoyed to hear of their relationship, cooing constantly about how wonderful it was, Sirius had carried his girlfriend all the way up to his room. She shut herself in his bathroom with a spare towel as he perched on the bench of the bay window, watching James and Peter being daft as Remus and Lily shook their heads on the white gravel outside. Only once Euphemia had come bustling in with a huge plate of chocolate chip cookies that he'd thanked her for and she'd kissed his forehead before leaving again, did he light a cigarette, making sure to open the window to let the smoke out.
The water in his bathroom ran for a very long time, but why would he complain? How could he when he needed to savour moments like this? Ellie may not have been sat on his lap or gazing right into eyes at the moment, but she was still with him.
He'd been thinking a lot recently about what life after Hogwarts would look like now that he was of age, the majority of his friends were, and they were all going to join this Order of the Phoenix to fight a war this holiday, because there wasn't any clear-cut path with everything being so up in the air. But one thing that remained constant were little things like this - imagining being in the home that he'd made with Ellie whilst they did domestic things. Cooked dinner, washed pots, tended to a garden or perhaps just potted plants, listened to music, read magazines. He wanted it all with her, every mundane little thing.
When he heard the shower finally stop, Sirius' eyes were darting eagerly to his bathroom door and then back out of the window again as he grew impatient for her reappearance. Back and forth, back and forth, until finally the lock clicked and she came padding out.
Padding out in nothing but her towel.
"Do you have any clean clothes I can borrow?" Ellie asked, wet hair dripping over her bare shoulders as she left damp footprints on the carpet.
But Sirius didn't have the mental capacity to reply, let alone even hear her when she was stood in his bedroom like that. His girlfriend. The lit cigarette perched between his fingers was forgotten, everything was, and it went tumbling out of the open window - the only thing that seemed to snap him out of his stare. He cursed, fumbled along the window ledge, and flushed pink in the process, before deciding his cigarette was long gone. That had him back to openly gaping.
"Once you're finished drooling, please." Ellie sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Oh, um, right..." Sirius had to physically shake his head, but this only seemed to slacken his jaw, "Yeah, we're, um- we're gonna go to Protea House later. Floo."
"That wasn't my question."
"Oh..." He swallowed thickly, "What was your question?"
Nothing was helped by the fact that she started to smirk so beautifully.
"Have you got any clothes I can wear?"
"Why?" Sirius blurted.
"'Cause I need to borrow some clean ones."
"No, you miss understood." He rubbed his palms down his jeans and stood up, cocking his head to the side as he managed to pull himself together a little, "Why d'you need to wear any?"
Ellie rolled her eyes.
"Since when did you get so pervy?" She scoffed, stalking off towards his wardrobe to search for some clothes herself.
"I'm not pervy!"
"Then stop saying pervy things."
"I'm not saying pervy things, I was merely asking a legitimate question."
Ellie gave him a pointed look around the wardrobe door, raising an eyebrow.
"Implying that I should be naked all the time."
"Not all the time, and not if you don't want to be either." Sirius shrugged off his leather jacket, tossing it on his bed as he crossed the room towards where she stood rifling through his clothes, "It was just part of the observation I made."
"What observation?" Ellie hummed.
"That you're so fucking gorgeous."
Stopping right behind her, Sirius took the opportunity to whisper in her ear, snaking his arms around her waist in the process. He made sure to let his lips brush her skin, just lightly, smirking to himself when goosebumps rose up her arms. Ellie rounded in his hold almost immediately.
"Show me."
Sirius blinked.
"What?"
"Show me how gorgeous we could be together."
Of course, she didn't mean together like they were now, but together instead; Sirius went rigid on the spot. His smirk faltered and face drained of all colour until Ellie was gazing at an empty eyed version of her boyfriend. Just like that, he'd gone from playful to dead inside, his lips parting as if he had no idea what to say, and when she touched his chest gently, the beautiful girl could feel how tense he'd turned.
She stumbled backwards out of his hold, practically falling into the wardrobe as she pulled her eyes away.
"Too far..." She mumbled, reaching behind her for whatever clothes were most readily available, "I'm sorry."
In her embarrassment, Ellie burned bright red, and the colour bled all the way down her neck and into her collarbone in a way that had Sirius staring again. She tried to brush passed him, clothes in hand, but he grabbed her arm quickly.
"I'm the one that should be sorry." He mumbled, still partially vacant.
Ellie shook her head and took his hand in hers, bringing it up slowly before smearing a kiss across his knuckles. She should've known better than to forget that things weren't as whole and perfectly formed as first love should be, to forget that everything they held dear was cracked and broken somehow, for Sirius did still flinch sometimes and she had to be patient.
"You don't have anything to apologise for, Padfoot. I got carried away, my fault." She reassured him honestly.
But Sirius still frowned to himself when she rounded to go back into the bathroom.
"You've got my boxers there." He mumbled after her.
"They're clean, aren't they?" And he heard the bathroom door click shut, "You said we're going to Protea House?" Ellie called from the other side.
Sirius couldn't understand how she moved passed everything so quickly, how she didn't get caught up feeling embarrassed or ashamed, because he was still frozen on the spot, staring into his wardrobe as if she'd never moved. He could still feel her under his hands, the goosebumps that rose up her arms, and he could still see those big sea green eyes boring holes into his own. But she was gone now, he'd ruined the moment like he always did, and Ellie felt further from reach than when she'd been trying to imply that they'd be better broken up.
"Thought you might want a change of scenery." He replied in the steadiest voice he could muster.
"Sounds brilliant." When the bathroom door clicked again, Sirius managed to look round, being greeted by the gentle smile of his girlfriend. That completely unfazed smile.
By this point, Ellie had grown a little more recently and his clothes weren't actually that oversized on her anymore. They'd probably get on easily trading items back and forth without anyone noticing, and she looked perfect stood there in one of his favourite crimson t-shirts, but Sirius didn't know what to say after he'd ruined their moment. It took Ellie all of two seconds to walk right over to him and open her arms out, waiting for him to come to her, and only once he'd finally sunk into her shoulder did she whisper into his ear.
"Stop overthinking it, everything's perfect. We'll take as much time as you need."
"And 'cause I react like that sometimes isn't one of the reasons you thought breaking up would be a good idea?" Sirius asked as he snaked his arms back around her, mind still off wandering somewhere else.
"Godric, no. I adore you in your entirety."
"Okay..." He hummed, before brushing her hair out of the way and kissing her neck repeatedly, and Ellie knew, for now, that was his way of saying "I love you too."
Yet no amount of affirmation could've made him look sure of himself from there on, and the beautiful girl watched him out of the corner of her eye as they met back up with their friends, flooed to Protea House, and settled on the lawn in a somewhat circle, thinking that she'd messed everything up. Sirius never returned to his usual self, lost in far off gazes or distant touches. She'd place a careful hand on his thigh when James tried to get him to contribute in a lively story he was telling about some misdemeanour that had landed them in detention, and he'd just blinked and asked "what?". And when he tried to light a cigarette stuck in between his lips, his mind was so distracted that he ended up burning his chin.
The day was such a gorgeous one that it would've been perfect if it wasn't for Sirius' absence mentally. With the spring sun shining and the pines of Sherwood Forest towering all around the clearing that encased Protea House, the world felt peaceful for a change. There was no war here, no prospect of having to grow up too quickly, and no reminder that Ellie would be leaving for France in two weeks. James simply told his stories as if they were the worst kind of scandal, Peter acted some of the scenes out whilst Remus interjected with the truth when the messy haired boy over-exaggerated, and Lily's laughter echoed everywhere like some melodic symphony - Ellie was sure she was watching James fall more in love with the red head by the second.
But Sirius wasn't a part of it at all, and guilt managed to swallow her whole. So whilst the others all chatted and lazed around on the lawn, she shuffled herself to sit criss-cross right in front of her boyfriend, grabbing his free hand to draw his attention.
"What's going on in that head of yours, Padfoot?" Ellie asked, tracing stars onto his palm.
"Nothing." He shrugged, meeting her gaze with a confidence he hoped would cover his lie, "Just enjoying my smoke is all."
She cocked her head to the side, batting her eyelashes a little.
"Can I share?"
"Well, like I say, I'm really quite enjoying this one." Ellie had Sirius' attention now, and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he spoke - her goal had been to get him to smile again, "Maybe the next."
"Just one drag?" She begged, "I've got no lipstick on so you can't complain."
"If you want to smoke, buy your own." Sirius smirked, snatching his hand out of hers.
He knew what she was doing, but he also couldn't deny it was working, for the handsome boy hadn't been lost in the aftermath of thinking he'd ruined their moment earlier, but busy contemplating how he was going to initiate another. And Ellie could suddenly see that in the glinting mischief that stirred in those stormy grey eyes. She scowled at him for worrying her, and then for teasing now, because as much as she'd only wanted to distract him with conversation, she also did really want a drag of his cigarette.
Satisfied by winding her up however, Sirius watched in awe as a frustration washed over Ellie's features - the way her jaw set in challenge reminded him of all the times they'd raced down the school corridors; he didn't let himself think about how that was all in the past now. But the beautiful girl wasn't going to be outdone that easily, and not one more moment passed before she was inches in front of his face, her hand rested on his thigh. If this had been earlier, she would've been more wary of touching him like that, but he'd been the one that initiated this game, and the way he coughed the next time he brought the cigarette to his lips was enough indication that her move had been successful. Only she didn't stop there.
"Please..."
Ellie tapped the pad of her finger against Sirius' lips, leaning even closer, an expression on her face that he'd never seen before. Her voice had been nothing above a whisper and the words were nearly lost in the bubble that had surrounded them in a matter of seconds, but Sirius just took another drag of his cigarette in silent competition. She won't win this yet.
Eye contact was only broken for Ellie to flutter her eyelashes at him, in a way he was familiar with from lots of other girls. In a way that started to cloud his mind no matter how much he battled to remain stoic. It would've been a lot easier if her thumb wasn't tracing swirling patterns on the inside of his leg, for half of him was screaming to give in whilst the other half was trying to get himself to shove her off. But it's Cubby, he reminded himself. This wasn't Flora Buchanan with her wandering hands and fingers like claws, this was his girlfriend who he wanted like this. Who he'd wanted like this since he'd wanted anyone.
Sirius didn't even get a moment to set his thoughts right before she'd grabbed his chin and brought his face even closer to hers, putting nothing but millimetres between them now. If he wanted too, he would've only had to tilt his head slightly to kiss her, but he wasn't capable of making such definite decisions when her breath was fanning across his face like that. When he was sure he could smell his shampoo in her hair.
"Learn to share, puppy."
Her lips barely brushed his as she spoke, but it was enough to send his brain to complete mush. The gentlest of touches, but it was there, and Sirius felt his heart thumping so violently in his chest, he was sure he'd collapse any second. Without even processing it, the handsome boy's lips had parted and he was exhaling straight into her mouth in a way that had her lips curling upwards in victory. Ellie dragged the smoke straight into her own lungs, not letting even the smallest wisps escape from between them as if she was inhaling pure ecstasy. Her eyes were shut, but her eyelids still fluttered slightly, and Sirius could hardly focus on her face she was so impossibly close to him.
It was obvious that she was very pleased with herself, but Sirius couldn't complain, for she'd gotten him to cave after all. And perhaps in the best way possible.
There was something so intoxicating about the rebelliousness of it all. Ellie knew they'd be murdered by Euphemia if she knew they were longing on Protea House' lawn smoking, but the whole thing was satisfying her adventurous soul that had ended up being suppressed recently. There was also nothing that compared to watching Sirius' stony-faced facade slip, revealing the vulnerability she knew he hid inside, particularly when they weren't alone either. It was rather beautiful to her. He was rather beautiful to her.
She tilted her head back in bliss, letting the excess smoke escape from her lips into the air above them. Her lungs were burning, but the feeling was addictive and it brought a haze of serenity that couldn't be matched. Sirius watched her in his own daze, as if nothing else existed in that very moment. Her hand still firmly on his thigh and thumb continuing to trace tiny shapes, she engulfed him in her very being.
The boy named after the stars and the girl descended from them.
When Ellie's eyes finally came back to his, Sirius couldn't form one consistent thought, only one picture in his head, and that was her. Lips curling at the corners, a knowing look in her eyes that she'd won their small competition - she'd never looked more beautiful. Her face was still only millimetres away, noses practically brushing, and before he could change his mind or overthink it all, he tilted his head just that little bit closer...
Their lips perhaps only brushed for a second, torn away from each other in an instant, but it was enough. Enough to voice the thousands of unspoken words that had passed between them for years. Enough to finally rearrange the stars. Enough to completely unsettle the universe. They'd been inevitable from the moment their eyes had first met and now it was all falling into place. Souls that were the same, finally becoming one in a cigarette induced haze. It was probably the only way they were ever going to come together - through something that had rebellious undertones. They needed that little bit of adrenaline to finally tip them over the edge.
Ellie brought her fingertips to his lips, mind not caught up with what had happened, but Sirius' shaky breaths fanning across her hand confirmed it was real. His eyes were still shut and he'd never looked so peaceful. So peaceful and so, so, perfect. It was all her brain could process, just how perfect he looked in that moment and it took her a second to realise just how close they were, how much closer they'd been seconds before.
Only millimetres still separated them, but the gap was too much now. They knew what it felt like for that tiny bit of space to be forgotten about, and anything that wasn't skin on skin suddenly felt empty and cold. It was a burning, aching feeling, that settled in their guts. Something that spread right to their toes, every fibre screaming out to just get a little bit closer.
Close the gap. The three words chanted in Sirius' brain, his eyes still shut tight in case it was all just a fantasy, a cruel daydream that he'd forced upon himself. Tentatively reaching up, his fingers wrapped around Ellie's wrist to pull her hand away from his mouth. Close the gap. Eyes fluttering open, he sighed when the beautiful girl was still sat there right in front of him, as close as he'd imagined her. Sirius wasn't sure he was creative enough to think up such a convincing fantasy and his lips twitched as reality set in.
Watching the smile creeping its way onto his face, Ellie sucked in a sharp breath, her hand gripping his thigh in response to her eyes glazing over in pure adoration.
"Don't do that." Managing to form a few words, Sirius' voice came out gruff as he pried her fingers off of his leg.
Ellie flushed a vibrant red, part of it from her mind replaying the scene that had unfolded just moments ago and the other being out of embarrassment. At the colour he'd turned her cheeks, Sirius found himself chuckling lightly as he decided that was his all-time favourite look on her - flushed. It was better than her toothy grin, better than her scowling defiance, and he'd endeavour to spend the rest of his life turning her that shade of crimson. Gryffindor red.
His chuckles only made Ellie's own laughter bubble in her chest, for how else were they to respond when their first kiss had been that fleeting, that pathetic. All this build up for a millisecond, for just a brush, for a whisper of a kiss. The beautiful girl clapped a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from snorting unattractively.
"Don't do that either." Smoother this time, Sirius' words were almost a desperate plea.
He wouldn't have her hide that perfect smile of hers, those perfect pink lips he already longed to explore further. It had felt like lifetimes that he'd waited for this, and he gently pulled her hand away from her mouth, letting his fingertips graze her lips as she'd done to him. Both of them eager to collide once more.
"I love you..." Ellie whispered so quietly that only Sirius could hear, and there was no describing the way that phrase made him feel. He'd heard it before of course, but not until then had they ever felt so real.
Yet, as usual, the pair's bliss didn't last for long.
Someone sneezed and it jolted them apart as if both were hit by lightning. Neither had ever moved so fast, and in the blink of an eye, there was more than three metres between them. Someone sneezed again, and Remus hit Peter upside the head, to which the smallest Marauder mumbled something about hay fever.
Sirius cleared his throat uncomfortably, shaky hands reaching in his pocket to find another cigarette, the last being lost somewhere in the grass over gentle touches, and Ellie was now on the opposite side of the group's makeshift circle in between Lily and James. They all sat in silence for what felt like hours, the canyon that had formed between Ellie and Sirius acting as some invisible wall that couldn't be shouted over, for either could look the other in the eye out of fear of leaping from their seats in a desperate plea to be nearer again.
On one side of the wall, Sirius' lighter had never been so interesting, the flame lighting, re-lighting, and then lighting itself again as he flicked it open and closed. The steady stream of cigarette smoke entering his lungs was enough to numb his restlessness, but there was no hiding the way his hands shook to touch the beautiful girl once more. Whilst on the other side of the wall, Ellie curled herself up into a ball, squeezing her knees close to her chest like that might physically stop her legs moving of their own accord, focusing on counting blades of grass to steady her heartbeat.
It wasn't ideal, being under the watchful eyes of their friends, for it felt as if they were trying to figure out their feelings under a microscope. Despite so many questions finally being answered, so many more had emerged, and trying to discuss anything of the sort with other ears listening in was just not possible. Though how long they could last in their silence was uncertain, because the Ellie Griffin and Sirius Black who never spoke of feelings had been left out of their relationship and told they needed to get a grip of themselves. Now, the beautiful girl needed to ask her boyfriend if this meant she could snog him all she liked after this, and the handsome boy had to tell his girlfriend that his heart had already been broken by the prospect of her leaving.
She couldn't, not now, not after this.
"Are we just gonna sit in silence after that or what?" James interrupted plainly, gesturing back and forth between the pair, "'Cause I think we need to discuss technique and length of-"
Lily cut him off by reaching around Ellie to smack his arm.
"You've never even kissed anyone, Prongs." Remus scoffed, "I don't know what advice you can-"
"Why would you lie like that?" James cried in panic, very obviously trying to protect his ego in front of Lily.
"Mate, just accept that you're the purest one of us all."
"What about, Wormtail?!"
"I was forced to snog that Bertha girl, the gossipy one, at a party we snuck into in second year." Peter grimaced, "In the broom cupboard."
"There you go." Remus shrugged with a wicked grin before leaning over to mess James' hair up even more, "You're the perfect little mummy's boy of the group."
"I'm not a Mummy's boy!"
"Well, it's gotta be someone." Sirius interjected, shaking out the sleeves of his leather jacket as he took another drag from his cigarette and stood up, "And it can't be me, let's face it." He offered his free hand out to Ellie, nodding towards the house, "Come talk."
She didn't have to reply, and let him pull her up with ease, neither saying anything to their friends as they started off towards Protea House. Sirius finally let her share what was left of his cigarette as they walked, the smoke billowing around them like it was trying to trap them back in their own little bubble, but the noise of Lily scolding James for being so tactless kept them both present and chuckling.
A lot had changed about the house since Ellie had last visited, for over Christmas when she'd not seen Sirius, he'd visited with Andromeda a lot to redecorate. The random colour schemes of each room had been swapped for a more consistent style that did its best to make the rabbit warren corridors as light as possible and breathe a new life into the cavernous rooms. It was cosy somehow, despite its emptiness and size, and the beautiful girl couldn't stop smiling as Sirius dragged her all the way up to the top floor where the master bedroom was.
On the way, he stubbed the end of the cigarette out on a window ledge, and Ellie tutted at the scorch mark that was left, but he didn't seem to care, merely tugging her along quicker until they were in his room.
Whilst there were things that made it obviously his, it was strange to see how the bedroom was decorated ready for Sirius in his adulthood. Mature and clutter free, the space didn't resemble the poster clad walls of his room at the Potter's, and it certainly didn't smell of teenage boy either. The walls were a warm deep red, that crimson colour which was his favourite, and the bedsheets completely pristine. Ellie wasn't sure Sirius had even ever slept in the bed, for there were too many scatter cushions tossed on top of it that she knew he'd complain about - likely Andromeda's touch. But besides the bed, there wasn't much else, because next-door was the dressing room which held all the wardrobe space and draws, yet there was a balcony that the bed was centred against the wall facing. A balcony which she could imagine would be perfect for early morning or late night smokes.
Distracted, Ellie had no idea that Sirius had stood behind her, gazing at the back of her head the whole time, for there had never been a moment where he'd adored her more. He just didn't have the words to tell her.
"What did you want to talk-"
And so he kissed her again instead. One swift movement and he had her face cupped in his hands and his lips on hers, cutting her sentence off completely. Though it was only brief, and he was pulling away as quickly as he'd leant in.
"Our friends are twats." He chuckled lightly, giddy with something that was more than elation.
Ellie shook her head with the biggest grin imaginable, and this time, it was her who pulled Sirius' lips against her own.
This kiss wasn't awkward or cautious like the first had been, nor rushed as the second. Instead, it was everything they both wanted it to be. Yes, Ellie didn't know what to do with her hands or which way to tilt her head, but it didn't matter, for Sirius was already waiting to receive her however she moved. His hands curling around her hips, tight enough to feel but touch so light it sent shivers shooting down her spine, she never wanted him to let go. Their lips crashed together hastily and there was nothing gentle about it, but it was so perfect and the product of years pretending that this wasn't what they'd wanted to be doing all along.
When Ellie finally pulled away, Sirius was chasing after her lips, and she had to grab his chin to keep him in place.
"You've been thinking about this all day whilst I've been worried about you?" She asked, but he only tightened the hold he had on her hips.
"Kiss me like that again."
Ellie raised her eyebrows, titling his chin down.
"I asked you a question, Padfoot Potter."
"I've been thinking about this all day." Sirius conceded, still slightly breathless, and she flashed that toothy grin again.
"Randy sod."
"Don't be mean." He pouted dramatically.
Chuckling, Ellie snaked both arms around the back of his neck, fingers curling up into his hair in a bid to bring him even closer. Only her laughter didn't last long, and Sirius watched the blaze behind her eyes dim as he managed to read her mind.
"I really don't want you to leave..." He whispered, bringing their foreheads together, and she shut her eyes tight.
"Blame my fucking father."
"I do, but he's also only trying to do what's best for you."
"What's best for me is to stay here, go back to Hogwarts."
"The thought is there, Cubs, even if he's wrong." Sirius tried to soothe - he never wanted to see her this angry, "I know you hate him right now, I hate him right now too, but don't hate him forever. Don't let your relationship get like mine and Orion's did."
When Ellie opened her eyes, they were bloodshot, and he brought his hands up to cup her face instead.
"It'd be easier if he listened to me." She mumbled.
"Everything would be easier if people weren't difficult, but unfortunately, we're all still children deep down."
"I can deal with you when you're difficult."
"'Cause you're the only one I listen to." Sirius smiled softly before kissing her cheek, "Let's both just forget about it for now, yeah? We'll stay here all Easter if we have to."
"Prongs would complain." Ellie reminded him.
"As I said before, our friends are twats."
"Twats we couldn't live without."
"Well, I s'pose not."
The couple made their promise to remain in the moment for the rest of the day, a day that continued to go on perfectly. James was determined to quiz them on the 'talk' they'd had inside once they were back sat on the lawn, but Lily scolded him each time he opened his mouth, which only had everyone else laughing. Every now and then, Ellie would catch Remus' eye and he'd wink at her as if to say, 'I told you so', though she couldn't quite remember what he'd been right about this time. Or perhaps he just knew.
Perhaps he knew that she'd fell impossibly more in love with Sirius today, to the point where she'd follow him anywhere, in anything, until she couldn't any longer.