Chapter one hundred one; Heart to heart
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''I'll stay,'' Jasmine whispered back.
Her finger stopped brushing Remus' cheek as she leaned closer and took his bottom lip between her lips and lingered. Remus immediately responded by tightening his grip on her waist, drawing her closer and deepening their kiss. Jasmine moved her legs so she had one on either side of him while never breaking the kiss. She smiled into it when Remus fell back into the mattress pulling her with him. The atmosphere very quickly became thick with tension around them. After a very long time, they were truly alone, with as much time on their hands as they needed and without anything that could disturb them.
Jasmine sighed in delight at the wonderful warm feeling that was spreading through her insides. Their smiles vanished as they focused on the intensity of the kiss. Running her hands through Remus' hair, Jasmine tugged lightly and it made Remus tighten his grip on her. A second later he turned them over so Jasmine's back pressed down on the mattress. He hovered above her breaking the kiss, leaning his weight on one of his forearms and with the other hand he moved a strand of rouge hair away from Jasmine's face.
She smiled at him before angling her face up and kissing him again. She ran her hands down his back, purposely digging her nails deep into the fabric of his knitted sweater. Remus' lips left hers as he travelled lower, kissing her jawline, then her neck and he took his time doing his job. Jasmine let out another sigh as she couldn't help but bite her lips and close her eyes tightly at the sensation she was feeling.
Remus went even lower but then suddenly his body completely froze. Jasmine opened her eyes and saw how he pushed up on his arms and kept staring at one spot. She scrunched up her eyebrows and tried to calm down her heavy breathing.
''Rem?'' She slid lower so her eye line caught his.
But as she looked into his eyes it was as though his mind wasn't present. They were blank and he kept staring into nothingness. ''Remus, what's wrong.'' Jasmine moved her hands and took a hold of his face, brushing his cheek softly.
His breathing was just as deep as it was a minute ago and Jasmine was still clueless as to why he stopped. Then he lightly shook his head and screwed his eyes completely shut. When he opened them again he came into focus and looked at Jasmine. Full worry was now displayed on her face and she patiently waited for any kind of reaction out of him. Remus still didn't say anything when his eyes lowered and they stopped at Jasmine's collarbone. A sharp intake of breath let Jasmine know exactly why he stopped the moment his lips reached her collarbone before.
Remus' hand raised, he moved a part of Jasmine's shirt away and he lightly traced the three deep scars that were running from her shoulder down across her collarbone. The scars he caused not so long ago. A frown etched upon his face.
''Remus,'' said Jasmine softly trying to level her eyes with his again but he wouldn't budge.
''I –'' he stammered. He took another deep breath before he moved away completely.
Jasmine was faced with the wooden ceiling as Remus climbed off of her and sat at the edge of the bed, putting his face into his hands. Jasmine hated seeing him like that as he was surely beating himself up for what he did. She pushed against the mattress to sit up and joined him at the edge of the bed. Her hand softly ran up and down his back and she was glad that he didn't try to move away from her again. The last thing she wanted was for him to start closing up again and pushing her away. She leaned her head on his shoulder, giving him a side hug as he still had his face buried into his hands.
''You never said it looked so bad.'' He muttered.
Jasmine's face screwed up weirdly as she didn't understand what he was trying to say. ''It doesn't look bad.''
''Every scar looks bad. Trust me. I know.''
''Remus.'' Jasmine scolded lightly. ''It doesn't look bad to me. And it doesn't hurt me at all.''
Remus removed his hands from his face and looked up at the ceiling blinking. Jasmine realised he was trying not to cry. Then he looked at her. ''Don't you feel angry? Even just a tiny bit?''
''Angry at you?'' asked Jasmine incredulously. Remus nodded. ''No. Not at all. I don't have anything to be angry at you for. You did nothing wrong, this was an –''
''Don't say accident because you know this was no accident.'' Remus' voice broke halfway through the sentence.
''Remus, we had this conversation before. Twice actually. Why are you bringing it up again?'' Jasmine recalled the first time they talked about the Forbidden Forest and the way Remus attacked her in his werewolf form.
It was right after the night, the same time they said that they love each other. Jasmine thought they said everything that had to be said. Then when she had to go to Pomfrey a few days later to change the bandages on the cuts, Remus distanced himself for a whole day before Jasmine understood it was because of that. They talked again and she gave him enough reasons for him to believe she was really okay. But now she realised it still wasn't enough.
''Because I feel bad! I feel horrible for what I did to you!'' Remus slightly raised his voice and moved on the bed so they weren't touching anymore.
Jasmine frowned. ''You can't change what happened.''
''But I want to! I wish I could turn back time and make you stay out of that Forest for that night.''
''Yet you can't.'' Jasmine moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. ''You can't change what happened. Wishing that you could is completely pointless now. It's in the past and you shouldn't worry about it anymore. I told you numerous times that it's okay and that I'm not angry. Why is it still bothering you? Don't you believe me?''
Remus stayed quiet and looked away.
Jasmine squeezed his hand and took a deep breath. She calmed her thoughts and decided that they won't come anywhere with raising voices and sporadic arguments. ''I'm glad that it happened.'' She blurted.
Remus snapped his head to her. ''What?!''
Jasmine nodded. ''I am. Because before that you always told me 'I can hurt you, I'm a werewolf. You should be scared of me and run away' and I said that it wasn't possible. And then you attacked me and this is the result of it.'' She moved her shirt to showcase the scars.
Remus looked away with pain in his eyes not understanding the meaning of her words.
''These scars are a reminder of what happened and also what didn't. I didn't die and no matter if the circumstances were different, there was no way I would. You could never kill me. Yes, it hurt and I had to do a lot of thinking of what it meant but the conclusion was the same as before. It's not a hypothesis anymore, it happened, I got to feel your dangerous side on my own skin. But I didn't run away. And I'm not scared. I'm not scared of you or what you can do. I'm still here and still with you with a new point of view in my eyes.''
Jasmine let go of his hand and used the moment to take a hold of his face and turn it to her so he would look at her. A trail of tears was running down his cheek but finally, after a few silent moments, he locked eyes with her.
''But I'll only stay if you want me to.''
Hope was circling in her eyes as she waited for his response. And she waited for a while. Jasmine's thoughts were circling and she kept repeating in her head: 'Don't let me down, Remus. I told you everything, I told you how I feel, I stayed with you because I love you. Please don't push me away, please open your eyes and see that we are better together than apart. Please don't let this one accident get in between us. I'll only be able to continue if you won't doubt us every time you see the scars on me. Please.' She said none of it out loud.
''I do,'' Remus whispered.
A breath of relief escaped Jasmine and a small smile curled at her lips. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. ''I'm not going anywhere.''
''I'm so sorry,'' Remus muttered into her shoulder. ''I don't know what's wrong with me. I only kept seeing what damage I caused you, thinking you would be better off without me. But in truth, it would be horrible. Because I need you. This is the happiest I've ever been and I don't know what would happen if –''
''Don't say it.'' Jasmine squeezed him tighter. ''I know. I need you too. More than you realise.''
Remus leaned away and a second later their lips were pressed together in a sweet kiss. Jasmine grabbed his face and brushed the tears away from his cheeks. Once they parted, they leaned their foreheads together and stayed quiet for a while. Then Jasmine moved away from him and motioned him to follow her. She laid back on the pillows, Remus joining her in her embrace as he laid his head on her chest. Decidedly so this was the best cuddling position.
''I'm sorry I ruined our moment,'' Remus said quietly as he trailed his hand slowly across Jasmine's stomach.
''It's okay. I feel like we needed to get things off of our chests. Again.''
A quiet chuckle came out of him. ''We used to talk all the time and solve everything. Now we just assume the other is okay if we don't say anything.''
''I don't want to burden you with my problems, Rem. They are pointless, so I stay quiet and deal with them on my own,'' said Jasmine.
''But you shouldn't. You should tell me everything, no matter how pointless it is. We should solve everything together. So no more secrets and assumptions, alright?'' He leaned up and propped himself with his elbow.
Jasmine smiled sadly. ''Alright.'' She wondered silently if that was a small white lie but quickly put it to the back of her head when Remus kissed her again.
''I love you.'' His lips brushed hers as he whispered it.
''I love you too.''
''You're too good for me, Jass.'' Remus bumped his nose lightly against hers.
''Who said that?'' Jasmine wondered in bewilderment.
''No one. I just think it's true.''
''I am not too good for you. Maybe it's the other way around.''
''God, we're corny.'' Remus chuckled.
Jasmine couldn't help but laugh as well. ''I'll be even cornier if I can make you blush like that again.'' She tapped his cheek.
Remus' smile grew before he dipped his head and hid in the crook of her neck in embarrassment. Their breathing calmed down as they fell quiet again. Jasmine kept running her hand up and down his back as she closed her eyes, enjoying the peacefulness of the atmosphere.
Remus moved slightly beside her and his hot breath on her neck tickled her. Another minute or so later he pressed his lips to her neck in a lingering kiss. Jasmine bit her lip as he didn't stop after just one kiss. Soon he moved again so he was back hovering on top of her as his lips found hers. Clearly, their moment was not ruined, but maybe only paused for a heart to heart talk that both of them needed. But both needed this too.
The wish to hold each other was strong and the feel of burning skin under each other's touch was almost overwhelming. As Jasmine's fingers found the hem of Remus' sweater, ready to pull it off and continue the heated moments, Remus broke the kiss. Jasmine stared at him, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.
''Are you sure you want to do this?'' He asked breathlessly.
''Yes.'' Jasmine pulled him closer and kissed him again before pulling his sweater off.
Remus smiled into the kiss and it was as though her answer and her movements gave him a little bit more confidence for what followed next. The only thing they still needed was Silencio and a lock on the door.
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