The dinner, in Hanmas eyes, wasn't going too well.
Why?
All because of you!
He was annoyed with your behavior. The thrill and excitement you had given him before was switched up to annoyance and ignorance.
You weren't fun anymore.
The shimmer and light that you had in your eyes the other day, gone. Much to his distaste. So without dragging the night out further, as soon as you both were done eating, he walked out.
Leaving you to follow him like a damn puppy.
"Whats wrong?", you asked, noticing the change of behavior towards you. A laugh escaping his lips when he turned back to you. He lit up a cigarette and leaned his back against his car, "what's wrong? Whats wrong, you ask? Since when are you so boring, doll?", shocking you slightly.
"What?", "you're boring, doll. Annoying and boring. You not getting enough dick from the executives anymore? Did they find other playthings? Is that why you're acting like this?"
His words stinging, you furrowed your brows, "what the fuck is your problem?", "my problem is, that I thought you were fun. But you're boring, dull! You're like the shell of a fucked out doll!" You gulped down the lump in your throat, feeling like the universe was purposely trying to put you down today.
One kick after another. Thats all you had received today.
A fucking punching bag.
"What are you looking at me like that? Can't handle the truth?", he laughed before continuing, "get in the car. I'll drive you back to Bonten. Maybe you should ask them to fill you up, fuck you dumb and happy again. Then you can call me, you know, when your old self is back"
He threw his cigarette away, walking to the drivers seat and getting in while you still stood there. Licking your lips and biting down on them, you started to chew on them again. Blood instantly prickling down as you had still wounds from the last time. Staring ahead, you blinked once and then twice before gulping down another lump in your throat, turning away and leaving.
Hanma pulled down the window, "Oi, where are you going? Get the fuck back here, doll! Hey!", but all you did was ignore him, walking down the empty street before disappearing into the night.
You found yourself in front of Inuis door. Contemplating whether you should knock on his door or leave. Your heart heavy in your chest, as you felt like you should leave, not wanting to be a bother to yet another person as you seemed like to everyone else.
Sighing, you turned around to leave when the door behind you opened, "(L/N)!", making you halt.
You refused to turn around as you felt your eyes sting, "Sorry.. I.. I'm gonna leave!-", "I saw you outside, what happened? Why are you here?", "It's nothing-", "It's not nothing. I can see that it's not nothing!" Silence fell upon you two when you felt Inuis presence behind you. He lifted his hands to lay them on your shoulders, turning you around, making you instantly hide your face in your hands.
You shook your head, "I don't wanna bother you! I'm so sorry..", you sobbed out as the tears finally let loose.
Inuis heart broke at the sight, taking you in his arms, "you never bother me", he whispered into your hair. Holding you tight against his chest.
He carefully guided you two into his house, looking around before closing and locking the door, as he kept in mind who you were affiliated with.
He settled you down on his couch, grabbing a blanket and wrapping you around it as he went to his room to get you stuff to wear once more. He didn't mind though, liking the way you looked in his clothes.
When he brought you the stuff, you softly thanked him and went like the last time into his bedroom, changing your clothes before returning back to the living room. Snuggling back into the blanket he had given you. Inui emerged from the kitchen with two cups of hot tea and some snacks, settling them down in front of you on the coffee table before sitting down beside you. He opened his arms making you instinctively crawl into them and as soon as he encircled you in them, you both fell back on the couch.
You on top of him.
You both laid in silence, when Inui uttered the words that made tears instantly fall once more past your eyes, "you can let go.."
He held you close to himself, letting you cry your heart out, as he stroke your back. His hand tangling in your hair while he soothingly whispered sweet nothings into your ear. Oh, how he wished he could take your pain away. The whimpers and sobs, breaking his heart as he didn't like seeing you cry and broken like this. Wanting nothing more than for you to be happy, healthy and loved.
With a heavy heart and chest he let you cry until your sobs, tears and whimpers turned into small sniffles.
He was hesitant to speak though, hesitant to ask what was wrong as he feared you would break down once more or push him completely away. To his surprise though, he didn't had to make the first move.
"Did I... change?", your voice breaking as you uttered the question you feared the answer to. "what do you mean?", Inui genuinely asked, making you lift yourself up as you now sat on your knees and looked down at him with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.
"I.. I keep hearing that I.. that I changed. And.. and they hate it.. I don't wanna be hated..", you whimpered out as another set of tears stung your eyes.
"Hey, hey, hey", Inui instantly sat up, trying to shush you as he cupped your cheeks, his nose touching yours. "What do you mean they hate it? What do you mean you changed? Breath in and breath out. Try to calm down and then.. if you want.. you can explain to me what exactly happened. I'm having a hard time following you right now and I do.. I do want to understand whats going on in your mind", he confessed.
You nodded your head understandingly and tried to calm down. Inui has been nothing but sweet to you, so the feeling of wanting to be honest to him was big.
Taking a deep breath, you looked down and started to fiddle with your hands. Inui, instantly taking your hands into his, brought them up to his lips, kissing them comfortingly. "Take your time", "I don't want you to hate me or.. or be disgusted by me..", "I could never-", "i killed people.. and had no remorse..", silence falling upon you two as Inui tried to digest the information.
"I had to kill them for the missions.. I feel like I'm loosing my mind.. my friends were taken from me.. my cat died.. my childhood friend, who used to be family.. is responsible for the death of my friends.. Bonten only sees me as nothing but a piece of entertainment to be thrown out and abandoned at any given moment.. I can't take this anymore.. I'm not seen for me.. I don't even see me for me.. I don't recognize myself anymore.. I don't have a home to go back to... I... I--", you broke down into tears again, hiding your face in your hands once more.
Inui sat there for a moment, his mind blank as he watched you before he sighed out and took you back into his arms making you freeze. Not expecting him to react like this.
You thought he would throw you out. Thought he would judge you and be disgusted with you. You thought he would look at you with nothing but hate in his eyes. But the moment he spoke, you felt like a truly horrible person, not worthy to be held by an Angel like him.
"You had no other choice, (Y/N). You're doing all this for survival and that's okay. You're not horrible for protecting yourself. You're in a situation where, its almost inevitable, to not change. Its completely natural. We all went through it. But.. you will get out. You will eventually get out and best believe I will be by your side, every step you take."
"I don't deserve you!", you cried out, making him kiss your temple, "(L/N), in all honesty.. I don't deserve you! You're such a wonderful person and it hurts me to see you like this!"
You pressed yourself closer to him, hiding your face in his chest, "Why is all of it so goddamn hard.. I can't take it anymore.. I don't wanna do this anymore.. I just.. I'm tired. So so fucking tired", "because life is full of unwanted obstacles... but (L/N).. you're not alone.. you don't have to do this alone.. I'm here.. I'm here for you in whatever way you need me"
You nodded your head, letting him hold you for the rest of the night as you two continued to talk. Letting out all of your emotions and feelings while he held you close to his chest, his hands tangled in your hair as he listened attentively. Reassuring you over and over again that he was there for you and not going anywhere.
After what seemed like hours, you two laid in utter silence. The moon shining through the window down on you two as you kept staring at the night sky through the window.
An idea popping up in your head.
Shifting a bit, you hovered above Inui, your hair falling like a curtain, covering you two. He looked at you in anticipation, his eyes soft as he lifted his hand to graze your cheeks and cup them. You closed your eyes and leaned into the palm of his hand.
"I wanna do something..", you softly said.
He raised a brow, studying your face, "what do you wanna do?"
Opening your eyes, you looked down at Inui once more, "I.. never got to tell you why I keep dying my hair white blonde..", "hmm?", "It's because of my mom.. she used to always get her hair done in white, sometimes it had a purple hue in it.. sometimes a blue.. and she always kept it neatly cut and short... after she passed away.. I dyed my hair.. I always made the excuse, 'so I have some sort of memory of her', though I think it was more of a coping mechanism. I couldn't let her go.. I couldn't live with the fact that my parents were gone.."
Inuit nodded his head understandingly, his thumb never stopped caressing your cheek.
He waited for you to continue as you sat up. You looked down in thought, taking a deep breath and letting out all the air in your lungs. Your chest heavy as you for once decided to step over your own shadows.
Making a decision that would bring you a step back to yourself and a step forward to your sanity.
"I wanna dye my hair.."
Inui looked at you rather stunned, knowing immediately what you meant and knowing what it meant to you. "Are you.. are you sure?"
You licked your lips and took another deep breath, feeling like you were not getting enough air at all. "yeah.. I think.. I think it's time to let go", you said, feeling your eyes sting. You looked up, trying to keep the tears in..
It was a rather hard decision. For others it may seemed like nothing.. but for you.. for you it was letting go of the past.. letting go of the memory of your parents.
For a moment you closed your eyes, letting all those feelings wash over you before you opened them again, looking back at Inui.
Uttering words that you wouldn't take back now...
"Inui! Let's dye my hair!"
____________
Authors Note
In conclusion, go crazy with the hair colors and hair length! (And tell me please! I'm curious! You can imagine whatever you want, use your own hair, a hair color/length you always wanted/ oc's hair! Just go all out if you want to!)
This marks the end of (y/n)'s white blond short hair!