Two weeks since the bonfire and I want to forgive him. I want to give him a chance to speak his side of that day, for him to explain what he does and why. I will need to be okay with whatever he does, this man is in my life forever, I need to be able to at least hold a conversation with him.
I felt loved that night at the bonfire and I miss hearing him call my name or call me Kitten and when he touches my body to electrify my soul. I miss sleeping in his embrace and my stomach is growing, I will have to explain to my parents why my belly is big.
Kai got me this ob-gyn and my next appointment is next week, that is when I hit the three-month mark. We have yet to figure out Kat's future living arrangements because we are unsure about us, well I am unsure about us.
"Kai?" I say walking into his house, I have not been here since the morning after the bonfire.
"In the kitchen." He is the same person I knew, still does the same things and speaks the same way, he just happens to be a murderer.
"Can I have a glass of juice, please?" I can talk to him without having my mind scream 'He is a murderer!' which is great because I love this. He pours out the cranberry juice into a glass before handing the glass to me.
"You want lasagna?" He asks as he grates cheese.
"Yes, please. I want us to talk."
"About?" He concentrates on the cheese.
"That day, when your house became a crime scene."
"You want me to explain?" I nod hoping he gives me a straight answer. He walks closer to me, takes my hand before leading me to a chair.
"You are to tell No one this under any circumstances." Nod from me and he continues "The service I provide for rich people is being their assassin. Someone needs another person assassinated and without a trace, they call me. I work with the Hellions, Josh's gang most of the time but other times I work with Mafia families. I always make sure nothing leads back to me but when I was in Italy, I might have missed something and when I killed an elder of the Sicilian family, they must have found me and they came to kill me but I am always prepared until you showed up. I was going to send a message over but they saw you and they were going to use you to get to me and I couldn't have that so I made a choice that protected both of us, not just me. "
"So you are a hitman?" You said you would think about it. If you said you would be okay with him being in a gang what is wrong if he works alone? "I need a second, can I have water?" He stands to get me water and I lay my feet on the couch. This is a lot to take in.
"You okay?" He asks as he hands the glass to me.
"Need to let this digest." A moment passes "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you do it? Why do you kill people for a living?"
"They are all bad people and I needed the money, all of this would not exist if I never learnt how to use death to my own benefit." What was his childhood like? "Please stay, can not bare to watch you walk out the door again."
"I want to stay but that means accepting that one day you will go and never come back to me."
"Yes, yes but anyone and everyone could leave and die while they are away. Enjoy this time with me, stay, please." Please. Stay. Accept. I was ready to accept that he is in a gang, I can not walk away, I can't, I don't want to walk away.
"I am not going to walk away but I want nothing to do with your crimes and everything else. I will turn a blind eye but don't show your horror of a job in front of my face. " his face lights up and he pulls me in. "We need to work on our trust, it can not be fixed with one conversation, I need to trust you again."
"Anything for you, are you okay?" I nod before standing up to go to the kitchen. I place the glass in the sink before holding on tight to the counter. Tears stream down my face and I hear his footsteps so I wipe my tears away. "You want Ice cream? I saw you wiping tears off your face." He takes the ice cream out and fetches two spoons.
"I can have ice cream." We lay on the couch and at first, it is awkward, with no words spoken.
"My mother and grandmother are coming tomorrow to see you, I am sorry if it is short notice and you can sleep over if you want." I want to sleep over, I miss him and his scent.
"I will see them after school or do they think I am done with school?"
"They know you are still in high school. I miss you."
"I love you." His face lights up.
"I love you, do you want to stay over tonight?" To trust him, I need to let him in. I crawl to his side, fuck my morals I love this idiot, I am carrying his child and my morals tell me to stay away from someone who would never hurt me.
"Yeah." He wraps his arm around me. I take in his scent and I feel my body relax, my jaw unclenches, my shoulders loosen and my face softens.
I am in my comfort.
******
Hey guys, I hope you are enjoying the book. Things went a little off track there for three weeks and I did not upload, I am sorry.
We should get back on track and I am hoping that we do get back on track. I have uploaded six chapters today and next week another three and hopefully by then I will know what I want from this story.