Summary: Louis is an empath who feels too much, yet not enough.
You guys I know it's been SO LONG 😩 enjoy besties ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Louis has always thought of himself as a thoughtful person. He is good at discerning how people are feeling, and he can help them without having to be told how.
He knows when his little sisters are mad at each other by observing the way they keep their distance on the couch, or how the family dog is hungry by the way he walks in circles around the kitchen and looks up at the countertops expectantly. He even knows when his boyfriend looks at him like he wishes he could read his mind, but that's Louis' own fault.
The price of feeling everyone else's emotions so profoundly is that Louis can hardly handle his own. His own feelings are the last drop of water that makes his cup overflow, so he decides to simply not feel. As empathetic as Louis is with other people, he is terrible at being empathetic with himself.
That is why he is staring out the large tour bus window with his big headphones on, listening to relaxing music that block out the hum of conversation. The music also keeps him from thinking, as he has found that too much thinking is almost as harmful as feeling his own emotions.
A sudden tap on Louis' shoulder pulls him outside of his solitary world, and his mind returns to the bus. He takes his headphones off and ruffles his hair to fix it, then looks to his left.
"Hi," Harry says, his lips turning upwards ever so slightly like they always do when he looks at Louis.
Harry.
The intonation of his voice, or the way he says words that make them sound comforting and warm, or even his smile when he listens to Louis speak. That smile never gets very big, but even the most pathetic attempt at a joke from Louis can turn Harry's perfectly pink lips into a half smile, half smirk. Everything about Harry makes Louis want him, and he can't believe he has him.
"Hi," Louis replies, his voice coming out slightly scratchy from not talking for a few hours.
"Wanna cuddle?" Harry asks. Louis feels warmer from the question alone. To be cuddled by Harry is to be held in the most gentle way. Louis loves the way Harry unintentionally slows his movements so as not to disturb him when he is in his arms.
Louis simply nods. He closes YouTube and inches towards Harry, setting his phone and headphones where he was previously sitting. He sits so close to Harry that their hips are touching, and he turns into Harry's side and rests his head on his chest, which is covered by a black hoodie. It smells faintly of apples and spice, along with something familiar and intoxicating that Louis can only pinpoint as Harry's natural scent.
As Louis snakes an arm across Harry's stomach, he feels the younger boy's strong muscles underneath his soft hoodie; Louis' favorite combination. Harry sighs contently above Louis and drapes his arm across Louis' back, making the older boy smile and his stomach swirl. "What's new, baby blue?" Louis' smile, which often has a mind of its own around Harry, grows wider, and he looks up at his boyfriend.
"Nothing much," he simply responds, then kisses Harry's jaw.
"Just hanging out?" Harry sweetly says, then ruffles Louis' hair before mindlessly rearranging it.
"Mhm," Louis hums. He feels like a child who is all giddy after talking to their crush. He hates how easily Harry can make him feel, it almost hurts. Harry's love and attention feel like a tightness in Louis' chest and butterflies in his stomach, which can only be let go by smiling or giggling or doing any similar obnoxiously in-love action.
As Harry and Zayn keep their noncholant conversation going, Louis lets his eyes focus and unfocus as he looks at things near and far from him. His eyes eventually land upon Liam, who is sitting in the kitchenette area and softly smiling at his phone. His thumbs hover over the keyboard as he periodically types something, then waits. Something about his demeanor makes Louis concentrate on him; something is wrong. Liam slowly reaches forward and takes a sip from his water bottle, then sighs before putting it back down. He purses his lips and keeps his eyes glued to his phone, then gives a sad smile when his phone dings as a text comes through.
"Hey," Louis almost whispers to Harry.
"Yeah?" Harry attentively responds, brushing Louis' hair off of his forehead as he looks down at him.
"I wanna get up." Harry moves his arm, and Louis gives Harry a chaste kiss on the cheek. He takes three steps forward before sitting down next to Liam, who seems like he doesn't notice Louis' presence at first.
"Hey bud," Liam says, keeping his phone clasped in his hand as he moves it to his lap.
"How are you?" Louis softly asks, looking unwaveringly into Liam's deep brown eyes. His body is facing Liam's, showing his commitment to the conversation.
"I'm lonely. I miss my girlfriend," Liam sighs, immediately giving into Louis' caring nature.
"I'm sorry about that, I'm sure it's not easy travelling the world without her. Is there anything I can do?" Louis' words come straight from his heart, because it would genuinely make his day if he could cheer Liam up.
"I don't think so. I think I'm gonna FaceTime with her when we get to our rooms," Liam decides. Louis offers a small smile and a nod.
"That sounds like a good idea." He stays present with Liam for a moment longer before going back to the couch. Harry has begun to gather his stuff, since the bus is now in the parking lot of their hotel. He puts his headphones back on and connects his phone, then plays music at a low volume to keep his mind from running too fast and absorbing all the input from new people who are going to be around him.
"Louis, no headphones. I need you to be able to hear directions if anything happens," Paul says when Louis steps off the bus and into the chilly night. Louis watches Paul's mouth move while his music plays over him, almost wanting to stay in this blissful world of seeing people talk without actually hearing their words. It is Harry's gentle touch that moves Louis' headphones to rest around his neck.
He silently follows his band mates inside, and that is when the impenetrable wall of unadulterated emotion hits Louis. Dozens of people, mostly dressed in black and dripping in shiny jewelry, walk around the lobby. Some are talking, some are drinking at the bar, and some are sitting and looking around at other's outfits.
Louis' eyes automatically begin scanning the room. He pauses on a boy who looks lost, uncomfortable, and dressed in an expensive suit that he is dreading wearing. He finds his legs walking towards the boy, who meets his eyes when Louis is a few feet away; he recognizes him.
"You're Louis Tomlinson," the boy says with wide eyes. His platinum blonde hair and dark roots do not match the suit whatsoever, but something about his hair fits his vibe.
"I am. And you're out of place," Louis openly responds. He has found that approaching strangers with the truth makes it easier to connect with them than starting with a lie.
"What gave it away?" The boy chuckles. Louis smiles when the stranger gives in and responds with honesty.
"A lot. What are you doing at a place you don't want to be at?" Louis wonders. The boy looks past Louis at the luxuriously dressed people.
"My parents host these charity fundraisers every year for their business. My brother and I get dragged along, but he's at university a few hours away so he gets a pass," the boy explains, pointing to a couple, surely no older than 50, chatting happily with a small group of people.
"How old are you?" Louis asks.
"19. I'm Harrison, by the way." He extends his hand, which Louis cordially shakes with a warm smile.
"Harrison's similar to Harry, that's my boyfriend-" Louis claps his hand over his mouth as soon as he processes what he just said. "I didn't say that." Fuck.
"Your secret's safe with me." Harrison purses his lips and pretends to zip them shut, then flicks away the key. Louis smiles, but he feels panicked inside.
"Hey." Louis hears a familiar voice and feels a familiar hand gently take hold of his arm. He looks over his shoulder at Harry, then takes a step back to invite him into the conversation. "We have to go to our room now. Paul's waiting." Louis frowns when he hears this, because he has only just met his new friend.
"Oh. I'm sorry, I have to go now," Louis mournfully says to Harrison. Harrison doesn't look too upset by this news, and Louis knows that Harrison feels like less of an outcast at the gathering just from their conversation.
"I understand. Thanks for coming and talking to me, it was really nice meeting you," Harrison beams.
"Likewise. I like making friends on the road." Harrison's smile doubles in size at this as his eyes shift from Louis to Harry. Harry gives his best fake smile as he slightly tightens his grip on Louis' arm; Louis knows Harry is tired of exchanging pleasantries and just wants to go to bed.
As soon as Louis and Harry start for the elevators, Louis drops his smile and his heart fills with dread. He accidentally outed him and Harry. The elevator doors smoothly slide shut, sealing the couple, plus Paul, inside the silver box. Louis remains silent until he and Harry are safe and alone inside their hotel room, then he emits a frustrated groan.
"What's the matter?" Harry asks, looking up from his sneakers while continuing to untie them.
"I just fucking told Harrison that you and I are dating. He's probably gonna tell everyone now," Louis sighs as he heads into the bathroom. His mind is jumping to the worst conclusions, some of them completely irrational but entirely plausible in the foreground of Louis' mind.
"Don't stress yourself out over it," Harry says, stating the obvious.
"Easy for you to say..." Louis and Harry wet their toothbrushes, and Harry puts small globs of toothpaste onto both of them. The boys are quiet while they brush their teeth. Louis, as always, hogs the sink because the foamed up toothpaste always finds a way to drip down his chin and out of his mouth, while Harry's stays inside his mouth until he spits.
"All this empathy and you couldn't tell that Harrison isn't gonna tell anyone?" Harry quietly chuckles after the pair rinse their mouths and toothbrushes.
Louis strips down to his underwear and slips underneath the surprisingly comfortable bedsheets as his mind races. He thinks of all the possible things that could happen after telling Harrison his secret, weighing each one and disecting it for any rational qualities. His brain will only allow him to accept the facts, which are that he let it slip that he and Harry are dating, and that Harrison pretended to zip his lips shut. Maybe Harrison won't tell anyone after all, but Louis can't be sure.
"Night." Louis gives Harry a quick kiss before rolling over to his side of the bed, taking an unfair amount of blanket with him and his jumbled thoughts.
"Boo," Harry deadpans.
"Hm?"
"Come here, little one." Harry's soft tone immediately makes Louis melt in the most terrible way. Louis shuffles around to face his boyfriend, who is still sitting up, having not moved since they kissed.
"What?" Louis wonders, his eyebrows slightly upturned and his thin lips pouting.
"I know you're still thinking about it," Harry says.
"So what if I am?" Louis brings his hands out from underneath the blanket and slowly runs his hands through his hair. He always finds himself fidgeting in any way, no matter how small, whenever Harry is solely focused on him.
"You need to learn to handle your own emotions before taking on other people's emotions. You have to put your oxygen mask on before helping other people put on theirs."
"What?"
"Like on a plane," Harry clarifies.
"Oh," Louis slowly nods. "Well I don't think I'm gonna learn that tonight," he softly says.
"That's alright." Harry offers a soft smile, then lays down. Louis gravitates towards the younger boy, fitting into his side like they were made to fit together. His lips form a content smile as he takes in Harry's calming touch and his familiar scent; the strong, rhythmic beating of his heart serves as Louis' own personal lullaby each night.
All of the emotions Louis has taken on throughout the day are relinquished the deeper he slips into sleep. Even if Louis can't handle his own emotions, Harry is able to take care of them as if they were his very own.
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I started 2 one shots (plus this one, so three) but once I get like 70% done with them it's so difficult to finish them 😩
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