Waking up in the morning is hard but facing school is the most difficult part of my day. Some people do not care while others look at me with disgust and others just pity me. I wish they could all just stop staring.
"Kamo, wait up," Sam calls from behind me.
"Hey, Sam. What's up?"
"Nothing much. Have you told him yet?" No, but I am going to.
"Not yet but I'm going to him tonight. Why does this school love rumours?"
"I will never know." We walk into class and continue conversing until the bell rings and the teacher walks in.
During the fourth period, I get called to the office. I know they found out but I hope they did not call my parents. I need to tell them, in my own time, my way.
The Secretary points to the principal's office. A deep breath in. I open the door.
"Mr Martin?" I call out as I close the door.
"Who's baby is it?" Kaiser?
"Kai, why are you here?" He stands up from the chair and stands in front of me.
"Who's baby is it, Kamohelo?" He looks good, I guess I expected him to be lost without me.
"How do you know I am pregnant?" It was my news to tell.
"Does it matter?"
"To me, it does." He runs his fingers through his hair, I miss doing that.
"A friend of a friend goes to your school and when she heard the rumours she sent me a text asking if I knew, which I did not and that got me thinking, is it my baby or someone else's because I have not heard from you in TWO MONTHS." I want to go into his arms. HE IS A MURDERER.
"I am scared, I was scared, what if you kill me like you did those two men?"
"Meine Liebe, I would kill myself before I ever intentionally hurt you." He inches closer but I don't move back.
"How do I know that that is true?" He holds out his hand. Hesitantly I put my hand in his.
"Trust me. Now is it my baby?"
A long pause, maybe I am waiting for me to wake up, pretend this never happened but it did.
"Of course it is." A smile etches itself on his face, his arms wrap around my body before pulling me closer to him.
"Are you keeping them?" His voice sounds so sweet as a whisper.
"Yeah, their name is Katleho." He puts his face into the crook of my neck.
"Have you told your parents yet?"
"Not yet." I get out of his hold.
"Can I tell my parents?" I nod. He holds my hand and we both say nothing. I love him, I felt it when I hugged him but I am scared of him, I felt it when I entered and heard his voice. "You are still scared of me?"
I nod. "It will not go away just because you said I must trust that you won't hurt me."
"What do I need to do so you can not be afraid of me?"
"I don't know. I feel safe in your arms but I am scared of you." He nods.
"Are you comfortable going somewhere with me?" Am I? He won't hurt me will he? He is a murderer. He will hurt me.
"Not at this point. We can do this though, you can take me home and fetch me from school." My parents need to at least notice there is a man in my life.
"You okay with that?" I nod and he nods with me. Can I have a hug? Just one. He opens the door but before he leaves he turns to face me.
"See you when school is out." I want to run after him, I want to hold him, I want him to hold me. I want to be okay with his crime. Maybe I already am, I am just afraid that if I accept that crime he will stop being his sweet self.
The bell rings for lunch and I go to the cafeteria. Kate is sitting with her friends and I can hear the conversation is about me. I get up to go to the library where I can enjoy my own company.
When I am wearing my uniform, you can not see my belly but when I am wearing a tight shirt you can see the slightest bit of a belly and so I wear loose clothing and hoodies when I am at home. I am always in need of a bathroom so it makes it difficult when teachers want to play smart. "Why did you not go during lunch?" I did now I need to go again.
Soon enough my mom will be able to sense that I am pregnant if she already has not. Soon the school is out and Kai is waiting for me outside his passenger door. With his sunglasses on. He takes them off as I approach, he opens the door and helps me in.
I connect to his aux and I play my music. We get to my house and he helps me out as well.
"Thanks. See you tomorrow." He nods and waits for me to get inside the house before he gets inside.
"Hey Mama Bear, did you miss me?" She is chopping carrots so I take one, she swats my hand away.
"Take your dirty hands away from my food. I made you a sandwich, it's in the fridge."
"Mama, a sandwich? One?"
"No, I know you like eating the entire house so I made you two and another one for later." I hug her from behind.
"Thanks, Ma, I love when you know me, I heard Dad say something about a wedding, yesterday, when are we going?" She laughs before turning to face me.
"We? You mean your dad and me. We are taking this as a couple's vacation. We will be in Mauritius for two weeks then come back to take care of you again."
"Damn, when was the last time I had a vacation?"
"December did we not go to Durban with you? Was that not a vacation? Plus My husband and I have been planning this vacation for three years. Now someone offered to pay for our flights, of course, we have to go."
"Shap Ma. I'm going to watch movies to soothe myself. You can call me when your beloved husband comes." She laughs before going back to her dishes.
When I get into my room I text Sibo to tell her that Kaiser knows about Katleho and we are trying to make things work.
Sibo: Why don't you guys come to a party we are having by the river?
Me: Is it just going to be teenagers?
Sibo: No, uhm it's sort of a college student thing but Kate and I along with other people from your school were told to invite other people.
Me: I will ask. Things are tense between us so idk.
Sibo: just ask. It's tomorrow. Remember to bring juice.
She hangs up. I call Kai and his phone is going to voicemail. I will tell him tomorrow then.