"Why are you guys fighting?" He murdered two people in his lounge.
"He is not the person I thought he was, he has a darkness to him and I know he would never hurt me but what if I am wrong?" I want to believe that he was defending himself but I have seen the darkness that clouds his eyes and he was way too calm.
"Baby, people are not the shining stars we think they are, they hold pain and suffering for years and you barely know what his is. What if the darkness you see in him, is what he saw growing up?"
"Sibo, I don't want to take a chance."
"With love you always taking a chance, you are giving the person a knife and hoping they only cut you surface deep and never go deep enough to kill you."
"I don't know if I want to tell him about the baby if I decide to abort."
"Will he find out?" Probably.
"I don't think so."
"Then don't. What do you want to do?" I have no direction, I applied for an LLB but I don't want to be a lawyer. I have not figured out what I want now I am expected to make a choice about whether to keep a baby or not.
"Genuinely have no idea. Adoption is not an option. Abortion or I keep them." An entire baby.
"Well, could you go through with abortion?"
"I don't know if I would survive mentally knowing that I did that to my baby. I am already attached to them."
"You want to keep the baby?"
"Yes but I am broke, I have no money, no job, no aspirations in life, nothing." My parents are already doing their best with me, I can not force on them another mouth to feed.
"Lucky for you, you have a bestie with parents who need to buy her love." She jokes as she pulls me into a hug. "And Kai has money. A Buggati Chiron is not cheap, you can legally force him to pay child support if he refuses to help you out." I just need to get over the fact that he is a murderer. I am getting redundant with this whole 'he is a murderer'.
"We just need to talk, first." I dread our first conversation.
"You guys will find a way. Kate is on her way so let's get you home." Oh. I grab my jacket and she drops me off at home.
"Mama, I don't feel so well, I will eat tomorrow, I'm going to sleep now." I try to turn and go to my room when she calls my name.
"You say you don't feel well, what's wrong maybe food is what you need. Eat a little something and then go sleep." Both her and dad are looking at me and I lose my resolve. I can feel them smiling.
****
A month since I found out I am pregnant and I must say, I have been hiding this well, I forget I am pregnant most of the time. There is a firmness when you feel my stomach but there is no bump. Sibo and Sam are ganging up on me to tell Kai and I am scared he will reject me and my baby. I was looking into baby names as to stop calling them my baby.
Katleho meaning success. That might not be their name but I will call them Katleho. I have not told my parents yet and I am waiting for the perfect opportunity to do so.
It is Tuesday afternoon, school was okay and I texted Sibo that I am telling Kaiser that I am pregnant soon. I am just gathering the courage to text him. She has been there for me. She spends time with me when Kate is busy and she even got me a few things which she keeps at her house. I got a job at the convenience store so that I can pay for an Ob/GYN and buy some things without Sibo's help.
Sam occasionally checks up on me during school hours, which is sweet, endearing and well-meaning but I don't want it. Morning sickness has been hard to hide, I talked to a doctor and they recommend a cracker and water in the middle of the night.
I keep drinking loads of water and sleeping at every turn. Seven more months to go.