Lexi's POV
Walking through the hospital doors the Christmas tree in the lobby fills my face with a smile. It's currently 10:30pm on Christmas Eve. Although I am not scheduled to work, I was asked to come in for a four hour shift to cover a hole on the floor. I tucked Pia in a few hours ago with Tucker right by her side, and Kristie and I filled underneath the tree with all the gifts for the morning.
With my work schedule, Pia and I were unable to make it home to North Carolina, and against my orders, Kristie stayed as well. Although I am very glad she decided to stay.
Walking onto the floor with my Christmas sweater on, I place the box of donuts I brought in the break room before grabbing my assignment sheet and starting on work. As the hours pass by and it's well after midnight, my coworkers and I start wrapping a gift for each patient on the floor. We asked each parent one gift their child wanted and went shopping yesterday so we could hand them out. Once my patients gifts were wrapped, I slowly crept into the first room and turn the small light on by the window.
Seeing Noah, the fourteen year old boy asleep in his bed, I make my way over to his mom who is reading a book. Her smile always lights up the room, even though her face is always reading other mixed emotions.
"Merry Christmas Jill," I say as I sit on the couch next to her.
"Merry Christmas Lexi, and thank you for this," she says gesturing toward the gift. "He is going to be very excited."
"I am glad I am able to make him smile, that's all I ask for."
The two of us talk for a few more minutes before the boy starts to stir in the bed. Having been here for a week, his internal clock wakes him up at all the right times throughout the night.
"My arms ready, you're five minutes late," he says looking at his phone.
"Sorry," I say standing up and heading over to the vitals machine. "Santa was a little late delivering your gift."
"Gift?" His eyebrows furrow at first before he smiles and sits up with wide eyes. I attach all the wires to him and grab his information before sitting in the chair next to his bed, while his mom sits next to him. He rips open the paper as fast as he can to reveal a painting set, a sketchbook and a new novel he has been asking for. His smile leads to tears running down his own face and his moms.
"Thank you." He says looking between the two of us. "I'm not sure who this is from but thank you. I am going to get started."
Leaving the two be, I deliver my last gift to the little three year old next door before giving report and heading out the front door.
Driving home in silence, something I do when I work nights to quiet my mind and prepare me for sleep, I breeze through the green lights before parking and heading up the elevator to the apartment.
Unlocking the door quietly, I set all my things on the counter, check on Pia, and make my way into my bedroom.
The tv light is seen from the hall, and as I open the door I notice Kristie passed out with her mouth open and small snores coming from her. Stripping into pajamas, I brush my teeth and crawl into bed, letting sleep take over.
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"Mommy! Mama! Wake up, it's Christmas!"
Feeling a little body crawl across me alongside a four legged friend, I slowly pull away from Kristie's side and open my eyes. Seeing Pia smiling so wide, I instantly pull her into me and smother her face with kisses.
"Merry Christmas my love."
"Can we open presents now mommy? I waited until 7:30 just like you asked."
"You may look through your stocking only, and open Tucker's for him too. Mama and I will be out in a few minutes."
She is off the bed before I can even blink, Tucker following behind. Looking to my left I see Kristie laying on her side looking toward me with a small smile.
"You're a good mom, you know that?"
"I want to give her the world and a little more, she's the best kid there is."
"She's pretty great. You ready for her craziness?"
"Oh babe," I say throwing the covers off me and heading toward the bathroom. "Just you wait."
The two of us make ourselves presentable before walking toward the living room and getting cozy on the couch. Pia starts opening all her presents, but also hands the two of us some here and there. She has always been good about taking turns.
Over the next hour, the floor becomes scattered with wrapping paper, and Pia's smile never leaves her face. The endless amounts of thank you's that leave her mouth make all her days with a bad attitude worth every penny.
Kristie is helping Pia assemble a new toy while I cook breakfast, a Christmas movie is playing and I can't help but be thankful. This year was a year I will never forget. I finally decided to settle and I couldn't be happier with where I am right now.
As I take the pancakes off the stove, the doorbell rings. Assuming it is Jane, as she is coming over for breakfast, I open the door without hesitation. As the door is opened I freeze. All the color drains from my face and my vision gets blurry. I have no words for the person standing in front of me. All I can remember is begging her to keep her baby all those years ago, yet now her baby has become mine.
"Hi Lexi, uh Merry Christmas. Do you remember me?"
"How could I forget you?" I say as I step into the hall and shut the door behind me hearing Kris call my name. "I have tried reaching out for years Anna, and you never responded. You signed your rights away, couldn't even look at your baby when you gave her up and you didn't want anything to do with her. I understand the circumstances weren't great and I am sorry for the position you were in. But for years when I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, yet you declined and refused to speak to me. Pia knows about you, and she is sad and doesn't truly understand. I also know for a fact, that when you gave her up for adoption you wanted all contact broken and to this day even though I have reached out to you, you had no idea where I was. So how the hell did you find me?"
I can see her presence sink in her body, as she becomes uncomfortable. She looks side to side and I begin to get irritated.
"Well? Are you going to speak or can I continue?"
"I-I'm sorry for showing up out of the blue. And I am sorry for ignoring you all these years. I have always remembered your name since the day I left the hospital, and I came across your face on Instagram a few months back. I noticed my little girl the minute I saw her. I was wondering if I could-"
"First off, she is not yours. You lost that right when you left her in the hospital alone. Second, I am unsure I can let you just walk back in to her life and think it's okay. You have broken her. She may only be five years old, but she's been through a lot and she understands that you left her. That much she does know. Lastly, the adoption was a closed adoption which means you have no right to see her. So please, go. I would like to say I am sorry for being rude but I'm not. You didn't only break Pia all those years ago but you broke me."
As I go to open the door, she speaks up again causing me to stand in my tracks.
"I have another child," is what causes me to turn around and face her. Tears are running down my face as well as hers. "He's two, and I love him. When I met you, I was in an abusive relationship. I was drinking like crazy. I wasn't stable enough to be a mom. I thought I was doing what was right by giving her away. Once I did, I broke off ties with my ex and I got clean. I started college and met a new guy who I am now married too. And the more I see my life falling into place the more I regret what I did and not having her with me. I know you hate me, but I would like to at least meet her."
"I am really sorry for what you went through, and I don't fault you for your choice. But if you regret it as much as you say you do, why did you ignore me all these years? Because if you didn't we wouldn't be here right now. I tried to give you a chance. I could see how broken you were when you left her, I know your decision wasn't easy. But I am having a hard time grasping why you're back here now."
"I know my explanation doesn't seem true, and I know this situation right now isn't great. But I do want to explain to you my side, even if you don't see it's right. And maybe I could meet her."
The door opens behind me and Kris is standing there confused.
"Hey," she says as she steps out in the hall. "Is everything alright?" She steps to me and kisses my forehead before looking at Anna. "Hi I'm Kristie, who are you?"
Anna goes to speak but I cut her off. "This is Anna, Pia's birth mom. She wants to see Pia. And maybe one day that will happen, but right now it won't."
As I say the words Anna didn't want to hear I can see her face break into many pieces.
"I am sorry Anna, but right now it can't happen. I'll be in touch with you, Merry Christmas."
Pulling Kristie inside I lock the door behind me and walk past Pia who is calling my name. I enter my room, lock the door and sink to the floor.
I always told myself that if I ran into her again, it would be different than what just happened. But time after time she ignored me, and I can't just forget that. Not yet.