Tessa
It was Saturday today. Which meant I didn't have to go to school and today I was also going to talk with Leo about everything.
I couldn't say I wasn't nervous. All these weeks I was trying to look past the things he was keeping from me because I wanted him in my life and deep down I knew whatever he was hiding from me must be a reason for me to leave.
But I didn't want to leave.
I was so confused on what I felt and what I wanted, I could just hope our talk would clear things up for me. I hoped that it was just a silly secret, that we would just laugh it off and I would tell him it's okay and ask him why he was keeping such a thing from me.
But that couldn't be it.
He asked me to meet him somewhere close to my house.
"Where are you off to?" My dad asked seeing me put my shoes on.
"Oh just to get coffee with Jane" I said.
"Is she here? Does she want to come inside?" He asked.
"Oh, no! We'll meet up there" I lied.
"Well be careful and have fun" He said giving me one of his sweet smiles.
I'm sorry dad.
I left and went to the spot Leo and I were supposed to meet up. He was already there waiting for me.
I had the urge to run to him. Hug him, kiss him, but I didn't. I had to hear what he had to say first.
"Hi" He said smiling softly.
Why do you have to look so handsome? I'm supposed to be mad at you.
"Get in" he said opening the car door for me.
I nodded getting in and he also got in before he started driving.
"We'll go to my apartment. It's the only place safe for me to tell you everything"
"What do you mean safe?"
"No one can know about this" He said.
I was getting even more nervous. What could be so serious that he was so worried about people finding out?
I nodded keeping my worries to myself and he stayed silent. No one else spoke during the ride. It was kind of awkward. I didn't know what to say to him or if I should say something.
Once we arrived at the apartment he asked, "Do you want anything to eat or drink?"
I shook my head no, "I think we should just start talking" I said.
"Fine"
"Why was there blood on your clothes?"
I analyzed his face. He looked nervous. It was as if he didn't even know the answer.
"Well?" I crossed my arms.
"I have a dangerous job" He said, but that wasn't enough.
"I thought it had something to do with computers" I raised my eyebrow.
"Part of it is tracking people down or hacking, yes. There is another side to it that's more...physical"
"What is it?"
"I deal with dangerous people. Really really dangerous people-"
"Stop beating around the bush"
"I don't know how to make this look normal, Tessa " He said running his fingers through his hair.
"Then don't. Tell me the truth"
"I work for the mafia, well something like that at least"
I started laughing at him. There was no way he was serious about this. This wasn't some cliche movie.
"Don't laugh" He murmured.
"Leo, just tell me the truth you don't have to make it seem funny" I said.
"It is the truth"
I blinked at him not knowing what to say.
What?
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"The blood on the clothes. That was because I beat up the guy you stabbed so that he would tell me who his boss is. That's how I found out who is after you"
Too much truth. I feel dizzy now.
"W-what?" I asked shocked, "So does that mean you have k-killed people?"
He didn't say anything. The look on his face said it all. I gasped and put my hand on my mouth.
"Let me explain" He said and took a few steps close to me.
I took a few steps back, I didn't want to be close to him. I wanted to process all of this.
"How do you explain murder?" I asked, my voice small, still not being able to believe what I was hearing.
"The people we deal with are bad people and-"
"Who cares if they're bad people? That's still murder!" I said firmly.
He froze and stared at me with wide eyes.
"I only did it to defend myself" He mumbled.
"Maybe, but your "friends" do it for other reasons too, don't they? And you support that!"
"They saved me, they were there for me when no one else was. I owe them that" He said.
"That's not an excuse" I said, "I can't believe I am really with a murderer" I mumbled the last part to myself.
Maybe it was because of how shocked I was, but I wasn't hearing any of his excuses. I just wanted to leave.
"Is this all I am to you?" He asked. I made the mistake to look at him and my heart almost broke. His eyes were glossy and he looked so hurt.
"I don't want to be involved in this. People like you killed my mom"
His eyes widened and I saw a tear roll down his cheek, "I didn't-I wouldn't-" He stumbled over his words with a quivering voice.
"And your parents too. How could you get involved in that after everything?"
He didn't say anything. He looked like a child being scolded.
I didn't know why I was being so harsh, maybe it was because this was the last thing I expected and it wasn't a good thing either. Internally, I was yelling at myself to stop hurting him, stop saying things like that and let him finish first, but I ignored the part of me that said this. It felt like I had no control over what I was saying and what I was doing.
"I'm sorry" He said quietly dropping his head. He seemed embarrassed for himself and once again he was slightly shaking. It was heartbreaking to see him like that and normally I would break down at the sight, but I felt consumed by anger, shock and disbelief.
"I'm not the one you should be saying sorry to. Maybe try telling the ones you've killed"
That's too far, stop it.
He nodded. His head was still down, his hair was covering his eyes, but I could see a few tears rolling down.
"I'm leaving" I said walking to the door. I was leaving mostly because I need time and space to process this, but part of it was because I didn't want to say anything that would hurt him more, even if my anger didn't let me admit it to myself at the time.
"Tessa-" I heard when I was opening it, but I didn't turn around. I just left.
__________
I stayed in bed the whole day. At first I felt angry and I was trying to justify how mean I was to him, but as I calmed down and as I thought about it, I realized I shouldn't have acted like that.
God, I am such a bitch. I didn't even let him finish what he was saying.
He looked so broken while I was lashing out on him. I didn't like what he told me, but I should've listened to him before doing anything. He was fourteen when they took him in after all.
He probably had no choice.
He's probably been in life threatening situations so many times.
His life must be so traumatic and instead of thinking about him first, I yelled at him and even brought up his parents.
Good job, Tessa.
I hit my face with my pillow and fell back on the bed with the pillow covering my face, "I'm so stupid"
I should call and apologize right now.
No, I don't deserve to do it now. I have to deal with the consequences.
I felt so safe and comfortable when I was with Leo that it was impossible for me to believe he was a bad guy.
Maybe they're not bad guys, maybe they take out the bad guys.
Who am I kidding that's definitely not it.
But how can I feel this safe in the arms of a murderer?
I felt my phone vibrating for a few seconds and immediately searched for it.
Maybe it's Leo.
When I found it I saw I had a text from him.
Leo
You have every right to be upset. You have every right to leave. I kept it from you because I knew you would leave and that was selfish of me. I'm done being selfish. From tomorrow on you'll be safe. Both from the man who killed your mom and from me.
I read it again and again and each time made me even more worried than the last.
What does he mean? He can't go there alone.
I put some clothes on, took some money for the bus and left my house. I was going to his apartment. There was no way he was doing this on his own.
I tried texting him, asked him what he meant, but he didn't reply. He didn't even read it.
He's probably doing something dumb right now.
I was so anxious on the bus. I was fidgety and didn't even bother to hide it.
The moment it stopped where I was supposed to get down, I ran out and started running to his apartment building.
I saw his car outside.
Great he's probably still inside then.
However I was disappointed when I saw another guy getting out of the car.
Is that not his car? But I'm sure it is.
I realized it was his friend from last time.
He can help me figure out where he is.
I was nervous and a little scared since he was probably in the mafia too, he looked pretty scary and was most likely a murderer and dangerous, but I couldn't let Leo get hurt so gathered up all the courage I had and walked up to him.
"Hi" I said.
He'll probably cuss me out or laugh at me or kidnap me or kill me-
"Oh My God! You must be Tessa!" He exclaimed putting his hands on his cheeks, "Leo talks about you all the time. He's always like Tessa this, Tessa that blah blah. I can't believe I've finally met you! He would normally never let me meet you but who cares about what he thinks, right? I'm Nate by the way"
And for the hundredth time today, I was shocked.
There is no way this dude is in the mafia.
"Are you okay? You seemed kind of scared"
"I-you-"
He raised an eyebrow and then gasped raising both of his eyebrows, "Did Leo talk shit about me? Why would he do that!?"
"No! It's just- I thought you would be more- you know and since you're-you know!"
He scratched his head with a confused look, "Huh?"
"Ugh! Aren't you in the mafia?"I finally asked.
"What? No, what made you say that?" He asked scratching the back of his neck.
"You don't have to hide it, I know already" I glared at him.
He widened his eyes, "Woah, hold on, so he told you that?"
"Yes, today"
He sighed, "You broke up with him didn't you?"
I shook my head remembering why I came here, "That doesn't matter. Did he tell you where he's going?" I asked.
"What do you mean? He said he's not coming to work today because he feels sick"
I widened my eyes.
That idiot, he went there without backup.
"Well he lied" I said taking out my phone, "Look!" I said showing him the text.
"Okay, so there is a lot to unpack here" He said analyzing the text, "This man is so cheesy" He mumbled.
I rolled my eyes, "Please do something. He can't go there alone"
"Go where?"
"Hasn't he told you?" I asked.
"Oh! Now I get it, he finally tracked them down" He said, "Why did this asshole go there without me? I wanted to join the fun"
"We have to do something!" I said urgently, ignoring his last comment.
"Alright, get in the car" He said.
I didn't think twice and just did what he told me to. He got in as well and took out his phone.
"Fuck he's not picking up. He's definitely up to something dumb" He murmured.
"How are we going to find him!?"
"I don't know!"
We were both panicking and it wasn't going to get us anywhere.
"Okay, I'll just make a phone call. Wait" He said. He dialed a number and after a few seconds he spoke again, "Ares, Leo was lying. He's not sick he's after someone on his own" He said.
I could hear the other guy yelling on the other line.
"I can't go there right now I'm with-"
I put my hand on his mouth to shut him up and looked at him, "Please, I want to come too"
"Not happening!" He whispered covering the speaker.
"Please, I'll do whatever you tell me. Just let me come with you, I need to make sure he's okay" I pleaded.
He sighed and spoke on the phone again, "Well, I was with my brother, but he just left so I guess I can go" He said scratching the back of his neck, "Yeah, send Vinnie boy our way too" He said before hanging up and starting the car.
Who are these people?
"Thank you" I said.
He sighed, "Leo is going to kill me"
I chuckled, "I would kill you first if you didn't let me come with you"
He glanced at me with a smirk, "Right"
"So where are we going?" I asked.
"Leo tracked down Reid before he left. We know where he is"
"Reid?" I asked. I'd heard of that name before but I didn't know where.
"Yes, apparently he is the man who's after you and well, us"
I must have heard it when I was eavesdropping those idiots one night. It just didn't catch my attention. If only I had remembered it and told Leo, maybe things would be different.
"He's after you too?" I asked.
"Yes, Leo was supposed to find him anyways but since you were involved too he worked his ass off to do it"
I shouldn't have been so harsh with him. He might be...that, but he's been so great to me. He wouldn't hurt me.
He's still a murderer.
I was torn between loving him and being mad at him.
Loving him.
I shouldn't think about that right now.
"You look worried" Nate pointed out making ne come back to reality.
"Of course I am worried, he might be in great danger right now" I said.
"You know he's been through worse, right?"
"It doesn't matter" I said crossing my arms, "Anything could happen at any time. You're his friend, aren't you worried?" I asked. He looked so calm. How could he be this calm?
"I'm always worried about him" He said.
"You look so calm"
"That's because I know Reid hasn't killed him and isn't planning to kill him yet. He might be hurting him, yes, but he'll be okay. He will either try to use him to get something from us or he'll try to get information out of him, which he won't get because Leo is loyal to us, and that's if Leo gets caught and trust me, that bastard can be really sneaky" He chuckled, "I know how things work and I know we shouldn't be worried yet. You'll know when it's time to get worried, trust me"
I took a deep breath feeling way more calm now. He was right. Leo was alive.
But he might be hurt and I don't want him to be hurt either.
________
"Alright we're here and backup will be here any minute now Nate said quietly, "I want you to stay in the car and I'll bring someone to-"
"No"
"What do you mean no?"
"I am coming with you" I said firmly.
"There is no way" He said, "You need to stay safe and if you come with me you're only going to hold us back"
"No, I can help-"
"We don't need your help. I am not going to put you in danger. Leo would kill me if I did that and I would never forgive myself if I took away his happiness"
"Please, I need to see him" I said, "I know how to shoot and how to fight"
"What!?"
I chuckled and shrugged, "My dad taught me after what happened to my mom. He said he never wanted me to feel as helpless and useless as I felt that night"
He looked down his expression going soft, then he sighed and looked at me, "You could get hurt or die"
"I won't" I smiled.