chatters invading the four corners of this shop people glancing out the window watching automobiles passing by in the shop and people who sprinting with phones in their hands as if their lives depended on it and couples walking hand by hand with smiles reaching their eyes while talking to each other. this atmosphere screams the month of december
the month that a lot people anticipated like her, apart from celebrating the christmas. this is the year people will receive extra bonuses in their regular monthly wages and of course the day off from work until the new year arrives is what most people wants but it is also the busiest month, lot of people getting worked up to finish all the paperworks, families planning to go somewhere else, some choosing to return to their hometown or travel abroad and others choose to spent their christmas like a normal day and that others includes yoo karina
looking across the place, the shop is already well decorated with lights hanging and some pictures of gingerbread man, snowman and stars sticking in the windows. cookies and sweets in the counter then lastly the santa clause in the entryway. karina furrowed her eyebrows when she noticed one thing is missing, she looked around again but the tree and a star on top were still missing from her vision.
maybe they forget it?
well it is a little strange not seeing a green christmas tree with yellow star on top of it but nonetheless karina just shrugged it off maybe waiting inside the cafe shop makes her overly aware of the surroundings, so she taps her fingers beside the coffee she ordered ten minutes ago which is probably cold by now and stares at the entrance waiting for certain someone to come in.
why the clock is moving too slow?
karina is not obviously excited at all. arriving thirty minutes early? working extra faster so she could go home early just to get ready, using her brandnew makeup that she had never dared to use before because she still have a lot of other makeups is now freshly applied all over her face and almost taking out all the clothes outside her closet just to pick a right outfit is a thing that you should call not excited at all
adjusting her clothes using her hands and correcting her posture karina watch the clock struck 9:05 to her phone when a sound of bell coming from the door to signals that there is another customer make noise. a smile crept into her lips when she recognized the woman she's waiting for-- lifting her right hand to draw the attention of the woman in the entrance who immediately looks at her way.
karina brought her right hand back at the top of her other hand gripping on it when she starts hearing loud thump in her chest
she suddenly gets emotional the urge to cry is messing her internal calmness. the sight of the woman sitting in front of her makes her weak that all she want to do is run towards the girl to hug and cry in her arms like she always used to. that is the effect giselle has on her.
karina smiles warmly at the woman who is also smiling at her after taking a long breath to settle her emotions or calm her heart.
that smile-- i really hates it
"you look creepy" karina says, rolling her eyes at giselle who had been smiling since they get in her car
the younger girl will occasionally look to her side and smile, causing her cheeks to doubled it size and turn her eyes into cresent-shaped
"what? why are you smiling?" karina ask
giselle just shrugged the question off but still wearing that damn smile causing karina to just simply look out the window and ignored the younger girl. the suns is shining brighltly, illuminating the trees they passed reminding her it is truly summer
"i'm happy" giselle says, eyes focused on the road, biting her lower lip to suppressed a smile that creeping across her face. the next word she wants to say makes her feel giddy because the woman of her dreams is sitting inside her car looking so stunning as ever
"why?" karina ask looking at her this time
uchinaga aeri puts her finger on the top of the driving wheel and starts tapping it before looking at the woman beside her, a smile plastered on her face before saying
"because you're going on a date with me"
"how are you doing?" the woman ask in front of her, smile never leaving her face as she observed the older girl who is directly staring at her
"uhm," karina scratches her cheeks, trying to come up with a good word to tell her she's fine, but is she really fine? she really has no idea how she felt these past few days aside from doing her workload papers in her office, returning home, and taking care of her pet cat it feels too empty and lonely but one thing is certain that she is very happy right now seeing the woman.
karina smiles again as the woman in front of her stares at her, waiting for any from from the older girl.
"doing great as always, how 'bout you?" giselle smiles as she hears the other girl's response and begins drumming her fingers above the table
karina noticed it because she also adopted that giselle's irritating habit.
yoo karina looks at the younger girl sitting in front of her, head leaning in the left hands and other fingers drumming on the table, she would not lie it really irritates her when aeri does that thing that the younger girl claim as her habit that she cannot stop
"sorry," giselle quickly stopped what she was doing and sat up straight when she noticed the older girl's gaze on her
she chuckles nervously since the younger girl knows how much karina hates that habit of hers so she always refrain herself from doing it in front of her, but she does it unconsciously when she's nervous
who would not be nervous when you're in front of the girl you like right? even though they've been hanging out with almost two months, the presence of the older girl still makes her feel anxious and nervous
"do you have plan for tonight?" aeri asked
karina glances at her phone before returning her gaze to the younger girl and nods
"yeah, one of my friends are throwing a party tonight" the brunette nods already expecting the answer so she looks at her wrist watch, which is the only thing she can look aside from the presence of the older girl in front of her
noticing that the older girl will not add anything to her sentence she simply smiled, it's not like karina would invite her right? they have deal to not mess with each other businesses, which giselle doesn't mind because she will gladly to let the older girl to mess with her because in the first place the girl is already messing up with her feelings
"i guess my time is up? enjoy your party later!" giselle stands up, taking a step backwards away from the table
"i just wanted to say you did a great job there," she says, catching the older girl's attention who looks up and smiles
"thank you," karina says with a genuine smile causing giselle to reciprocate with cheekily smile as she waves goodbye to the older girl and skips down the corridor when karina is already out of her sight and just by that uchinaga is already happy.
"good to hear that, by the way do you want me to order something?" giselle ask
the older girl widens her eyes and panics, wondering how she could have forgotten to order for the both of them. karina was about to stand up and order when giselle grabbed her hand.
"let me handle this, the usual right?" the older girl simply nodded, her mind still preoccupied with a sudden contact and unconsciously holding the part where aeri just touched
it still the same.... so warm
"wait for me here rina" the younger smiles before leaving the other girl to make an order
as soon as the woman walks away, she lightly taps her both cheeks hoping to wake her senses and just concentrate
a notification appeared on karina's phone, indicating that the younger girl had changed her nickname to rina with a number
ignoring the notification, karina closes her phone and places it on the table, she really feels horrible today and not in the mood to converse with someone who named uchinaga aeri
her eyes are obviously swollen from crying the whole day. she tried to stand up but immediately failed because for some reason her body just won't cooperate right now, her throat is extremely dry because she didn't eat anything other than the coffee she drank before the worst scenario happened
she looked at the calendar in her room which had a red circle around a specific date with a bunch of hearts around it. september and it's the day she should be enjoying and celebrating her 100th day with her (ex) boyfriend but instead she's here lying on her bed looking so awful. karina is certain that her ex-boyfriend will not like of this sight of her—and of course she doesn't like it either.
she's really pathetic and she knows it. involving another girl who is currently confessing in front of her and accepting it quickly when she spotted her ex boyfriend walking with his new girlfriend, making impulsive decisions that led her to create a plan to (hopefully) get back with her ex using giselle, a girl she had no idea existed and she's even in a same class with her. she thinks aeri is stupid-- well she really is.
she gulped noticing the dryness of her throat, she forced herself to sit but her phone rang interrupting her
"rina! rina!" the other line bombarded her with loud nicknames as soon as she answer the call causing the older girl to distance her ears from the phone, waiting for giselle to stop
karina tries to speak but her throat won't let her, so she looks around for a certain water bottle she always had in her room but unfortunately found it near her door. maybe she throws it out of frustration when her ex boyfriend told her that he has no plan on getting back to her after pretending (using) giselle, she wasted almost four months playing with a girl's feeling but still not get the outcome she wants
'pathetic' she thought to herself
"i'm in front of your apartment," giselle paused, unsure whether she would continue her sentence because for sure she was already scaring the older girl away
"s-sorry, i'm just worried when your friend says— nevermind i'm sorry for bothering you bye" she hangs up, clutching the bag full of food she chose for karina after she heard from karina's classmate that the older girl skip classes today and goes home
giselle stops in her track when she felt her phone vibrates.
rina <3: 0411
looking at the door, aeri smiles when she realized what the message means and enter the four-number-password karina just messaged her
when she heard the door click, she went carefully into the apartment. the lights were still off and the air was cold, so she opened her flashlight in her phone to find the light switch. flicking the switch the light iluminate the whole apartment.
"rina?" giselle called but didn't get any response
her phone vibrates again causing her to jolted in her spot
'what the heck?'
rina <3: room
when karina hears the door open and a voice calling out her name, she immediately run towards the girl and her body unknowingly cooperate with her this time. yoo karina is once again inside her arms, gripping the sweater the girl wears she cried in giselle's shoulder who immediately reciprocate her hug and comforts her
karina is really pathetic.
"unnie?" karina looks up to see giselle staring at her while holding the drinks she probably ordered for both of them.
"t-thanks," she muttered as the younger girl handed her the drink, smile painted on her lips as she smelled the aroma coming from the cup
for some reason her favorite latte become extra special today, maybe because of the person who bought it for her, she always drink this coffee, but the taste is definitely different right now and it gives her a comforting warm feeling.
"so how is your work?" giselle asked as she sat in front of her again
"always busy and hectic i guess?" karina laugh trying to lighten the mood
the younger girl chuckles "figures" she said and sipped at her ice coffee.
there is a long silence between them. it's not awkward but rather a comforting silence with people chattering in the background and the bell noises in the entrance, giselle clears her throat to catch the older girl's attention.
"you still have that" giselle says in a rather low voice that it's almost a whisper. karina leaned in, eyebrows furrowed because she didn't quite catch the younger girl's words
"i mean you still have that" aeri repeats, back leaning her chair as she avoid the older girl gaze on her and pointed the thing hanging on karina's exposed neck
karina looks down and smiles as she hold the necklace, she never removed it after that day, it just a ring with no exaggerated designs on it that she really likes. she made into a necklace so she would never have to take it off or lost it
"i thought you threw it" the younger girl spoke, eyes still remaining fixed at the windows intentionally avoiding her eyes
"why would i?"
karina sits inside the plane at 11:48 pm on October 30 with her hands inside her pocket blazer, eyes looking at the window while waiting for the plane to takeoff.
for the first time, she will be going to another country alone but of course she already researched online all the details she have to know when she land at switzerland to (escape) take vacation. this is her plan
she looked at her phone for the last time, which had a lot of messages and calls from a specific person but the final message caught her attention.
giselle uchinaga: i think you're already asleep, it's okay just greet me tom 😊
after a few seconds of staring at the lockscreen. karina finally tear her attention to the phone, completely shutting it down. she sighs deeply.
'this is going to be a long night'
and this is for the best, karina thinks
December 4
karina hides herself for a month, spending a week in Switzerland and staying almost a month at gyeonggi-do to avoid everyone. her academics don't really bother her but the people there do, so she isolates herself from them and do everything just to avoid everyone.
she looks at the window pane, it is really dark and there's a lot of lights coming from the building it is really fascinating
now that she's back in the seoul, there's the person she have to meet-- no matter what hiding she does from her. this person just won't let her and yes, this is the time
karina decided to make this right, to able to achieved the peace she want and moved on from life. a certain person deserves an explanation all about this because karina will put an end to all of this
"rina" she looks at the source of the voice, anticipating who is behind it
and there she was, clutching a bouquet of flowers and wearing that 'stupid' smile as karina calls it.
'why she's smiling?'
karina felt guilt rush through her body as she saw the brunette standing in front of her smiling as if yoo karina didn't shut her off without explanation, missed her birthday breaking the promise karina made that she would attend to it, played with her feelings, used her, and made her a second option so how can she still smile at her?
"w-why? " she asked, her voice breaking as she looked at the younger girl, who immediately lost her smile and went to her
'why she's like this?'
karina finally cried enveloped in giselle's arms, she is really the worse.
how can be someone can be this kind? taking giselle for granted, ignoring the younger girl when she's asking where she is then denying the girl existence when her friend ask about her but there she is, comforting her as if she hadn't even hurt her feelings and played with her
'im really the worse'
karina takes giselle's hands and removed it away from her, the younger girl still worriedly staring at her.
"why aeri?"
"what do you mean?"
"why are you like this!?" karina snapped, her face is flushed and eyes are already swollen
"like what?" giselle calmly ask still confused she never saw the older girl getting angry like this
"are you blind?"
"i-i don't get--
"I'M PLAYING WITH YOUR FEELINGS BUT WHY YOU STILL WANT TO SEE ME?--
karina exhales, her face turning red once more
---WHY ARE YOU ACTING I DIDN'T CUT YOU OFF? WHY DON'T YOU GET MAD AT ME???"
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU KARINA!" giselle shouted at her
"yes! im really pathetic cause even in the start i know you're using me and still"
giselle murmured the next phrase as tears streamed down her cheeks, which she quickly wipe away with the flannel she was wearing
"let's stop seeing each other, act like none of these happened" karina says coldly and walks out of the room
"nothing" giselle simply smiles at the older girl
"oh by the way," giselle smiles widen as she hands a small ivory envelope to karina
karina stares at the envelope in her hand and look at giselle who is watching her "hope you come here" she added
"i will try" karina forced a smile and decided to change the topic
they talk for hours catching up but it was mostly giselle who was telling her the story of how she met a girl named ning yizhuo. karina listen to the younger girl, observing how giselle would blush whenever she mentioned the name of the girl she was talking about and how her eyes would almost disappear from smiling too much while telling her the story
when giselle received a call in the midway of their conversation they decided to call it a day and left the cafe shop.
karina sits at the bench in the park near the shop, still not wanting to go home at the moment so she decided to just feel the atmosphere of upcoming christmas because for some reason, december gives her a comforting warm even if it's really cold. maybe it because of the certain person that will come to her apartment holding a takeout chinese food and spend the entire day just to accompany her, she missed her, she already missed giselle. karina looks up in the sky wearing the scarf giselle gave her before saying goodbye
it smells like her
she looks at the envelope she has been holding since giselle gave it to her and she flips it over to see a bold letter print on the back.
"it's too late huh?" her inner thoughts agrees, almost mocking her for feeling this way--well it really is
karina gets up and sighs, inserting the envelope in her handbag. she decided to go home