<re·al·i·za·tion>
×> an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact.
<×>
Sapnap collapsed on Dream's bed, thanking his past self for getting Dream to give him a key to his and Quackity's dorm.
The ravenette didn't want to go back to his own dorm. Sapnap had the misfortune of sharing a room with exactly who he... didn't want to see?
Sap didn't know.
He felt weird.
At least he was safe in Dream's dorm. Unlike Sapnap, Punz didn't have a key to the room, and the ravenette made sure to lock the door behind him.
So, calming down, he sat.
And he thought.
Sapnap sat on the warm matress for what felt like an eternity. He felt uncomfortable-- as if he'd been stuffed into someone else's skin. Why was he so hot? Why was his heart beating so quickly?
Because Punz called him some stupid pet names that didn't even mean anything?
Fuck this shit.
Sapnap shook his head. He thought he'd made progress with his weird feelings. Then this stupid blond has to swoop in and be all flirty and place the ravenette right back at the start.
The worst part? Sapnap couldn't even put a name to what he was feeling. He told himself that it was because he didn't know what he was feeling, but in all honesty, it was because Sapnap was scared.
Scared that if he put a name to how he felt, it would seal those feelings in. Make them concrete. The Sapnap would have to actually do something about them.
Better to just ignore them.
The night progressed, and eventually Sapnap slipped off his shirt and fell into a restless sleep, ignoring how hot he was and ignoring the voice in the back of his mind, that had returned, louder than ever.
~
"Hey."
(C'mon self, get up.)
"Hey, wakey wakey, dummy.."
(Go find him. Go talk to him.)
"Oi. Sap."
(You know you wanna)
Sapnap shifted. He tried opening his eyes but was met with harsh sunlight, so he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled his blanket over his head.
"Go away, voice."
"Voi-..? okay. You should get up, Sapnap." Someone shook the ravenette, "It's like, almost noon."
Sapnap shot up. He pulled the fabric out of his face and attempted to untangle his legs. "Holy sh-- Why wouldn't you wake me earlier!? I have classes!!
"Sapnap! Sapnap, chill, it's literally Sunday."
"Oh-" Sapnap breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god."
He turned to smile at whoever woke him... and found himself face to face with Punz.
The smile melted from his face. Sapnap held his breath as him and the blond just... stared at eachother for a good thirty seconds.
Punz cleared his throat.
"I-I.. brought you breakfast. Er- Lunch."
He shoved a plate of sunny-side-up eggs into Sapnap's hands and began quickly backing out of the room. "Also Dream says 'fuck you' for stealing his r-room."
"Wh-"
"bYE ENJOY YOUR BREAKFAST-" And Punz left.
Sapnap sat, stunned on the bed, before regaining his composure then left his eggs and ran after Punz.
"H-hey, wait-" He called, sliding on the hardwood floors out the dorm room's open door. "PUNZ-"
The blond turned around. He looked Sapnap up and down, a slight blush rising to his cheeks. "You... might not want to be walking around without a shirt on."
"It's fine we're all friends in this building."
"..." Punz nodded. The two were awkwardly silent for another minute, then Punz bit his lip and mumbled, "Did you need something?"
Sapnap paused.
He didn't really know why he'd run after Punz.
(He did)
Punz had no reason to stay up here with Sapnap.
(Stay with me)
Sapnap didn't need anything-- at least not anything Punz could give.
(I need you)
"Sapnap?" Punz asked, after the ravenette didn't respond for a while. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fi-" Sapnap snipped, annoyed at the lingering voice. The lingering voice telling him to stay calm. He blinked. "...I don't know."
"Do you need to talk about it..?"
"Um..."
(Yes)
"With Dream maybe?" Punz started walking down the hall to the stairs again, "You dont have to talk with me I can grab--"
"No, I need to talk with you-"
(No, I need to talk with you.)
Sapnap put a startled hand over his mouth. He was starting to sound like the voice in the back of his head-- what was he thinking??
"Oh."
"Okay." Punz said, "You wanna go grab your shirt then you can tell me about it in our room?"
"Uh-" Sapnap gulped. He was so avid on ignoring the voice, ignoring his feelings, but Punz seemed to be making things so easy for Sap. "Sure.. I guess."
Punz offered the ravenette a sweet, shy smile. Damnit, that smile.
~
"So," Punz prompted, after Sapnap had gotten his shirt and the two boys had settled down on Sapnap's bed. "Are you feeling okay."
"I think..?" Sapnap said, "I-"
He took a breath. And he let the voice that had burrowed in the back of his head step up and control.
"You freaked me out a bit. Last night."
"Oh-!" Punz's head snapped up and he looked so distraught that it caught Sapnap off guard. "I'm sorry- I swear I didn't mean to go so far I just-... I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Punzo." Sapnap assured. "It wasn't.. bad, per se. I think it made me realize.. some stuff.."
Sapnap laughed at how cheesy he was sounding. And he laughed at how Punz's distraught expression turned surprised so quickly.
"..yes-?" He squeeked.
"I have these.. feelings."
"Yeah-?"
"For you." Sapnap said, his voice strangely confident. The words felt true, but still not like his own. He thought the voice in his head wasn't his for months but, again... the words felt true.
"You're a great friend. And you're insanely attractive. I like your smile." Sapnap said, beginning his ramble. "The way you talk to me makes me happy, and the way you care makes me fuzzy. "
Punz took in a sharp breath, his cheeks red and his eyes unconvinced. "Wh-.. where's this even coming from Sapnap- we're supposed to be talking about you. Not me"
"This.. barage of thoughts I've stuffed to the very back of my mind." Sapnap explained, "That's what talking. That's where this is coming from. I think."
"You think?"
Sapnap shook his head and leaned against his bed's headboard. "Would you mind if i just ramble, Punz? I think I need to. I don't think my brain can take being so closed off all the time anymore."
"O-of course, go ahead. I'm here to listen." Punz said, "I.. am really confused right now as to what you're tryna say but.. of course."
Sapnap took a breath.
"You..." Sapnap started, "You fuck me up, Punz. Every single time you fuck me up."
"Huh-"
"Just... the things you do, man. It started that time in air hockey.. i think. I was doing so good then you just had to be all hot and fuck with my brain. Like, that tone? Hole. E. Shit, man. That was sexy and terrifying and fff..."
"Fuck, man." Sap chuckled awkwardly. Great. Just admitted his weirdly horny freak out that happened months ago to Punz. Wonderful start.
"Oh, and the time I fell... well, skateboarded down the stairs." This would be easier for Sapnap to talk about. "I looked so cool doing it, but everything hurt for WEEKS after. I really appreciate you carrying me up here.. I'm honestly glad it was you and not Dream. He would've probably teased the hell out of me. You, on the other hand..."
The ravenette looked down at his lap and smiled fondly.
"You were gentle. That.. sounds really stupid. But I remember laying in my bed while you were blumbering around trying to find me some Tylenol and just thinking, 'Wow.'"
"'He's a keeper.'"
"But I freaked out, I think, because I was -- I am -- feeling all these things that are so.. not me. Like, romance? Not my thing. So I tried to stop feeling them. A bunch of shit happened, and I passed off everything as platonic then fucking last night... and... yeah."
Sapnap let out a sigh. He processed everything he'd just said. It was semi-new information for him too.
"So-" Punz said softly, speaking for the first time since Sapnap started his ramble. "Not to overstep, but... what I'm hearing here is-"
"I wanna be your Darling." Sapnap decided. "That's what I think I've been trying to say."
They locked eyes. The two were silent for a moment, before time slowed down. The world veered to a stop as Punz leaned over to Sapnap from his side of the bed and, just for a moment, slotted their lips together.
He smiled, "Took you long enough. I've been waiting for you to say that for a while."
Sapnap just began to grin back at the blond when the two were startled apart by an overdramatic gasp.
"Um, Punz!?" Karl and Dream stood at the dorm room's door. Dream had a plate of eggs in one hand with the other over his eyes. Karl was pointing at Punz accusingly. "Where was the consent??"
"Karl!!" Punz exclaimed, "Why the fuck are you he-- Dream!?"
Keeping his hand over his eyes, Dream stepped forward and raised the plate he was holding. "Sapnap, you left your food in my room."
"O-oh. Sorry bro."
"It's fine." Dream shrugged. He put the plate down on the counter. "Now, you two carry on, we were never here! Karl, let's leave them be."
The blond turned around and took his hand off his face. He grabbed Karl's wrist and pulled him out the door, while the brunet narrowed his eyes at Punz, mouthing, ''consennttttt."
Dream and Karl left, closing the door behind them.
"Sooo- anyway." Punz turned to Sapnap. He smirked. The serenety and vulnerability of the moment had been completed ruined by Dream and Karl. "You were saying you wanted to my Darling?"
"Actually, you just kissed me without my consent," Sapnap countered jokingly, "I dont want to be your Darling anymore."
"What about baby?"
"Oh, no. Not this again."
"How about Sugar?"
"I swear to god Punz I-"
"My little-"
Sapnap cut Punz off with another kiss.
Once again, without consent.
But neither boy complained.
<×>
(A/N: I'm honestly really not proud of this conclusion. It feels all over the place, and confusing, BUT WHATEVER IT'S FINEEE. I guess it's a good representation of love. Messy as fuck 😀)