I slumped on the floor of the living room, Aster coming over to comfort me.
Why did he say all that? Why did he lead me on like that?
I just wanted to be loved. I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hands.
"He'll come back any minute now." Al said.
I hope he didn't. He'd lead me on again and again and again just like Felix did. He'd lead my into a false feeling of love, telling me that's how I should feel.
What was wrong with being fat anyway? I never found anything wrong with it. I always found plus sized women to be more attractive.
I've never understood beauty standards, even when working in the modelling industry.
I got up and decided to put Aster's dinner out while I cried.
I must've looked like a proper pussy.
The door banged loudly.
It was Ace.
I answered the door.
"I'm sorry, please let me back in."
"Piss off."
I slammed the door in his face.
Alastair laughed from the other room.
"YOU'RE LEARNING THINGS AREN'T YOU?!"
Ace kept banging on the door for around an hour until I gave in because of a headache.
"I'm sorry, I didnt mean any of those things. You know I didn't, I'm really sorry."
"Go fuck a dead camel. I learned from Felix."
"But I'm not like Felix am I." he said, not giving up.
"You aren't but you could be more possessive than him. I know you feel shit about your sister but it's not my fault."
Bruno barked grumpily. He wanted to be back inside.
"Exactly and I'm sorry for yelling and being mean, just let me in. I'm sorry and cold."
I opened the door and both Bruno and Ace barged in, I was surprised they didn't knock me out.
"Thank you." he said, bringing me in to a massive hug. He was still warm on the outside. Was he just a naturally warm person or was he lying about being cold.
"I love you so much, I didnt mean them nasty things."
"Yeah whatever, piss off."
Frankly, I didn't give a shit about what he said, insults have never gotten through to me. I don't understand them.
He squeezed me harder, was he trying to suffocate me or was he giving me a signal that he wanted something? I struggle with social cues, I practised at parties when I was young so I got a bit better.
"You're never gonna get rid of me, y'know that." he said.
"Is that meant to be a threat or-"
"I don't really know, I don't want to leave you so."
"Can you loosen your grip, I want to nap."
"You always sleep." He didn't loosen his grip like I asked.
"Loosen your grip."
"Why do you always sleep?"
"Why are you touching me? Let go of me."
"Oh! Sorry! I didn't realise I was hurting you."
He let go. Finally.
"Why do you sleep alot?"
"Felix. I never slept well around him, I barely slept around him, so I'm making up for lost sleep now."
"Like beauty sleep?"
"Yeah but I'm already gorgeous." I was right, no matter what I looked like I am gorgeous, for me it doesn't matter what gender you are or what gender you aren't, do you, you're gorgeous anyway.
"Very handsome."
"Pretty, I have more feminine beauty than male so I use pretty."
"Very pretty." I put my head on his chest.
He's a dipshit. A loveable dipshit, yes, but a dipshit nonetheless.
He wasn't anyone else's but mine, and I was his.
Sometimes I wonder what he did with the ring I saw him buy, was it for me or for a side lover. Either way I didn't care.