Leo
It was all going so well. She gave me a scare and I thought we would fight again. It was the last thing I wanted after what happened. We didn't end up fighting and I thought everything was okay.
Until she came out of the bathroom.
"Um Leo?" I heard her voice coming from behind me. I hummed in reply and turned to look at her.
Something was off, I could tell. She seemed nervous and uneasy.
Is it because of what happened?
"I think I should go home now. I really need to get some things done" She said.
"Can't you do it here?"
"No" She said shifting her weight on her feet, "I can only do it at home"
I knew something was wrong, but I didn't want her to be mad at me so I let it pass.
"Okay. Do you want me to drive you?"
"No!" She said defensively.
What the fuck is up with her?
"I mean, it's okay. I really need a walk to get my mind off things. I've been really stressed with school and stuff" She said.
"Fine"
I walked towards her and leaned in to kiss her. She stayed frozen in place and I could tell she was uncomfortable so I just moved away instead.
"Text me when you get home"
"Yes" She said with a nervous smile and left immediately shutting the door.
What could she have seen or thought about in that bathroom that could change her behaviour so much?
I walked into the bathroom and looked around. That's when my gaze fell on the laundry basket.
I didn't have time to think. I didn't even stay a second more there to think about what to do. I just ran after her.
The elevator was occupied so I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. I couldn't waste any time. I got to the lobby and found her exiting the building.
Thank God she's still here.
I ran to her and when I was close enough I grabbed her forearm.
"What do you want!?" She asked shocked.
"You're coming back up"
"No"
"I can explain"
No, I can't.
"Explain what?" She said harshly, "The blood on your fucking clothes even though you have no injuries?" She whispered not wanting anyone to hear.
"Yes, I can explain"
"I don't even want to hear it" She said and turned away, but I wouldn't let her go.
"Don't walk away from me now, please" I pleaded looking into her eyes.
I watched in anticipation as she thought hard about it. She eventually sighed, "I really don't want to be close to you right now, Leo" She said.
"Are you scared of me?" I asked.
Please don't be scared of me.
She didn't reply, but I knew she was from the look on her face. She kept looking at my hands like last time.
Fuck, I'm shaking again. I need to stop panicking. It scares her.
"Tessa, It's me. You know I would never hurt you, right?"
Again, no reply and the silence hurt like hell.
"You can't have a relationship without trust" I reminded her.
"I trust you it's just- I'm shocked right now"
"Let me calm you down then" I said.
"How about you let me go home now and we'll talk tonight?" She suggested.
The thought of letting her go right now terrified me. What if she decided she didn't want to talk to me anymore and left without a trace? Anything could happen while she was away from me.
"Please, I promise I will be here tonight at 10pm, okay?"
That's so many hours. So many things could happen.
"Please"
I lowered my head and sighed, "It hurts that you don't trust me, Tessa"
It hurts because I know without trust you can never feel for me the things I feel for you and I can't even tell you that.
"Don't act like you trust me" She said, "You won't tell me anything about your current life. I'm with someone I know nothing about"
I smiled still having a little hope, "You know more about me than most people. You know I like baking and you know I start shaking when I panic and that I still keep photos of my family and-"
"But I don't know the most important things" She said, "Who knows I could be with a murderer and I'd have no idea" She mumbled.
Perhaps she said it to sound funny or to make a point, but it absolutely shattered me. It reminded me of what I was and what I would be to her if she found out.
I'm only a murderer to her.
I remained frozen on my spot just staring at her as she looked down, hugging herself.
"Fine then. Go" I said trying to look emotionless.
She looked up at me with wide eyes.
"You're just going to-"
"Isn't this what you wanted? You don't want to be with someone you know nothing about after all" I said.
She looked heartbroken and I couldn't bare to see it so I looked down. If I looked at her for two more seconds I would break down. I needed to let her go at least for now.
"Leo-" She trailed off. She put on an emotionless face before saying, "Goodbye" and walking away.
I went straight to the "mob" house. I didn't even want to know what I would do if I didn't keep myself busy.
________
"Look, I have no time and patience to deal with you today, so you either answer my questions or I get rid of you and find someone else to do it" I said pointing a knife at him.
It was the guy who tried to take Tessa. I had tried to get information out of him earlier today too, but he wouldn't say a thing.
It's his fault she saw the clothes and left me.
Or at least that's what I told myself to feel better.
"What's the point? I'm going to die anyways" He whispered struggling.
"The point is if you don't tell me what I want to know your family will also end up like you. You have a wife and three kids, is that correct?" I asked.
I was lying. I would never do that to innocent people, but this piece of shit deserved it for the way he treated his family. I think they would even be relieved to find out he's gone.
I could see a whole battle going on inside his head. He looked torn and confused.
"I've done enough harm to them already" He mumbled and then looked up at me, "I'll tell you all you need to know"
I smirked and sat on my chair ready to finally learn all I needed.
_______
"You look nasty" Nate said when I came back up from the basement.
"Thanks" I mumbled walking past him.
"Someone's moody today" He said and followed me.
"Leave me alone"
"Oh Leo, you know I would never do that" He said throwing his arms over my shoulder, "Tell papa what's wrong"
"I will actually cut your tongue off if you say that again"
He rolled his eyes, "You and Ares always in trouble with your relationships" He said before walking to the kitchen.
Now that I knew everything about the man we were after, I could tell Ares and we could finally take him down. I took a bath and then went to talk to Ares only to find out he wasn't there.
Great. How do I keep myself busy now?
I decided to take a bath and change clothes here this time. Wouldn't want anyone else seeing me like this. As soon as I was out of things to do she wandered into my mind again.
No, I can't let that happen. I'll track her down and run to her if I let that happen.
I showered and changed as fast as I could and then left. I didn't even know why I was driving to where I was driving but I found myself in a bar and I went in. I didn't drink alcohol often, but if it was going to get me to feel better and forget about what happened I would.
The more I thought about her the more drinks I ordered, but the more I drank the more I thought about her.
I ended up feeling sick from all the alcohol and left the bar.
I can't drive like this.
I took out my phone struggling to find Nate's number.
"I hope it's not another injured man"
"I need you to come pick me up" I said. Or at least tried to. I don't know or remember what it sounded like.
"Woah you sound absolutely messed up right now"
"Shut up and come"
I told him the address and then hung up and sat down on the pavement. Standing was too much right now.
Why didn't she text me? Is this really over? It can't be.
I don't know how long I was sitting there staring down at my phone wondering whether I should text her or not. It was hard to resist the urge.
I heard footsteps coming my way and my view was blocked by someone, but I didn't really care at that moment.
"Come on let's get you home" I heard Nate saying, but I didn't have the energy to stand up.
"Leave me alone"
"You're the one who called, stupid"
"Well now I want you to leave me alone"
"Get up bipolar bitch" Nate said shaking me, "I didn't take a bullet for you last year just so you could die from your recklessness. That's such a lame way to die!"
He was talking to me but all I could think about was Tessa.
Tessa, Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. She wouldn't leave my mind.
That and the urge to throw up.
"I'm going to throw up" I said as he struggled to put me in his car.
"Leo, if you throw up in my car I'll make your death much more interesting"
"Kill me, I don't care"
I felt like I was nothing, I loathed myself so much at that point that I didn't care. All because of the heartbreaking look on her face and that simple sentence. I swear I felt a pain in my chest when I saw her face as she said it. It was all I saw everytime I blinked.
Tessa, who always put me in my place, who always rolled her eyes at me and always was so confident. She wasn't scared of those guys back then, but she looked like she was scared of me. Had I really done that much damage to her?
"All that for a girl" He rolled his eyes.
I smiled softly taking his hand off my jaw, "You'll understand when you find someone who means to you as much as Tessa means to me"
"As if" He rolled his eyes, "I don't agree with you, or Ares bringing innocent girls into this life. But what do I know, right?"
"In my defense, Tessa was involved in the first place-"
"And look where that got you. Look where that got her" He said.
I couldn't argue with him on that.
"But if you give up on her I'll chase you with a taser" He said finally getting in the driver's seat, "You deserve happiness and if your happiness is with her then I'll do anything to help", He sighed, "Just know that whatever happens, I'm right here"
"I want to text her" I said getting my phone out.
"Hey hey" He said slapping the phone out of my hands, "Give the girl some space and time"
"I was mean to her, but I didn't want to. I don't want her to think I wanted to"
"Text her when you're sober and in your right mind" He said.
"No, I want to do it now"
"No! You're setting yourself up for failure"
"Fine" I groaned.
I stayed silent the rest of the ride since I was starting to feel really dizzy and nauseous. When we arrived he helped me into my apartment and left saying he would get someone to bring me my car so I don't have to worry about that.
I honestly didn't care about it. All I cared about right now was Tessa.
Fuck what Nate said.
I took out my phone and called her. I needed to hear her voice. I needed to know if she was okay, if she was mad at me, if she was sad.
She didn't pick up so I kept calling and calling.
What am I doing? It's so late I'll probably wake her up.
"Hello?" I heard her voice on the other end. She sounded like she had just woken up.
I kept quiet shocked that she had picked up and not knowing what to say. I heard some mumbling and rustling.
"Leo?" She said, her voice more clear now.
"H-Hi" I said nervously.
"What do you want?" She asked harshly.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"
"Isn't this what you always say?"
"But I am"
"Yet you never do anything about it" She said and sighed.
"I'll try, I promise. Tessa, I found the guy who's after you" I said. She didn't say anything, "I can deal with him and then you'll be free and safe and-"
"Deal with him? What are you going to do?"
I gulped not knowing how to reply.
Thank God I know how to keep my mouth shut even when I'm drunk.
"They're dangerous people, Leo"
I chuckled, "I'm way more dangerous than them"
"W-what?"
"I'll take care of them for you. You don't have to worry about anything"
"What-no, I'm not letting you do this alone. You could get hurt"
So fucking sweet.
"It doesn't matter. You'll be safe"
"God, I wish I could slap you right now. You're not doing anything on your own!"
"You're worried about me?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes"
I let out a sigh in happiness, "I'm so happy to hear you say that"
"My feelings for you won't go away just by you being an asshole" She said. I could practically see her rolling her eyes.
"Tessa, I wish I had you close to me right now" I whispered.
She stayed silent for a few seconds then answered, "Why?"
"I miss you. I miss you every second you're not with me"
"When did you get so sweet?" She chuckled.
"I want to run to you right now and kiss you and just-just have you close to me"
Just the thought of it brought me happiness and comfort.
"Are you okay? You're not this sweet or open about your emotions normally"
"I'm okay now that you're not mad at me"
"I-I don't know, Leo. I still don't have an explanation for the blood and I can't look past it"
"Tessa" I whispered her name, "Forget about it for tonight. We'll talk about it tomorrow"
She sighed, "Okay"
"Can you promise me you won't leave me no matter what I tell you tomorrow?"
I was asking for too much and I already knew the answer. I was just hoping she would lie.
She sighed and I already knew the answer, "I can't promise you that Leo. My feelings for you can't just go away and right now I can't imagine what the explanation will be but I don't want to make a promise I am not completely sure I will keep"
This hurts almost physically
"Can you lie to me and say you won't leave me? I want to hear you say it"
"I don't want to lie"
"Please"
She sighed, "I won't leave you"
I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed back onto the couch, "You make me so happy"
"But I just lied to you"
"It doesn't matter. I just wanted to hear you say it for once"
"I have to go to sleep" She said, "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay" I said.
I hung up keeping the phone in my hands. That talk made me realize how I'd messed up. I would never leave her, I never wanted to leave her and she was already thinking of leaving me.
How am I supposed to tell her the truth?