CINNAMON GIRL - LANA DEL REY
༺♥༻
8:27pm.
"Now let's get started." Narcissa leaned against the sink as she brushes her wet hair. "Girl talk?" I asked with an annoyed tone, almost rolling my eyes while I twisted my hair to get the water out of my hair from the cold shower.
"Yes Max, the girl talk." She nodded and I stepped out of the shower a moment later. "Make it short." I told her, "Polly said she'll fill me up on a whole lot of information with Zoe later." I added. I just want them to get this over with so I wouldn't have to be bother by all of this.
She handed me my robe so I can toss it on, "Have you ever touched yourself? Like, pleasuring yourself if you know what I mean." Narcissa asks and I shook my head.
"No I've never touched myself and I know what you're saying. I'm not sticking my fingers in my-"
"Okay!" She quickly cuts me off, "If you're too shy to do it, try using the shower head." She opens the drawer and puts away her hair brush, "It has good pressure..." She winked at me seconds later.
"Oh..." I walked out of the bathroom and headed to the bedroom.
"Try it!" She sat down on my bed, "Now, what do you want to know?" She was ready to talk all kinds of stuff like I just turned 18. "Uh..." I blurt out while stepping over to the walk-in closet. "How will you know when you're enjoying it? Does it feel painfully good?" I tossed an oversized old graphic shirt over my head and slipped on underwear in the closet across her before putting on my old pajama pants with pigeons all over it.
"Hmm," she hums, "when you moan, and other stuff but the only answer I think I have is moaning." She explains. "It just comes whenever your brain tells you to. You'll figure that out."
"Does it hurt?"
She chuckled, "No," she shakes her head. "I mean... it'll be your first time, so you're kinda tight at this point and yeah... you might bleed if the dick is big." She was too busy shuffling up the cards of diamonds, clubs, hearts, and spades that were on my dresser. "It won't be a red flag if whoever you're fucking with takes great care of you after the sex. I'd be happy for ya." She shook her head again. "I-I mean it depends if the person is rough or not or... their size or you know the ones with the bi-"
I sat down on my bed next to her, "Is it bad?" I cut her off with a worried comment. "No. As long as you're enjoying it, there will be no problem and please wear protection... a big rule for us women and it fucking sucks. There can be some problems with protection because it doesn't always keep you safe from getting... You know."
"You also have to trust whoever you're doing it with." She smiles. "The one you're going fuck with will possibly tell you what to do. You can listen to what the person says to guide you or follow your raw gut." She moves to her bed and I pulled the knitted grey blanket over my crisscrossed legs.
"When it happens anytime soon, you need to tell me. ASAP." She reaches for the lamp to turn it on. "I'll make sure Zoe makes a cake for ya in the morning after you lose your virginity someday— Polly! Come here!"
Oh god.
"You're going to wake up Zoe." She came in with her messy curly bun and with the blanket wrapped around her like she's a catapilar or something. "It's your time to shine for a minute." Narcissa told her and she sat down on my bed, rubbing her feet in socks together that could probably shock me and Narcissa if she ever touches any of us.
"About... what?" she yawns.
"You know."
She slowly shuts her eyes, "Know what?" she yawned again, raising her brows a second later as her eyes went watery. She lets out a huff, "The sex talk, but not fully. She's gonna learn the rest on her own and you're the one who's gonna tell her about sexting." She had to remind her, sounding like this is her millionth time to repeat herself.
"Oh...oh! Yeah." She nods and turned to me, "If you see a bottle of lotion in their picture, fucking block their ass. Red. Flag." She starts to explain. "If their room is a hot mess, don't reply and block'em."
My eyes turn to Narcissa and she was agreeing with every sentence she blurts out. She has a point with every little thing she said.
And then they showed me real dick pics.
Not what I was expecting.
Kinda horrifying.
I'd tell you about it but... No... It's a zero out of ten for me. How does a mushroom looking soft-becoming-hard thingy make a woman feel so good?
After that, Narcissa told me that I have to learn to rest myself and then I'll earn a woohoo celebration past your driver's test like cake for fucking someone for the first time. I might not wanna focus on my virginity whether I am or not or don't believe it, but I just hate how people just say that V word right in front of my face.
I'll just ignore that for a while.
On the next day, Zoe and Narcissa wasn't home when I woke up so, I went to a record store to get some music for this quiet apartment with Polly since she was still home with Daisy.
Queen and The Runaways seem like a great idea for jamming around the house. I might try something new this year
Or...
Elton John.
Yesterday after finding out about my family more from Harry, I went back to the studio and practiced with the band for the first time. Ashton just kept things slow and easy for us and he said that we'd get paid $500 for each show we have depending on what location. Zoe didn't think 500 dollars is cool. She said that because all four of us don't even know where we'd perform, how many times we will perform, how many people will be there etc. Ashton then said... this is exactly why we have a good manager which is him and he'll take care of it. It takes a lot of time and it might not be easy as we thought which is normal. Honestly I don't really care about the money we make, all I care is about me and the girls being happy with what we're doing as an early band. He said 500 because he thinks by how much money people will spend at venues, clubs or bars to listen to me and the girls perform, but at the same time we'll also have use that money for crew supplies along with the shows.
Polly can be a bit unsure with the money part. She's scared if Ashton will lie to all four of us about the money and not get a pay check at all after all the work we're going to do. She doesn't want to be in the same situation that New Edition was in a very long time ago. That band worked so hard since they were little and never gotten the money they deserved; yet they were becoming famous. Polly showed me the series about them off her phone and I liked the first episode when they were just kids at talent shows which was cute until they grew up into their adolescent years to adulthood and you start to see things change.
We would use some of the money as well for donating the children and homeless that needs food in their system and also clothes if we have any left over money. Me and the girls wouldn't wear matching colors or matching outfits and dancing perfectly for the fans like every other band does. Louis was the one who suggested me to make that decision by the way. He told us that we have to do things our way and we all should know what's best for the four of us.
Today, I'm still a bit hungover from what happened last night. Narcissa showed me a photo from the other night of me and Harry at his house party I can't remember much of what even happened besides going there and waking up in his room all alone. She said she doesn't remember much of what me and him did that night either so I guessed we just made out and got drunk and then fell asleep soon after that.
I remembered staring at the picture for almost five minutes. I find it as a really cute picture but not just cute. It was definitely something else.
I continue to look through a whole bunch of vinyl and test some out with Polly for about twenty minutes in this huge vinyl shop. I have seen Maroon 5, Ariana Grande, and some old ones I don't know of and I actually found Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey. I remembered Harry told me he likes her music.
I should get this one.
I carefully take it out of the crate full of other vinyl and continue to search for more.
"THANK GOD I FOUND THE ARCTIC MONKEYS!" Polly screamed out having everyone in the store stare at her. She has those black clean headphones on of course.
She awkwardly walked to the other side of the store, "What!? I've always wanted this shit!" She glared at them and I began laughing. My lips then were pressed together with a smile and I pointed at my ears so she can know that her headphones were still on. "Oh, my bad."
"That's fi-"
"Found you!" A familiar accent came out of nowhere.
I jumped and dropped the record I had in my hands and turned around seeing Harry towering over me with a small smile.
This time he wasn't wearing a bandana like he always does. His curls were out, a bit curly as ever and it looked like he washed it well by how soft and bouncy it looks.
He's probably in a great mood today by how his smile glows.
He doesn't look tired like last time.
I picked up the disc, making sure it was not scratched or cracked. "Shit!" I shout, "What the hell are you doing here?" I dusted off the disc and put it back to where it was.
"Just wanted to come in and say hi..." He replied.
"Oh, sup Hairy!" Polly waved. She's definitely on Narcissa's side calling him that. He just gave her a nod instead of speaking back and those sage eyes turned back to me. "Hi," I said back before turning away to walk over to the checkout table.
"Is that..."
"Ultraviolence?" I ask, letting him look down at it. "Good choice, Dev," he told me while I hand the co-worker the vinyl so she can check it out. "I'll buy it for you." he suddenly takes out his wallet from his back pocket.
"Oh... n-no you don't have-"
"I want to." he cuts me off, handing the woman fifty dollars, "Records can be pretty expensive. I don't think you have so much money in your pockets right now until you get a job or start performing with your band." he shoves the wallet back in his pocket and the woman was about to hand Harry the leftover money but he tilts his head to the side to signal her to hand it to me.
"Oh..." I blurt out and let her hand it to me before handing me the bag, "Thank you." I smile and she smiles back.
"No problem," she spoke back and her blue eyes turned to Harry, "Can I have a picture with you? My little sister is a fan of you." she grinned while going on Snapchat on her iPhone. "Uh- yeah, sure." he nodded and leaned on the table a bit to get close to her. The woman extends her arm in front of her and Harry to get a good picture of the both of them.
He smiled at the camera.
That also made me smile, watching his face glow.
"Thank you so much!" she saved the picture on her phone, excited to share it with her friends. "Tell your little sister I said hi," he replies to her and turned back to me.
"I was looking for you and I wanted to bring you somewhere. I still have things to explain, right?" Harry suddenly made my face lit up with hope.
"Yeah?" I nodded.
"Then let's go." He tilted his head to the side for a quick second like a while ago to signal me to the door and I went ahead and walk over to the door and Polly also followed. I forgot to mention I have Daisy with me on her leash.
We walked down long streets, went to the crowded subway and we stopped at a museum awhile later. It took us about almost twenty minutes then get there.
"Why a museum?"
"I'll explain. Juuust wait." He told me as he opened the door for me and Polly. There was a lot of creative things and very old paintings from whatever time period. I even wish the Mona Lisa was here but it's all the way in Europe somewhere and it's crazy how it's actually just a small portrait with a gate in front of it so the people won't go too close to it or anything. "Oh shit! Let me go look at these!" Polly ran over to the set of sculptures and paintings after going upstairs by tall windows I like seeing.
Me and Harry stopped at a family tree portrait.
"This is your family tree portrait. Me and the guys planned on robbing this but it's not going to be so easy. There's high security, cameras and shit. Louis is a good hacker, so he should make it though those cameras and turn them off or Zayn can do that if Louis decides not join."
I turn my head to him, "How did they bring that here?" I ask him.
"Well, uh..." he scratch his nose, "your grandmother Mary Devlin got this painter to go to the mansion and painted this golden old and burnt tree and made sure to add those pictures of every member in the family, including your mother. She was pregnant at the time." He starts to explain. "Someone came to a house party way before you was born and the lady wanted to take the painting so she asked your grandmother if she can take it to a museum like this because of the little golden details on the tree you can we just a little rather than this dead, rotten, and grey look on it."
I then looked back at the painting in confusion, "And... you'll rob it? How are you able to do that!?" I asked in disbelief and looked at the photos. "I just told you, Dev," He murmurs and I finally saw my mom and dad perfectly instead of bad-quality videos and photos.
She looks like me kinda.
Brown eyes, dark long hair, almost have the same natural features on her face like I do. My dad on the other hand has bright ice blue eyes like a husky and is very good-looking indeed like what other people have said about him. My hair is dark as his and I guess my mom's is a little bit of a lighter shade of brown similar to Harry's.
I stare into my dad's eyes as I softly rub right eye.
Before I let the happy tears come down, I turn to Harry and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a hug with my head resting on his warm chest. It was a long-lasting one. He did feel stiff for a moment and I couldn't tell if he wasn't expecting a hug or didn't want one.
"Thank you for showing me my family. I don't feel so unknown as much anymore..." I told him and I finally felt his arms wrapping around me. "You're never unknown, you're never abandoned... and you're welcome." He said back, causing me to smile until a flash and a snap of a camera caught our attention.
It was a man with a camera, in a grey hoodie and I can't see his face.
"Fuck off!" Harry flipped the man off making the guy run off, nearly dropping his camera at the same time and you can most definitely tell he's clumsy. I pulled away and bite my lip from the inside, trying to hide the awkwardness.
"I didn't mean to do that..." I mumbled.
"Do what?"
"Hug you." I answered.
"Devlin," he looked around his surroundings, turning back to me, "I like hugs too..." He smiles just a bit and I smile back again.
"Guys there's a spoon!" Polly ran to us and pointed to a old spoon in a glass box. "Also, Zoe just texted me to see a garden shop she's setting up! I gotta zoom!" She adds.
"Okay, I'll see you later!"
"Cya! Lovebirds!"
We both stared at her confused, "Oh." I blurt out loud, letting her take Daisy with her.
"What- you know- the birds on his- alright bye." She walked out with her head down and Daisy follows her.
I turned back to Harry who's admiring the tree again. "You know what, Maxine?" He tells me and looks up at him, "What?" I half smiled.
He turns his head to me, "I'm taking you to an actual date." He grabs my hand.
"A wh—" Before I can say anything he stars running, dragging me to the staircase with him to get out of the museum while pushing though people. "Are we in a rush?! Where are we going?!" I try not to trip over concrete in these white shoes I have on.
"How about I get something from McDick's and go eat at the rooftop to where my apartment is? Or we can go to the park so you can stop asking so much questions."
I shrug, "Okay then." I laughed from how he said McDonald's but McDick's. I'm glad we didn't have to walk so much from McDonald's to his apartment.
"Rooftop!"
"Rooftop it is." He starts speed walking and I was behind him. I try pulling down the white cherry sundress as possible as I was trying to catch up with him at the same time.
I'd like loose dresses that can flow with the wind and as I walk. I love silk dresses as well because I love how I hugs my body well. It feels nice like wearing pajamas all day at home.
Harry stopped by at a McDonald's that's the closest to his apartment and then we both raced to the elevator later on which wasn't the best idea in these shoes that could make my ankles start hurting. I also nearly fell in the elevator.
He pressed the rooftop button and we waited in awkward silence as the music was playing silently. I was tapping my foot to the music, feeling the need to hum with the song as well while staring up at the ceiling.
"Zooby zooby zoo... zooby zooby zoo."
That's probably not the right words.
I've never felt this happy for some reason with someone. I mean I should be for going on a date with him. I'm not trying to be selfish or anything but there's something odd about me liking to be around Harry right now, even though I hated the fact that he knew everything about my family but didn't tell me, but of course there are reasons and that goes along with my safely.
I was tapping my foot to the music, standing against the wall of the elevator with my hands in front of me as I twisted my rings.
Harry suddenly spun me around, wrapping his arms around me. "Woah— what are y-" I gasped out loud and looked up at him from my shoulder, seeing the glowing smile on his face.
"I love that smile on your face."
And I won't forget that.
"You do?" I ask him and he moves his arms off of me and turned me around seconds later, "Yeah, who doesn't like your smile?" He asked me.
"No one has ever told me that they liked my smile." I told him, feeling his hands move down from my shoulders to my waist, making me step back against the wall. "No one?" He asked back and I nodded, still smiling at him right before he leaned onto me and with the tips of his fingers, he lifts my chin.
"I guess I'm the lucky one. How disappointing." He whispers to me and I nodded, agreeing with him, "I guess you are." I spoke back before he pressed his lips on mines.
He moves his fingers from down to my chin to my shoulder, moving the thin strap of my dress off my shoulder and I suddenly laughed against his lips and stopped him before he could get the chance to pull down the other strap on my right shoulder.
The elevator rings, reaching its stop and I take his hand off my shoulder, holding it and he takes the bag of food he has with him before we stepped outside when the elevator doors opened.
I sat down to where the perfect view of the buildings are and the beautiful clear sky. There was two wine bottles across me and I stepped over to it. Both of them looked like it was used and old.
Harry put down fries, nuggets, burgers and drinks on the table. "Who should be the interviewer for today?... me!" He sat down and I came over to him, "Okay start asking me questions Mr. Styles." I also sat down in front of him.
"Do you like me?" He starts off.
"Hmm..." I hum, "No." I lied with a grin.
"So do I," He also lied. "What made you dye your hair Pink?"
"Because I want to. I just don't want blonde anymore, I mean it looks good on me but Tom forced me to do that and it didn't feel like it was me." I explain with a shrug.
"You have dark roots..." he pointed out and I nodded, "Brunette." I clarify. "I didn't want my old school friends to call me a fake blonde. That's another reason why I didn't like it. They say people are fake these days."
"That's what Louis would say." He agrees. "Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend?"
"No," I shook my head, "I wasn't allowed to... you know that!" I chuckled loudly with a grin.
He chuckled, "I know." He rolls his eyes
"Mhm." I hummed. "You get to roll your eyes and I don't."
"Uh... Do want to go dark? Your hair?" He asks me, "I think it'll look more... you." He smiles with his heart shaped lips pressed together.
Maybe I should one day.
I open the box of nuggets, "Maybe... Do you think I'll look good?" I ask, then watching him nod and keep the smile on his innocent-looking face. "Hell yeah. You'll look amazing."
"Next question?" I ask.
"Hm... what's your favorite food?"
I start to laugh, "Um- pizza?" I guessed.
He also laughed back, "Hey don't ask me." he shrugs.
"Pizza and..."
"Pasta." he blurted out.
"It's like you already know me..." I say with a nervous chuckle, "I love pasta as well and I'm guessing you so too?" I ask.
"Yeah. I do." He nods. "I'm a bit Italian."
We both locked eyes for a second after chuckling at each other for a moment. "H..." I trailed off and his brows furrowed as he tilts his head to the side just a bit. "Yeah?"
"I've been seeing you..." I told him, "Well you're a completely different person... I think." I muttered and took a bite of the nugget after speaking.
"What... did you see?" He arched a brow, speaking slowly as he took a sip of Coca-Cola that was in his large plastic cup. "Personality-wise?"
"You looked different, like I said," I take the rest of the nugget and chewed. He waited for me to start explaining and I swallowed, "You were wearing a suit, smoky eyeshadow around your eyes or something and you had that same dagger you wanted to give me back at the Waffle House in Forks." I explained and watched his reaction in disbelief. "I felt like... I saw it in my head but I can't clearly remember what else I saw besides you and the dagger and the way you spoke to me. It wasn't normal to see to me."
Harry looked down and think, then back at me. "I've seen you too." He told me. "She... you said that if I ever make a mistake... you'll never come back for me. I mean— if we fall apart that's what she meant." He mumbles and his face looked lost unsure if he believes that or not. "I heard voices. Don't know what it was."
"Voices? It sounded like a loud glitching radio right?"
"Yeah." He then clears his throat, "It's been a few days now and I'm starting to wonder why these voices or other versions of us is here fuckin' around in our heads." He shrugged. "Must've been daydreaming too hard." He said before bringing the straw back to his lips.
"I don't think that's... daydreaming," I shake my head and picked up a few fries. "It's something else we just can't explain. It's like... a daydream but then when you wake up out of your mind, you can't remember certain things as if you were asleep or you just can't remember anything. I remember tiny important-like bits."
Harry looked somewhere else and I wasn't sure if he heard what I was saying.
"Well, I hope we find out soon or it's just gonna be brilliant minds in the imagination..." I toss the hot fries in my mouth. Harry still was looking off someplace, now lowering his eyes. I'm unsure if he doesn't want to continue with this conversation so I'll just move on.
"Do you remember anything from that party at your apartment last night?" I suddenly ask, "I woke up in your room this morning." I started eating more fries which I'm becoming obsessed with as I looked at the view around Harry and I.
Also being surrounded by buildings.
"I don't remember much, but Liam said that we was drinking... kissed multiple times and went to my bedroom after you jumped in the pool at the rooftop." He takes a few fries of his own and tossed them into his mouth. "It was a little bit too cold to jump in a pool since it's autumn right now."
"I don't think we did anything that night so..." I blinked to myself. "Let's just forget about that for now." I gave him a awkward smile knowing that's probably embarrassing. "You're also a good kisser."
Just admitting.
"Well, thank you." That insane smirk formed on his lips, "When are you and the girls performing? Me and the boys could bring a massive group of fans to check you out. I'm sure they'll love you and the girls." He moves on with the conversation.
I hummed to myself for a second, "Well, we have to practice at the studio later on again. Ashton hasn't set up a date yet 'cause he wanted things to be perfect without pushing any of us." I explained and took a sip of Coca-Cola from my own plastic cup in front of me.
Harry chuckled and then smiled a bit. "You want to see something cool?" He stood up.
"Sure..." I nodded and also stood up on my feet.
Harry went over to the edge of the building, he stepped one foot other on the edge and then the other as carefully as possible and stood there.
I nearly gasped, "What the hell are you doing!? You're gonna fall off!" I yelled with the anxiety sending a shock through my body. "HARRY!" I shout.
"I can't jump!" A voice appeared in my head.
The voice was very familiar to me and I feel the cold breeze hit me.
Jump?
My mind went back to reality and he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms out, feeling the wind lightly pushing him back. "No I won't. I've done this multiple times without falling to death. As long as the wind hits you at the front, I won't really fall over unless you lean over or actually jump off."
"But H—"
He suddenly let out a scream joyfully, cutting me off.
Then he looked at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen. He's so HAPPY, I can't believe he's smiling like this. It's so cute and I could even see his dimples again.
I feel like crying now.
"Get up here!"
I had to take a deep breath and then stepped on the edge by him. All I have to do is... don't look down. I'm not closing my eyes either cause that'll make me have so much anxiety. "I-Is that being free feels like to you?" I asked as I was shaking a bit. I took slow deep breaths as I stood straight.
"I don't know how that feels or what it's like. I've never felt free." His voice was low. He sounded a little worried and there must be something in his life that has a big effect in him.
"That's all I've ever wanted..." He whispers and we both spread our arms. I smiled, looking over at the bright sun and water with the clear sky blue sky. Harry turns his head to me, also smiling, "Beautiful and bright isn't it?" He asks me.
"Yeah..." My lips part and I nod before turning back to where the sun is.
"Well..." I stepped off the edge back to getting nuggets and fries to shake the little amount of forming tears off. "I want you to feel free around me and everyone else because you make me feel free around you for some reason and you're there for your brothers as well so they should feel the same. It's hard to find good words to explain, if you know what I'm saying." I murmured as I sniffed a bit and he also hopped off the edge to where I am.
He chuckled, "I get it." He went to get his drink. My phone then started ringing. It was Narcissa on the caller ID. "I'll be right back." I walked somewhere else before answering the call.
"Maxine residence speaking." I made a weird fancy old lady voice to start off the conversation.
"Where the hell are you!?"
"I'm at the rooftop of Harry's apartment building. Why?" I cross my arm.
"Guess what the hell I saw on tv? You and Hairy Steals! Hugging! What's is that all about!?"
I widen my eyes.
"On what!?"
_________________________________
TMZ? Jumpscare.
LMAO
-A