"I can't believe you got away with that." you laughed, rocking on the spot you sat on the grass, your hands holding onto your knees to keep yourself from falling on your back from the laughter.
To your left sat Remus, holding back a smile as he watched in marvel around the small circle you formed on the ground, he was shaking his head with the brightest smile finally breaking over his face as he looked over you with the shrug of his shoulders. As much as Remus Lupin had the facade to be a rule follower with his shiny prefect badge held proudly on his chest, you had learned he had only that reputation due to his ability to know every single rule and how to get away with breaking them and not get themselves stuck in the detention for the rest of their years at Hogwarts and even more time after they graduated. He had that gleam in his eyes as the rest of them narrated the events of the previous days, the proud knowledge that if it wasn't for him, none of their late night adventures would be possible.
James and Peter, of course, could not have been any other way but standing just a few short steps from you, reenacting everything that had happened. The Slytherins were their favorite targets for their pranks, no one knew exactly why and put it on the ancient rivalry that had been going on since the time the founders themselves had walked those very same halls. If you wore a green robe you had a target on your back. Older students didn't have luck that week, apparently a strange case of some disease Madame Pomfrey hadn't been able to name had gotten loose on the dungeons. Teachers and prefects alike had been summoned to the infirmary to discuss the subject, no one had been able to discover what was the cause of the sudden appearance of scales over the arms of the Slytherin students.
"You should have seen Professor Dumbledore's face." Remus added, earning the burst of laughter from James and Peter who finally fell to the grass and rolled there, clutching their stomachs. They obviously had heard this part of the story before. "I'm sure he had as much trouble as I did to keep his smile to himself."
"Tell her what he said, Moony." Sirius said, making you look in his direction with a smile of your own. His cheeks hurt from his smile at that point, his body eager to move but he sat next to you, legs bent so he could rest his arms over his knees in a lazy position. His hand had a ghostly touch over your shoulder, sometimes moving to tap in your back with a rhythmical pattern. If he only moved his arm a little closer, he would have been holding you.
"Professor Dumbledore thinks it's only right that the Slytherin students be proud of their symbol," Remus said with his best imitation of the professor's calm voice "They shouldn't worry about embodying their house emblem."
The shock of what Dumbledore had said lasted but a brief second before you burst out laughing, joining Peter and James on the grass. Low chuckles reached your ears but you had no willpower to stop laughing at the thought of the older students with scales on their arms and a sour mood, the cherry on top being professor Dumbledore comments.
"Next thing we know you all will grow manes and I'll have feathers." you said, once you calmed down, moving to sit back in your place.
Sirius scoffed, making you turn in his direction with a bright smile, his face closer to yours than you had anticipated. "You think this hair grew in just one day?" he asked, shaking his head dramatically so his hair will move just like silk over his shoulders "I don't think so. This is my pride and years of care."
You scrunch your nose at him, missing the way James and Peter mocked Sirius as they ran their hand through their own hair. You only turned when Remus almost spit out his drink, coughing loudly as he hit his chest and turned to the side.
"You all wished you had hair like this." Sirius said with a glare, flipping his middle finger in the air for all of them to see. They all let out a whistle as their hands were raised in the air, the humor never leaving their faces as they all knew hitting Sirius' ego was the way to win with him.
You just shook your head, turning your attention back to Sirius with a kind, warmer smile "Well, I really like your hair." you confessed, mostly in a whisper and for only him to hear. Your smile reached your eyes as your hand wandered with a mind of its own to the side of his head, brushing the longer strands of hair that fell over his shoulder off and away from his jacket.
"They're making eyes at each other." Peter whispered, making you roll your eyes as you both turned to him with a playful glare. At least yours was playful.
"Peter, you make eyes to your food and no one says a thing." Sirius said back, making James snort in the process. Peter just limited himself to groan as he threw his head back, knowing this time he had lost. With a confident raise of his eyebrow, Sirius glanced at you and reached for your hand that rested close to his, making you whimper in surprise before a frown settled on your face. "What is it?" he asked concerned, letting go of you immediately.
Your other hand went to rub your knuckles carefully, shaking your head.
"That's what happens when you give your first punch to someone's jaw." James gleamed, peaking over your shoulder as he nodded proudly. "I'll never forget the ache days after I first punched someone."
"What?" the three boys exclaimed, their interest hooked as their bodies visibly leaned towards James. Sirius's jaw even fell for a moment as his eyes glanced between you, your hand and then James who looked apologetically at you and the groan you let out. You brought your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs as you hid your face there too, falling into a fetal position on the cold grass as the questions started to rain on you.
When did it happen? You punched someone? Who did you punch?
"I thought you told them." James said in his defense, making you come out of your made up hiding place in between your knees. "Why would I do that?" you asked incredulously.
He was limited to shrug. "It's something you share with your friends!" he said excitedly.
"Who did you punch?" Sirius asked you, placing his hand over your arm as he started to lightly shake you on the ground "C'mon, Y/N. I never thought you'd be capable of yelling to someone and here you lay, telling me you punched someone. Did they deserve it? I'm sure they did."
"It's not that important." you shrugged it off, moving to sit back.
"It is if it's your first time punching someone." Remus said and you tilted your head, a silent question in your eyes as you stared at him.
Biting down on your lip you looked around the excited boys, meeting Sirius' eyes as you said "Promise you'll let it go after I tell you." you asked of them, their nods enough to push you to talk.
"You punched Gideon in the face!?" Sirius yelled as soon as you finished telling the story, James backing you up with comments from his perspective with the omission of tiny details from the silent threat in your eyes not to mention Regulus.
"I didn't know who he was." you excused yourself with a high pitched voice "I still don't know, really."
"Oh, he's never hearing the end of this." Sirius beamed as he placed his arm around your shoulder, holding you close to him as he walked next to you. You had gotten up in the middle of your retelling as soon as it started to get dark. The four boys walking inside the castle with you and making their way to the Ravenclaw tower to walk you safely to your common room. "The money I would pay to have been there."
"Totally worth it." James said, raising his finger in the air in declaration. "You don't look like it but you're strong." he told you.
"Thank you?" you said with the confused tilt of your head. "It's all from baking, which reminds me..." you said, fumbling in your bag until a small container made it out of it. "Cookies." you announced.
Sirius reached his hand with a smile, the disappointed sound that left his mouth as you went past him and handed them to James making your heart melt. His hand was left hanging in the air until it dropped to his side, his eyes finding yours with a sad puppy look.
"He's the most responsible one regarding food." you said, knowing fully well the other three would eat them all by themselves in one sitting "You guys are difficult to feed."
"That is betrayal." he murmured, following you up the stairs to the tower. The five of you formed a bee line on the narrowed stairs, you leading them up front.
"Don't be dramatic." you said, turning to face him right on the door of the Ravenclaw common room. "Thank you for walking me here, you didn't have to." you told them, looking at each of them as they smiled at you.
"Anything for our little bird." James said, making Sirius slap him in the arm. "What?" he asked, rubbing the side of his arm.
"What he said." Sirius said after, shaking his head before he leaned down "Night, love." He placed a kiss on your cheek, letting go of your hand as they all bid their goodbyes to you in a chorus.
"Night." you whispered, reaching a hand to your cheeks as the name he called you made its way into your cheeks in the form of a warm feeling.
How did he manage to have such an impact on you with one word?
You lazily walked to your dorm, dropping on your bed with all the weight of your body. The ceiling became the only surface you could stare without having a burst of thoughts, making the ones you did have to make some sense. Love. Many used that word to refer to anyone dear to them. James had called you that the first time you ever talked to him. And yet, Sirius made it sound different, it carried more than the term of endearment anyone would use on a daily basis.
You shook your head with the sudden burst of more thoughts. Of course Sirius saying it carried more, he had been clear about his feelings towards you since day one. Why did it confuse you out of the blue now? You know how he feels. Merlin, you know what you feel. You had been fighting those same feelings for months now, trying to keep them buried and under lock and key so they would never see the light of day because that would mean hurting someone you cared about.
If Regulus had already hurt you, why did you feel so guilty for even considering Sirius in your future?
*******
"What do you mean she was defending Regulus?" Sirius asked, feet propped up over the armrest of the couch as he stared with a frown at his best friend.
James had tried to stay silent and not let anyone know the real reason you had punched Gideon on the face. He genuinely tried. James Potter is a great liar, but he can't lie to the ones who taught him how to do it in the first place.
"We knew she wouldn't be able to stay away from all the rumors." Remus said, matter of factly "We heard them all ourselves."
"Well, the rumor literally was thrown on her face." James said with a tight smile "Gideon didn't even soften the blow," he murmured, making air quotes with his fingers "The snake finally revealed itself."
"He's not wrong." Peter murmured, the silent agreement of everyone there not making it any less uncomfortable. "But it makes sense, Regulus is Y/N's best friend."
"Was." Sirius corrected him, looking at Peter grimmly from where he sat.
"Is," Peter repeated, not letting Sirius's glare get to him "He might have done terrible things but that doesn't erase their history."
The silence that fell over the four boys weighed over their shoulders as Peter's words sank in. "They all see Regulus as the bad choice she made, she had always been criticized for being his friend and no one dared to look in her direction because of that."
"Until now." James mumbled, fumbling with his hands as he went to sit down.
"She has me." Sirius said with a frown, sitting up as he rested his arms over his knees.
"Maybe knowing that she won't stand there in silence to their comment will make them think twice about approaching her." James offered, looking at the hurt look on Sirius' face "And she has you Pads, but you won't always be around her."
"I know." he groaned, running his hands over his face.
Silently, Sirius had more on his mind than he was letting the others know. Worry filled him to even think people might thought it was a good idea to bring up your situation about Regulus. From experience, he knew it was a terrible idea.
The fact that you still found it in yourself to stand up for Regulus even after everything he had done surprised him to no end, definitely something that would keep his mind going at night. Why would you do that? He had so many questions and little space to ask you about it.
He still felt like he was handling a heart of glass when it came to you. Beautiful. Delicate. Sharp and fragile. As much as he wanted to give his everything to you he didn't know how.
He had gotten this far with you with patience and a careful approach, he couldn't risk it all to get answers on what was going on inside your head. He had come to terms with the fact that even if he didn't like it, Regulus would always be a part of your life, one way or another. Even now, feelings hurt and friendship broken, Regulus managed to sneak up onto you, weeks of not saying a word to the other and he still was perfectly present.
Sirius had never been able to brush off all reminders of his past with his family. Somehow, his parents or Regulus found their way to him. He tried, but not even physical distance seemed to work. Every day, his last name being called was a subtle call on where he came from and what he had run from, something he never seemed to outrun.
Being with you meant he would never be able to do so. He was doomed.
And yet, he wasn't with you. You had been clear and had granted him the one thing he wished for the most. He dreamed with the feeling of your lips against his, the urgent grasp of your hand on him as you pulled him to you, the ghostly air of your lips against his once you pulled away.
Things have changed now.
The day he would remember until the day of his death was the day the world had fallen around you and he had seen it. He had been there, waiting to catch you once the inevitable fall hit you.
How the most glorious day in his life had turned so dark, he didn't understand. He sometimes wondered how you remembered the day. He wanted nothing more than to ask you but knew that going around picking on a healing wound would leave a scar. He had gotten to know you enough to be certain it wouldn't be the only scar you collected.
He could be patient. He could wait.
*******
Regulus Black sat on the corner farthest away from all the noise and people the library brought. For a supposedly quiet space he found it quite loud.
Contrary to popular belief, he didn't go around life looking for the darkest shadow to stand on, he had been looking for a source of light for years with no luck. His table got the sunlight from a nearby window, the warm light casting flicker through the tinted glass on his hand. His fingers tapped on the book open before him, playing a song from memory on the paper keys of the piano he could perfectly see. His teeth nibbled on the skin of his lower lip, his free hand covering his mouth as he stared in thought at the distance outside the castle.
Sometimes, he could still hear your voice calling on him to focus on the task at hand.
"Reg." you would say, using your mom voice as you reached to squeeze his hand, grounding him in the present moment "You need a moment?" Always so caring, so preoccupied even when you didn't understand all that was going on inside of his mind. Outside in his life. "C'mon." you'd say, forcing him to pack his things and get up from the table "We'll finish this later tonight."
He shook his head, letting out a shaky breath as he lowered his gaze. The words had started to get mixed up in his head hours ago, turning page after page with no phrase sticking to his mind. He had stacks of parchment piled up to his left, the assignments from weeks waiting for him to do something about them. He didn't have the time.
The heaviness of the letters sitting on the small pocket of his bag doing nothing better to improve his condition. He knew he couldn't ignore life forever, and all that he wanted was to lay on his bed and let the days go by.
His head perked up when he realized, this time, he hadn't imagined your soft chuckle. His eyes lifted suddenly, your frame he would recognize in a crowd of Ravenclaws making its way through the shelves with that first year boy that seemed to follow you everywhere. He had talked to him sometimes.
He could see your face through the small openings in between the books and the next shelf, bringing your finger up to your lips in an attempt to shush him while you could barely keep quiet yourself.
"Take this one." you whispered with humor as you handed him a small leather book from the lower shelf "This can help with your essay and this one is the history of those potions, so you'll get all facts right." you took one more book, placing it on the pile the boy carried in his arms. Félix, that is his name.
Félix struggled with the weight of it, but managed to carry them nonetheless. "Have you read all these?" he asked with concern.
You chuckled, the shush coming from other tables making your smile grow and your cheeks heat up. But as soon as you looked for an answer, your face lacked his usual brightness, your eyes falling as you turned to the books instead "Not all of them." you answered "I had help, Regulus used to read some books and I read others. In the end we discussed all that we read and started our work." you told him, a tight small on your lips.
You still spoke his name.
He watched as the two of you left, a shadow following you with your mood now dampened.
What if he went to you? To Sirius? The heavy feeling of his bag reminded him what was at stake and all hopes of getting to talk to you once more, to walk next to you died in the flash of the images from last winter. It was better this way.
*******
You needed sleep. Not just for being a functioning witch student and human being but because your mind won't let you focus on anything that is not Sirius Black. He plagued your mind day and night, his voice echoing your every thought with that one word. Love. You ached for him to call that once more.
You needed to put your mind at ease as well. What was Sirius Black to you? A friend, someone you trusted and could spend hours with with no problem at all. The feeling of guilt towards Regulus was washed off of you in a moment of decision, marching the halls of Hogwarts with determination in search for the Gryffindor.
You knew what you wanted.
It was easier said than done, he could be anywhere in the castle. But once you found the source of laughter and followed it, it took you no time to find him standing over a balcony with wide eyes and a smile.
"Sirius." you called, jogging to him to end the space between you two.
He turned his face to you, his eyes glinting as he glanced down the balcony and back to you "Hello." he said with a smile.
"I need to talk to you." you said, watching as he fumbled his hands, his attention drifting from you. Not that you noticed "You see," you began, resting your body on the railing of the balcony, your back to the world as you avoided looking at Sirius "I have been asking myself, and believe me I have looked at it from every perspective..."
"Yes?"
"It has been keeping me up at night and I've come to the conclusion that I cannot arrive at an answer on my own so I need to ask you."
He hummed and nodded, palms down on the railing as he doubled his body to see down on the lower floor.
"We're friends, right?" you asked, glancing at him suspiciously before you continued.
"Of course." he answered immediately, his eyes widening as he took a step back from the balcony, kneeling beside his bag as emptied all the contents on the floor "Why do you ask?"
"Not important," you said with the wave of your hand "What if we weren't friends?" you asked suddenly.
His body tensed up from his position on the floor, his back hunched "I-I don't know." he answered shakily "Are you breaking our friendship?" he asked, turning his full attention to you for the first time.
"What?! No." you scoffed, seeing his body relax. Good sign. "I mean..." you paused, thinking about your next words.
He got up from the floor, standing next to you. He took one glance down, then turned to you "You mean?" he asked when you stayed silent.
"I mean, what if we weren't friends?" you said again, raising your eyebrows and watching his face contort in confusion.
"You don't want to be friends?" he asked, making you groan. Footsteps carried the sound from down the hall, making Sirius' attention perk up as he almost threw himself down the railing to take a look.
"Nooo." you said, running a hand down your hair. Your eyes light up, turning to him "More than friends." you said victoriously.
"Right." he mumbled, his attention away from you as his brow furrowed "Hold this for me, love."
There it was again. The single word that started all the mess inside of you. It left you frozen in place, a dizzy feeling inside of you as you held your palm out for him. He placed a green sphere on your hand and you could only stare at him with a dry mouth. All words had left your system.
He took one last look down the railing, and then whistled once in the air. A series of whistles followed as you then saw Peter run out of the hall just down from where you stood. Sirius almost jumped out of his skin, taking the sphere from your hand and throwing it in the air. A shot of light came from one of the highest towers and you didn't see anything else as Sirius pulled you to the ground, covering you with his body.
Whines and curses followed soon as the bright light cleared up, Sirirus peeking over the railing as one single laugh left his lips. It didn't last long.
"Black!" you heard professor McGonagall "Potter!" she followed.
"Shit." Sirius chuckled nervously, grabbing all the thing on the floor and throwing it inside his bag. "C'mon, let's go." he said hurriedly, taking your hand in his as he pulled you with him.
You didn't have time to protest or say a thing, following close behind him as it was nearly impossible to fall behind with the secure grip he had on your hand. Professor McGonagall's shouts could be heard as you ran, following paths and taking turns you had never seen before. You ended up outside the castle in less than two minutes when you heard your name being called. You held onto Sirius' hand tighter, turning in the middle of the chase to see Professor McGonagall standing in at the doors of the castle with a glare on her face. You couldn't help when a burst of laughter emerged from you, a smile permanent on your lips as you recognized the path Sirius was following.
You stumbled into your hideout, out of breath and clutching your chest for more air. "What. was. that?" you asked, looking at him through your lashes as he straightened his posture with a smile.
"That?" he said, pointing his finger back to the castle "A little nothing." he said with a shrug.
"McGonagall was behind us." you said, still catching your breath.
"Nothing to worry about." he waved his hand, walking closer to you. "You okay?" he asked.
"She saw me!" you scoffed a laugh "I mean, she called my name."
Sirius suddenly became worried, lowering his head to look at you "Are you mad?" he asked.
You frowned, straightening your back to look at him "Mad? That was amazing!" you yelled excitedly, still feeling the rush of it all cursing through your veins. "Woah." you whispered, a hand on your forehead as you looked at him, the entire reason you had been looking for him coming back to you like a splash of water.
"I think I love you." you said, a smile forming in your face.
Sirius's entire face sobered up, from the rush of the prank to the worry of getting you in trouble. He suddenly was pulled back to earth when those three words coming from your mouth entered his system.
"What?" he whispered.
You let out a shaky, breathy laugh. Confidence overtaking you "I love you." you repeated with a smile.
Sirius slowly took a step towards you, his eyes never leaving you. He shakily took hold of your hand, his mouth opening with the words being snatched of his tongue as three figures stumbled right behind Sirius.
The moment broke, your bubble burst open as you moved your head to the side, glancing at Sirius "You told them about this place?" you asked.
He didn't answer.
"We followed you here." James said, dropping to the floor as he took big breaths in, Remus and Peter following him.
Your attention shifted to Sirius again, his eyes now gleaming as he took you into his arms and held you tightly, placing his chin on top of your head. "I love you too." he said.
Peter stared at you before he met the confusion on James and Remus' faces. "What just happened?"