You were distracted. Regulus had noticed that much. Two weeks had passed by since his game against Gryffindor and he had taken to himself to watch you closely. At first he was worried, now he was curious. He could feel you were distant, sometimes he would find your eyes lost in the crowd of students or a smile growing on your lips at something only you could figure out from all the voices. You spent more time out after dinner, Regulus finding you walking back to your common room late at night when you had supposedly already gone there. He didn't question you but he wanted to know who this person was who had captured your attention.
Unfortunately, he was certain it had to be a Gryffindor. The presence of the house is always there whenever he notices these changes in your behaviour. He had so many questions and no reason to ask you about it. But he knew he could dig a little with the right words.
"...and I need this one and that one." you said, walking through the shelves of the library with Regulus following you "Can you reach the red one for me?" you asked him, his arm easily going over your head and taking the book you pointed "Thank you." you told him, adding the book to the pile in your arms.
Regulus just observed you, noticing a sweet smell coming from you. Your favorite perfume. You looked the same as always, Ravenclaw uniform neatly worn with a few details of your own design, leather bag hanging from your left shoulder as your body inevitably leaned towards that side due to the weight of all you carried. Your face, your hair, your voice it was all the same but it was all in the details. The perfume, the skip on your step, your more cheerful mood.
"You seem happier." he said, earning a chuckle from you as you returned the book in your hand to the shelf.
"Thank you?" you answered doubtfully. There, no retort to fight him, no sarcastic comment to notice his own gloomy or serious mood.
"I mean it." he told you, trying to look casual about it. He didn't have it in him but he had to try, he's used to being direct but going around things was not his thing. "What's gotten you in such a happy mood lately?"
You made a face at him, leading him towards your table at the library. He took the seat right across from you, facing the entrance of the library as he had always liked to observe the people going in and out of the room. You moved your own chair out and took a seat, dropping the pile of books on the tables' surface.
"Would you believe it's because of you?" you asked with a smile, taking your things out of your bag and placing one by one on the table.
Regulus shook his head, following your movements as he did the same "The fact that you asked me if I would believe you tells me it's not because of me." he stated, resting his back against the chair as he watched you. "And there is a reason because you are making up excuses."
You frowned, hitting the table a little too hard with the spine of your book "I hate that you're so clever sometimes." you muttered bitterly, unknown to Regulus that you were starting to panic. Your leg a jumping mess under the table.
"Why won't you tell me?" he asked. Going around things wasn't working for him, it actually never worked for anyone but he knew that and trying it anyway got on his nerves a little too much. He needed answers.
"Because there is nothing to tell." you said, voice high as you avoided his gaze. You were lying.
"Look at me." he said.
You closed your eyes shut, letting out a single breath as you pressed your lips in a line. Finally you lifted your face, meeting his eyes. He had a relaxed posture, as relaxed as Regulus could get, but he still tilted his head. Oh, he knew what he was doing. He looked approachable and kind, more than usual in your eyes.
"You're seeing someone."
Your heart almost jumped out of your chest, the drop of your stomach as you felt like someone had punched you on the gut enough to make all the happiness he was asking you about wash out of your face.
He wasn't asking. It wasn't a question. He was telling you because he knew.
Your thoughts started to go over everything you had done, everything you had said, how you acted, anything that could have given it away to him. Everything and nothing came to mind as you just stared at him, your body completely still.
Then it dawned on you that you weren't seeing anyone. Not really. You and Sirius were friends who liked to spend time together. Behind your best friend and Sirius brother's back. You thought bitterly, guilt starting to rise inside you. We're just friends. Then why did your mind go immediately to Sirius at the question of you seeing anyone?
"What?" you asked in a whisper, taking a shaky breath after as the fear of your secret being discovered became more real.
He looked for your eyes, a small smile on his face "I know you're seeing someone."
"You know?" you repeated.
"Yes."
But did he knew?
"And you're not upset?" you asked, taking careful steps in the conversation.
"I don't know why you felt like you couldn't tell me." he said "I'm more upset over the fact that they're a Gryffindor, but I guess I'll get..."
"You know!" you yelled. The shushing sounds from the students around you made you shrink in your place as you muttered a quiet apology, the flush in your cheeks nothing as you turned with wide eyes at Regulus, mouthing the words You Know.
"I had my suspicions." he said, looking around before he settled back on you "You stare at the people of their house a lot and I still have to figure out who they are..."
His words were muffled by the relief washing over you. He didn't know.
*******
Sirius had looked for you a couple of days after the Quidditch game. He had managed a couple of minutes away from all the eyes at Hogwarts to ask you to meet him later that day. Of course you had agreed.
You moved through the castle with light steps. It was late but not enough to get you in trouble, just to get a warning look from the professors. Sirius had asked you to meet him inside the castle but you couldn't risk another surprise visit from Regulus, his extra classes had gotten all over his schedule and you no longer knew when he would be out and what days he wouldn't. So you asked Sirius to meet you at the castle entrance. Doubtful, he had accepted.
So that's where you were headed, playing with your fingers as you moved. The corridors were empty and the day getting colder, a chill running down your spine as more nerves got to you. Somehow, although you wanted this, you were also dreading it.
The doors were wide open, your figure a dot in the distance of what the entire castle represented. You glanced at either side of the door before you decided Sirius wasn't there yet. You rested your weight on the wall outside the castle, closing your eyes as the air blew on your face. You found the feeling relaxing and refreshing, almost taking your worries with it.
Then something changed in the air, a different smell caught in the air as you started to feel different. Not alone. Your eyes fluttered open to see Sirius standing right beside you, a different look on his face as he watched you.
"You looked peaceful." he said, offering his hand for you to take.
You glanced hesitantly at him, grabbing his hand "You look different."
"And we've never looked better." he said, his usual grin back on his lips as he gave a soft squeeze to your hand "Lead the way, since a castle is not enough for the lady."
You rolled your eyes, shaking your head as you pulled him with you, missing his triumphant smile at teasing you.
You walked for a couple of minutes, going down the stairs to the black lake in silence. Once you got over the hills and past the shore of the black lake Sirius started asking questions but you didn't give in, ignoring his every word until you got closer to your destiny, your secret space.
"Would you relax?" you asked him, his mouth never stopping until you talked "We're almost there."
"You could have told me where we are going." he said, looking around you and seeing nothing familiar "You could be leading me to my death."
"Oh, yes." you smiled back at him before narrowing your eyes at him "I'm not really a student at Hogwarts. You see, I'm this serial killer who lures her victims by being a sweet girl, this is the place where all my victims have died and you are next."
Your grasp on his hand got tighter, smiling at him before you focused on the way you were walking. Sirius raised an eyebrow but said nothing, letting you drag him with his arm now stretched to create space between you two.
"I can't tell if you're joking." he said, his voice a little worried "You sound very convincing and your scenario sounds entirely possible now."
You laughed out loud, throwing your head back lightly. Sirius' fake worry all washed away as a genuine smile replaced everything in his features, thinking that maybe, if you were actually a serial killer, this wouldn't be such an awful way to die.
"I'm very capable of a lot of things, so you shouldn't underestimate me." you said, raising your eyebrows at him before you turn back front "We're here." you announced, letting go of his hand as you advanced some steps on your own.
You moved through the grass, grass tall enough to reach your ankles and wildflowers who filled the ground with beautiful dots of color. And to your right an enormous tree, vines hanging from its branches that you moved as if it was a curtain, letting you and Sirius through to a small meadow. The place was comfortable enough to have a picnic with a few friends and still have room to move around, the makeshift walls made of more trees and vines that covered the space to make the shape of what almost resembled a circle.
"Welcome to a small haven just outside Hogwarts." you said to Sirius, spinning once in your spot as you focused back on his face. He looked amazed, his eyes finding the sky once before he moved to the green grass and small patches of flowers.
"Just outside is putting it lightly." he whispered, but you could see he didn't care about the distance or about walking all the way there with you. He softly ran his fingers over the vines that fell like heavy silks once again, covering the spot where you two had walked in. "You found this place?"
You hummed in response, nodding your head "I was trying to escape some friends while we played. It was my first year so I didn't know the grounds of the school very well. I ran and ran until I could no longer hear them and then I hid here. They never found me."
He laughed, his smile reaching his eyes as he continued to look around "You probably shouldn't have shown me this place." he told you, knowing perfectly that he would use it as a way to avoid professors and detention.
"I didn't show you anything." you said, patting a spot in the ground to then sit there with a huff "You followed me here."
Sirius did the same thing and sat down next to you "You dragged me here." he stated, giving you a knowing look.
"You offered your hand." you argued back, throwing some of your hair over your shoulder "You could have let go at any time." Your confidence didn't last much as you burst out laughing, shaking your head as you tried to speak, the words coming out of your mouth unintelligible.
It took you a couple of minutes to catch your breath but in the end your chest started to rise and fall evenly, the air calm as you could only hear the breeze moving the tree tops. The silence fell heavily between you two, not in an uncomfortable way but enough to let you know the laughter was over.
You swallowed in anticipation, not knowing how to begin. In the end you didn't have to, Sirius taking the chance first.
"I'm sure you have many questions and believe me, so do I," he started, looking at his hands as he spoke "But you have to know whatever he is doing it's not good."
"You don't know that." you said in a low tone, still a hint of hope in your voice.
He shook his head, turning to look at you with that same desperation he had in his eyes the day you found Regulus. "You're too good." he whispered, raising his hand hesitantly to your face, his finger moving a piece of hair behind your ear.
His skin felt warm against yours, the back of his hand grazing your cheek as you moved your face away "I'm not naive." you exclaimed "I know him. He is my friend, my family, he would never say that."
"We both heard him, Y/N." Sirius reminded you, his voice sounding deeper now "How can you explain what we both heard?" he asked, looking at you expectantly.
"I don't know what I heard." you said stubbornly, refusing to look at Sirius.
"You do know. I saw you there and you were hurt, we both know what he called you."
You grunted, pushing yourself to your feet as you stood with your back at him "There must be an explanation."
Sirius followed you, standing just behind you "For calling someone Pure enough..."
"Dont'!" you hissed, turning to Sirius with a glare in your face.
"I think it's self explanatory, Y/N." his voice had raised in volume, the two of you facing one another with glares in your eyes, not moving but holding each others' eyes.
"Then why is he still my friend?" you asked in a whisper, faces inches away from one another, he heard you just right. "Why is he still by my side, why has nothing changed?"
"Because you're everything he has left." he whispered angrily, not being able to hold your gaze any longer as he turned from you. "I was once in your place. Then, he could afford to lose me, so he did. He had the chance to change, to prove everyone wrong but he chose status and the glory of being the only son of the Black family."
"What are you talking about?" you asked him, confusion growing inside of you as you digested his words.
"Why do you think I left my home?" he asked quietly, "Why do you think my family and your best friend hate me so much? A shame to the Black family."
A frown was set deep in your face, eyes wild as you started to put all the pieces together inside your head. The perfect son who hates his traitor brother. Traitor. Blood traitor.
Your gaze stilled for a moment, your eyes on the ground as you breathed in deeply. You raised your face slowly, eyes meeting Sirius' as you stood straight. You opened your mouth but nothing came out, the small gap letting out air as you tried to even your breathing. Your entire face fell, sadness overtaking your eyes as you finally understood.
"You don't believe in blood purity." you whispered, voice rough as all the emotion you held inside tried to pour itself on your words. "But he does."
"Yes." A simple word, a full sentence. One that changed everything now that the truth was out.
Words got tangled on your tongue, you tried to speak but felt like all it would come out would be your screams.
Your body moved back on its own, rubbing the side of your arm with your hand as every word repeated itself in your head.
"He stayed?" you asked him.
Still that hint of hope. Sirius thought.
"He didn't ask to come." he said truthfully.
You nodded your head continuously, not stopping until you covered your face with the palms of your hands, pressing the cold feeling against your skin.
Seconds after you felt a pair of arms around your shoulders, his whispered words on the side of your head filled you with comfort as you moved your hands around his chest.
He held you for a long time, I could have been minutes or hours, it felt like a lifetime. Despite everything you had just learned, there, you felt safe.