My mind was fuzzy and all around me I heard machines that steadily beeped. 'Where am I?' I thought to myself. Realizing my eyes were closed, I forced my eyelids to flutter open a millimeter. It's so bright I couldn't see anything.
Am I dead? No, I couldn't be. I just fell asleep in my living room-right?
I opened my eyes all the way. Everything is so blurry. What the hell is going on. I just had a few drinks last night... I think. My vision finally adjusted and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I started to panic, the heart monitor was speeding up and beeping louder than before.
"Help me! Help me! Where am I!" I screamed.
A nurse and Matt bolted into the room.
"Hey, hey, Grayson. Calm down man. You're okay," Matt said gently.
"Where the hell am I," I demanded.
"I took you to Benton hospital. You wouldn't answer my calls and I was concerned, because you're not like that. I saw you through the window lying on your living room floor passed out. Grayson, your house was filthy and I had to bust open the door to get you."
I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. Actually I could since I do that a lot. But my body didn't feel like the usual hangover I get.
"Well thanks for doing that, man. It means a lot to me. But I don't see why I have to be hooked up to all this equipment anymore, lets go. I'm fine," I said nonchalantly.
"Are you kidding me. You've been in a coma for two weeks on life support, if you didn't wake up in the next five hours, they were going to take you off." The room around me began to spin and Matt's words echoed in my ears.
I was dying.
"Mr. May, I know this is all shocking to you. I'm not surprised by your reaction. But your liver is failing, due to your alcoholism," the nurse sighed.
My liver? Alcoholism? I knew that I drank a lot. But it I didn't have alcoholism... I just couldn't. I wonder if Beth was still here then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation.
I could feel tears prickling in the back of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. This should be good. I'm going to be with Beth after I die. I'm going to be okay.
"Grayson, I already tried to get the doctors to give you my liver, but our blood type didn't match. I don't know how far down on the list you are for a transplant but I'm sure it'll be soon."
Matt was willing to die for me. Just so I could keep living the shitty life I have. I know it was because he cares but if he was struggling I wouldn't make him suffer. He was just being a good friend.
"Matt, you didn't have to even think about that. I don't need a new liver. Just let me die so I can go be with Beth again," I didn't realize until after I said it how harsh my words were. Matt's facial expression was hurt, but also confused.
"I'd do anything for you man. But who's Beth?"
"You know, my girlfriend. We met at the Rosewood bar during the party. You were there, don't you remember? She always wore red lipstick. You're joking with me, right? She's the one that got shot right in front of me, Matt, by her ex-husband that escaped from jail! How could you not know! It was all over the news! That's why I was passed out in my house. I drank the pain away. I couldn't think of life without her man."
The heart monitor sped up again and I got a little dizzy. Matt still looked bewildered, and that nurse was staring at me like I had two heads.
"What? Why're you looking at me like that?" I spat angrily.
"I think you're imagining things. Sorry, but there never was a party we went to together. And even if you did have a girlfriend you didn't tell me about her. Nothing was on the news either."
Am I going crazy. That wasn't something I could imagine. Was it?
I sat in silence trying to process everything going on around me.
"People can dream up a lot of things in a coma. I understand you probably have a lot of questions. I can get a therapist to see you if you'd like," the nurse offered.
"No. I don't need a therapist. When can I leave?" I asked.
Those two were starting to annoy me. How could I just dream up Beth in my mind. She was so real to me. What I felt was all real.
I needed Beth again. If she was just a dream, then I have to go back into a coma. I can't keep living my life alone in self-pity.
"Well, your liver is failing. And you have also had some issues with your kidneys, so we put you on dialysis. I'm afraid you won't be leaving any time soon. I'll go and tell the doctor-" I cut her off.
"Pull the plug. Now," I objected.
"Sir, I'm sorry but we need you to fill out a proper form for that. Just let me get your doctor. It will be one moment."
"Matt. Call James and Kyle to come to the hospital. I'm filling out those papers as soon as possible." Matt looked at me with a blank stare. He couldn't believe what I was saying to him.
"But, Grayson, you're getting better. You just woke up from a coma. You can't just leave us."
"Why not. So I can keep living in misery like I am now. Let me make my own decision. Please. Can't you see that I'm suffering?"
His eyes started getting glassy. Matt turned around and swiftly walked out of my hospital room. The pain in my abdomen was getting stronger.
My "doctor" came into my room and asked me a lot of random questions. The only one worth listening to was, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? Is there any family you'd like to speak to before you get taken off of life support? Would you like to prepare a funeral?"
All simple answers yes, no, no. It wasn't important anyways. I don't know many people in Rosewood. Nobody except for my three friends would attend my funeral if I even had one.
"Can I make one request though?"
"Of course, Mr. May."
"Can you put in that I want to be buried next to my parents?"
"Let me send that to the cemetery director. He will be able to discuss this more efficiently than I would."
After I got all of that taken care of, Matt, James, and Kyle walked in.
"Hey guys, I'm so sorry it has to end like this."
"No we're sorry. We can't believe you're going through this. We should've been here for you more," said Kyle plainly.
"You did all that you could. I lived a good enough life. And you guys made it a hell of a lot better you know," I said, trying to console them.
"We love you man. We are gonna miss you so much. It won't be the same without you here," cried James.
It was really hurting me now. I know they'll miss me. And I was an awful person for being so self centered. I didn't hang out with them hardly ever. Now I'm taking myself away forever. It was for the best though. At the rate I'm going I wouldn't be able to survive long anyway. Besides I already signed all the papers. It was too late. I don't want to change my decision.
"Okay, it's time Mr. May. You will have approximately one hour after you're taken off of life support. Do you have any last minute decisions you'd like to make?"
"No. I'm ready," I said with confidence.
"Can we stay with him until the end?" Asked Matt.
"Of course. Take as much time as you need afterwards as well."
The doctor left the room and we all just talked together until the timer had one minute left. My breathing was getting more labored by the second.
"I love you guys. Don't forget please. I'll always be with you," I whispered.
"Love you too man," they said in unison.
I closed my eyes, and kept listening to the heart monitor. It was getting slower and slower. I took my last exhale and the steady beep went flat.
***
I don't know what I saw but it was so bright. An angelic figure come into view. She was perfect, beautiful and glowing in the light.
Beth. My Beth. She was my guardian angel.
"Hello Grayson. We've been waiting for you," she said with a smile.
She took my hand and brought me into the white light.
I saw my parents.
This was bliss.
I was free.
***
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I hope you all enjoyed this book as much as I did.
I know this was a short book, but it was the first one I ever wrote. It was basically just a tester to see how I liked it.
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