She ran off. She actually ran off after that kiss! Not literally, thankfully.
Jungkook sighed for the umpteenth time of the night - recalling her flushing cheeks as she started giving all kinds of excuses to leave while avoiding his stare earlier. It was kind of funny -
I left something at the hall. I have to fetch Chae's car and drive it back home. I just remembered that I have an early morning tomorrow. A meeting. A photoshoot. A breakfast with the boss. I have cats to clean and feed - when he looked at his watch and pointed out that it's only 8 o'clock.
All kinds of thoughts ran through his mind which mostly ends up with just thinking 'she's fucking cute and for what?!'. Things he could say to make her stay longer. Things he could do to make her feel better. But thanks to the right kind of upbringing from his parents, Jungkook chose to respect the invisible bubble she had created without taking it negatively.
That kind of girl doesn't come easily. I've waited so long to just talk to her, get to know her. Obviously, I can't expect her to just fall for me overnight! He tries his best to rid of the wishing well deep in his guts. I'm sure she's just confused...she'll need some time. Look on the bright side, Kook - at least she left you her phone number!
...
"Lis, you hear me?" Jisoo snapped her fingers and saw the slight flinch on Lisa's shoulders. "What's up with you? You've been zoning out a lot for the past few days -"
"No, I haven't!" She squeaked a little too loud.
"Yes, you have. She's been replying my messages late too," Jennie rolled her eyes and lands to Jisoo - who's still frowning deeply at her. "Is it cus you feel lonely in the house since Chae's not around? Is that it? I told you, you can always crash at my place -"
"That's not it, unnie," In truth, she replied late because she had to open the messages late to avoid being seen as 'Online'!
"Then what is it?"
It's the guy. And the guilt. And the suppressing urge to say something but an equal amount of force to not. But of course, she can't say any of these out loud. I mean...it's probably too late now. He's surely moved on after the third day of zero replies and all unanswered calls.
She wasn't supposed to regret it. She told herself not to. But it's getting hard to avoid that little feeling screaming in her chest. Those sayings pointing out that Jeon Jungkook might be better than the canvas she painted in her mind.
The thing is, the more she thought and missed his charms and looks, the harder it is to believe that he's actually different than the boy who broke her heart. They're both good with words. Both knows exactly how to look at her and make her knees go weak. Although she can confidently confirms that Jungkook has the feature of the gods and that he's better at kissing her - but that's probably because she can't remember much good details about her ex!
"There she goes again - drifting off! Yahh Lalisa!!"
Hmm? She blinked - earning two hard frowns from her unnies. "Sorry, I just have a lot of things in my mind,"
"Kim Jisoo, have you been overworking the poor girl??" Jennie hissed.
"I only gave her one project this month! How else do you think she'd get all this free time to have long lunches with us??"
That's true...maybe I need more projects to get my mind off the charmer. "I have too much free time. Unnie, give me more work!"
"I told you - not until you tell us what happened with the stripper -"
"Club owner. Jeon Jungkook," Jennie stated deadpan at Lisa's boss. "How many times do you need to get it right?"
"Sorry, it's just stuck in my head! Yes - club owner. Until you're ready to come clean, you'll be stuck for long lunches with us!" The smile doesn't reach her cheeks, which meant that she's actually, dead serious about it. "But it's fun right? All the scoops on where to shop...nice, expensive places to eat..." Lisa caught Jennie rolling her eyes. "My amazingly sweet husband and Jennie's complaints about hers -"
"I didn't complain much - I only gave facts,"
"Hearing Jennie's 2-hours facts about how her husband works late all the time - so much fun!"
Jisoo has a point. But what can I say? Everything about him was...it was good. He made me feel good too. We were on the same wavelengths and we clicked so well, even when we can't agree on something. He brought me out from the past and for a while there, I felt like I was taken into a completely different world. I was a new person for that one evening. My own person.
"You're gonna judge me for it," She muttered. "Probably scream too,"
"Lisa, look at us," Jennie leans forward and gave her a no-nonsense look. "One - do we look like the type that'll scream in public? We're no attention-seeking bitches. Two - yes, we probably will judge you but we'll do it in your face -"
"Jen, you're scaring her - what are you -" Now it's Jisoo's turn to lean forward.
"I'm just saying that whatever it is, we take care of what's important,"
"That's um...didn't really sound like what you were saying," Lisa giggled nervously.
"Yeah, it doesn't...the only things I got out of it were we won't scream at her right now and we'll bitch about it to her face," Jisoo looks nervous as well!
"Exactly. We take care of what's important," Jennie leans back like a boss and crosses her arms together, which got both of the other girls confused as hell!
As Jisoo began questioning how Jennie's words didn't match her intention, Lisa contemplates her decision on not revealing anything about that day. All they knew was what they'd seen and she was going to stick by it - humming along every time they pointed out of how a good pair Lisa and Jungkook looked together. Nothing else.
"You should've just said 'don't worry, Lis, we'll be on your side no matter what' then! Why do you have to be so cryptic and scary like that - now she'll never tell us!"
"That's just how I talk - you can't expect me to be all warm and nurturing, that's your job!"
"My job??"
"Yeah, she knows what I mean - I've known her longer -"
Oh dear...are they still on it? "We kissed," She muttered, just to stop the two from arguing about Jennie's choice of words! Of course, the news worked magically as her unnies immediately stopped bickering and turned to her with small gasps.
"At the wedding? After we left?"
"Yahh...you should've done it before we left!"
The attention and details required made her cheeks flush with embarrassment. "No...we actually spent more time after...eventually ended up at his place -"
The squeaking gasps were so loud - they might as well scream the place down! "Yahh...you didn't!!" Jennie's smile is so wide, Lisa didn't think the girl would ever get this excited.
"No, no! It was only a kiss," What have I become...I was never the kiss-and-tell type! But maybe I needed perspectives - "Then I left. That's it," Her smile is small and awkward, recalling the fumbling mess that she was that evening.
"Okay, and...?" Jisoo asked, frowns showing in between her smiles.
"That's it. I told you -"
"I mean, what's next? Are you meeting him again? When's the next date? Oh my God, this is the first guy that you're going out with - I'm so excited!!"
Hmm...now comes the tricky part. "I don't think I'll be seeing more of him, unnie. It was nice, spending time with him. It felt fresh for me too...like a new leaf. But I don't think he's right for me, so,"
She watched cautiously - fidgeting her fingers as Jisoo leans back with disappointment.
"I don't understand. Explain," Of course, Jennie isn't taking the news as easily. "What is it about him that's not right for you?"
Ahh...now I remember why I didn't wanna say anything! "He's just...well, he's nice. Really nice. And charming too. It's just not what I want, that's all,"
"Nice. Charming. Not what you want -" Fuck, why does she have to be so intimidating all the time?? "So you want someone who's not nice and...not charming? An ugly jerk?"
"No, of course not," She laughed. "I don't know how to explain it -"
"Try,"
"Jen," Jisoo said, perhaps sensing the hostility behind Jennie's pushy response. Lisa didn't mind it that much though. It's the Jennie she knew.
"I um...I spent all that time with him cus I felt like I know him...it's easy to like him. But after, when I thought about it...he sort of reminded me of someone I used to know back home. Then I thought, they're all nice and charming in the beginning -"
"More than half of the world's population are. Doesn't mean everyone will stop being it after,"
"That's true, but what if he's the same? Unnie, you know I don't just go out and meet guys -"
"Precisely why you probably don't see what I'm saying,"
"Yeah, but it's for a reason. I know it's hard for you to understand. I just don't wanna make the same mistake twice,"
"How will you know it's a mistake until you start trying again? You didn't even wanna try,"
"Jen, that's a bit harsh," Jisoo interfered again but failed to divert Jennie's attention form her.
"Lis, I've treated you as a sister when I never had one. Just be honest. I know something happened back home that scared you - traumatized you - but that doesn't mean your life needs to stop there. I never asked cus I trusted that you'll come out of it on your own. You don't need anyone's help - you're stronger for yourself. But here is where I put my foot down. It seemed like your mindset might've gotten lost along the way -"
My...mindset? But...my mind is thinking for only me! For my benefits - for my happiness! How can it be wrong? Do I have to go back to doing what others expects me to - just to prove that I'm 'living'? Look at how brilliant that turned out to be!
She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. "Unnie...I appreciate all your help and concerns. I truly do. But what I think is best for me might not be the best that you have in mind,"
"If what's best for you is by living in your own bubble and not give chances to others, I have to agree. You're attracted to him, everyone who's not blind could see it since the hen's night - so just admit to what your heart is saying instead of shutting yourself out!"
"Stop! Why are you so worked up about this - it's her choice!" Jisoo tried defending.
"Yes, it's her choice to run and be alone. It's always been her choice to keep everything inside. You know..." Jennie took her phone and shoved it roughly into her bag. What the hell is happening? Jisoo's right - why is she so mad about this? "Haven't I been here beside you all the while? I genuinely cared for you, I relied to you and trusted you. You didn't wanna tell me about your past - being left at the altar on your own - that's fine. Still, I trusted you. I thought all of us have shown you enough courtesy by being ourselves, so you learn that there are people you can trust again - even if it's not at home. I guess you never believed in any of us too, huh?"
Chae...Chae told all of them! How come they never said anything to me? "Unnie, no that's not what I -"
"You can defend her all you want," Jennie got up and turned to Jisoo. "But I'm not gonna stand here and watch her give up - being silent when she decides to keep being alone,"
...
Lisa's had long nights before, but tonight is a whole new level. The long, dark hours seems to pass by so slow, and with every small, ticking sounds of the clock on the wall, she's surrounded by a new-found sadness - empowering the ones that's already accommodating her fragile heart.
I can't lose another friend. Not Jennie unnie and certainly not because of this.
She glanced at the screen of her phone again - re-reading the long text message that Jennie sent an hour ago.
'I'm sorry if you're offended by what I said but I refuse to believe that you're that weak. No one should have that kind of control on you and no one should have the power to waste your days or years like this. That choice has always been yours and you've somehow led yourself to believe that by constantly running away from things, you're protecting yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not only talking about that guy. I'm talking about you, keeping everything to yourself and denying the fact that you wanted to scream your heart out when shit goes down. Nothing about this is normal but I'm not here to ask you to be normal. I'm asking you to burn that shit to the ground til you can't even see the dust around it anymore and come out confidently when you wanna play. Is that so hard to expect from a girl who'd gotten on her strong feet and decided to live by her own means? That's what you wanted for yourself too, right? Things might turn out shitty, but they might also be really good. Even in the shitty things, there's always some good that comes out of it so what've you got to lose? Everyone who really love and care for you will ask you for the same thing, which is to try. Stop being a shadow in your own damn life, you're the main woman so act like it! Call me when you've decided and I'll throw one hell of a party.'
That last bit made her smile. Jennie's sudden outburst from this afternoon is still fresh in her mind. More than just anger, her frustrated eyes reflect that of disappointments. Lisa felt bad the more she thought of it. Jennie had known her the longest, but the only person she shared her past with was with Chaeyoung. She can't imagine how it made Jennie feel when she found out about it, but it must've hurt her. The unnie's always been a little competitive and territorial when it comes to her.
Still, she kept her silent. She treated me the same. Never once she hinted that she knew. God, she was right about me keeping shit to myself and I hurt her because of it!
Lisa stares out from the window of the balcony and as she always would, she imagined herself among the meadows instead of the busy flickering lights and life outside. Those sounds were previously happiness for her - the way it would silence the thoughts in her mind. The uneasiness...the tiny bickering whenever she had doubts...they were distractions, she decided back then. But when she needed sounds the most, nothing came up - just like that moment on her wedding day.
I should've been happier - it was my wedding day! Just like Chae did...with her beautiful smile and sparkly eyes. Love was all around that day. No bride should be left behind thinking only about the bouquet in her hands! 'Burn it to the ground', she said. What an unfortunate waste of a perfect dress! She thought of her wedding gown that she'd threw out as garbage that very same evening. Now she regrets not burning it. Perhaps she would've felt way better if she did.
No amount of concerns and prep talks from Jisoo could've calmed her down after Jennie had left the two. For the first time in a long time, Lisa felt that she had been wrong about her outlook after the 'fall'. She thought about the many times she held back her tears since she stepped out of her country. She kept telling herself that she had done well - that she's capable of handling anything if she were to keep holding herself strong. She told herself that she's over it.
Then, why did it felt so good when I cried to Jungkook that night? It was the most honest that I had ever been, in front of a stranger. How - when did my guards fell down? Was it when he asked me to spend more time with him, or the moment he laughed out his name? That day felt the shortest, yet I still remember it being the longest. I could've sworn I hoped time would just stop!
As her mind wanders to the guy who had captivated the lonely space in her heart in such short period of time, she braves herself to glance over the unopened text messages. His profile picture has his perfect built overlooking a sunset. Even in silhouette, he looked like a prince charming ready for the journey of saving his love. The thought made her smile.
'For now, I'll just wait for when you're ready', his last text said.
Lisa took a deep breath before she scrolls all the way to the top. Generic greetings of 'good mornings, don't forget your breakfast, lunch, dinner' and him sharing pictures of the snack she mentioned she liked filled the spaces. There's also a slice of cake which made her smile like a fool. Then it's the texts from last night, with his last few words:
'It's probably pointless for anyone at this point but not for me. You probably didn't give me a second thought and that's alright too. I just wanna let you know that if you ever feel like you're alone in life, don't worry, most of us feel the same'
'You're doing your best and I know it. I've seen you cried on your own before, so in no way am I trying to cloud or freak you out. I just hope you know what an amazing person you are and thank you, for giving me the chance to get to know you. I've waited a long time to talk to you and I didn't mind waiting'
There's not an ounce of hate in any of his messages as how she thought it would. In fact, those are one of the shortest yet sweetest testament of grace she'd ever received from any guy for not responding the way they wanted her to...but that last set of texts left her confused. He'd seen me cried? When?
...
Amidst his worries, frustrations and despair, Jungkook applaud himself for not losing his damn mind over the girl who had successfully ghosted on him and for this, he thanked his mother for the never-ending reminder of 'keep going and what should be, will be'. The old woman knew this is coming!
For the past 4 days, he had been around finding chances - just as how it had been presented itself in all those times he bumped into her. He would drop by any convenient stores in his way, passing by the restaurant where they were supposed to that blind-dinner-date, and he'd also keep a look out on Chaeyoung's car - just in case Lisa's using it.
But of course, these efforts mean jack-shit if destiny is not in works! And it's not like he can just call Jimin up and asks for help - the guy's happily living his honeymoon life, cruising in Seychelles by now. Plus, Jungkook's a firm believer that there's only so much help that he could ask before taking matters into his own hands. Granted, Jimin has never been much of a help anyways but he could be, if he were here.
Still, Jungkook counts his blessings. Lisa not responding to all his texts and calls is not an ideal outcome that he'd hoped for, but it happened just right at the end of the month...while he's forced to spend a lot of time and brainwork into closing the account and settling payments and pay-checks.
"Boss, are you busy?" Nancy's face appeared behind the door after a quick knock. "You look like you are,"
"What is it?" He answered briefly, eyes plastered towards the numbers on the screen and mind...well, a bit of here and there.
"Busy, right?"
"Get to the point, Nancy,"
"There's um...there's a guest asking for you but if you're busy -"
"Guest?" Did I forget that I have an appointment? Can't be - I never make appointments during operating hours. "Who?"
"She said her name is Lalisa. She's waiting outside but if you're busy, I can let her know,"
Oh! Nancy's deep frown is probably due to how quick his mood had changed - and the abrupt stand that made his chair rolling back all too sudden that it hits the wall. That name brought such a rush and blurred his mind that it's quite amazing how he still managed to grab his phone and car keys before running out!
...