The pack rumbles their general response of apologies and welcome that are only a quiet murmur passing through the stagnant air around us. I don't want to turn, to see in them the rejection that I'd only just skirted past. They doesn't matter right now. The alphas have welcomed me. It was enough that they'd announced it publicly.
I still haven't lost the bet, though. Dodger can kiss my ass.
"Thank you," I say when alpha Siobhan looks at me, her stature expectant. I enunciate, speaking clear and slow so all can make out my words, "I am very happy to be home."
"And?" Mark Cobbler challenges. I can smell his anger at Siobhan's message. He doesn't think they should be sorry.
I can't help myself, and the lie that skips through my teeth rattles the fur I keep hidden, "If I can manage to stay in control of my wolf during a fourteen day long incursion of bullets flying over my head and mortars tearing apart my soldiers, then the government did their job, Leader Cobbler. Twelve years is enough time for anyone to change for the better."
He stares beyond me, unashamed. I wonder what he's looking for in the audience. I still don't bother looking.
Stepping away from the podium, Siobhan makes quick work of getting to me. Moving much faster than her mate had dared, she snatches my hand and pulls me along with her, "We need to have a little chat while everything is put to right, Honey-girl."
I clear my throat, "I'm sure you understand why, but I prefer to be called Leanne."
She nods, smiling at the Ashton clan as we pass by them. I'm not sure she heard me. I look toward them, and Victoria isn't the only one to wave their hello's, and I'm reminded that they knew my Honey-girl once. I don't think Victoria or her wolf will tolerate them excluding me.
Siobhan leads me through a single door that turns into a hall directly into a tall set of stairs. They switchback once, the only sound that of my boots and Siobhan's squeaking sneakers as we climb. She continues to hold my sweating hand, her thumb rubbing circles over my knuckles. She must not have any words of comfort though I'm sure she feels my stress beyond the excess moisture on my palm.
The stairway ends at a long hall with six doors on either side, a huge window at the very end that shows me the view of the silver forest outside. I'm dragged away from my staring as we enter the first room on the right. It smells of only a few wolves, an ancient conference table taking up most of it that had seen better days. At the back is a glass door that leads out to a balcony, and as I move closer I can see the stairs that must make a fire exit.
I breathe in. The chairs are new, only leather and smelling of the factory they had been made in, Siobhan sits me down in the one furthest from the door. I set my pack carefully on the ground as she takes her own across from me, though rather than talking to me she pulls her phone out and begins tapping away.
Leader Ashton enters the room shortly after. I recognize the nervous wolf by scent and don't look up, instead staring intently at the carved letters on the wood's grain. It reads 'Jessa Orion'. I think that's Mammy Orion's name, but I can't be one hundred percent certain. While my family knows the truth of who and what I am, they sometimes forget that I don't know everything Honey-girl had been raised with.
"Poppa Orion carved that some forty years ago," Jeri Ashton whispers from my right.
I turn a little towards her, but stop when she flinches.
"Larry says he passed last summer," I say, still looking at it.
"Yes," Siobhan says as she sets her phone onto the table face down, "Your brother certainly took it the hardest. Your Poppa was a great man. Strong wolf. He was one of the cleverest leaders Clan Orion has ever had."
I guess she thinks I was talking about Junior, so I nod. I don't like her condescension towards my clan, my family. She has no right.
The rest of the leaders arrive shortly after, settling in with more ease than Jeri, but even her exterior has grown calm despite my nearness. I feel her wolf taking me in, pushing her human to move closer, to pet me. I like that her wolf is unafraid.
Morris slips behind me and settles into his chair with a groan. He steeples his fingers as he watches me, considering.
It's Mark who speaks, shattering the calm, "We have expectations—,"
"You speak out of order, Leader Cobbler," Siobhan and her wolf growl.
His eyes go wolf, and Morris slams his fist on the table, "We will have peace, Mark. Leanne," he says, turning to me, "How was your flight."
Great. More small talk. I wish they would just get into the meat of it, "Fine, thank you."
He nods, "I spoke with Captain Judson. He has nothing but praise for you and your accomplishments. I want you to know that we as pack could not be prouder for all that you have done and all that you will do now that you're home."
There are a few murmurs of agreement. Jeri, free of her fear and the wolf riding her hard, reaches over and gingerly sets her hand on my shoulder. I lean into it, and she softens further.
"We do, however, have expectations, as Leader Cobbler said," Alpha Morris grumbles, glaring across the table.
I don't look, I only nod.
"First of all, as I'm sure you gathered based on your response downstairs, is that the pack does not know what happened to your human that night. It will remain that way. I do not need a pack in upheaval over the fact that you have no human soul."
I nod again, folding my hands in my lap. I'm happy that I was correct, and hopeful that Victoria will keep silent for what I told her in the car on our way here.
"Dr. Borris Kessler has said he will be happy to take you into his employ as a nurse," he continues, "though it is expected that you begin classes towards becoming either a doctor or nurse practitioner that will one day take over his practice. As I understand it from Captain Judson, you are eligible for monetary assistance from the GI bill. There is paperwork required from both me and Dr. Kessler, so when he is ready we'll get all of that in order," when he's done, he turns to Alan McFurly. The leader is staring at the window just behind us.
Siobhan must kick him under the table, because the old man grunts, twisting his head to glare at her until he realizes we're all watching him. Clearing his throat, he seems to be internally recounting what had been going on before he continues, "While the pack may have, ah, mixed feelings towards your return, we can't have you hiding away from them. We want you to be happy here, and we want pack to become comfortable with you being home. Now, I know you were taken away and your arrival has been a bit, well, let's say abrupt, we'll need you to come to all pack meetings, as well as paying the monthly dues required by all of us that support the pack and it's group funds."
Mark is covering his eyes with a single hand, his head shaking back and forth. Siobhan's eyes are closed as if it's the only way she can resist reaching over and strangling him. Mark only watches me with narrow eyes. Jeri's hand tightens on my shoulder and she moves her seat a little closer.
"That includes going on pack runs, Lee," She says, not removing her hand from me, but instead running gentle circles over my shoulder blade. I think it's to calm herself rather than me. Her lips are tight. She doesn't want to say what she must.
"Every month, we have a little get together for unmated wolves," She says, her face going a little distant. I still don't look at her straight at her, rather, I watch her from my periphery, wanting to keep her close. She's a comfortable presence, protecting me from the shark that's circling two chairs away, "so I have to ask if you have found a mate while... while you were away?"
I shake my head. There's no reason to tell them of the two wolves I ever came across. Interspecies mates is such an infrequent occurrence that many feel it is only a myth.
"Alright," she says on a shaking breath, "Well, then we'll need you to also be in attendance during those."
"Why?" I ask, and she startles, jerking her hand away. I try to dial myself down. I don't want a mate. I don't want children or grandchildren to pass this curse onto.
"Well," Siobhan says with a little laugh, "You know that mates are few and far between, and we have to broaden our packs diversity somehow! It's not just our unmated wolves, dear, it's also those from packs all over California, and even some that travel from nearby Nevada packs. Now, I understand why you may have some reticence, but I think if you found a mate it would help you settle. Help you control yourself a bit."
It takes everything I know, every thought of cattle prods and four by four crates to keep myself from bristling. I have control. I am in control. I do not need help controlling myself. And yet Dodger's voice sings along my own inside my head, calling me out yet again. If I didn't need help controlling myself, then I wouldn't have cared when they said it. I release my death grip on the arms of the chair and sit back.
The leaders let out a collective breath.
"Of course," I say, " But I should make it clear that I have no interest in whelping."
Mark mumbles, "Good," under his breath, then louder, "We don't need anymore beasts erupting from the chests of children."
"Leanne is a member of our pack and you will act according to the respect and decency of a clan leader that she is owed," Siobhan says, her voice like ice, then she coos to me, "You'll change your mind the moment you feel that precious being growing inside you. All mothers do."
I don't believe her one bit, but I manage to keep my mouth shut. Clearly this is a battle I won't win, but I figure if I'm smart enough I can avoid the parties in other ways. I can work around this. It's just a hiccup, after all.
"Now, as far as..." Morris starts, but I hold my hand up.
"May I ask one thing," I say, looking at his chin rather than his eyes.
"Of course, Miss Orion."
"You cannot ask to be excused from any of these, Leanne. This is an order," Mark says.
"Mark, one more strike and you'll leave," Siobhan snarls, standing from her seat.
Mark doesn't settle, he follows her to his feet and they stare deep into each other's wolf.
"That's enough," she says throwing her hands up, "Dinner is on it's way. Go. I'm sure the other Cobblers will be happy to commiserate with you." She crosses her arms, staring him down with all the alpha juice she can muster.
Mark, no matter his dominance, can't defy a direct order from his Alpha. He flinches as he turns, not even garnering the chance to glare at me on his way out of the room. He does slam the door, however, just like a petulant teen would in the movies Dodger made me watch.
Morris clears his throat, pulling my attention back to him, "What did you want to ask of us?"
I'm sure they think it will be some sort of sinister request like a first born child or blood spilled in a ceremony on every new moon. Instead, I say, "I'd like to know if there is any real estate available? Maureen... Mom, I mean, she said Old Man Peters passed a few years ago and the McFurly clan put his cabin up for sale? I'd like to purchase it. I have savings enough I think, and my credit score is really high." I don't mention that I have enough to buy it from the asking price in full.
"You don't want to live with your clan?" Jeri asks, breaking up the stunned silence.
Maybe they didn't think a wolf knew how to save money. I keep my eyes towards the alphas, "I understand that you're concerned, and I don't necessarily want to live away from my family, but I also feel as though I require some privacy while I assimilate. I think the cabin is far enough away from the center of the grounds that the pack will breathe a little easier, too."
"That's a very sweet thing to think, Leanne," Jeri says.
"It's unnecessary though, the pack needs—," Siobhan starts, but it cut off.
"I think you'll like the cabin," Alan says, breaking his long silence. He stares at me intently, and I steal a glimpse of the serene smile that's across his face. He's still staring out the window, "Alpha Siobhan, take a couple thousand off the top. It needs some repairs, but my granddaddy always said it was the best place for a wolf that needed to find their bearings."
I could kiss him, but I stay in my seat, silently hoping Siobhan will drop it. That she'll allow me this little form of solace I didn't understand until now that I desperately needed. I wasn't ready to be surrounded by my clan, having my boisterous family claiming so much of me when it used to be that I could control it with a swipe of my finger across my phone's screen.
Mark stands, "I'm gonna head down, food smells good."
As he says it, my stomach growls. We all ignore it as he leaves.
Siobhan watches me for a long moment. Long enough that I want to squirm under the pressure of it, but I hold my place, focusing hard on the carving of Mammy's name.
"Alright," she says, finally, "Just let me run to my office so I can draft the necessary documents."Leader Ashton excuses herself, following Alpha Siobhan from the room. I am left with Alan McFurly.
"I wonder what they did to you," he says, nothing but his mouth moving. He frowns now, little lines forming on his previously smooth forehead, "I remember what Mammy said the night it happened. She said one day we would need you. That we should pray the army didn't savage you."
He turns the weight of his attention on me, and I almost gasp. The man may float in the clouds, but his wolf is every bit an avid listener. This is a second soul that sees much and talks very little. I feel honored to speak with him, but the hair on my human arms prickle painfully as they rise.
"Tell me," the wolf asks, his eyes coming to the surface. The human is no where to be found, "Are you our protector? Or are you our downfall?"
"Neither," I whisper, "I am nothing."
A huff of breath leaves them as he studies me, as he listens to what I do not say, "You could never be nothing, direwolf. My human, he sees a moon sent gift in the form of a lost human. The other leaders, the whole pack, they only see in you their failure."
I'm shaking, but I ask anyway, "And what about you?"
"I see only you, a wolf that is owed much and yet is happy to receive little," and with that, the human returns.
He smiles distantly at my slack jaw as if nothing happened and he'd only drifted off, promptly looking away when the door opens and the alpha female walks in again. My stomach rumbles harder. I am sick of these wolves and their stupid cryptic thoughts, but there is paperwork to signed, so I let it go.