"Alright, we started on removing mud and silt from the houses yesterday, and that is what we are going to do today as well. I want some of you to begin watering the hard surfaces. This is to prevent any mold growth. Drying up will take a week or so, hence it is imperative that we finish these tasks off as quickly as possible. Any questions?"
When no hands were raised, Karna quickly divided the soldiers into pairs of four and allocated them each a house. He took Debyendu with him and continued from where he had left off. There were still layers and layers of mud and silt atop the floors, and Karna worked quickly, letting his frustration expedite his digging.
"Debyendu, not like that. Bend your knees if you want to avoid straining your back. Why don't you help out the rest of the force and I'll take care of this? I'll call you when we start with the watering."
Debyendu saluted him smartly and hurried off in the direction of the other guesthouses. Karna's clothes clung to him due to the heat and moisture, the sweat beads rolling down his back. The air was damp and humid despite a mostly clear sky. He worked quietly and efficiently, wiping his forehead at regular intervals while keeping a check on the rest of the force through the crack in the broken window. With the numbers on their side, he was confident that the work could be accomplished in a matter of days if the timeline was followed diligently and all objectives were met on time.
He was aroused from his pondering at the sound of squelching boots on the muddy surface and he turned around to find Abhimanyu standing near him, holding a shovel.
"The rations have been accounted for and are ready for distribution. There's not much left for me to do. I was informed of the work going on here, so I thought I'd help." Abhimanyu actively avoided any form of eye contact and chose to keep his gaze lowered. Karna's shoulders slumped at his nephew's obvious discomfort.
"Are you sure? You must be tired from the journey and besides, this isn't what you are here for."
"I rested well last night. And the sooner we get done with this, the better," Abhimanyu replied, gesturing at the ruined guesthouse.
"But still you are a prince and it would be unbecoming-"
"Then why are you here?"
Karna shook his head. "I am not royalty."
"Well, I would do this regardless of whether I was a prince or a pauper."
Karna was stupefied by Abhimanyu's response, a facsimile of his argument from before, when Lakshman had attempted to deter him from helping out in the rebuilding of the guesthouses. Defeated by his own words. How poetic.
Abhimanyu picked up the shovel lying against the door and began digging into the ground. Not left with anything to say, Karna decided to do the same.
By afternoon, they had managed to get the floorboards clean, and the evening was spent splashing buckets full of water to clear away the remaining sludge. Karna took the pail filled to its brim from Debyendu, and spattered it all on the walls, watching the dirt and silt fall to the ground in periodic ripples.
"What's the situation in the other houses?"
"Same as here, My Lord."
"Alright. Thank you Debyendu."
Karna walked over to where Abhimanyu was drinking water from a tumbler, holding the shovel in his right hand. "I think we are done for the day," He said, placing a hand on Abhimanyu's shoulders. He, of course, removed it at lightning pace when he saw Abhimanyu flinch, his eyes blinking in horror at Karna's sudden and unexpected gesture. Abhimnayu gave him a nod, and the two made their way out.
Karna had studied Abhimanyu when they were working in the house. His jaw was tense and his eyes were cold the entire time. Karna had even chosen to remain behind when they had been called for lunch because he was certain that Abhimanyu would benefit from some distance. But even after returning from the break, the kid seemed exactly the same. Cold and unreachable.
His legs felt leaden walking alongside his nephew, because even Karna, who knew so little about him, could tell that there was something wrong with Abhimanyu.
"Splendid. I was just coming to get you two!" Kaditula sprinted up close to them, surprising Karna with his agility, given his age. "I had a talk with Prince Lakshman Kumar. He has agreed to stay with us for a few days. Prince Abhimanyu, you must do me the honor of hosting you here in Vardhamana."
Karna really had to control himself and not state it outrightly, how bad of an idea that was. It was really starting to frustrate him that all of them were so oblivious to Abhimanyu's evident uneasiness around him. Like what did Kaditula need, a huge sign looming over Abhimanyu to get that the kid was not comfortable staying in the same house as his tormentor?
"Excuse us." Karna grabbed Kaditula's arm and dragged him off to a few feet from the clearing from where they were headed to the camp.
"What are you doing?" He hissed, anger causing him to be far more brusque with someone like Kaditula, who had been a guiding light for him in those early days of his kingship.
"What? I just invited the Prince for dinner."
"Can't you see how he is clearly not interested?"
"Well, I didn't mean to force him-"
"That is exactly what you were doing. For heaven's sake, he is but a child. It must be already daunting for him to return to Hastinapur after what happened during the war and now you want him to sit down, have dinner with us and pretend that everything is alright?"
"Aren't you doing the same?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"That's what you have been doing since you got here. Pretending you are completely alright even when you are not."
"This has got nothing to do with me!" Karna responded, staring off at nothing.
Kaditula ignored his outburst and stepped closer. "What happened to you, Karna?" He questioned, and the genuine confusion on Kaditula's face, made a shiver run down his spine.
"There's something.....off. What happened on the battlefield? Something has changed and I want to know what it is."
The way Kaditula was looking at him was like he couldn't figure him out, as if Karna really was a stranger. "Who are you now?"
Karna's hands had gone disgustingly clammy as he replayed Kaditula's question in his head. Dizziness overtook him, and he desperately wanted to end this conversation right here. What happened to him? The truth happened and ruined him. Yes, that's what happened.
"Karna?"
"Let me be alone for a while. Please."
Kaditula sighed, patted him on the back and then left even though Karna had a feeling that he wanted to say more.
It was starting to cool down. The sun hung low and the breeze had picked up speed. Karna stumbled back until his legs hit a giant boulder and he sat down, burying his face in his hands. He supposed he had changed but then again who wouldn't? So many things had happened in such little time, every event competing against the other in enormity and implications and then a year of painful silence had followed. A year of not feeling, not caring, not talking, not living. He supposed he had changed. He was sure every man who had fought in the Mahabharata had to.
By the time he reached Kaditula's house, night had fallen. The stars glittered, enriching the seduction of the darkness that covered the city under its shadow, creating an aura of mystery and temptation. The gates creaked as he closed them behind him, and he trudged along the path to enter the house, trying his best to be as quiet as possible.
He probably shouldn't have bothered since Kaditula was waiting for him in the living room, sitting opposite Lakshman and Abhimanyu. Karna felt an ache deep in his gut.
"We were waiting for you, My Lord," Tejbrata said and smiled at him, breaking the silence in the room.
"Is everything alright, Uncle Vasu?" Lakshman sat up in his seat, taking in his disheveled appearance.
"It is. Nothing to worry about." His voice was so unconvincing it would have been better to not have said anything. He excused himself, citing the need to freshen up, and locked himself up in his room. Splashing water on his face, he relished the feel of it on his sweaty skin and he stayed there for some time. The person staring back at him felt the same, yet completely different.
Who are you now, Karna?
He had absolutely no fucking clue.
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Abhimanyu watched as Karna made his way downstairs. He seemed pale and distracted, but nevertheless when he neared them; he gave them all a wide smile. He chose to sit beside Tejbrata on the settee and regarded them with a piercing glance.
"So what did I miss?" He said casually, picking off a grape from the bunch and popping it into his mouth, eyes flickering between everyone present in the room.
"Not much. The Princes arrived a few minutes ago, and we were just discussing the situation of the food supplies. It is all sorted now." Kaditula answered.
They talked a little more about the floods up north before being swept away for dinner by Kaditula's servants. Abhimanyu didn't have much of an appetite, so he simply shoved an acceptable amount of food into his mouth so as to not appear rude to the host.
"If the weather remains the same, I think the houses would be prepared in no time. Don't you agree, Angraj?" Kaditula said before wolfing down a generous amount of roasted eggplant mash.
Abhimanyu noticed the way Karna's jaws clenched and the way he responded to Kaditula, eyes glinting with a warning. "I would sure hope so."
Abhimanyu could tell that it was because of Kaditula's insistence upon calling him a king, despite him having relinquished the throne of Anga a year ago. Kaditula was doing it deliberately though Abhimanyu had no clue why.
"I must say dinner is lovely," Lakshman said, cleaning up his bowl of rice pudding and rewarding the servants with a sincere smile. It occurred to him then that he had rarely seen Lakshman smile. Even back when they were kids. He is always so serious, lost in his own thoughts, unsure of what to say. Abhimanyu had a feeling that he probably had a lonely childhood. When he had voiced the same to his cousins, they had laughed.
"Oh, he is lonely?" Sutasoma had snapped, eyes clouded with anger. "Because of his father's shameful deeds, our parents are living in the forest, separated from us. What does he have to be sad for? He's got it all!"
"Right, he deserves neither our sympathy nor our friendship," Shrutasena added.
"Come on, don't worry about him. Why should we care? Now, look what Uncle Balram has gotten for us." Satanika placed his hand on his shoulders and pointed at the gifts that had been brought in from Magadha. His cousins rushed in to check them out and after a moment, so did he.
"Prince Abhimanyu?"
Abhimanyu glanced up from where he had been staring at his plate. "Yes?"
"You have barely eaten anything. You must try out these sweets. I have specially ordered it for both of you." Kaditula grinned after Lakshman took a bite and praised it for its syrupy taste and nutty texture. The older man was still staring at him expectantly, so Abhimanyu reached out for the sweets from the heap in the glass bowl.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." Karna interrupted and his voice was so earnest and kind that it surprised Abhimanyu. "Besides, if it were up to Kaditula, he would have you guzzle down every sweet available in Vardhamana."
"Well, I didn't see you complaining yesterday!" Kaditula laughed and Tejbrata joined in. "If anyone has a bigger sweet tooth than me, then it is you."
"I know how to do it in moderation." Karna smiled mischievously, gesturing at Kaditula's pot belly.
"Oh, I am old now! Let me live.'' Kaditula chuckled and took a fourth of all the sweets on the table. Abhimanyu quietly brought his hand by his side, glad that the conversation had gratefully steered away from him. Karna glanced at Abhimanyu and gave him a small smile, before turning to Tejbrata and mumbling something that had the other man giggling like a child. Abhimanyu felt light. The thought of dinner had shaken him up when it had been first proposed yesterday but turns out it wasn't that bad. He was fine. Just fine.
The room he had been given was airy, and the moonlight that streamed in through the window created amorphous patterns on the floor that danced in the wind. Outside, he could hear the cries of an eagle as it scouted for food and men passing by the street, rushing to their homes. It was a quiet, tranquil town. There was a stillness to the night here, a silence that was familiar and harmless.
He closed his eyes, exhausted after the day's labor, and wrapped himself in the woolen blanket, immediately surrendering to sleep.
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He was -----floating. No drowning. Well, either one of the two. Someone was shouting, though he had no clue who that was. Something was awfully wrong but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was. There was that sinking feeling in his chest that overwhelmed him, and he couldn't move. His muscles spasmed violently. He wasn't sure if his eyes were open or closed, but there was darkness everywhere. His heart raced in his chest as he felt laughter reverberating in his ears. They-----they were laughing at him. But why? He hadn't done anything wrong, had he? His stomach churned at the sinister ring of their voices. Something was very, very wrong. There were other sounds, the clanging of swords, the agonised cries of dying men, the frantic neighs of horses, but they were distant.
That sinking feeling enveloped him in its entirety, and he wasn't sure if he was screaming or not. It was as if the world was ending-------------no! The world wasn't ending. He was dying. The pounding in his head had escalated, shutting out everything, and he felt increasingly terrified. His body was not responding at all. He was shaking, and he could feel tears streaming down the sides of his face. And most importantly, he couldn't breathe. Something he never gave a passing thought to before, but now-------this simple activity---breathing---- seemed so difficult.
"Abhimanyu."
A deep voice was calling out to him but his mind was too muddled and he didn't think it was possible for him to move his body.
"Abhimanyu."
The sudden edge to the voice, marked by clear desperation, hit him again. He wasn't sure where he was or what was happening but since he was dying it didn't really matter.
"ABHIMANYU!"
He gasped and trembled uncontrollably, falling off the bed and hitting himself on the head. He groaned aloud, touching his forehead, but didn't feel any blood. There was some scrambling, and strong arms were around him guiding him back to the bed.
"Son, look at me. It's okay." Abhimanyu blinked and tried to look up, but his vision was blurred by tears and everything was foggy and dim. He was so scared; that negative feeling had settled on his chest and he was convinced that everything was going to go wrong.
The arms that were on his shoulders came around him and he clutched at his father's biggest nemesis, crying hard, feeling waves of sadness wash over him. He was so hysterical, he could barely say anything. Karna rubbed his back gently, quietly murmuring that he was going to be okay, that everything was going to be okay.
"Lakshman, get some water quickly!" He heard him say, the door creaking as it was opened and closed. A few seconds later, the sound of a metal glass being placed on the side table and then the door shutting.
"Abhimanyu, would you like some water?"
Abhimanyu shook his head in response, holding onto Karna firmly. This was so pathetic------he was so pathetic. He was a Kshatriya, a descendent of the Kurus and the Yadavas. And here he was sobbing wretchedly, making these awful sounds. He was a complete mess.
"Listen to me. Stop thinking. Just breathe, okay? In and out. Long and slow."
Abhimanyu did as he was told. He tried to wipe away his tears, but Karna stopped him. "Let me do it" he murmured and grabbed the towel off the nightstand. As gently as he could, he swabbed at his cheeks, giving him the kindest smile ever. Abhimanyu could feel his breathing return to normal, it was ragged but slowly and surely evening out. He had held on to the older man through his breakdown, but the mounting shame finally had him shift away.
"Here." Karna offered him water. He took a few tentative sips waiting for the inevitable and innumerable questions that he did not want to answer.
Karna took the glass from him and placed it on the nightstand. "Would you like to accompany me outside? On the balcony?"
Abhimanyu blinked at him in confusion, then nodded.
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The sky was black, most of the stars eclipsed by huge, grey clouds that covered the expanse of the sky. There was a dampness in the air even though it hadn't rained in three days. Maharathi Karna sat beside him, engrossed in gazing at the sky. The silence wasn't weighing down on him like it did when he sat with his father and uncles, their questioning stares and sympathetic eyes. This silence was light and companionable, although Abhimanyu shuddered at what Karna must be thinking of him. He was such a weak man now, a coward, really. A stupid nightmare had caused him to almost have a seizure. He was such an embarrassment. He wondered if Karna had known that this is what would become of him, would he still have saved him?
"Beautiful night, isn't it?"
Abhimanyu couldn't even face him. He just nodded.
"When I was a child I used to be terrified of the dark."
Abhimanyu looked up. Why would a warrior so accomplished tell him about his fears? Was he mocking him?
Abhimanyu recalled the kind smile Karna had given him some time ago. He remembered him coming to his aid twice, once during the dinner and before when Kaditula was insisting that they come over to his house. Finally, he remembered the man beside him, carrying his broken body to the medical tent a year ago, shouting for help, staying with him till the break of dawn. He chastised himself for thinking that the same man would try to ridicule him now.
"Because there is no light. The shadows, they can hide a lot of things. A wild beast or a demon, for instance. Anything was possible. I know it sounds foolish, but I was quite afraid of it. During the day, I was fearless but when night would fall............. I used to cling to my parents. My father was naturally upset but my mother, well she couldn't push me away."
"How did you get over it?"
"When I realised that monsters do not necessarily need the shelter of the night, sometimes they can come at you in broad daylight. It was at the time I understood that men and women are far more dangerous than any other wildebeest."
Karna swallowed, still staring at the night sky. "I have them too, you know. Nightmares. And I think you handle them far better than me."
"How do you know that?"
Karna leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms across his chest. The clouds shifted in the sky, letting the stars have their moment of glory.
"Because you came out of the room to sit with me, here on the balcony. I wouldn't have done that. I would have stayed in. Refused to take help or advice."
"It's too late for me, but you..........you still have a chance." He cocked his head sideways at him. "You will get over it. Won't happen in a day or a week, might take months, even decades, but one day you will get over it."
Abhimanyu didn't believe that. He was convinced that for the rest of his life, he would remain a neurotic wreck. A weak man. A burden on everyone else.
"Really? And how do you know that?"
"Because you are your father's son."
The statement was so unexpected that it silenced Abhimanyu completely. They sat there for close to an hour, watching the sky, enjoying the cool wind. A scurry of squirrels rustled through the bushes in the garden, collecting nuts and whatnot before disappearing in the maze of shrubs.
"Come on. Let's go inside." Karna murmured and Abhimanyu agreed, feeling exhausted. The Warrior tucked him in and he dozed off the minute his body hit the bed. He felt a hand gently caressing his forehead, and he groaned at the power of that simple touch. He felt himself relax for the first time in months.
When he woke up the next day, it was already evening. He had slept through the afternoon. He groggily opened his eyes and sat up on the bed. And though he had slept like the dead this entire time, he knew that Karna had stayed by his side till the morning.
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Hope you guys had a great Diwali. Now that the festivities are over, I am feeling the blues. There might be some errors here and there, please ignore them.
Have a great weekend!
Bye for now!