Rebirth; A New Age || seongjoong || ATEEZ

Chapter 16 : Prodigal Son(s)

"We should go back where?"

Wooyoung's voice was a little dazed just like the rest of his body. He had recently woken up from a nap, San imprinted into his side still, but as soon as the suggestion fell from Seonghwa's lips, he seemed to wake up very quickly.

"Back home, where we used to live," Seonghwa answered, sitting down on the other side on San, pulling the cloths up further on his shivering body. "The beach house."

Wooyoung's eyebrows furrowed at the clarification, the doubt becoming ever more clear with each passing second.

"How would we even get back there?" He asked, keeping his voice low so hopefully he wouldn't wake San. "I mean even if we could find it, I'm sure it's way too far. Not to mention how cold it's getting, we would never survive that journey on foot, especially San."

Seonghwa nodded his head in understanding, knowing that Wooyoung would only be thinking about the other's wellbeing at the current moment.

"He can't even walk- much less stay awake for twenty minutes," Wooyoung's voice dropped down to a whisper when he reached his hand out and brushed his fingers over San's cheek. "I don't know if you've seen but he's bruised black and blue nearly past his shoulder- yeah sure he's able to keep food down a little better now... but he's- Seonghwa, he's not getting any better."

Seonghwa tilted his head down to look at San's pale features. Wooyoung sighed heavily like he was still exhausted and scooted closer to the shivering and wounded man.

"It's been three days since then," Seonghwa said after a while, reaching forward as well and combing his fingers through San's damp hair. "His body is probably working overtime just to keep his heart beating. But it seems the virus is gone, he would've changed by now if it was still in him... let's just focus on that for now. San wouldn't want us to be moping around now would he?"

Wooyoung shook his head with another sigh and laid his head on top of San's.

"He just won't stop shivering yet he's sweating so much at the same time. I don't know what his body actually needs," he croaked, grabbing onto Seonghwa's hand and squeezed it. "Every time he wakes up he can't stop saying how bad it's hurting him. He'll say with his eyes closed that he can tell somethings missing- it's like every time he wakes up, he's forgotten everything and I have to tell him each time that his arm is gone..."

Seonghwa clenched his jaw and looked back down at San again who's face looked like he was fighting off the pain even in his sleep.

"Next time that happens," the older said gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of Wooyoung's warm hand. "Just tell him not to look at it and focus on getting better. He's doing his best and so are you, but please make sure to eat and drink yourself. You'll be no use to him if you collapse out of exhaustion, alright?"

Wooyoung frowned a little but nodded regardless. He had dark bags under his eyes and it was easy to see the sharpness to his cheekbones that hadn't been that pronounced ever since Seonghwa found him the first time. Seonghwa knew that Wooyoung was giving his portion of their rations to San to help the older man recover, but he hadn't said anything until this point because it was clear that Wooyoung's body was being to fall apart.

"I already talked to Mingi and Yunho about it, but it was actually Yunho's idea in the first place. We talked about it when you were asleep last night because when Mingi and I went out to try and find some things it seemed that there were more zombies around than normal. It really shouldn't have been all that surprising with us being in the city but that just shows we really can't stay here. Not to mention the city is overrun with psychotic people and it will only be a matter of time before they find us here," Seonghwa pushed the topic again, knowing that any option that would have to have San moved, Wooyoung would not approve- but still he knew that this might be their only hope, and he needed all of them on board if they were to ever have a chance.

"But San..." Wooyoung echoed, his face suddenly turning very pale. "You're not just going to leave him here, are you? Like I- I know he's not looking good right now and I know that he's probably not going to ... you know. But you can't leave him here-"

"No, he's coming with us," Seonghwa stopped him before Wooyoung could get any more upset than he already was. "We're not leaving him behind."

The relief that washed over the younger was instant as he sagged downward just a little. There was part of Seonghwa that ached because Wooyoung had to ask a question like that, but he supposed to was fair because Seonghwa did have a record of leaving people behind if he deemed them too injured to move forward and would only hurt the rest of them. That just showed even Wooyoung was able to see how bad San's condition truly was.

"He's coming with us," Seonghwa said again, more confident this time. "How we'll get him down I'm not sure yet, but he's coming. Yunho and Mingi are going to take us to this mall they found a few blocks away and we're going to see if we can find warmer clothes."

"They have to be wool, I know cotton lets you breathe, but San needs wool. Something the wind can't penetrate, it's been awful lately," Wooyoung said, warming up to the idea just a little. "But you have to be careful- you know malls are always packed with people so I'd imagine there would be a bunch of the dead in there too... it doesn't seem all that safe."

"We'll be careful, we won't be in there long. Plus, Hongjoong and I know the signs of an incoming horde, if the situation becomes too dangerous we won't hesitate to leave."

"Hongjoong? He's going with you again?" Wooyoung asked, his eyebrows raised just a tad. "He's always going with you these days."

"He offers to go with me and it would be stupid to turn that down. I wouldn't like to go out on my own, it's not safe especially in this city," Seonghwa sighed, briefly looking over his shoulder to where Hongjoong was getting ready for their little adventure. "Two brains are better than one, I'm sure even he knows that. Plus this way I can keep an eye on him so he doesn't do anything stupid like he always does."

"Of course you see it that way," Wooyoung mumbled, an almost sarcastic sigh breezing past his lips.

"What?"

"Nothing," Wooyoung shook his head. "Are Yunho and Mingi going with you two?"

"Well, sort of, they're just showing us where the place is, and then they said they have something they want to take care of," Seonghwa brushed off Wooyoung's last comment, deeming it unimportant and instead stood up after patting the top of San's head gently.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Wooyoung's eyebrows were furrowing again, this time in a more concerned way.

"They refuse to me tell me, which leads me to believe it's not something I'd approve of. But Yunho said it's necessary to our survival, especially San's. I would love to sit down and have a long chat with them about it but we do not have the time for it. The longer we stay in this city the longer we put ourselves at serious risk in more than one way, so I have to trust them and hope they know what they're doing. We can't afford to rely on one person anymore, if we are going to survive this, everyone has to pitch in and trust each other," Seonghwa once again looked over his shoulder to where his three friends were standing over by the knotted rope, waiting for him.

"So we're leaving to the beach house, no discussion?" Wooyoung spoke, his voice soft but it was void of despair, much unlike the first time they talked about the subject.

"It's our only hope, we have to at least try," Seonghwa looked back down at Wooyoung and then at San who was stuffed into the younger's side. It's San's only hope, was the unspoken part but they all knew very well. San had been unmoving for a while now, so Seonghwa hoped he was getting the rest he desperately needed, and he hoped that Wooyoung's body heat was enough to keep him warm until they found him proper clothes.

"You know," Wooyoung mumbled again, but this time it was loud enough for Seonghwa to hear. Wooyoung pressed a soft and very gentle kiss onto the top of San's head before he looked back up at Seonghwa with a very endearing look. "You've grown up, you really have. I'm proud of you Hyung."

Seonghwa found his body shivering at that, which he blamed on the wind, but nonetheless still felt rather shocked at Wooyoung's confession. They all had grown up significantly, so he didn't know why Wooyoung had singled him out and said it like that. He couldn't find it in himself to reply to that as he stood there awkwardly with the wind blowing his hair all around his face, temporarily blinding him. But Wooyoung understood, he didn't need Seonghwa to say anything- he knew the older couldn't, but the shocked look on his face did make it worth it.

"Ah, right- well then," Seonghwa cleared his throat with a small scrunch of his nose. "There's food and water here still... I know you know what to do with that. Once we all get down, pull up the rope so no one can get up here. We'll let you know when we are back, don't drop it down until then."

"What? Are we going to signal each other with a bird cry or something- if so, we need to practice first," Wooyoung's eyes sparkled a little, the first time in so long. Seonghwa felt his heart melt a little, the corner of his mouth lifting at Wooyoung finally expressing a tiny ounce of joy.

"No bird cries- I'll just call your name. It's too easy to mimic a bird cry, anyone could do it. But I'm sure I'm the only one who can call your name the way I do."

Wooyoung nodded at that, a fair argument.

"Also, try and get him up. He needs to try and walk around some, but for the love of god take it slow and easy. If he's too lightheaded don't even try- but we really need to get him moving again," Seonghwa said finally before he was moving over to the trio that was waiting rather impatiently for him. Wooyoung only nodded as an answer and Seonghwa knew the younger wouldn't like the idea of moving San at all, but he knew they had to.

As much as Seonghwa wished he could carry San all by himself so the younger wouldn't have to move and could focus on healing, he knew they couldn't do that. They couldn't even wait for San to heal before they left. Winter was coming in too quickly and the city was too dangerous, their only hope was to leave now while the weather would cooperate just enough.

"We won't be long," Seonghwa called over to Wooyoung as he picked his empty bag off the ground and threw it over his shoulders. "Stay safe you two."

"We will," Wooyoung called back, his face falling just a little bit. Seonghwa could practically see the stress of all of them leaving on Wooyoung's face, he knew the younger didn't want them to leave and would fear that once they did they wouldn't come back. But like Seonghwa said before, if this was going to work they all needed to have faith in each other.  "You guys stay safe as well. San and I need you to return in one piece."

Mingi and Yunho were already climbing down the rope by the time Seonghwa and Wooyoung had finished their conversation, which left Seonghwa and Hongjoong up top waiting for their turn. There was part of Seonghwa that couldn't bear to leave the two of them alone and so vulnerable like that, but he had to keep reminding himself that he had to for their survival. Asking Wooyoung to come and leave San alone was a terrible idea- he wouldn't even be able to peel the younger away even if he tried. Plus, Seonghwa had an eerie feeling that the only reason San was still alive was because Wooyoung was right there will him, refusing to leave his side.

"Seonghwa!" Wooyoung called out right before Seonghwa started to climb down the rope. Seonghwa halted immediately, grabbing onto the ledge to try and pull himself over to see what was wrong- except Wooyoung was didn't look hurt, and neither did San. The youngest was just frowning and the sparkle that was previously in his eyes was gone. They looked watery but Seonghwa was too far to see if that was actually the case.

It made his whole body ache regardless.

"Be safe, please," Wooyoung stressed once more, his arms wrapped tightly around San. "We're waiting here patiently, don't forget that. We won't move until you come back, so make sure and come back- okay? I would prefer not to die in this spot because you didn't come back..."

The desperation in his voice made it even harder to leave. He wondered if Wooyoung was thinking that they were ditching him because he was literally attached to San and San couldn't move- so they had decided to slip away with a false promise of returning. It was then that Seonghwa nearly climbed back over the ledge with the intent to stay with the both of them to try and soothe Wooyoung and show him they weren't abandoning them- but Wooyoung was shaking his head softly.

"I trust you," he said next, though his facial expressions said otherwise. "I trust you Seonghwa. I'll see you soon. I love you."

Seonghwa's fingers nearly gave out at that, the simple yet too powerful words almost made him fall to his death. But he caught himself in time, his heart racing in his chest as it happened. His face probably turned overly pale, but he found himself clinging to the rope with Wooyoung's words pounding in his head from all directions. It wasn't that he necessarily hated those few words, he didn't have anything against them, it was just something that he wasn't sure he really believed in- or at least believed it in for himself.

So hearing those words being said to him only made the hairs on the back of his neck stand almost uncomfortably. But at the same time, there was an undeniable warmth in the pit of his stomach from the confession. It wasn't the first time Wooyoung had said it to him, but the context behind it now and the way Wooyoung had said it - the sound almost final- Seonghwa just knew Wooyoung was not saying it just to say it.

"I love you too," he nearly choked out, but Wooyoung still heard it. The words were so foreign on his tongue but they weren't forced, it slipped out before he could even think of them.

The younger's face relaxed, and before Wooyoung could say anything or give more of a reaction, Seonghwa started climbing down the rope as fast as he could, completely disappearing from sight.

"Head down this block and you'll find the entrance to the mall," Yunho pointed down one of the streets, his voice hushed and his hands still bandaged. "Mingi and I didn't encounter many zombies inside but still be careful. Try not to use the gun at all, it'll echo too much and draw literally everything to you."

"You're not going to go any further?" Seonghwa asked, confused as to why Mingi and Yunho were stopping now.

"Nah, we have our own thing to go do. I have a feeling it's going to take us a long time too so we better start now," Yunho answered, a sheepish smile on his face. "But don't worry, you can't miss the mall."

"I'm not worried about my ability to find a mall-" Seonghwa sighed, suppressing the urge to press his fingers into his temple. "I'm worried about the two of you doing something stupid."

"Oh we're doing something stupid alright, probably going to get us killed, but we have to try," Mingi answered, his voice way too cheerful and excited for Seonghwa's wellbeing.

"You know what? I don't even want to know- as long as this isn't the last time I get to see you," Seonghwa glared at both of them, especially Yunho who was a common subject of his icy looks. "It won't be right?"

"You know we can't promise anything, but we will be very careful. Just know that if we are successful, our chance of survival will jump up at least fifty percent," Mingi nodded along with Yunho's words, giving a strong thumbs-up.

Perhaps the only reason Seonghwa was able to overlook what Mingi and Yunho were basically hinting at was because they seemed so sure of it. At least they understood how dangerous whatever they were doing was, but Seonghwa supposed it couldn't be too, too bad if they were able to joke about it.

"Don't wait up for us," Mingi added next. "Once you two are done, head back to Wooyoung and San. I can't even promise we'll be back tonight, but hopefully in the morning."

"I think you should stop talking before you stress him out anymore," Hongjoong piped in for the first time, noticing the way Seonghwa kept tensing up.

"Shut up, don't talk to me," Seonghwa nearly pushed his hand into Hongjoong's face to push him away.

Mingi and Yunho glanced at each other for a split second before shaking their heads and sighing. Yunho reached forward and placed his bandaged hand on Seonghwa's shoulder and offered him as much of a calming smile as he could.

"Don't worry so much, you'll see us at least this time tomorrow," the taller said, his voice so sure that it almost convinced Seonghwa that they were just going on a nice stroll.

"If you're one second late I will come and find you myself, and I will kill you," Seonghwa answered him. There were no lies hidden in his words and they all knew that. But despite his threats, Yunho just chuckled softly and looked around them from where they stood on the corner on the street.

"I know mother, stop worrying."

"As soon as I stop worrying, someone dies."

"Why do you make everything so morbid?"

"Look around us for a change, would you?"

"My eyes are wide open."

"Get glasses then, you're clearly blind."

"Ah, shit let me just," Yunho reached into the pocket of his pants and pretended to pull out what Seonghwa guessed would be a phone, and held it to his ear like he was calling someone. "I'll just call my eye doctor really quick and let him know I desperately need some new glasses. What type of frame should I get?"

Seonghwa stared at him very unamused.

"Maybe you were a comedian in your past life," Mingi said, seemingly having enjoyed Yunho's little performance.

"Don't encourage him," Seonghwa nearly hissed at the other giant, but ultimately understood that their little 'giant agreement' went deeper than Seonghwa's threats, so there was nothing he could say to scare them off. They had already wasted enough time, so Seonghwa decided to be the bigger person, again, and chose to ignore them.

"Whatever. Just hurry up with whatever plan you have spinning around in your little heads and be safe. I mean it, be back by tonight, no exceptions. Hongjoong and I will be fast and we'll grab what we can," Seonghwa readjusted the empty bag on his shoulders. He made sure to look at both of the taller men to get a nod out of them both before he decided he could attempt to let them go.

They weren't children after all. They could handle themselves. They didn't need him to hold their hands every step of the way.

"Sir yes sir," Yunho soluted, his smile soft when he dropped his arm and regarded Seonghwa with a much gentler look.

It made Seonghwa step back uneasily, it was the same look Wooyoung had given him before he left and it only made him worry more.

"We love you Seonghwa," Yunho said, pointing between both himself and Mingi. The other nodded a few times, his head tilting to the side softly as he looked at Seonghwa.

"Wha- What is with everyone professing their love to me today... this isn't a rom-com you know..." Seonghwa's eyes widened comically as he managed to force out the words.

Both Mingi and Yunho laughed at that, much louder than they should've, but Seonghwa guessed the look on his face was too funny to pass up the opportunity.

"We know, just want to make sure you know," Mingi said, reaching forward and ruffling Seonghwa's hair, leaving the oldest frozen and completely scandalized where he stood next to Hongjoong who no doubt was enjoying every little bit.

But before Seonghwa could say anything, the two of them were leaving, continuing on along the main street that led away from the mall. They walked backward for a while to wave at them before turning around to walk properly. Seonghwa swore he felt like he had aged ten years, his poor heart completely distraught. He watched them walk away from him and Hongjoong who stood in the same place rather uselessly, and he couldn't help but feel upset that they didn't even look back once.

The feeling felt too familiar, one that Seonghwa didn't want to ever remember.

"What the hell was that about?" Seonghwa muttered, more to himself than anything when they too finally moved into action down the street Yunho pointed them down. He meant it as a rhetorical question, not something that was supposed to be answered, but Hongjoong was speaking up from just behind him.

"I think ever since what happened to San, they all are really realizing that dying can even happen to them too, and so reminding those around you that you love them when you have to split ways for a while can ease their conscience," he answered, taking a giant step up to walk side-by-side with Seonghwa. "I think they also know whatever they are doing is really dangerous and they know they might not come back from it."

"I don't remember giving you permission to talk to me," Seonghwa grumbled, but there wasn't much venom to his words. "Plus, you don't strike me as someone to believe in love anyways."

"Love?" Hongjoong asked, his eyebrows lifting but Seonghwa refused to look at him as he now had a clear view of the very large building in front of him. "I don't... well I didn't."

"Didn't?" Seonghwa's nose scrunched up again, briefly shifting his eyes over to look at Hongjoong once they stood just before the two sets of steps that led up to the entrance of the mall. "Don't tell me the zombies taught your frozen heart how to love."

It was silent for a second.

"And if they did?"

"You know what? Stop talking."

The mall itself was a large building, much like the one Seonghwa was familiar with back where he used to go to school. From the outside, he guessed there were at least two levels to it with many different department stores inside. The front doors weren't broken surprisingly, so that was something promising. Mingi and Yunho said they had run into a few zombies while inside, so that meant there was a hole in the wall somewhere and there would still most likely be some inside.

If they were quiet and worked quickly, there was a good chance they could avoid the zombies, but they still needed to be on guard. So when they opened the creaking doors and walked inside, Seonghwa was thankful Hongjoong shut his mouth.

It was very dark and dusty inside, the only light that came in was from the windows on the top of the vaulted roof. Seonghwa was right, there were two floors in total, and maybe fifty feet away from them were two escalators that were out of service. The place was trashed to put it nicely. Even though the front doors were not broken, a lot of display cases were shattered on the marble floor and Seonghwa could even see fallen bodies scattered along the ground. There weren't many, but the blood splattered on the ground and walls made it look a lot worse than it was.

There was so much dust in the air as they walked through, the place was so quiet that even their footsteps almost echoed. They had to step over two bodies on the escalator as they walked up it, and Seonghwa took note that the blood from one of the bodies had not dried up yet completely.

"It always amazed me how much the human body can bleed," Hongjoong whispered as he stepped over the body as well, following Seonghwa up to the second floor. "We aren't the only ones who have been here recently."

So Hongjoong noticed it at well it seemed. Normally, something like that wouldn't have made Seonghwa worry, but it was the fear of the people who inhabited this city that made him start to question everything.

"Mingi and Yunho were here the other day. Maybe they killed it," Seonghwa answered once they got to the top, only looking down at the body for a few seconds before turning away.

"It was shot in the head," Hongjoong countered. "They don't have working guns."

Seonghwa shook his head and gripped his crowbar tightly before resting it over his shoulder. Hongjoong was right, the dead bodies that littered the floor were not Mingi and Yunho's doing. Bullet wounds were present in every single one they came across, and the running suspicion of who had been there was only confirmed when Hongjoong pointed out that a lot of them were missing certain limbs.

Most of the bodies had been there for a very long time, and if it wasn't the disgusting smell, it was the visible decay that covered the flesh and bones. It was a very unpleasant sight, even for Seonghwa who was used to seeing it. They did their best to keep looking and avoided smaller-sized stores that were completely pitch black or had a bunch of shattered glass, and looked for larger department stores that were roomier and would offer them what they needed.

Hongjoong followed behind Seonghwa quietly, for the most part, and took the sharp left Seonghwa did into a large department store that the older deemed a good start.

"Warm clothes, try and find wool. I think coats and hats are necessary, even if we can find gloves that would be great but if not we can use socks. Let's not worry about sizes too much, we need to get out of here as soon as possible," Seonghwa whispered, dropping his bag down as he walked through the racks of clothing that stood still and were covered in dust.

They had to move around a bit because whatever was currently on display was not winter attire at all and Seonghwa swore if he saw one more tank top he'd lose his mind. He already knew the winter selection would be extremely limited, if any, but they were able to find a section towards the back of the large store that presented some decent options.

The coats they had definitely weren't wool, but Seonghwa figured it would be better than nothing. There was only so much they could pack in their bags, but they would do the best they could. If something looked warm, Seonghwa grabbed it and stuffed it into his bag. It felt a little odd doing this, knowing that things like 'stealing' weren't really a thing anymore, but part of him still felt bad for it. If he had a few coins on him, he probably would feel compelled to leave them on the front desk just to ease his conscience and possibly humor himself a little.

But he had none. Hadn't had any for years.

They packed what they could silently, flinching at every unknown sound, hearts pounding with caution at every movement that seemed weird. Seonghwa found scarves and tied them around his arms and legs instead of packing them to save room. It no doubt looked a little weird, but the more the merrier.

"Seonghwa," Hongjoong said out loud, spooking Seonghwa from the sudden noise. He was just a few clothing aisles over so thankfully he didn't see Seonghwa flinch and nearly knock over some clothing stands with his crowbar.

"What? I thought I said to keep your mouth shut," he bit back once he calmed his heart.

It was silent for a few minutes, but Seonghwa could still hear rustling from the younger so he continued what he was doing and shoved dusty packages of warm socks into his bag.

"I was just thinking, maybe it would be better if we-"

"Stop right there," Seonghwa called back to him, cutting the younger off completely. "I don't want to hear anything from you. I was too tired before to tell you off but now that I have some energy back I will not hesitate to remind you why we are here in this situation. You forfeited your rights to suggestions a long time ago, remember your place and be quiet."

He saw Hongjoong poke out from the end of the aisle, his face relatively blank but Seonghwa could tell he was upset. Ever since that day in the convenience store when Hongjoong had shared a little bit of how bad his guilt was, it seemed he had both physically and mentally stepped down from his leadership position and left Seonghwa in charge. It was unspoken, but everyone knew who to look to. He kept quiet unless spoken to for the most part and was easier to work with than he had been, but that didn't mean Seonghwa still didn't despise him.

He almost kicked himself when he realized Hongjoong had literally given Seonghwa the opportunity to beat him up, but due to his utter exhaustion and determination to make sure San lived, he had passed it up and instead offered Hongjoong more honest words than he should've. He had been way too vulnerable with him too, which was a terrible idea, and he wasn't going to make that mistake again.

"I'm just trying to help," the younger responded.

"You've helped enough don't you think?" Seonghwa threw back at him, the annoyance clear in his voice. He could see Hongjoong's face fall at that, and Seonghwa found himself getting even angrier at himself when he realized that seeing Hongjoong upset like that didn't make him feel better. "I thought I made it clear you've fucked up, haven't you learned your lesson?"

"I have," he answered, walking down the aisle and grabbing a hat off the shelf Seonghwa was looking at and threw it at him. "I've learned it well. I can think with a clear head now because of it, but I can also see when the whole burden of being the top man gets to someone else. It's been three days and it's already devouring you. Mistake number one is throwing all the weight on your shoulders."

"You're one to talk," Seonghwa caught the hat and very passive-aggressively shoved it into his bag.

"Exactly, I know better than anyone," Hongjoong stressed. "I know I fucked up, and I know I have no right to even suggest things at this point, but it would be wrong of me to sit back and watch you crumble because of my mistakes."

Seonghwa glared at him and let out a loud huff.

"Don't give me that, don't try and look at me with all that fake pity in your eyes," Seonghwa fully turned to him and once again dropped his bag to the floor. "You always look at me with all that fake pitty and guilt like you actually care. I can see right through that you know? I'm not as stupid as you think I am."

"Fake pity? Seonghwa, I have never looked at you with fake anything," Hongjoong's eyebrows pinched together, his hands clenching into fists.

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means whatever the hell you want it to mean. But I have never given you a look with an ounce of 'fakeness' to it."

Seonghwa felt more confused than anything at that moment. The fire in his gut simmered away as he tried to figure out what Hongjoong really meant by any of that. Hongjoong had that weird look on his face again, like the one he had at the convenience store when he practically gave his heart on a silver platter to Seonghwa. It made the older uneasy, so he stepped back a few steps to put some distance between them.

"Just stop whatever you're doing. I'm trying to fix what you've done," Seonghwa ended up saying, pushing his hair behind his ears. "I don't need your help."

"You would never even ask for help if you needed it," Hongjoong almost snapped at him.

"Why would I ask you for help? Do I need to remind you that San is literally dying because of a blind and stupid decision you made?" Seonghwa pushed his crowbar out in front of him, almost touching Hongjoong's chest.

Hongjoong reached up and gripped the crowbar tightly and pulled it closer to him with enough force to almost cause Seonghwa to trip forwards. He stumbled a little, but he caught his footing before he fell face first into Hongjong's chest and knock them both over. The positioning was weird, and Seonghwa found himself uncomfortably close to the other man who was staring up at him with a certain type of determination to his gaze that Seonghwa had not seen before.

"I am very well aware of that. It's why I can't even bear to look at him or be near him. I can't bear to hold him in my arms because I'll be reminded that the loss of his arm and most likely his life is my doing. It was easily avoidable, and I swear to you I don't think I'll ever recover from this guilt that is strangling me every goddamn second," Hongjoong's breath was warm on Seonghwa's nose, and when he tried to pull back a little, Hongjoong only held onto the crowbar at his side stronger.

"You know he doesn't care- he just wants to be near you," Seonghwa said, his voice quiet but tense.

"Don't act so high and mighty when you went through the same thing with Wooyoung."

"We are not the same Hongjoong," the older hissed at him, trying to pull away again but Hongjoong only pulled him closer.

"The only thing keeping us apart is you denying that we are different," Hongjoong spoke just as lowly, the glint in his eye caught Seonghwa by surprise.

"I thought we were done with these childish riddles. Reverting back to your old ways already?"

"The hypocrisy runs through us both it seems," Hongjoong sighed and let go of the crowbar which allowed Seonghwa to finally put some distance between them. It was instantly colder, the air around him made Seonghwa shiver and he could see Hongjoong looking down at the ground with a fallen expression. "I just want the best for us. That's all I ever wanted. Even for you, I wanted the best for you, you know?"

Seonghwa's heart pounded against his chest uncomfortably and he had to swallow thickly to stop whatever shiver was threatening to overtake his body again. He wasn't sure why it was so difficult to breathe or why Hongjoong looked so damn upset, but it made absolutely no sense to him.

"Don't you dare try and say you care about me," he said slowly, his tongue almost tied in his mouth. He had to swallow again as Hongjoong's words kept repeating in his head. "You never cared about me. Ever. You made my life a living hell you know? You picked on me, used your power to boss me around, and make a fool out of me. You purposely pissed me off every single day for years, so don't you dare try and say that you actually cared for my wellbeing."

Hongjoong's lips parted, another look on his face that Seonghwa wasn't familiar with. It was quiet between them, not even the sounds of their breathing were audible, and Seonghwa kept his hard and icy glare on the younger as Hongjoong seemed to shrink in on himself even more.

It seemed like Hongjoong was frozen there for a long time, but he eventually broke his statue-like stance and brought his hand up to rub at the back of his neck and let out a very heart-wrenching chuckle.

"I guess you're right," he admitted, shaking his head back and forth with a forced smile. "I never did care about you, did I? How stupid of me to try and convince you of something so untrue. You sure are smart Seonghwa. Caught me red-handed."

It was one thing to think it inside his head, but it was another altogether to hear it from Hongjoong's mouth. The way he said it was nothing less than hard to hear for whatever reason and the way Hongjoong threw his hands into the air in a mini tantrum made Seonghwa's lips part. He hadn't expected that response at all. He wasn't entirely sure of what type of reaction he expected- but this definitely wasn't it.

In fact, he wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish with the whole conversation in general besides telling Hongjoong to keep his mouth shut because they were in this mess because of him. But now it had gone down a completely different path, one that Seonghwa refused to even step foot on for multiple reasons.

"I see, I'm glad to see we're on the same page then," Seonghwa stood up a little straighter, pushing his shoulders back and tilting his chin up in the way he always did when he got overly defensive. "That's perfectly fine. So stay out of my way then."

It wasn't fine. Nothing about it was fine.

Seonghwa stepped backward when Hongjoong said nothing or made no move forwards, he cut their eye contact with a single blink, and then let out a loud huff of hot air before walking away entirely. He picked up his bag which once again was borderline too heavy, and disappeared from the aisle and Hongjoong completely. The feeling that settled in his stomach was not one he was used to, and it burned all of the energy he had left. He couldn't pinpoint what emotion it was exactly, but he figure it resembled something along the lines of anger and jealousy.

The type of anger and jealousy that made you nearly sick to your stomach and unable to move properly. It was a weird and terrible feeling, and even as Seonghwa walked farther away, the feeling did not grow smaller. He crossed the room completely to where the shoes were all lined up on the wall or benches. A lot of them had been knocked off and like everything else, were covered in thick layers of dust, but he was sure no one would really care if the shoes they wore that actually had a sole in them, were a little dusty. Seonghwa might've cared since he was the crazed 'neat-freak' back in his day, but the constant state of dirtiness he had grown accustomed to had successfully rid him of that need for cleanliness.

He pushed the other man that was with him out of his mind completely- he had a job to do. A job that would determine whether or not the rest of them would survive the next few days and even the winter. Seonghwa knew his duties and he knew them well, there was no time to get caught in anything else. So he dropped his bag once again unceremonially and brought his numb hands to inspect some pairs of boots to see if they'd last long enough for a harsh winter.

He wasn't too worried about sizing, he had lived with the seven of them for long enough to decently estimate how big or small they needed to be. Not that the exact sizing really mattered anyway, they were in an apocalypse after all and it was luxurious to have functioning shoes. Seonghwa decided to tie the pairs of shoes he deemed worthy enough and throw them over his shoulders for an easier carry- not that any of it would be easy to carry- but was very necessary.

Seonghwa went through his own mental checklist of what else they needed, but he couldn't seem to think of anything else besides the bare essentials. So he stood back up, a little bit too quickly because he was still upset about anything and everything, and hadn't noticed what was behind him. He wasn't really aware of anything around him at that point, had been caught with his guard down for too long because he was then backing up into the arms of an awaiting object.

He felt the hands first, outstretched, hard, and cold that touched his back and it really could have been a figment of his imagination but he swore that it grabbed him. Seonghwa felt himself fall backward, the intruder behind him silent and frozen where it stood, but Seonghwa must have let out a shriek at the slightest bit of a foreign touch because nothing should be touching him and lighting all his nerve endings on fire.

The action was over in a single second, Seonghwa swung all the heavy shoes behind him as he riped his body away from whatever was behind him. He hit his target perfectly, but the force of all the weight made him tangle his legs together as he was frantically trying to get away and tripped over himself and Seonghwa found himself on the ground once more. The noise was loud, he had knocked over a bunch of products and merchandise, and with the combination of his shriek and the sound of him falling very loudly to the ground, there was no doubt he had been heard by a decent amount of the mall.

His heart was pounding so heavy as he scooted backward on the ground until he found his back against the wall. It was still decently dark but Seonghwa couldn't pick up any movement around him at all, or any noises for that matter. He clutched the shoes close to his chest, bringing his knees up as well as he looked around desperately for what had attempted to attack him.

It wasn't until a few seconds later that his eyes adjusted enough to see a headless mannequin on the ground, right where he was just a minute ago. He spotted the head a few feet away from the body, and it was then that relief filled his system and he melted into the wall and ground as he realized he had just backed into the plain mannequin and nothing was actually there to harm him. However, he wasn't able to rest for very long because the second he closed his eyes to attempt to force his breathing and heart rate back to normal, Hongjoong was nearly crashing into his side, the smaller's hands on his cheeks as he looked over him rather frantically.

"Are you okay- what happened? Did you get bit?" He asked rather breathlessly himself, moving his hands all over Seonghwa's body to check for any wounds that he possibly had. "Jesus Christ I leave you alone for one second and then you-"

Seonghwa was too stunned to speak for a few moments because Hongjoong was so close to him and his eyes were so wide with fear that the older believed he actually had been injured after all.

"What are you doing-" Seonghwa managed to force out, bringing his own arms up to try and peel Hongjoong's fingers from his face.

"This isn't the time to play- where were you bitten? We can't wait with your blood type Seonghwa! Tell me now-" Hongjoong only tightened his grip, his fingers pressing deep into his skin as he forced the older to look up at him to get him to understand his urgency.

"Blood type? What-" Seonghwa attempted to speak but Hongjoong was shaking his head, his fingers only digging in more to the point where it began to be painful.

"I know you lied to me- you don't have B like you said," Hongjoong's eyes started darting all over the visible skin on Seonghwa's body, pushing up the fabric of his shirt sleeves to see if he had been bitten on his shoulders or even his chest. "I know when you lie to me, I can see it in your eyes... You have type O, don't you? We have to hurry-"

Seonghwa just sat there and let him, still stunned but Hongjoong's reaction.

"I wasn't... I'm not hurt," he croaked out, his wrists trapped in Hongjoong's hands.

"What?"

"I wasn't attacked," Seonghwa tried to explain, his mind racing a million miles per hour as he looked up to meet Hongjoong's cold stare. "It was just a mannequin- I wasn't hurt. I backed into it blindly and just freaked when it touched me- I'm not hurt."

Hongjoong jerked his head behind them, finally noticing the fallen object and its state of destruction. The younger's body seemed to relax as well, though his grip on Seonghwa's wrists remained tight as his eyes darted all around them to make sure the coast was still clear. Seonghwa could nearly feel Hongjoong's pulse through his fingertips- or perhaps it was his own- but whoever's it was, the heart was pounding so hard like it was utterly terrified.

Seonghwa could only watch as Hongjoong sat back on his heels, his eyes glancing to Seonghwa as if he was double-checking to see if he had been hurt in any way. The only thing that took a bruising was his ego and perhaps his ass, but Seonghwa tried to not let the embarrassment get to him as he sat there and pulled his arms away when Hongjoong finally declawed himself from him.

"I thought you didn't care," Seonghwa nearly whispered after a few long and horrible moments of pure silence.

The response was immediate.

"I don't."

Seonghwa wanted to laugh.

"That didn't look like you didn't to me," he answered, the lightness of his tone surprising him. It was almost more teasing, like he had caught Hongjoong in a lie, even though he hadn't, and wanted to make fun of him for it.

It wasn't surprising that Hongjoong however did not respond to that, didn't even look at him for that matter. He just sighed and shook his head before he pushed himself up to his feet and dusted off his pants which left Seonghwa with an undeniable urge to sneeze.

It seemed Hongjoong was going to walk away and pretend that none of that had just happened when something caught his eye. Seonghwa followed his gaze and quickly found what the younger was looking at. It was the knife Hongjoong had thrown down at him that one night in the barn after they had physically fought, and it must've fallen out of Seonghwa's pocket when he whirled around in panic. It laid there on the ground, the silver catching the tiniest bit of light the room had to offer and sparkled just a little to bring attention to it.

"You still have this?" Hongjoong broke the silence, tapping the blade with his foot.

Seonghwa nodded like it was a dumb question. "Of course, it's a good weapon. Just because it belonged to you, doesn't mean I'm not going to use it."

Hongjoong turned to look at Seonghwa as the older got up as well, his legs undeniably a little shaky from the amount of adrenaline that shot through his bloodstream. When the older made a move to go and pick up all the things he had dropped and scattered, Hongjoong was bending down and picked up the knife and held it carefully in his hand.

"You know, I had my initials engraved onto the blade. I think I was fifteen when I was granted the opportunity, I chose the left side of the blade because I saw that side the most and wanted to be reminded of it," Hongjoong said, turning the knife over and running his finger over what Seonghwa guessed were the engraved parts. "Where I was from, you were granted a blade of your own with engraved initials when you got your first solo kill."

Seonghwa felt himself falter a little, Hongjoong's confession made his fingers numb.

Hongjoong seemed to chuckle and Seonghwa couldn't tell if he was remembering a happy memory or not. Hongjoong flipped the blade in the air and caught it by the handle, an expert move Seonghwa had seen many times before.

"And where I'm from as well," the younger started, turning to Seonghwa once more. He reached forward and grabbed the taller's wrist and opened his hand to place the knife in his palm securely before forcing his fingers closed with gentle pressure. "If you give your knife to someone else, it means they earned your undying respect. It means they had to do something that proves their loyalty or proves they went through hell and back or whatever... I can't really remember the details because I was young and didn't pay attention. But honestly, it just means that you're someone worth being trusted."

Seonghwa watched Hongjoong step backward, and instead of assuming his defensive standing position like he always did, he just stood there and shook his head.

"Giving someone your own personal weapon means you trust them not to kill you with it. It's kind of unspoken but if you die by your own weapon, then it's like the greatest shame if that makes sense. That's why giving away the knife is such a big deal because it never happens, no one can be trusted," Hongjoong tilted his gaze up to catch Seonghwa's still stunned one. "And when I say it never happens, I mean that."

Seonghwa's hand tightened around the handle of the knife, the object burning cold where it pressed into his skin. He hadn't even really looked at it ever since Hongjoong threw it down by his feet that night of the terrible storm, but now he wanted to examine every inch, every marking, and every grain of the knife. He wondered what secrets it held, where it had been, who had it killed- who the owner killed and why?

"You didn't have to," Seonghwa said, his voice still hardly above a whisper.

"I know," Hongjoong replied, bending down again and picking up some of the tied shoes to help carry them.

"We... We bicker and we fight," Seonghwa felt his throat go raw. "We pick at each other, tease, and pissed each other off. That is our relationship- it is not a pretty one, will never be a pretty one. We are at each other's throats all day and night, it's a toxic and hostile relationship. That is what we are- that is all we can ever be."

Seonghwa wasn't sure why he said it so desperately. It wasn't even to convince Hongjoong- he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince- but the words were nearly slicing his throat open and dousing the wounds with salt every word he spoke.

Hongjoong didn't seem all that surprised from his sudden outburst, and he didn't seem to shrink in on himself like he had when Seonghwa had told him off a while before this conversation happened. He just nodded his head like he agreed, no questions asked or no arguments pushed forward, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I think you're right," he said, his tone void of the emotion Seonghwa wanted to hear. "I think it's best if it stays that way."

And once again he wasn't sure what Hongjoong really meant by that- he didn't think anything was changing. But he wasn't going to ask because he was too confused about everything and Hongjoong was already walking away to most likely go and grab his bag because they both silently agreed it was time to leave. Seonghwa just stood there and looked down at the knife that was still snug in the palm of his hand.

He didn't allow himself to think about what it meant even though Hongjoong basically spelled it out for him. He had an itching feeling there was an underlying message to it, but Seonghwa couldn't even begin to think about it.

The feeling from earlier, anger and jealousy, came back full force and kicked him in the gut. It was painful and uncomfortable, he hated everything about it as he tried and gathered up his stuff so they could leave before anything came after them.

Seonghwa walked behind Hongjoong for the first time in a long time as they made their way through the mall to find the door they came out of. They were silent and didn't speak at all, which wasn't unusual, though Seonghwa could tell the atmosphere was completely different. He realized, as he was staring at the back of Hongjoong's head for way longer than he should've, that the emotions which were making his fingers twitch uncontrollably, were not anger or jealousy at all.

He couldn't bear to look Hongjoong in the eye when he held the door open and they stepped out into the sunlight and had to cover their eyes until they adjusted to the light. The emotion only got stronger when Hongjoong moved away first, walking down the stairs without even waiting for the older who was still temporarily blinded.

No, it was something worse, far, far worse. It was a different type than he was used to, but it didn't make him feel any better when the realization hit him like a train.

It was fear.

True to their word, Mingi and Yunho did not return that night. Something deep down in Seonghwa knew that they wouldn't, but he wished that feeling of dread would vanish. When Hongjoong and Seonghwa got back on top of the rooftop, Hongjoong stayed to look out for the other two that had yet to return.

But the only thing that was overly pleasing and kept Seonghwa sane was the fact that San was sitting up on his own and was looking considerably better than he had in so long. He was even sitting up in the middle of the rooftop, it was clear he had moved some at least, and it brought Seonghwa more joy than anything really could. He still looked god awful but it was relieving to see that he could handle some movement.

Wooyoung said he seemed to perk up a lot once he started moving and forced his body to wake up and come out of the unending drowsy state he was confined in. Seonghwa tuned out the rest the younger had said because he was too focused on pulling a hat over San's head and patting his cheeks happily. It really was a lovely surprise to come back to- especially after everything happened- and Seonghwa found himself finally feeling the most hope he had in a long time.

He reminded himself to not get too far ahead, he knew San's condition could change just like the weather was and just because he could sit up and smile slightly did not mean everything was going to be okay.

They still were on the lookout for Mingi and Yunho, Seonghwa stayed by the ledge of the building and leaned against it waiting for the two of them to come back. He wasn't sure why, but he felt he would know they were coming before he actually saw them. He stayed there, sitting on the ledge with his knees pulled to his chest and his chin resting on top of them until the moon was high in the sky and the wind was too cold to bear.

He wanted to curse at them, throw rocks, or smack them with his crowbar when they returned. Seonghwa didn't even allow himself to think of the alternative, he knew they would come back, he would manifest it if he had to.

But when the wind did become too cold, he had to hide behind the ledge to block the windchill and ultimately curl up beside Wooyoung who was more than happy to be between two people, as San was still very much glued to his side.

Seonghwa didn't sleep that night, his eyes were wide and very awake just as his brain was running marathons while his legs grew limp.

Morning came a lot faster than Seonghwa thought it would or even should for that matter, and perhaps that was because the sky was just starting to lighten and the sun hadn't even risen past the horizon when he heard Mingi and Yunho coming back. He had been half asleep when he first heard the noise, and it jolted him awake which scared Wooyoung half to death, and the whole domino effect eventually reached San.

The sound of running a vehicle honestly was a trigger for all of them at that point, none of them had good memories revolving around them and so when Seonghwa heard the distant and very distinct sound of an engine roaring, he was already on his feet and expecting the worst.

Had those people found them? How could they- they had been so careful and laid low? Or were they just out on patrol looking for new people who could have potentially entered the city?

It was none of the above thankfully. He had to pat his chest over and over to help get his heart to calm down because he knew if they were being attacked again there was nothing they could do besides accept their fate. Luckily, death hadn't yet caught up to them, a miracle really, and the engine vrooming down the parallel street was none other than Mingi and Yunho themselves.

Seonghwa was stunned dumb as he watched Yunho drive an identical truck to the ones the people had come to visit them out on the farm and push it into park at the bottom of the building. He could hear the vehicle quiet down just a little as it slowed to a stop, Mingi jumping out of the passenger side and letting his feet hit the sidewalk with a loud thump.

He cupped his hands around his mouth to shout up at them, "Hey! Let's go, hurry up!"

Good god these men would be the end of him. Seonghwa stared longer than he needed to, still shocked to see both of them down at the bottom with a loaded truck full of who knows what and yelling up at them with urgency. That could never mean anything good- the sun hadn't even risen yet and it was only when Wooyoung was yanking Seonghwa back by his shoulders that the older finally sprung into overdrive and started packing everything they had as quickly as he could.

San was awake- barely- his nose and ears rosy while the rest of him was still pale. He sat up and sniffed from the coldness of the air as he watched all of them spring into action, and Seonghwa saw him try to push himself up to his knees, but he overestimated his strength and would've face-planted if it wasn't for Wooyoung and his seventh sense who caught him and tried to steady the older man.

"I'm sorry," San croaked, clearly upset that he couldn't even stand or move much on his own.

"Nonsense, let's worry about other things for now," Wooyoung reassured him quickly with a gentle pat on his back.

Seonghwa looked away so he wouldn't get distracted and his instincts to pick San up and carry him wouldn't kick in, and he ended up tossing their bags of clothes down to Mingi who was waiting for them down below. The taller caught each one and threw them in the back of the truck, once again yelling at them to hurry up.

They ended up tossing down what they could, it wasn't like they had much anyway, so at least it made for a quick clean-up. Yunho came up the rope as they decided the best course of action would be to tie San to Yunho, as he was the strongest out of all of them, and to go down the rope that way. It would be risky, but it was their only option and it seemed they couldn't waste time so Seonghwa was wrapping some of the stray pieces of cloth around San who was on Yunho's back, and tied them together as tight as he could.

He told the younger to hold on with his legs as best as he could, and that it would be absolutely excruciating for a little bit but it had to happen. San seemed to understand and offered a small nod of his head as he wrapped his one arm around Yunho's neck and squeezed his legs around the taller's waist. Hongjoong and Wooyoung went first, and they went down the rope quickly to join Mingi on the ground and carefully watch the duo go down the rope.

It was okay for the most part, there was only one small part where Yunho seemed to stumble with his hands, but he caught himself very quickly and they made it down as safely as they could. Seonghwa let out the heaviest breath he had ever held when Yunho's feet touched the ground, and he watched the taller pant heavily and bend over slightly, holding his hands where the bandages seemed to be worn off.

Seonghwa forgot about how damaged his hands were, and by the time he too had come down the rope, he could see Yunho's hands were bleeding again, the scabbed wounds no doubt had been ripped open again from the weight and stress. Yunho caught his gaze as they all moved to the truck quickly, and he only beamed excitedly at Seonghwa instead of focusing on the pain of his dripping hands.

They put San in the bed of the truck, covering him with a blanket they found there while Yunho and Seonghwa climbed into the front quickly. Hongjoong, Wooyoung, and Mingi hopped into the back with San, and the second they did, Yunho was shifting the truck into drive and slammed on the gas. The tires squealed no doubt and it made Seonghwa cringe and plug his ears before they were off bounding through the streets.

It seemed more like a dream than anything else, and for the longest time, Seonghwa was convinced it was.

But it wasn't until he noticed the fresh blood coating Yunho and Mingi's skin and clothes- and how terribly beat up they looked, that Seonghwa was slowly beginning to understand that this wasn't a dream. However, it seemed their demeanor was the exact opposite of how they looked- just wide smiles and excited laughs as they drove farther and farther away.

"What did you do-?" Seonghwa asked Yunho, the taller's grip tight on the steering wheel.

Yunho just peered over at him with a loopy smile, his teeth showing as he shook his head.

"You don't wanna know," was all he replied with, still smiling ear to ear as he pressed on the gas even more.

He wanted to argue- he definitely did want to know- but there was something about the way Yunho seemed so happy and content, that Seonghwa just sat back and stared out in front of him and chose not to ask. Maybe Yunho would tell him someday, he was sure of it really, he could be patient. All he needed to focus on was they had a vehicle and San was still alive, and they were going home.

Home.

"Wooyoung we're going home!" Yunho shouted excitedly out the window. Seonghwa could see through the rearview mirror the way Wooyoung's lips parted as he held San tightly in his arms. His eyes seemed to squint like he was about to cry before he shot his fist up in the air and swung it all around it the air.

"We're going home!" He shouted back, his breath vaporizing in the cool air.

The sun was finally peeking over the horizon, covering the flat land in a yellow, orange dewy color, and made all their skin shine gold as soon as the rays touched them. Yunho turned down another street that finally seemed to lead them out of the city and once again into the nothingness from where they once came. Seonghwa caught Mingi standing up in the bed of the truck, stepping over a bunch of covered objects to stand in the middle and turn around to face the city they were leaving. There were some zombies chasing after them, though their speed was unmatched and as they drove away, the creatures became smaller and smaller.

Seonghwa watched with fond eyes as the tall man cupped his hands around his mouth again and let out a loud shout.

"Adios mother fuckers!" He yelled, bending over at his waist. "Remember us as the people you couldn't kill! I hope you rot in hell!"

He let out a loud laugh after that, shooting both hands up in the air and flipping the city off rather aggressively. Wooyoung laughed at him, reaching up to wipe the tears from the corner of his eyes as he leaned down to whisper something into San's ear that made the tired man smile regardless. Yunho reached a hand out of the window and started banging his open palm on the truck as he hollered with Mingi, all of them overcome with some weird and very powerful sense of relief.

"You're gonna get what you deserve! Just you wait!"

Seonghwa wondered for a moment why they were so energetic and happy, especially Mingi and Yunho who were soaked through with blood. But then it occurred to him that it was the hope of a new morning and a new opportunity that was allowing them this moment of release. After so much loss and pain, they had obtained something that would help make sure they got to where they needed to go. They survived through something they shouldn't, and the person who should've died was still alive and recovering with them.

So it made sense, Seonghwa supposed, and couldn't help but smile softly, as to why they were celebrating.

Mingi was putting on quite a performance in the bed of the truck, enough of one to get Wooyoung on board and easily perk up San who was just leaning into Wooyoung's embraced with a closed-eye smile on his lips. However, despite the performance, Mingi was giving for free, Seonghwa was not looking at him.

He instead was looking at the man who was sitting on the edge of the bed, his body bouncing whenever the truck ran over a bump in the dirt road. The sun that offered them some much-needed warmth made his skin glow and only highlighted the way the tip of his nose and ears were shining bright red. Seonghwa felt his fingers twitch as he looked at him through the rearview mirror as the smile on the man's face only grew as he was watching Mingi do some sort of celebratory dance.

The smile on his face was like none other Seonghwa had ever seen. And for a moment, just a very small and short moment, Seonghwa forgot that they were all beaten and torn up. He forgot they were running away from the city that tried to kill them and managed to escape from. The fond and proud smile on Hongjoong's face made Seonghwa forget for that split moment, that the world was not perfect.

The sounds around him blended together, he didn't even hear Yunho call his name softly.

It made no sense and it was confusing, and the moment was over as soon as it came. Seonghwa wanted to shake his head to rid himself of all the thoughts he was having, but then Hongjoong was looking at him through the mirror as well, and Seonghwa couldn't look away.

Hongjoong's smile did not falter like Seonghwa thought it would, and instead, it only grew as he tilted his head. Seonghwa's hands squeezed into fists on his thighs, the coldness of the air burning his lungs.

Hongjoong looked away first, his eyes glancing around at everyone so fondly as he let out another gently chuckle as he watched them. His smile was different than all of theirs, it was small and reserved, but it held the most meaning behind it. Because instead of speaking with his smiles like Mingi or San, Hongjoong spoke with his eyes. His eyes gave away everything, and as Seonghwa watched him with a heavy weight on his chest, there was only one word he could think of.

Home.

It was safe to say that Seonghwa had no idea where they were, but it seemed Yunho knew. They had to stop eventually and pull out a map from one of the pockets in the truck's door and mark out where they wanted to go. That first stop was also when they learned about what exactly was in the bed of the truck that was covered by a gray tarp.

Mingi had pulled it away and showed off four large gas containers, and then revealed something that made Seonghwa's mouth drop.

"It's about time we get weapon upgrades don't you think?" He said, gesturing to what was in the back.

Seonghwa could just nod as he looked at the rifles and handguns piled in the back, with some other objects that he wasn't entirely sure what they were, but it was the case after case of ammo that caught his attention.

"Grenades, gun flares, and bats?" Hongjoong reached in and held the circular object in his hand. "Who did you steal from?"

"Someone who owed us," was all Yunho said, still sticking with his secretive code.

Seonghwa was sure they all knew what had happened, and if he was correct, he was glad the two of them had not told him where they were going because he would have chained them to the roof had he known they would attempt something like that.

"Hey, is this poison?" Wooyoung asked, holding up packages of what Seonghwa guessed were rat poison.

"Don't eat that," Seonghwa said immediately, nearly slapping Wooyoung's hand causing him to drop the package.

"I'm not-"

Seonghwa gave Wooyoung a look and the younger just pouted at him with an offended expression.

"We should get going already, we won't have to stop to fill up for gas for a while now. Yunho and I were able to pack this truck with a shit ton of supplies so I think we're gonna be okay. I'm not sure how long it's going to take us to get there, and I refuse to be out in the open when it's snowing," Mingi cut in, covering all the supplies with the tarp again and telling them to load up.

"Snow? This early?" San asked, finally finding his voice, though it was still scratchy.

"I hope not, but with the way the weather is? I wouldn't be surprised. We need to plan for the worst."

That was the end of that, they all seemed to agree with Mingi's statement, and it wasn't long before they were off again. Yunho stayed driving because he claimed he was the only one who knew where to go- god bless Yunho's memory- and Seonghwa stayed on map duty if it was needed.

The drive was quiet after that, the celebrations long over as what lay ahead of them was finally sinking in. The long journey plus the cold weather would not be an easy trip, Seonghwa was sure they had at least a week before they would arrive, and as well as San was doing with the circumstances, he would not be able to survive under the new and pending circumstances. So which each mile forward, with each bump in the road and each small town or little solo house they passed, each one of them held their breath and silently prayed for the best.

Seonghwa was not religious, but when the wind turned too cold that not even the warm clothes they had gotten were able to keep their fingers from turning blue, he found himself whispering up prayers as they all huddled together for warmth when they tried to sleep.

"Can never catch a break can we?" Wooyoung mumbled, his body shaking terribly where he was leaning against Seonghwa's shoulder. It was dark outside, and Seonghwa couldn't see for sure, but he knew Wooyoung's nose was definitely blue just like his ears. Seonghwa couldn't even stop shivering himself, doing his best to keep both himself and Wooyoung warm.

"I guess not," he answered, his eyes refusing to stay open.

"Have to keep moving," Yunho said, rubbing his hands together. "Friction, heat, warmth. You have to move."

They were leaning up against the truck that was blocking most of the wind chill, but even then the cold was almost too much to bear.

"Shut up," they both muttered, the breath coming out of their mouths no longer warm enough to be visibly seen in the air.

They all knew the taller was right, each of them had been preaching it ever since the wind took a very bitter turn, but none of them could handle hearing it again. Seonghwa swore it should've been snowing with how cold it had gotten, and it was a crime that it wasn't. Wind alone shouldn't hurt as bad as it was, but it wasn't like they could do anything about it besides huddle up together and hope they didn't freeze and make it until the morning.

Which they did- each morning they woke up- chilled to the bone, but alive. It was like that day after day, nonstop. The wind was unforgiving.

Seonghwa swore he would never be the same if he managed to survive this- Korea's winters were terrible but this seemed to be worse than normal. They tried to keep San inside the truck as much as possible, though it didn't seem to help much, but at least the wind was off of him.

When day eight hit, Mingi started coughing.

The sound woke Seonghwa up and had his stomach sinking. Mingi told him not to worry and said he had just swallowed down the wrong pipe, but he kept coughing and coughing. Even Hongjoong didn't buy it, and both of them looked at each other with a panicked expression because Mingi could not be sick. The last thing they needed was to start getting sick, and it seemed they were already on a road heading straight for it.

"I'm not sick-" he tried to say again, but then on time, he coughed again.

"Mingi..." Seonghwa sighed, his hands reaching out to him, but then younger pushed him away.

"I'm not sick!" He practically yelled, before storming off and climbing back into the truck. "We don't have time to waste- we have to get to the house! Yunho said we're close, maybe just the next city over or something. A cough is just a cough, doesn't mean I'm gonna die."

It could, Seonghwa wanted to snap back. Underestimating just a cough was a horrible idea. But he bit his tongue, just like Hongjoong did, and climbed back into the truck and kept a close eye on Mingi's condition. He didn't like it one bit, but he was too cold to argue. They all were.

When the scenery became very familiar, Seonghwa found himself in a fit of anxiety. This was the town- this was the road- that was the turn... just all these different landmarks that he recognized after all of these years that he, Yunho, and Wooyoung used to see every single day. He could smell the ocean- could see it- and he could see the shop they used to get food from as they drove by it on the side of the road.

Yunho hadn't needed the map for an hour or two now, and he too had gotten very quiet. As soon as they got to the fork in the road that would lead them up the hill- their hill- Seonghwa found himself unable to breathe. Deja vu in its finest, nothing had changed, despite the thick layer of frost covering the brown and shriveled up vegetation that wasn't there when they had left.

When the truck hit gravel and Seonghwa could literally see the beach house sitting sturdy on top of the hill with the ocean out to the right with the heavy gray clouds looming over them, he swore he nearly cried in utter relief.

Seonghwa ultimately was the last one out of the truck when it was finally parted right where they would always park it. He just couldn't accept that they were here, back where it all started. He distantly wondered if San remembered it. He was the only one besides Jongho that had been there to see the state in which the three of them were living in, which was actually why Seonghwa finally exited the truck.

He wanted to know.

He didn't have to wait long for his answer because Wooyoung had San's one arm wrapped over his shoulder as he held onto the older man's waist tightly, helping him take steps up towards the house.

"I remember," he said, and even though Seonghwa couldn't see his face, he knew San was smiling as best as he could. "I remember this place. It's vague, but I remember."

The door to the house was already open as Yunho and Mingi were bringing things in. The cough Mingi had only got worse, as they all knew it would. The night before Seonghwa had pressed his hand to the younger's forehead and was rather appalled by how hot his temperature was. But Mingi refused help, said that they just had to focus on moving forward and getting where they needed to go.

Seonghwa watched him stumble in the doorway, grabbing onto the frame to keep himself from falling. Yunho was there in an instant, but Mingi shrugged him off and said he was fine. He wasn't, none of them were. Seonghwa could hardly breathe through his nose and his lungs burned so terribly, and if he was feeling as shitty as he was, he could only imagine how San was feeling.

Seonghwa just stood in the middle of the driveway, unmoving, the same spot he stood in when he first met San and Jongho. It was October 15th, though none of them knew that because the days and months had been reduced to nothing and years to seasons. The oldest just watched them move stiffly and robotically around him, unloading what they could to bring into the house that had managed to stay standing after all these years.

"Is this where you guys lived for the two years before you came to us?"

Seonghwa jumped, his first real movement, as he turned to glare at Hongjoong for sneaking up on him. Though no words really came out, and he just nodded his head and let out a heavy sigh.

"That sucks, out here and all alone," the younger continued, his voice soft now that the wind had finally calmed down enough so they could stop shivering.

"We did what we had to, just like everyone else," Seonghwa finally said, his voice strained and raw. It hurt to speak, which was not a good sign.

"Perhaps I owe you an apology for what I said years ago."

"About what?"

Hongjoong looked away from him and then rubbed his hand under his bright red nose.

"About saying you had it easy or whatever I said."

"Didn't know the cold made you almost likable."

"The cold makes me a lot of things," Hongjoong almost chuckled before he tried to clear his throat. "Do you think we'll make it through the winter?"

Seonghwa turned his head away as well, the smallest hint of the wind picking up again to bite at his nose. He grimaced, feeling small tiny bites of freezing ice hit his face uncomfortably. As a kid he always liked snow, he loved to play in it and make snowpeople, but when it got too cold he always had a warm home to return to. Now, there was no warm home, so the snow that began to fall did not bring him the same joy as it used to.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" He asked, turning back to Hongjoong to see the shorter had a snowflake stuck in his eyelash.

"Well duh."

"No, I don't think we will."

"Well, shit- stop raining on my parade."

"You wanted my honest opinion."

"Didn't expect for you to go all dark and say we were all going to die. You lived through two winters here, you know what to do."

Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows. "I can't guarantee anything. Mingi is very sick, San is still dying- everyone else will be getting sick soon-"

"Hey," Hongjoong cut him off. "Let's just try our best. For them."

Seonghwa stared at him, more snowflakes falling around them as Wooyoung called for both of them to come inside now that the truck was empty and they needed to make a fire first before anything else happened.

"Fine. For them."

Seonghwa had a habit of not remembering things. He had a terrible habit of not quite blacking out, as he was still doing the things he needed to, but he was not exactly conscious. It was a weird state of mind to be in, but he found himself in it more often than not. Usually, it took something really big to knock him out of it- and it was safe to say that the entire winter consisted of them huddling for warmth by a burning fire that was never really warm enough, and praying for someone to help them.

Help never came obviously, but Seonghwa did what he could to make sure Mingi and the others did not get worse. Sure in this century, the common cold or flu was very manageable, but not like this. It had been a very scary time when Mingi could not stop coughing and kept sweating through his clothes even though there was snow piled up outside and the house did not have a heater. He was hardly responsive and struggled to keep food or water down, and Seonghwa had stayed up two whole nights with him just to make sure he kept breathing.

Horrifying. Each day was a guess on who it would be next. That winter was one of the worst moments of Seonghwa's life, especially that one night when they all were too weak to move where they huddled together on the living room floor to put another log on the fire to keep it going and keep them alive. He genuinely thought when he woke up that morning that he had lost them all to the fridged weather.

But once the warmer days came, and the snow slowly melted away and the wind wasn't so vicious and constantly attacking them, things took a turn for the better.

The winter had been longer and colder than it should've been, but they made it. Somehow... they really shouldn't have... but they did.

Spring brought life and it brought warm sun and energy. Seonghwa still was not really in himself when they put together plans and went out for supplies and started gardening again. He just went through the motions, a heavy hole in his heart still, one that he could not fill.

He often volunteered for look-out duty, where he would sit out on the porch with a rifle in his hands and watch for any zombies. They were all paranoid, but Seonghwa by far was the worst, which is why he had no problem sitting out there all day, keeping his eyes peeled for danger.

It went on like that day after day, but still, he couldn't give it up.

Of course, having all of them around him was helpful, San was doing much better and could walk on his own, even though Wooyoung still catered to his every need... but something was missing. Seonghwa knew what it was, but tried not to think about it because he knew he would never get it. It was something he found himself thinking about a lot now that he didn't have the winter to worry about, and could let his mind run free of a hundred different possibilities.

The hole in his heart would be forever permanent, and he tried to make peace with it.

Somedays, like today, Mingi and Wooyoung would sit out in the sun with him and keep him company when they had nothing better to do. Hongjoong was inside messing around with some weird radio thing he found and Yunho was with San working on some light exercises to help get his strength back.

Mingi and Seonghwa were in a light conversation with Wooyoung just listening casually as he played with his fraying shirt.

Seonghwa couldn't even remember the conversation he had with Mingi that day, but all he remembered was seeing Wooyoung's body go stiff as he jerked his head down towards the driveway. Of course, that made Seonghwa freak out as he tore himself away from Mingi and looked where Wooyoung was looking.

"Guys..." Wooyoung muttered, standing to his feet.

Seonghwa saw what Wooyoung saw, a blob of something hobbling towards them from a decent distance away. It wasn't long before that blob split into two, a weird form of mitosis or something, that had Seonghwa's heart racing. He reached for his gun that was leaning against the wood of the house, but Mingi was quicker and snatched it up before Seonghwa could grab it.

Mingi brought the gun up to his face to peer through the scope and was silent for a little bit. Each second that passed, Seonghwa grew antsier. His heart was in his throat, hard and steady beats that made him sick to his stomach. It wasn't until the blobs got closer and visible shapes and colors were able to be seen that Wooyoung seemed to stumble over his chair and knock it off the porch.

"Oh my god..." he muttered, his arms falling limply by his sides with his eyes wide open.

Seonghwa couldn't stand it anymore.

Mingi lowered the gun, a lazy smile on his face like he had known all along. "See? Now, what did I tell you? They always come back."

But Seonghwa didn't hear him.

He was already running.

Alright, I just wanted to put this here because I had two super sweet artists do fanart and really bring the whole 'SeonghwaXcrowbar - the true OTP' to life for me! I love the artwork so much so I'm posting it everywhere <33

by: woovyungs on twitter

by: DeLonelySquad on twitter