CHAPTER 30: Temptation
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The professor went on and on about researching and illustration for better and effective communication and Ella took notes. When the class ended she loitered in the corridor since her next class "creative nonfiction" had been cancelled for the day and her hunger made itself known with a vengeance. That's what college life has reduced to- classes, eating and studying.
"What to do now?" Jay asked no one in particular, he couldn't think of anything to engage himself for the unexpected small break they were given.
"I'm hungry," Ella said flatly.
"I guess that settles it." Jay smiled and they began walking to the coffee house. "Why do I feel that Mr Gerald is going to assign us some complicated assignment to make up for the lost hour?"
"Because you've come to know his teaching habits..." She voiced it plainly, they stepped out of the department building and followed a trail that leads to the coffee-house a lot quicker.
Walking a few steps in front of them was a familiar guy, Ella walked up to him and gently tapped his shoulder. She smiled as he turned around. "Hey." She greeted him.
"Hey, Ella." Andrew smiled back and noticed Jay beside her, he extended him a greeting as well, "Jay, how are you?"
"I'm fine, but you don't look so well, third year not agreeing with you?" Jay asked good-naturedly, noticing the dark shadows beneath his eyes.
"I just had too many drafts to handle this weekend." Andrew, said offhandedly, "Nothing a strong coffee can't fix."
"Join us, we're heading the same way..." He offered and they fell in step.
Ella looked between them confused, wondering why they seemed so close.
"He's one of Patrick's friends," Jay said as he read her questioning eyes and she nodded right away.
"What do you mean, too many drafts? Assignments?" She asked and he shook his head before answering.
"No it wasn't that, work just piled up from my part-time job- I work as an editor for a communications website." He answered.
"That sounds stressful." And a lot of responsibility, she frowned, but the admiration in her tone was unmistakable.
"It's not too bad, working hours are flexible and I can work remotely, benefits are alright too." Andrew shrugged as they neared the coffee house and he held the door open for them to enter.
They entered and found a table easily, it was comparably a little less busy than most mornings- afternoon really since the clock was about to strike twelve.
"I'll go order for us," Jay said and walked away to order, after asking what each of them wanted.
"I'll come with you." Ella insisted but he shook his head with a smile.
"It's fine, I'll manage." And with that said, he was gone.
"What are you doing later today?" Andrew asked and she turned to face him thoughtfully.
"I don't know if I should disclose my plans without knowing why?" She tactfully evaded, and he smirked with amusement.
"I need help with turning a screenplay into a fiction piece and I thought you might have some insights." He admitted.
"I'd love to help, but I made plans for later today," She told him apologetically. "Is it urgent?"
He nodded, "yeah, I wouldn't have asked otherwise."
She gave it a thought, and then said, "Someone else, maybe Dan or Jay could-"
"He might have swimming practise though." He interrupted her thoughts, Ella absently raised an eyebrow and watched the strangest thing happen, Andrew blushed up to his ears.
"I suppose I can ask him for you.... Dan would definitely help if he doesn't have swim practice."
"Great! I mean that would be helpful..." He mumbled the last part, looked uncomfortably away and then poured himself a glass of water just to busy himself. In an effort to change the subject to one she couldn't resist, he asked, "So did he write back? Your pen friend..."
"He did." She didn't hide her smile, "I need to find time to write a reply."
That was when she saw Jay return with a tray of three coffees and a plate of pancakes for her and they began joking and laughing about all sorts of things as they ate.
Andrew was quick to finish his coffee and leave, he said he had to get back for some work, while Jay and Ella stayed since they had time to kill.
"So was that him, the one who sounds like the letter guy?" Jay asked, catching her off guard and she paused momentarily before she continued eating her delicious pancakes.
"Mm-hmm." She agreed, "that's him..." But she was now doubtful it was really him.
Jay looked fixedly at the chair Andrew emptied and she noticed his face was twisted in a strange emotion, his lips set in a tilted line of faint self-doubt, and his eyes seemed unsure, a little reserved yet reluctantly grudging.
She decided to ask him, "Why do you look like that?"
He met her gaze and held, softly he said "You mean jealous? because I'm not very good at hiding what I feel."
Ella felt shockwaves travel the length of her spine and she blanked at how serious he was, but then the next moment he smiled crookedly and she seemed to relax.
"Seriously Ell, how did you not know I liked you all this while? I was crap at hiding it..." He leaned a bit closer and she looked down at her hands, concealing the trepidation that rose within her.
"You weren't." She said, firmly. "Sometimes it feels like I don't know you at all." honest thoughts poured right out and she allowed it.
He pressed his lips in a line, "Why?"
She crossed and uncrossed her ankles under the table and shifted uncomfortably in her wooden chair, "I hardly know you, Jay, even if we've been friends, sometimes I feel like you keep everyone at an arm's length and hide behind your jokes." She told him honestly.
"And here I'm always worried I'll tell you something more than I should." His warm eyes stared at her while his lips lifted on one side with a barely-there smile.
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Ella sat in a library chair, trying to write a letter to her pen friend before leaving to meet Cameron. She was conflicted with her newfound acceptance of her feelings and tried not to let them bleed onto the paper, but it was hard, she hadn't actively tried to hide anything from him, but she knew this wasn't the right time or place.
She kept her head down bent over the blank piece of paper and collected her thoughts before letting her hand glide over the sheet.
1-Dec-2018
Dear Elliot,
Have you ever accidentally harassed someone because you thought they were your secret pen pal?
I'm sure you haven't, and a day ago I would have said the same, but I regret to confess this is something I have now done.
Yesterday I went to our shelf in the library to find your letter, but instead, I saw someone standing there with your letter in hand. My mind thinks, "Viola! This has to be Elliot!" and so I grabbed the bull by its horns and cornered the stranger into a wall, asked him absurd questions and probably made him quake in his boots.
But it wasn't you. I'd like to think I'll understand it right away if I met you, but that encounter made me realise how completely clueless I really am.
When I realised my error I could have sunk through the floor and now I'm praying I never have to meet that guy again. I have become delirious and unreasonable and I don't even know who to blame it on.
Do you remember my annoying project partner who I constantly complained about? Guess what- he asked me out on a date a few days ago.
And I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I said yes. It was my first date and I have most definitely changed my mind about him, he's not annoying, just a little misunderstood, he's actually really nice and sweet.
The date was nice too, I enjoyed spending time with him but I don't see it leading anywhere. My ideal date is quite simple too, but it's so specific and non-adventurous that I probably won't find anyone who's interested in something like a long walk in the park, maybe browsing through a bookstore, followed by a pretty simple dinner and then last but not least a sweet little dessert.
I know it sounds boring and old, nowadays people go kayaking, shoot each other with paint guns or take a trapeze class for dates but the fact that I'm here, writing this letter gives away that my idea of fun is pretty basic.
You know, what I said about Rhea wasn't meant as a threat, but you being so sure about what I would or wouldn't do annoys me indefinitely. You don't know me as well as you think you do, I surprise myself at times and you're positively tempting me.
I have so much to tell you, Elliot, so much to share, and even though these letters serve the purpose to some extent and are cherished dearly, these days they seem insufficient.
Fondly,
Ella
She placed her pen down as she felt her heartbeat quicken and her face warm just a bit with sudden internal embarrassment. She stubbornly wanted to blame it on her physiological reaction to the cold weather but knew better.
What were these feelings and how did they build a home within her?
Word by word like bricks they laid the foundation and now they stood resolutely unmoving but ever-changing and becoming stronger.
Ella didn't even know what he looked like, could hardly imagine how he sounded and yet her heart was speeding up over his name — a name that wasn't even his own.
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The book reading slash signing event was about to begin soon and unlike the last time, Cameron knew she would be there.
A copy of 'Crystal Kingdom' was in her hands as she pushed the door open and walked into the huge bookstore where the event was arranged.
A huge space in the middle of the hall was cleared and it was now filled with his fans who occupied most chairs. The room buzzed with mild chatter that echoed off the walls while Ella tried to look for an empty chair among the eager audience.
Cameron hadn't stepped out front yet and the anticipation of the crowd only continued to grow since it was almost time for the book reading to begin.
Ella heard her name being called and thought she was hallucinating now- positively going crazy. Despite the doubt, she looked around in the direction she heard the voice from and shockingly managed to find the source.
Her eyes stopped on a familiar smiling redhead and her jaw subtly dropped. "Ella, over here." She saw her wave and forced her own hand to cooperate and waved back as she walked closer to her.
"Rhea? Hey!" She greeted her, feeling awkward in light of all that she knew.
"I should have known we'll see you here." Rhea smiled as she stood with the same tall guy and the short girl with an impressive bob-cut, who she met at the party, seemed like these three were inseparable.
"Hey, Justin, Lilly." She greeted her friends and they gave her friendly smiles.
"Are you here with friends?" Justin asked, reminding her how deep his voice was.
"No, It's just me." Ella admitted as she shrugged while trying not to stare at Rhea.
"Do you wanna sit with us?" Lilly offered kindly.
"Yeah, I mean there's an empty seat here..." Rhea gestured to said chair.
"I'd like that, Thanks." Ella took the empty chair next to the trio, which was right next to Rhea, while Lilly was sandwiched between Justin and Rhea.
"Have you been to his book readings before?" Rhea asked her, making conversation, but Ella had to make an effort to listen to her through the cloud of her thoughts that refused to settle.
"Yes, I have." She told her, "It was last month."
"Lucky, you... This is my first time ever, I've never seen him in person." Rhea shared. "I hope it starts soon, we need to get back for rehearsals."
"I hear he looks just as beautiful as he writes," Lily says with unconcealed glee and then both the girls started talking animatedly while Ella forced a smile on her face.
It was like the universe was playing a cruel game with her or a harsh joke because none of this was funny.
Of all the people she could have run Into? Ella looked at Rhea discreetly and tried not to let her thoughts spiral.
Her inner conflict was suddenly smothered by the uproar of the crowd around her and she looked up to realise her brother had finally arrived and the fans were going crazy over him. He was wearing a midnight blue blazer and matching trousers, with a fitted white shirt underneath, while he held a copy of his own book in one hand.
"Oh My God, he looks so handsome."
"He has no business looking like that!"
"Is he a model?"
"I wonder if he has a girlfriend?"
'Not yet, but he has his eyes set on one girl in particular.' Ella thought as she heard all the girls around her gushing over how good looking her brother was, she tried to block the voices but it was in vain.
The event began with the store owner opening and welcoming everyone before inviting Cameron to speak on the small elevated stage, everybody applauded and then suddenly a hush fell over as he started speaking into the small microphone he was wearing as he moved around in the small space while all eyes were glued to him.
"Hello everyone, I'm glad you could all make some time and be here on such short notice..." He looked at the audience, his dark-framed specs glinted under the light, making him look acutely intelligent. "-to watch me read an excerpt that you're gonna read anyway."
There were a few chuckles and laughs in the audience. He was an eloquent speaker, no one would guess he was nervous while speaking in public but Ella knew all about it. And she also knew he had come a long way, on his first book reading he was basically a ball of nerves even though the audience was much smaller, (just her and their dad and a couple of other people and the librarian since it was arranged in a library), he was scared that he was going to mispronounce something or choke on nothing and make a fool of himself.
And now here he was making jokes as he talked about his new book and how much of a miserable time he had writing it and loved it anyway. "I guess I've always been a masochist, I mean why else would I choose to be a writer and then make an even worse choice of going on Goodreads to see what people thought about my writing." There was an uproar of laughter.
"My next book is a little different, instead of a full-length novel, this one is a collection of four short stories and I hope you'll love reading them as much as I enjoyed writing...." After a few more self-deprecating jokes he opened the book he held, to the prologue of the story and became serious as he started to read. His voice changed pleasantly to resemble that of an audiobook narrator and his eyes concentrated on the words before him.
"PROLOGUE
Words are far more powerful weapons than they are given credit for.
They have so many forms and degrees, sharp twists and jarred edges that can elicit myriad thoughts and emotions- can have multiple meanings, all significant at the same time.
A pen is mightier than a sword. Indeed it is. This also means a pen is far deadlier than a sword. With the unsubtle razor edge, hurt is to be expected, but with words, you are never prepared.
A word can make or break you. It sounds like an exaggeration, but in the end, that's all it is.
A word.
That's all it takes for your heart to beat faster, for it to shatter, for it to sink or soar, for the memories to come rushing, nostalgia flooding in, seeping and occupying every crack and crevice, for thoughts to wander and run around in a direction that was kept at bay for far too long.
A single word. Maybe a deception......"
Ella eventually zoned out, not because what he was reading was uninteresting, but because she had read those words a dozen times, marvelled over them and helped him perfect them before they went on to be published.
But for now, her mind was playing a game of tug of war and her thoughts centred around the one person sitting next to her.
Ella did not know what to do, her mind was debating over all the options and she tried her best to ignore her internal world and look ahead like she had no inane struggles within her. She couldn't help but think of ways in which she could ask her about Elliot, it would be so easy to just casually ask who was the guy that urged her to read fiction to the point that she was now obsessed.
The reading session was about to end soon and once they moved onto book signing she knew they would be separated, she had to wait for Cameron to wrap up the event while Rhea and her friends would probably leave after they got their books signed.
Her moral compass was spinning all over the place and she didn't know if she should indulge or hold back. Will she regret it if she asked, or will she regret it if she didn't? And what about her answer, was she ready for it?
The book reading ended with startling applause pulling her out of her mind and into the real world. What? That was too short! She panicked.
Cameron took a few questions and then after a break of a few minutes the event was going to be moved on to the next session which was the book signing.
Ella sat there next to Rhea, who seemed to be talking about pre-ordering his next book and how intriguing the excerpt was while Justin and Lily excitedly shared their opinions with their own copies in hand that wanted to get signed. Ella shared her thoughts too but felt quite detached from the entire experience.
"It was so great running into you here," Rhea said to her, her bright eyes twinkling with excitement.
"Yeah, I wasn't expecting it," Ella spoke honestly.
"What did you think about the new book?" She asked, eager about her opinion.
Ella smiled, "I'm definitely reading it... There's no doubt about it."
"We'll probably meet again like this...who knows?" Rhea said and she chuckled.
"Probably.." Ella agreed. "Um- Rhea,-" her unsure words were cut short when Justin called.
"Rhea, we need to leave, we need to get back in time for rehearsal." He said, sounding displeased.
"What already?" She asked frowning intensely, "We didn't get our books signed."
"It takes an hour to drive back and would you look at the line, it'll take forever and we need to leave now," Lily explained what Rhea most definitely knew.
It was true, everyone was already forming a line even though Cameron wasn't there yet to sign any copies.
"Fine, okay..." Rhea relented as she looked at Justin and then turned back to Ella, "Yeah, you were saying?"
Looking between the trio she felt even more unsure, "It's nothing, never mind."
Rhea looked confused for a second, but she brushed it off "Bye Ella, see you again hopefully..." she said, talking in a hurry and the three of them walked away to wherever they parked their car.
Justin and Lily waved their goodbyes too and Ella couldn't help but wish them 'goodbyes' as they all turned the corner and were gone while she still hadn't made up her mind.
Cameron was now sitting behind a desk to sign books, his eyes met hers for a millisecond and noticing her conflicted gaze he shot her a warm smile, everyone fell in a line, waiting for their turn and she joined it when Amanda- Cameron's manager approached her to take her to a sitting place.
When Ella protested Amanda said, "Cameron insisted."
She sighed and nodded as she followed Amanda who was a kind woman dressed in a grey pantsuit and her dark hair was long and wavy and made her look professional.
"I'll get you a coffee." Amanda smiled at her, "It might take a while."
"No doubt, he's too popular now." Ella smiled at her and she chuckled.
"You might be too when you publish your work, I hear Cam was raving about something you wrote, he wouldn't let me read, said I didn't have your permission, but he looked proud." She said to Ella and she instantly turned red with embarrassment.
"Oh my god..." She groaned, "I can't believe him, did he tell everyone?"
Amanda smiled with amusement, "Come on don't give him grief over it, I thought it was sweet." patting her shoulder kindly she left to get her a coffee.
Ella sat there waiting for time to pass quicker as she read the book she had with her and a part of her wondered if she made a huge mistake when it came to Rhea.
Cameron was slipping into the chair in front of her after an hour and the first words out of his mouth were "You have to publish it."
"Hello to you too brother," she answered sarcastically but he was unfazed.
Running his hands through his dark hair, he looked at her pointedly, "I'm serious Ell, You have to publish that story."
"I don't know about that but for now I'm entering it in a short story contest," she told him.
"That's great!" He beamed. "It might win, it's written beautifully, the plot is great, the prose is amazing, and I couldn't stop reading it, regardless of how it does in the contest, you're publishing it."
"I don't know... I liked writing it but-" Self-doubt was clouding her thoughts.
"Ella, you don't have to write like some of your favourite authors, don't put that kind of pressure on yourself, what you have written was better than so much stuff I've read and you know how picky I am, you have a knack for storytelling." He said reaching for her hand, he squeezed her fingers supportively.
Ella didn't instantly dismiss him this time, instead, she mumbled a quiet "We'll see..." She passed him the book, he wordlessly opened it and signed it for her, smiling as he did.
And then they spent the next hour discussing every aspect of her story.
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