07
Dahil sa pagsipot ni CJ sa party ay hindi na ako tinigilan ng mga magulang ko.
It was also surprising that it was not awkward to call Atty. Perez in his nickname. Para bang natural na lang sa bibig ko iyon. Or maybe I always say it on a daily basis. More like whispering it like a prayer.
I expected that they will be questioning me about him. I just did not expect that it will last for weeks. Ilang beses kong hindi sinagot ang mga tawag nila upang kumustahin si CJ. Isa pa si Kuya!
I thought CJ will be awkward with my brother, but I saw them together walking, talking like they're so comfy to each other.
Habang ako ay hindi na nga makatingin sa mga mata ni Kuya Sebastian! Does he always tease his lawyer about it, too?
Mom:
Where are you? Let us have dinner. Your dad and I are in a restaurant. I will send you the address.
Mom:
I also texted your brother and Irina. Come now.
Sumimangot ako nang nabasa ang text. Bumuntong-hininga ako at padabog na isinara ang laptop. Napatingin si Greg sa akin.
"Alam ko naman na mayaman ka, Madame, pero dahan-dahan lang, po. Katumbas ng isang kidney ang MacBook ninyo."
I groaned. "I just want to kick someone now."
Kabadong tumawa si Greg. After a deep inhale, I put my things on my bag and prepared myself for dinner.
"Is it really that surprising?" tanong ko. "Iyong pagsama ni CJ – I mean Atty. Perez sa akin?"
Hindi nakatakas ang maliit na ngiti ni Greg kaya inirapan ko siya at nagpatuloy sa pag-apply ng makeup.
"Opo, Madame! Kaya naiintindihan ko talaga sina Mother and Father. Ikaw kasi iyong tipo na man-hater."
"I don't hate men. I hate stupid men."
"Same-same lang po 'yun."
I rolled my eyes. "Kasalanan ko ba na maraming estupido sa mundo?"
"Hindi, po. Pero basta. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. Nakakagulat nga rin po na pumayag si Atty."
"What do you mean?"
"Kasi ikaw po kasi 'yung taong hindi approachable tingnan." Hilaw siyang ngumiti. "No offense, Madame."
I just ignored him.
"Pero baka kasi crush ka nga ni Atty."
Nahinto ako sa paglagay ng eyeliner at bumaling sa kanya. "Do you think so?"
Tumango siya. "Pero baka natural lang talaga na mabait si Atty. Pero bakit po kayo interesado? Crush niyo po?"
"Hell, no!" I immediately replied.
Humagikhik siya. Alam ko na kaagad na hindi siya naniniwala. I just rolled my eyes and got my things.
Panigurado, kahit magpaliwanag pa ako ay hindi siya makikinig. I wonder why I like Greg as my company. He was just annoying... and concerned at me most of the time.
Nag-park na ako sa labas ng restaurant na sinasabi ni Mom. I confidently made my way towards the place. I saw my parents sitting at the far end. Wala pa sina Kuya Sebastian at Ate Irina.
"Finally, my daughter is here!" ani Mom pag-upo ko sa gitna.
"What are you doing here?"
"We visited a friend around the city and decided to have dinner," sagot ni Dad. "Ang kuya mo?"
"I don't know."
Ate Irina texted na matatagalan daw sila kaya nag-order na lang kami. I stopped eating and frowned at my mother. Kanina pa niya talaga ako tinitingnan! And it's very uncomfortable!
"May gusto ka bang sabihin, Mom?" I sarcastically asked.
"Wala, wala. I just expected that you'll bring a company."
Sabi ko na nga ba. Hindi pa sapat ang pag-text at pagtawag sa akin upang magtanong tungkol sa abogadong kasama ko nung party.
"Mom, that was a week ago. Get over it."
Tumawa si Dad. "Pasensya ka na, Ysah. Masyado lang talaga kaming nanibago sa 'yo."
I only rolled my eyes.
"Is that your boyfriend?" Tumaas-baba pa ang kilay ni Mom.
I controlled my emotions by clenching my utensils. Bigla na akong nawalan ng gana.
"Why is it a very big issue that I brought a company with me? It is very annoying, Mom!"
Nawala ang ngiti niya nang mapansin na hindi na talaga ako natutuwa. At hindi naman talaga nakakatuwa! They enjoy teasing me but I hate it so much! It's not funny.
I get it that I'm not really seen with a man. I get it that they are just excited for me.
But I am not.
"Hindi ko siya boyfriend. Hindi ko rin kaibigan. He is just a lawyer!"
Dad sighed. "Ysah, it's not-"
"Please, Dad, huwag niyo naman akong idiin, okay? I hate it so much."
"We are just happy for you."
"Happy that I'm finally having a boyfriend? A man beside me? My gosh, Mom, I am happy alone. Please, respect that."
Napansin ko na nasaktan siya sa sinabi ko. I saw it flashed in his eyes. And I don't care.
They should think of me. They should invalidate my feelings. They are always turning a blind eye! Ganyan naman talaga sila palagi, eh.
"Euresah," seryosong tawag ni Dad nang tumayo ako. "Apologize to your Mom."
Kinuyom ko ang mga kamao nang marinig iyon. I want to laugh. This is really fucked up. Sobrang insensitive nila!
They saw me crying back in the days where I got depressed. I told them that I was not feeling well but they only disregarded it because I was just having issues with my confidence.
They kept on concluding things about me.
"You're so exaggerating," ani Dad.
I snorted. "I am not exaggerating. I am hurt."
Hindi ko na kaagad pinalampas ang pagkakataon at kinuha ang aking bag upang mag-walk out. Kaagad kong pinunasan ang luha na pumatak mula sa mata.
I took a deep breath the moment I entered my car. Isinandal ko ang noo sa manibela at hinayaan ang sariling humikbi.
I remember how I cried that my classmates were bullying me, wailing to them that I can't go to school anymore. Pero hindi nila ako pinakinggan.
"Nasa isip mo lang naman 'yan, eh," naalala kong sabi ni Mom.
I remember how I went home crying, begging to stop studying. Pero pinagalitan lamang nila ako.
"Nag-iinarte ka lang naman, Ysah, para makapag-transfer ng eskuwelahan," ani ni Dad noong lumuhod ako habang nakikiusap.
If it weren't for my brother, I wouldn't transfer schools.
No one listened. No one cared.
Pinunasan ko ang mga luha at nagmaneho papunta sa mall. Kailangan kong mag-shopping. Nakaka-stress ang gabing ito.
Pagdating sa mall ay kaagad akong nagtungo sa mga boutique para pumili ng mga damit na alam ko hindi ko naman kailangan. I just want a coping mechanism. And shopping... it's a very expensive coping mechanism.
'Di bale na. Mayaman naman ako, eh.
I can afford it.
Kapag minamalas ka nga naman. Kaagad akong nanigas nang maaninag si Charlotte na pumasok din sa store. Namuo ang galit sa puso ko.
It's a very perfect day, huh?
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at itinuon na lang ang pansin sa mga damit. Wala talaga ako sa mood na makipag-away ngayon kaya sana hindi magkrus ang mga landas namin.
"Oh, look who's here?"
Perfect. Fucking perfect.
Lumingon ako kay Charlotte na kaagad naghahamon ng tingin. Her smile irritates me. Pero kinontrol ko ang sarili lalo na at lumapit siya.
"Wow, it was a pretty coincidence. How are you, Euresah?" plastic niyang tanong.
"I'm doing fabulous."
She snorted. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin. I'm not really in a good shape today.
"You can probably afford this shop," aniya. "Lucky you."
Napalunok ako at nagpatuloy sa pamimili ng damit, nagkukunwaring hindi siya nag-e-exist.
"Life is so unfair. Kaya ayaw ko talaga sa 'yo, eh. Kahit nung mga bata pa lang tayo, you can get what you want without working hard for it."
Napansin ko ang pagtingin niya sa akin pero hindi pa rin ako nagpatinag.
"You never experience being miserable. Isang tingin ko pa lang sa 'yo, kumukulo na ang dugo ko."
I exhaled. Hindi ko na kaya 'to. Ibinalik ko ang damit sa rack at tumingin sa kanya. She's crossing her arms, looking like a villain wannabe.
"That was a long time ago, Charlotte. Uso ang mag-move on. Kaya ka nagkaka-wrinkles, eh."
Sumimangot siya. "Oh, you're now really talking back."
Ngumisi ako. "From here, I can sense your insecurities. Kahit noon pa man. And I understand. Look at the the both of us."
Nawala ang ngiti niya.
"You have kids, I don't. You've got so many debts, I don't. You've got so many ambitions that remain ambitions, I accomplish all of mine."
She took a step forward. Hindi ako natakot dun at mas napangiti pa. Now she's triggered.
"And no matter how you bully me... you will always remain beneath me."
Nanlilisik ang mga mata ni Charlotte. She's getting emotional. Nagkrus ako ng braso at tinapatan ang kanyang mga galit na tingin.
Thank God for my heels. It made her look very small when I levelled her. Ganyan nga... manliit ka sa sarili mo.
It was so quick. I knew that she's going to slap me. Nakita ko na ang pag-angat ng kamay niya. Napapikit ako dahil natakot pa rin naman ako pero walang palad na tumapat sa pisngi ko.
I opened my eyes. Kaagad akong napasinghal nang makita ang papulsuhan ni Charlotte na nahinto sa ere. May pamilyar na kamay na nakahawak dun. Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin at nakita si CJ.
He was frowning, looking at Charlotte. Nakasuot siya ng puting dress shirt at itim na slacks. And... oh my gosh, he looked so call with his new clean-cut hair.
Binitawan niya ang kamay ni Charlotte. Tumikhim ako at umayos ng tayo.
"Ayos ka lang?" mahinang tanong ni CJ sa akin.
"Yeah," I replied.
He looked at Charlotte, who's now so close to crying. She looked at us... at me... Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit niya pero inirapan ko lang.
Naglakad na si Charlotte, nagdadabog. I watched her leave the store. That's where I sighed out of relief.
"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" singhal ko sa lalaking nasa tapat ko.
"Wala man lang thank you?" aniya.
I frowned and rolled my eyes.
"Are you okay? Inaway ka ba nun?"
"Ako ang nang-away," sabi ko.
Nakita ko ang gulat ni CJ sa akin pero kaagad rin siyang natawa nang mahina. I ignored him at tumalikod na para hindi niya makita ang konting pag-ngiti ko.
"Are you done?" aniya. "Tara, libre na kita."
I looked at him. "Bakit?"
Kaagad kong naisip na baka tama si Greg. Baka may gusto nga siya sa 'kin. My heart pumped so fast.
Looking at him, waiting for his answer, I forgot why I was upset at the first place.
"Wala. Libre lang kita. Ayaw mo ba?" aniya.
I rolled my eyes and put the dress on the rack. "Fine."