It has been two weeks since the first day of school and I'm already so over school. I literally have no one to talk to in any of my classes. Everyone has friends and I am just the odd one out sitting there like a complete loser.
I wish I were more outgoing and I wish I didn't care about what others thought, but sadly that's not me. I have always had a lot of trouble making friends, with the exception of elementary school. Elementary school was my peak.
I have always been a shy person, but I feel like it escalated once I started middle school. I was afraid to talk to anyone because I felt like they would judge me or think that I was stupid, so instead, I just kept my mouth shut and observed others around me. I'm an observer and the only time that I actually open up and show who I am is when I'm with Peyton and Margot. They are my safe place.
I'm snapped out of my sappy thoughts when my history teacher, Mr. Yu asks me a question. "Sage, what did the Bastille symbolize?"
"The Bastille was the symbol of the king's power," I responded. I have no idea how I knew that.
"That's correct, but next time, at least try to act like you're paying attention, hm?"
"Uh, yes. Sorry," I respond with a blush creeping up my neck.
He gives me an approving nod and then continues on with the lesson. After that embarrassing incident, I actually begin to pay attention.
After fourth period, I make my way to the cafeteria lunch line looking for Peyton and Margot. When I finally spot them, I sneak up behind Margot and scare her.
"Boo!"
"AH!" She turns around and yells, "You bitch! Why the hell did you do that?"
"I—I," I try to respond but I'm laughing so hard. I have to lean against Peyton to make sure that I don't topple over and embarrass myself.
When I'm done laughing and I find my voice, I finally respond. "I saw the opportunity and took it. Sorry, not sorry," I say with a smile.
"I am going to get you back so good for that, just you wait," Margot says trying to scare me.
"We'll see about that," I shrug.
We all get our food and then walk to the garden area, taking a seat at our usual table. We eat our lunch talking about weird shit that gave all of us an ab workout due to how hard we were laughing. I'm pretty sure I walked out of lunch with an eight pack.
After lunch, I continued on with my day, nothing special. I've noticed that when I'm in school, it feels like I'm living through the same day, every day. Wake up, go to school, come back home, do my homework, take a shower, repeat. It's a never ending cycle and sometimes I just wish that everything would just stop for a second and let me take a break. It's only the third week and I'm already mentally drained. I really need a day off.
I finally arrive home. It's only like a fifteen minute walk from my house to school, so I just walk to and from school when the girls can't bring me so that my parents don't have to worry about getting out of work to pick me up.
I unlock the door, drop my stuff in my room and then make my way to the kitchen. After that little incident with my sister a few weeks ago, I promised myself that I would start eating less but I'm starving today. Screw my sister's words, I can eat whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want.
I open the fridge, already knowing that there isn't anything to eat in there, but doing it anyway. It's like I'm waiting for something edible to magically appear, but it never happens. My next stop is the cabinets. Sifting through the cabinets, I come out with a box of pasta and a jar of store bought alfredo sauce.
Chicken alfredo, minus the chicken it is!
As I'm getting all of the things needed for the dish, I decide to make a fake YouTube video. I don't really get anything out of it, but they're fun to make and they help pass the time.
"Hey guys, welcome back to my channel. Today I am going to make chicken alfredo, minus the chicken. The things that you will need are a box of any type of pasta, a jar of store bought alfredo sauce, any brand of your choice is fine, a pot, a spoon, a strainer, salt and water," I instruct while grabbing all of the materials. "Now that we have everything that we need, let's get started," I say, pointing my index finger up towards the sky and spinning it a few times.
When it's time to strain the pasta, I put the strainer in the sink, and dump the pasta into the strainer. I'm in the middle of doing this when all of a sudden, I go blind. My glasses get full of steam and I can't see what I'm doing.
"Shit!" I exclaim, trying my best to not burn myself.
When all of the pasta is out of the pot, I hastily drop the pot into the sink and take off my glasses. "You guys are supposed to help me! Not be the death of me," I scold my glasses. "Come on now guys, get a grip."
I realize how weird it is to talk to inanimate objects, but do I care? The answer is no.
I finish making the alfredo, but before I dig in, I make sure to take a Lactaid chewable because of my stupid lactose intolerance.
"Mmm," I exaggerate. "This has to be the best alfredo that I've ever tasted in my entire life."
I'm in the middle of eating the best alfredo in the whole world, when my front door opens.
"Hi mija, how was your day?" my mom greets, while walking into the house.
"It was fine," I respond with a mouth full of food. "How was your day?" I add when I've swallowed all the food that was in my mouth.
"It was good, thank you for asking," my mom answers. "Sage, I actually have a question to ask you."
"What's up?"
"Do you have any days off coming up? I need help at work with some stuff and I figured that if you didn't have school one day, that maybe you could come to work with me and help," she suggests.
"Hold on, let me check."
I go onto the schools website and look up the calendar for this school year. I look through it and finally find what I'm looking for.
"I don't have school next Monday. Is that okay with you?" I ask.
"Oh, that's perfect. Thank you so much, my love."
"Anytime mami."
I eat the rest of my dinner, complete my homework, take a shower and then get ready for bed. I'm about to shut my eyes and finally let my brain rest after a long day when something occurs to me.
I'm going to my mom's job next Monday. The same job that also employs Sawyer's mom, my old elementary school—Pacific Elementary School.
No. Sawyer wouldn't be there... would he? No, he couldn't. He won't, I know he won't be.
But what if he is?
Shut the fuck up, bitch. He won't be.
In all honesty though, I can't face Sawyer. I literally can't. It took me forever to get over my feelings for him, and I don't want to know what will happen to said feelings if I see him again. He was the first boy that I ever really cared about and I can't go through that pain of seeing him. Especially if he is with someone else. I can't—I won't.
You know what? I'll just stay in the office the whole day, that way even if he for some reason is there, I can avoid him. I'll eat lunch there, and if it comes down to it, even pee in the trash can because there is no way that I can show my face. Absolutely none. This is literally the biggest dilemma that I have ever had and there isn't any way that I can get out of it without letting my mom down. She does everything for me so I'm not gonna bail on her.
Let's just hope that I don't walk out of there with another broken heart because lord knows that wouldn't end well. I don't do good with heartbreak. I'm sensitive, too sensitive. I don't think I could survive it this time.
When it finally hit me, after the fifth grade culmination that I would never see Sawyer again, I cried—no balled my eyes out. I promised myself that I would only let myself be sad for the rest of that night, but I couldn't follow through with that promise. I was miserable and everyone knew it. Things finally started to lighten up when I met Peyton and Margot the first week of sixth grade. I've avoided all things Sawyer ever since then, and I haven't looked back, until today.
Thanks a lot mom.
No. This isn't my mom's fault. I'm sorry mom for blaming you.
Now would be a really good time for the Earth to swallow me whole and never let me out so I don't have to go next week. The universe just loves to punish me.
Word Count: 1558
author's note:
Hi baes! Here is chapter 2 I hope that you guys enjoyed it! I have decided that I am going to be posting hopefully one chapter every week so that I don't get too ahead of myself and lose motivation. The book will start picking up when the characters meet which will hopefully be next chapter.
Be sure to let me know your thoughts on the book and characters :)
I love you and I am proud of you. I hope that you have a beautiful day <3
elisa <3