⇉ the one where she wakes.
part forty-seven
It's been three weeks.
Christmas came and went. It'd been dreadfully dreary (although the staff still had a party to commemorate the holiday, which surprised no one).
Decorations and special Christmas events had been set up, but the Tangiso student body couldn't bring themselves to care. It was all such a joke. People have died. One student is currently lying in a coma. There's a psychopath on the loose, and they still haven't been caught.
There's zero cause for celebration.
Haechan is inside the "clinic" room that Juno's in. It's been about two weeks since, but a Christmas tree is still set up at her bedside, courtesy of Jisung and Chenle. Strewn by her bed are various flowers and gifts and cards from all the people who care that Juno is in a coma, which, in true Juno style, are a shit ton of people. Stuff is taking up much of the space.
Haechan takes a seat on the chair beside the bed. And then he stares intently at her face, noticing details he never has before; such as the way the corners of her lips turn up slightly even in sleep, the little beauty spot at the base of her chin, her straight, full brows.
It's a nice face.
But his favorite are her eyes. They're a foolproof mirror to her thoughts, betraying her real feelings to him even when those lips are saying something else. Haechan stares intently at her closed lids, willing her eyes to open. Because the honest truth is that he wouldn't know what to do with himself if they end up never opening again.
He's noticed the changes in everyone, imperceptible as they may be. Their friend group as a whole isn't lively anymore; classes feel quieter. Schoolwork seems useless. They're all on edge. And as each day passes by, hope dwindles. It's been terribly depressing.
What if Juno's gone? How long will it take them to recover? Will they ever recover? Will he?
No. Juno won't die. She's too alive for death.
So he banishes that morbid thought from his traitorous brain and returns his gaze to her brow, practically boring holes into her face as he narrows his own eyes, willing her to open hers. Haechan is confident that the sheer force of his will should be enough. Wake up, wake up. He's not sure how long he continues to chant that internally.
Wake up.
Wake the fuck up, dammit.
Juno, I swear to God. Wake up or I will drag you back into the living world myself.
"Can you stop staring?" The voice is groggy. "How am I supposed to sleep?"
"I was not staring," is his reflexive response.
Then Haechan realizes.
"Holy shit!" The chair is knocked over in his haste to get up. "You're awake!" Then he glowers at her. "Have you been up this entire time?"
"No. I woke up like, thirty seconds ago to literally feel you staring like you do it for a living." Juno flips her eyelids open. "What were you trying to do, burn holes into my face? Plot my demise?"
"No, I was trying to get you to wake up."
"Via intense glaring?"
"Yes."
"Well, congrats."
"Why'd it take you so long?" Haechan scowls, even if he's jumping for joy on the inside. "You just love to worry everyone, don't you?"
"Yes, because it was totally something I could control." Their tones are light and playful, and Haechan is glad for it. It means 'normal' is not quite so far away. Juno winces as she tries to get up, and he rushes to her side to gently push her back down. "How long?" she inquires.
"Three weeks," he answers.
"It's just as well. I needed that coma." She yawns loudly. "I feel so well-rested. Is this what it's like to get sleep?"
"Yes," he deadpans, secretly relieved by the way her eyes twinkle at him. All is right again in the world.
"What happened?" Juno asks after a stretch of silence.
"You overdosed," Haechan says flatly. "On sleeping pills."
"What... oh. Ah, shit." Her hands burrow into her mussed violet hair. "Jaemin must've told you guys about the withdrawals, right?"
"Yes." Haechan cocks his head to the side. "But everyone wishes you'd told them, too."
"I honestly was going to keep it to myself. Jaemin found out about it against my will, and it was too embarrassing to actually tell anyone else out of my own volition." She glances around. "But this is a lot more embarrassing. What kind of idiot falls into a coma?"
"An idiot who needs sleep and overdoses." Haechan retakes his seat. "But you have to understand that all of us would've helped you, if you'd only told us. That's what we're here for."
"Us?" Juno's eyes are sparkling again. "Yourself included?"
"Of course. Otherwise I wouldn't f*cking be here." Haechan shoots her a look. "Do you know how many times I've come to this room within just the past week just to stare at you until you woke up?"
"How many?" She sounds genuinely curious.
"Seventeen."
"You're kidding."
"Nope." He crosses his legs. "And that's an exact value. Somebody had to be here, just in case. But Dr. Han hates me now, so I couldn't visit more."
"Why?" Amusement laces her tone.
"I kinda blew up on her for giving you the pills in the first place that day we brought you here. Basically accused her of doing something illegal and blamed her for your coma." He shrugs. "Not very nice things, but they needed to be said."
"I bet." Juno leans back against the bed. "I feel quite honored, really."
"You should." Haechan regards her for a moment, the question he's been itching to ask on the tip of his tongue. But something stops him. He likes the way she is now, relaxed and breezy, those damn eyes dancing with their ever-present mischief. So he stands again, ready to head for the door. "I need to tell everyone you're awake. They're gonna be ecstatic."
"Wait." Juno's hands catch on his wrist.
Haechan's gaze drops to it. "What?"
Juno removes her hand, and he relaxes again. "Okay, so this might be really fucking selfish of me to say, but I kinda want to sleep a bit more because I might not be able to after this, and I know that Han's gonna start running tests the moment I get up and I'd rather not, at least for now, so maybe if you could just not tell anybody for, like, an extra hour. Please."
Haechan hesitates. But her pleading gaze gets to him eventually. "Fine. But only for an hour."
"Thank you." Juno exhales, catching a glimpse of herself in the nearby mirror. "Holy shit! Why do I look like that?"
"You did just rise from the dead." Haechan shrugs. "And you certainly look the part."
"Asshole," she sneers, but there's no venom behind it. "That's the part where you're supposed say, "No Juno, you look beautiful and wonderful and every other good adjective, not at all like you've been in a coma for three weeks because you're simply too fine for that."" Her lips curl. "Don't you know how these things work?"
Haechan just stares at her. Then he heaves a heavy sigh. "No Juno, you look beautiful and wonderful and every other good adjective, not at all like you've been in a coma for three weeks because you're simply too fine for that," he mumbles, as if he's being held at gunpoint.
An explosive laugh bubbles forth from her lips. "I didn't expect you to actually... wow," she chortles at his expense. "Why did you sound like that?"
"Only because you almost died," he grumbles.
"Sure," Juno laughs, catching her breath. Then she inclines her head to the side as she regards him for a long moment, studying his face like she's going to be asked to write an exam on it within the next few minutes.
Haechan squirms, uncomfortable. "What?"
"Now you see how it feels," she quips, and he rolls his eyes. "But I was just going to say that you don't look like you've been sleeping, either."
"I haven't. None of us have."
Juno hesitates for a second, and then she scooches over on the bed. "Get in."
Haechan blinks. His brain goes blank. Then he brings a bashful hand up to his mouth and bats his lashes. "OMG! Are you making a move on me right now?"
"No, jerk," she barks, rolling away so she no longer faces him. "I was only trying to be thoughtful. Don't come in, then."
A beat passes.
Haechan wordlessly peels back the blanket and enters, making sure to keep a proper distance between their bodies. His heart hammers, probably because he knows that if he's caught by any of his friends, he might not live to see the light of day. That's it. Juno feels the weight of him beside her, but decides not to focus on it as her eyes flutter closed. "Don't even think of trying anything," she mumbles.
"Like I would," he retorts, but soon his own eyes begin to droop.
Just like that, they fall asleep.
▸
"Haechan. I'll kill you."
"Why? I was only respecting her wishes."
"Since when do you care about people's wishes? Or respect?" Livi glares at him. "I cannot believe Juno woke up and you simply didn't tell a single soul until right now."
"Don't be dramatic, Olivia. It was only for an hour."
Reina has to physically restrain Livi as she makes a grab for the boy. Haechan, wisely, doesn't mention falling asleep on the bed with Juno, just in case they pop their veins.
"What if Noona goes into a coma again?" Jisung whines. "We may've just missed our chance."
"That's not how comas work," Haechan says.
"How would you know?" Renjun shakes his head. "I honestly cannot believe you."
"Fine. I'm sorry, alright? She'll wake up soon anyway, since you guys are so f*cking loud."
"Honestly," Juno mumbles. "Your shouting could raise the dead."
There is chaos as everyone's heads snap to where she is laying on the bed, blinking sleepily from the second phase of her week-long nap. Livi is by her side immediately, crushing the girl into her arms as she blubbers incoherently. Juno awkwardly pats her back. "Hey, stop this. What are you crying for?"
Reina's eyes are just as wet as she joins them in an impromptu group hug. "We missed you so much," she sniffles as they pull away. "Why would you do that to us?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Juno's eyes find the boys, and her parched lips stretch into a smile. "Hey."
"Don't you dare 'hey' us." Chenle angrily stomps closer to the bed. "Do you have any idea how much torture these past weeks have been?"
"No, I was asleep for most of it."
"This is not the time for jokes, Juju," Mark says, but he's struggling to not grin. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"Of course I'm okay. This, out of all things, shouldn't be what finally takes me out."
"Juno." Renjun's voice is quiet but firm as he eventually lifts his eyes to hers. "Why did you do it?"
She blinks. "Huh?"
"If you were having trouble, you should've told us. That's what friends are for. Especially here. We tell you about our issues all the time, but you never deign to do the same to us so that we can help you too." His small fists are clenched. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"
"Kill myself?" Juno blinks again, and then to their surprise, she chuckles. "Is that seriously what you believe I was trying to do?"
"Well, yeah." Jaemin sounds unsure. "You overdosed on all those pills."
"Not one of my better moments, that I'll admit." Juno looks at each of them. "But suicide wasn't on my mind. I was just going delirious from lack of sleep, and in that haze, my messy brain decided the pills might finally work if I took more of them. I wasn't trying to die."
Silence descends upon the group. Jisung averts his eyes. "Oh."
"Why would I, when I have all of you? When there's still so much to figure out about here?" Juno pauses. "I should've told you about the withdrawals, and my flair has definitely been hurting me more than I've been letting on. And I'm sorry. I will try to start being more open in that regard."
Renjun sticks out a pinkie. "Deal?"
Juno takes it. "Deal."
"That's a relief." Jeno speaks for the first time. "You know that we're all here for you."
"And I for you." Her smile dims, no longer reaching her eyes. "I haven't been a very good friend, I know. I'm constantly worrying you guys, making stupid decisions, and keeping things from you, always running off and getting you all involved in my baggage, and I really am sorry. I promise to do better-"
"Let's skip the self-blame, shall we?" Haechan drawls. "By the way, we found something we think you might be interested in."
"Oh, wait." Juno retrieves something from the pocket of her nightgown. "I found your ring. It was in the bed."
Haechan takes it gratefully. "Oh, thanks."
Jaemin's eyes rove between the two. "What was your ring doing in her bed?"
Juno opens her mouth to answer, but Haechan cuts her off before she can. "Just fell off while I was arranging the stuff on the table here earlier," he says lightly. Her brows rise at the untruth, but she says nothing of it.
"Anyway," Livi says, "you'll never believe what we found in Han's office."
Juno is surprised. "You guys went in her office?"
"She'd left it open and went out for a meeting, so we took our chance." Chenle retrieves a binder from his bag. "You know how you said weeks ago that you thought our flairs might be having psychological effects on us?"
Juno nods.
"Well, you might've been on to something." Everybody watches Renjun take her hand as he explains. "Turns out, we're tested mentally in addition to physically, just like we thought. And we found out that apparently specific chemical imbalances in our brains allude to possible mental illnesses."
Juno's eyes widen astronomically. "What?"
"Everybody has one." Jeno takes the file and hands it to her. "We were only able to quickly copy just the information for each of us and a few other people."
Juno glances through the first one on top of the pile. "So we are all, literally, fucked in the head?"
Renjun nods. "And all of us are given the same drugs."
"So... the school isn't even trying to treat these, at all? And they keep them from us so that we don't know," Juno breathes as she goes through the pile. One page in particular catches her eye, and a breath whooshes out from her lips. "Dano had psychopathy."
"Yes, he did." Livi concurs. "I know. It's a lot to take in."
"That explains a lot. All this explains a lot." Juno shakes her head. "Why do you think they keep these secret? Could the illnesses be positively affecting our flair performance?"
Jisung shrugs. "Maybe. That's all they care about in this place, anyway."
Juno is still rifling through the papers. "Did you print mine out, too? I can't find it."
Haechan peers over her shoulder. "Keep looking. It's in there."
Finally, she catches sight of the one with her name written on it. Juno pulls out the page, eyes immediately scanning downward to find out what they say is the matter with her brain.
CHEMICAL IMBALANCE INDICATOR: BIPOLAR DISORDER