I'd made the terrible mistake of speaking before thinking, once again. When I'd told Harry that I would be the keyboardist, I was full of adrenaline, ready to agree to anything if it'd make him happy.
I wasn't completely against the idea now that I was thinking rationally, but I was just so fucking terrified that I'd freeze. And although Harry wouldn't outright say it, he kept hinting towards wanting me to sing the "fuck you song," as he'd put it, at my first performance with the band.
Yeah, no way.
I'd mentioned multiple times that all I'd wanted to do was just play the fucking keyboard and that's all, so I've been desperately praying that he'd gotten the picture. Speaking of rehearsal, the first one that I'd be attending started in an hour and I was nearly shitting my pants. Harry asked the rest of the band to do it at his house, refusing to tell me why, but I knew he was trying to make me feel more comfortable about it.
He'd also sent me a recording of some more chords, just a small snippet, but they stayed replaying in my mind constantly. One of the nights I actually spent at home this week consisted of me digging out my old keyboard from the back of my closet and coming up with more chords to go along with it. It was a sound that was constantly echoing through the walls of my skull, consuming most of my thoughts as background noise.
Now, with only an hour to spare before I had to pretend like I had my shit together in front of the band, Harry and I were eating at both of our favorite place for lunch, Berenstein. It was crazy to me that we hadn't met before Isabel introduced us considering that it'd been our favorite place since either of us moved to LA. You'd have thought we'd run into each other before then.
They sold just about anything you could think of, yet made it like it was their specialty. One thing I know for sure is that when this place closes down, the world will be doomed. If a place so perfect like this could just cease to exist, I don't know how anything else could keep going on. I certainly would have a hard time doing so.
"Earth to Charlotte?" I heard Harry's voice distantly, pulling me away from my thoughts. My head snapped in his direction, unaware of how long I'd been away and how he didn't get annoyed every time I did this.
"Sorry..." I replied, feeling the warmth of his hand reaching over to lay on top of mine, rubbing small circles into my palm.
"You're nervous, huh?" he spoke bluntly.
"Maybe... But, I swear it's fine, okay?" I rebutted, hoping to rid him of that familiar expression of concern.
"I think we should get a milkshake to share, maybe that'd make things better, huh?" he asked and I couldn't hide my stare as I watched a single curl fall onto his forehead, dancing as he spoke.
"Sure, but we're getting chocolate," I settled before he was quickly standing and walking to the counter to order us one.
It killed me that he was always trying to make sure that I was okay, but it was better than him not caring at all. Still, it was hard for me to not feel like a burden with him when all of his effort was spent just trying to make sure he did the right thing or didn't do something to set me off.
He returned quickly with a chocolate shake in hand. I hated to admit it, but he was right - this was taking my mind off of my nerves, but maybe not in the way he'd intended. Something about the two of us, our foreheads nearly touching as we each sipped through our straws was driving me crazy.
"I think we should do this more often. I like being so close," I laughed as he tried to fish out the cherry that had now sunk to the bottom of the milkshake.
"You know, there are plenty of things we can do to be close other than sharing a milkshake, but at least I had a good idea, yeah?" he responded, now licking his fingers of the remnant ice cream from the drink.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," I laughed once more, trying to take his advice and not shielding my face as I did so. Sometimes I was blown away by just how much he affected my moods, and as if it were effortless for him.
Throughout these past couple months, he'd completely integrated him into my life, and for the better. I couldn't even remember what my life consisted of before I met him and although it scared the absolute shit out of me, I was trying my hardest to just be okay with it for once. Nothing about it was wrong and I needed to stop trying to ruin things out of fear that it would end. Everything was about him to me.
It wasn't much longer until we were heading back to his house, and he let me have control of the music. Maybe it was just how good of a day I'd been having with him, or maybe I was trying to work out my nerves before the rehearsal, but I decided to play the recording that I'd taken of myself playing the chords he'd sent me.
"No way, is this what you did with the song I sent you?" He asked, his face lighting up with a wide smile.
"Yeah, I think I settled on what the majority of it will sound like, just wanted to see what you thought of it," I replied, hoping he would have that look on his face every time that he looked at me.
"I love it!" He shouted over the music that was now playing at the highest volume.
"I'm still working out the melody and lyrics, but I think I have a pretty good idea of it! And I think it would sound a lot better on guitar too," I shouted, noticing the smile on my face that was now mirroring his.
"Hell yeah! I'm so glad you told me about everything," he spoke, turning down the music as it faded with its ending. "I've never been able to write a song with anyone before, but you make it so easy. Effortless. Makes me wanna write a million more if it means I'll hear you sing to me," he continued, leaning over to press a kiss against my cheek as we pulled up to a red light.
"Me too," was all I could manage, his lips trailing down to my jaw, his teeth nipping at my skin. I needed this red light to stay red forever, for more reasons than just one.
"'M sorry, just can't get enough of you," he breathed, pulling away just in time for the light to turn green again.
With the absence of his lips on me, I instinctively reached over, looping my hand through his as he drove. I hurriedly put on a different song, hoping we'd have time to let it finish playing through before we arrived at his house.
**BEGIN PLAYING HARNESS YOUR HOPES BY PAVEMENT**
"Sha sha sha sha sha," Harry sang along, waving his arm around, dragging mine with his as he sang.
"Like my music today, huh?" I chuckled, relieved that he was actually succeeding in taking my mind off of the rehearsal.
"I always like it, sunshine," he spoke before singing along with the rest of the song, which ended just as we pulled into his driveway.
As we were pulling into his driveway with only five minutes to spare, Mitch and Sarah pulled in behind us and the reality of the situation hit me. I was about to play in front of them.
Adam arrived only just a few minutes later and before I knew it we were all in Harry's music room where I'd told him that I could play just a few nights ago. I'd brought my keyboard like Harry asked me to and everyone was making conversation before we got started. However, I was perched right next to my keyboard, not daring to move and hoping that this whole thing would be fine.
Although I was in my head, my stare was fixated on Harry, noticing the way he talked to everyone else with such ease, the way he always rested his hand on his hip when he was deep in conversation. However, he was quickly walking away from Mitch as I watched, and now making his way towards me with a piece of paper in his hands.
"I think these are the songs we're going to work on, you already know a couple so it shouldn't throw you off too much. Sometimes we think of something else and we all just kind of learn our way through it, so don't stress," he said, his eyes locking with mine and his hand splaying across my back as he said the last bit.
"Okay... I might piss myself, but it's totally fine," I replied, hoping that maybe hearing his laugh would calm me. It did.
"Don't worry, most times we're all just as clueless as the next person around here, okay? You got this," he insisted, pressing a kiss to my forehead before making his way to the front of the room and settling in front of his mic stand.
"So we're starting with Bug Bites, everyone! After that, we'll see where the moment takes us," Mitch announced, and everyone pulled out the sheet music that Harry's apparently passed out to everyone.
"Oh, and before we start, let's all give Charlotte a thank you for joining us and being our keyboardist," Harry interjected, making my cheeks turn red with embarrassment, although the gesture was sweet.
"Thanks, everyone. Let's just hope I can keep up," I laughed, before everyone's attention was focused on their instruments as Harry counted us off.
Everything was fine. I already knew this song so it wouldn't be too hard to keep up and all I had to do was read the page. The only thing that really worried me was that the intro was carried by a synth. I quickly changed the setting on my keyboard to mimic the right sound and waited for Harry's nod for me to start. I could do this.
**BEGIN PLAYING BUG BITES BY DEL WATER GAP**
With his nod, my fingers were instinctively pressing down on the keys, my eyes not daring to roam from the paper in front of me and praying my hands would just keep moving.
Thankfully, they did. My pulse immediately slowed from its previous rapid pace and Harry turned back toward the front of the room, his hands finding their way to the microphone.
"We could share a life if we wanted to. This could be the loneliest lesson," his voice echoed through his house with the microphone amplifying it and I found my head bobbing along as my fingers pressed new keys to play new chords. I knew the rest of the band would be joining in soon with the chorus approach.
"And when you know I've been sleeping out makes you wanna hit me, makes you wanna kiss me too. I've been sleeping out, don't you want to hit me? Every single bug bite on your wrists, physical reminders, you become an island just like me. Right now,"
With the start of the chorus, I was a bit nervous as I changed from playing slow chords to quick patterns, but my worry vanished quickly.
When Sarah and Adam joined in, it was beautiful. A wave of confidence surged through me, all the way from the tips of my fingers to my toes. Before I knew it, we were all rocking back and forth with the beat of the music, Harry quickly taking the microphone off the stand and walking through the room.
We played through the second verse and it seemed to be over almost too soon before we were all barrelling through the next chorus. Harry stayed walking back and forth through the perimeters of the room, making sure to stop at each of us for a moment.
When he eventually made his way to me, I couldn't contain the smile that had made its way onto my face. I was actually having a good time playing like this, it was such an intimate experience, yet still so different from playing with just Harry.
It was like we were all connected, playing the same chords at just the right times, all of us relying on each other to get it right. As I looked around the room, everyone was smiling as they played, looking around at each other as if to see if everyone was experiencing the same thing.
Harry stayed by my side, both of our bodies rocking in the same motion as I sang along quietly under my breath, unable to resist the urge. The song was just so fucking good. His smile widened, noticing that I was also singing, before making his way back to the microphone as the bridge approached.
"Oh, love. Tell me we're not tragic. I can't let you go, but I can't really have you."
He repeated the lyrics, his voice getting louder as the notes got higher. Mitch picked the guitar in perfect synchronization and we were all getting antsy with the final chorus nearing.
Just as Harry began singing the chorus, I noticed everyone singing along, their smiles wide. I took the opportunity to join in, knowing my voice would be drowned out. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that I'd been drugged because the experience was out of body. My hands were still playing steadily, but out of instinct.
It baffled me that just a few minutes prior, I was freaking out and unsure if I'd be able to play. Now, here I was, playing with them like I'd done it a hundred times before.
My mind was free of thoughts and I only experienced joy as we finished out the song, Harry's voice echoing with only Mitch playing toward the end.
"That was awesome, Charlotte! Isabel wasn't joking when she said you could play!" Adam shouted as a wave of laughter overtook me.
"Me? You guys were awesome! I'm pretty sure this song was made for Harry's voice, and you guys never missed a beat! You guys are fucking awesome," I managed through laughter as everyone agreed.
"Well, anything we'd like to do differently or change?" Mitch asked. I could tell that he was the one who made sure everyone else got their shit together before shows.
"I think some harmony sound fucking sick on the chorus, what about you guys?" Adam chimed in, looking at everyone else for approval.
"Yeah, and I think we should do some background vocals on the bridge too. Some oohs and ahhs, you know?" Sarah added, and I could see everyone's gears turning, imagining what it would sound like.
"Yeah, I'd think that'd be perfect. Sarah, you wanna take the harmony?" Mitch agreed.
"I would, but it feels a little too high for me, I tried out a couple as we were playing. Charlotte, you know how to harmonize?" Sarah said, directing her attention to me.
"Oh, me? I-"
"Of course she does! If she can play like that, I know she's got a good voice." Adam interjected and I made a mental note to kill Isabel later tonight.
"I mean, I can try... There's no guarantee that you'll like it, but sure, I guess," I agreed, reluctantly. Good to know that my mouth moved quicker than my brain with people other than just Harry. Quickly, Harry was setting up a microphone in front of me so I could sing as I played.
"After they hear you sing, you're definitely going to have to show them the fuck you song," he whispered, his eyebrows raising as he waited for my answer.
"Don't push it," I responded, an odd feeling coming over me. It was definitely nerves, but they were good nerves. I was excited.
"Okay, let's take it from the chorus before the bridge. We can go into the bridge and test out Sarah's background stuff. And then we can finish with the last chorus and all sing, yeah?" Mitch spoke hurriedly, anxious to see the idea come to fruition.
"You heard the man, everyone. One, two, three,"
Before I could register what was happening, we were all playing again, everyone in sync. As Harry's voice rang out, so did mine, except I was singing a high harmony that I'd sung many times before. The only difference was that it was in my car with the volume maxed out when I was by myself.
Harry turned toward me, his eyes sparkling with excitement as he walked over to me, still singing without a single falter. I smiled as I sang with him, excited to hear what both of our voices sounded like supported by a band.
As the bridge hit, Sarah took a lower harmony as we sang together quietly as Harry sang the melody. It was so ambient and part of me wished that we could just sing that one part over and over and call it a day.
With the final chorus, everyone was singing just like last time, but into their mics. A chorus of voices echoed through Harry's house as we all sang along, with me still singing the harmony. It was just so fucking perfect.
We all stopped singing at the same place, allowing Harry to finish out the song. Only a few seconds of silence passed before everyone was cheering in agreement of how good it sounded.
"With a voice like that, I think we better find a new keyboardist, because we're about to have two lead singers," Sarah commented, surprising me because of her usual shy nature.
"Yeah, I don't know about that," I replied, hoping everyone would forget that she'd said it.
"You know, she writes songs too?" Harry chimed in, his voice commanding the room. I swear I could see all of their heads spin toward me at the same exact time.
"I've only written one, and it was with Harry the other day. It hardly counts," I rebutted, my eyes widening when they met his. I could kill him.
"You're definitely remembering wrong. You've written two with me." He continued. If the earth were to open up and swallow me whole, I honestly wouldn't mind right now.
"Yeah, but that one was mostly you," I argued, hoping he'd just drop it and that everyone else wasn't reading too much into it.
"Well, you gotta show us at least one of them," Mitch chimed and Adam and Sarah were quick to agree. Well now I had to fucking show them.
"Fine, fine. I'll show you the one we wrote together, but that's it." I gave in, hoping that their attention would be more focused on Harry than me as we sang.
He wasted no time grabbing his guitar, sitting down on the floor cross-legged and I followed suit.
"Just a disclaimer, I only wrote the chorus. The rest is all on her," he spoke, quickly beginning to play, leaving me no time to argue before I had to sing.
We sang through Jewel, everyone's attention captivated by us. My voice was shaky as the only music playing along was Harry strumming on his guitar. As we sang, I closed my eyes, attempting to let the music just do its thing and shake my nerves. I'd be lying if I said it didn't help.
It felt like it was only Harry and I, just like the day when we'd written it. I was actually really proud of the song and how it'd turned out, now I was just praying that everyone else in the room thought the same thing.
Diamonds are forever, but I've got something better
Yes I do
And all the precious metals are just roses without pedals
Next to you
The lyrics spoke so deeply to me, a perfect encapsulation of how I felt about Harry and I couldn't help the smile that infected my face as we sang together. It was like bearing my soul to the rest of the band as they listened, but more importantly to Harry. There couldn't be a doubt in his mind that I'd written it about him, and it made me happy to know that. Just like how aware I was that his lyrics for the chorus didn't just come from the top of his head.
The song was all of the best parts about us. The undying perseverance. The messing it up, but ending with things right. The feeling that I could never be close enough to him, as if I'd only be content if I could live inside of him. Everything was about him to me. Everything.
As we finished singing, the entire band erupted into applause, everyone shouting praise as they sat their instruments down to just process everything. My stomach was tight with excitement, filled with content now that I knew they'd liked it.
"So we can scratch one song off of our search for this week's setlist, right?" Adam commented, making my head spin with how quickly it went from a song that only Harry and I'd known about to something we'd be performing. Together.
"Yeah, I'd think so. God I wish I could write a fucking song. You two make me sick," Mitch spoke sarcastically, his smile prominent. "I think we should add a little bit of bass toward the end at that last chorus, though," he continued. I couldn't agree more.
"Sounds go0d, should be easy enough," Adam replied, already picking his bass back up.
"Well, I think Sarah should add a third harmony here and there as well," I chimed in, Harry's wide, pretending to be shocked at my input.
"Yeah, totally. I could add a little bit of dissonance, it would be perfect," Sarah replied, and my heart fluttered. God, this was perfect.
For the next hour, we ran through some more songs. I was only unfamiliar with one of them, but so was everyone else, making my few mistakes seem less noticeable. By the end of the practice, we were all starving and ready to quit.
Mitch brought up everyone going to eat at Berenstein as we packed up, and even though Harry and I'd eaten there for lunch, we both agreed without any hesitation. It was the best place on earth, after all.
Harry and I were climbing into his car to follow everyone else, finally giving us a moment to talk, just the two of us. I hadn't realized how much I valued my alone time with him until I had to share it with other people.
"So, how do you feel, sunshine?" He chuckled, his hand quick to grab mine.
"Honestly, really good. I didn't freeze or panic, I mean we fucking showed them a song, which I decided to name Jewel by the way, I hope you don't mind. Anyway, that was fucking amazing! I never realized how nice it feels to play with other people until today. Makes me wish I could've done something like that before now," I rambled, my thoughts eager to escape my mind.
Harry smiled as he drove and listened, thanks to my rambling for nearly the entire drive. I liked that he didn't mind though. He didn't make me feel like too much, he just listened and agreed with me on the majority of it.
"I just can't get over how good you sounded, too. Your voice is like a fucking angel, I swear. And when we sing together I just want to cry from how unreal it feels, you know?" I asked, hoping he'd shared the same feelings as me.
"I know exactly what you mean," he replied, pulling my hand up to reach his lips as he pressed a small, gentle kiss into my skin.
Although I had fun showing the band our song, I was glad that we'd made it through dinner without Harry mentioning the other song that I'd written about Will. We talked about a lot, mostly what other songs to do, and stayed for nearly an hour after we'd finished eating before Harry and I were making our way back to his house.
When we'd arrived, I found myself back in front of his piano, playing the chords that still rang in my mind despite all of the other songs I'd played today.
"Working on this one, huh?" Harry asked, his hands making their way to my shoulders, rubbing small circles as I played.
"Yeah, I was hoping you would play with me? I don't have lyrics yet but maybe finishing the music will help?" I suggested, and he immediately agreed, reaching for his guitar.
Thinking of lyrics as we played, all I could think of was Harry. Like I'd been saying, he was just everything.
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Ahhhhhhh hey guys! I'm so excited for the things I have planned for this fic, you have no idea!!!
I hope you're all doing well!! As usual, thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a vote!