𓈃 𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗔 ° 𔘓
𖥻 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗋𝗈𝖽𝗎𝖼𝗂𝗇𝗀 ┊𝗖𝗛𝗢𝗜 𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗔 ִֶָ𓂅
[2022]
"are you ready?" manager kim asked me.
i exhaled and grinned excitedly, "i am." i nodded while rubbing my palm together.
"alright. let's go." manager kim told me and turned to the bodyguards.
they walked in front of us while manager kim and i walked behind them. i adjusted my ring around my fingers while we walked to the red-carpet venue.
we passed through some idols' greenroom while walking towards the red-carpet venue.
after a whole long injury... i'm finally back.
some were quite surprised to see me. probably they thought that i wouldn't be attending because of my injuries. well, it's been a while since it happened. so, i recovered quite quickly with the help of medication, vitamins, and healthy foods and was able to prepare for the performances. even though it's not that energetic, i think my fans would like it more if i can attend the award show.
reaching the door that leads outside, we waited for the cue first.
"i am so nervous," i said and grinned at the camera that follows us since a while ago.
"you said you were excited," said manager kim.
"...and nervous." i paused before speaking.
he chuckled and smiled.
upon hearing the cue from the emcee and after the female emcee said my name, i walked out of the door. camera flashes immediately flashed on me as soon as i got out. fans were also screaming and cheering wildly when seeing me.
that is not surprising at all since i did not announce that i was attending the show.
"nae! making a surprise appearance, our one and only, hana!" said the female emcee as i was waving to the cameras and fans who were surprised to see me.
"nae, she was injured a month ago. but surprisingly, she looks fully recovered today. with a beautiful smile on her face, greeting the cameras and her beloved fans, i'm sure all her fans are surprised to see her this evening." said the male emcee.
"we want to call her up now but i think not yet," said the female emcee.
the photographers were still actively taking photos of me as i smiled and waved to them. a few seconds later, the venue staff cued me onstage.
i followed her instructions and walk towards the staircase.
a staff then handed me a microphone and i held it in my left hand. i was complicating and thinking of how i could lessen the risk of me getting up the stairs without hurting myself or carefully when manager kim came and held his arm for me to hold on while walking up the stairs.
"gomawo," i whispered and grinned to him as i walk up the stairs.
he then quickly leaves after i already get onto the stage. i was still traumatized of the stairs. sometimes, i try to avoid stairs as much as i could.
"nae, hana-ssi. please greet your fans first," said the female emcee.
"annyeonghaseyo, everyone! hana here!" i grinned and waved to the audience in front of me. they cheered and screamed after i did my greetings. i chuckled.
"hana-ssi, what's with the surprise attendance? everyone thought that you wouldn't come to this evening's mma? are you all recovered? what about your performances?" the emcees asked. i grinned.
"i'm sorry for not noticing fans beforehand. i was really busy preparing for tonight's performance. i am, fortunately, luckily, praise god, 95% recovered. i will be performing live onstage today. i've prepared a huge stage and i really hope my fans will love it." i said to and smiled.
"hana-ssi, what can we expect for tonight's performance? can you give us some hints?" the emcees asked. i grinned and hummed.
"well, i cannot say a lot about this performance but i put my effort for this performance when i was still recovering from my injuries. so, i hope fans will love it." i explained.
"arraseo, arraseo." the emcees agreed as well.
a few more conversations before i was permitted to leave the stage. when walking down the stairs, manager kim once more held out his arms for me to hold on.
i was just using flats. i did not dare to wear heels. i'm really worried that i might injured myself again even though i'm fully recovered.
if i wasn't wearing heels when i was pushed down the stairs, the injuries might be a lot less bad. but since i was wearing high heels and pointy heels, it injured my foot badly. so, for now, no heels yet.
anyways, after the red-carpet appearance, she went back to her waiting room.
🤎🤎🤎
i covered my mouth with both my palm when i once more, yawned.
somi who noticed it laughed quietly. i heard it before turning to somi and grinning sheepishly.
"can't help it," i said softly while looking at the stage. a group was performing onstage and my turn is at the end of the show. almost at the end.
"you kept on drinking your water until it was finished to prevent you from getting sleepy. now that your water is finished, you're already sleepy back." somi said to me. i chuckled and stretched my arms.
having to sit for a very long time, taking care of manners, and not chitchat with other idols during this event is truly torture.
"hana," i heard from my back.
"nae?" i replied as i turned to felix who was behind me. felix from stray kids.
he pointed at manager kim who was at the ground, calling me over. i nodded and thanked felix. i turned to somi and told her that i'm going to the floor level for a few minutes. she just nods and let me.
i use the side staircase and met with manager kim.
"yah, you yawned a lot of times. drink this." he handed me a cup of iced coffee. i usually don't drink coffee but this can't be helped. the only way for me to stop yawning is to have caffeine.
i drink an amount of it and cross my fingers, no more yawning.
"i don't know why i am yawning so much," i said while pouting, taking a seat on the bench near the stage where idols were seated.
"because you didn't get enough sleep obviously," said manager kim.
i sighed and drink more of the coffee. it tastes better when it's cold. i don't really like hot coffee. i like coffee with milk and sugar. i don't like plain coffee.
after drinking the coffee, i rush to the restroom, get my makeup touched up and get back to my seat, freshened up. finally, not sleepy anymore and i can enjoy the award show better.
🤎🤎🤎
"alright, everyone! gather up for our cheer!"
i announced to the dancers. all of us gathered while manager kim hold his phone up to torch us under the stage.
"let's do this properly. forget about anything else. just this performance. we didn't even get to rehearse. just like what we did in the practice room but this one is on a bigger scale. do it properly." i said to my dancers while looking at them. they nodded. our hands were gathered in the middle together.
"let's do it all with our energy. if you forget the choreography, freestyle. if you fall down, get up. if you fall off the stage..." i paused and sighed. my dancers laughed.
"shake it off and come back onstage. let's not be too serious. enjoy ourselves." i said.
"nae!" they said together.
"team hana!" i cheered once before they cheered once again, louder.
immediately, we scattered to our stations. i went to the middle elevator and get on it. i waited for the music. i waited for the vcr to start and that will be the cue that the elevator will slowly rise while the vcr is playing on the screen.
i close my eyes while gathering my courage.
can't deny that i am so nervous and excited. i will be performing kiss me more and dream of you. i will only perform half of kiss me more since i'm not gonna rap sza's part.
i will only perform 2 songs tonight. to make it specific, only 1 ½ songs. i'm performing the whole dream of you but half of kiss me more. so, basically one and a half songs.
after a few minutes of sitting on the elevator, the stage director said through my earpiece that the elevator is going up and the performance is starting.
i get to my position and slowly, the elevator goes up while the vcr was still playing.
the stage was dark but the screen beside the stage shows the short and simple vcr. even though we had less than a month to film the vcr, we were able to make something short and very simple.
in the vcr, a young woman was walking through a corridor in a spaceship and she had her headphones around her neck. after pressing the play button on her phone, she puts on her headphones, and immediately, the song started onstage.
when the song starts, the fans cheered loudly and the stage lit up. the screen behind me showed colors that matches the theme of the song.
the choreography for kiss me more, for only tonight was also changed so i won't be too tired when performing the song. it was more into slow movement on the leg and only a lot of arms and head movements.
since it was a little sexy and cute-themed, the choreographs for tonight's performance were also cute and sexy rather than all throughout sexy.
also, i sang but didn't say the curse words that i originally put in the song since this is a family-friendly award show. so, no cursing or explicit content, or you will be banned from the show.
as time passed by, the first performance ended.
the intro for dream of you was made longer than it originally was so i have time to take off my skirt and top. i just take off my clothes onstage while the song intro was playing.
of course, fans were cheering and screaming wildly when i took off my skirt and clothes, revealing my short revealing dress. not that revealing. still appropriate for those under 18 years old. well, those under 12 years old can only watch mama under their parents' guidance. so, quite okay.
and so, the last performance was performed. a little sexy.
not gonna lie though, dream of you is about sex. plus, it's all english and everyone can understand it. the meaning is also very clear in the lyrics. nothing to hide.
🤎🤎🤎
after biding goodbye to thefans, i head backstage together with somi. we walked side by side to ourwaiting room. the show had finally ended and it is finally time to rest.
"where are you going to eat after this?" somi asked me.
"ooh, i have a date with somebody." i said with a grin.
"date? are you serious?" she asked me, shocked and looking at me. i laughed, "i was just joking!" i said and slapped her arms playfully. she pouted.
"eunnie, you need to tell me if you already have someone special," somi said to me. i laughed.
"don't worry. eunnie will tell you. i'm going on a dinner with vernon after this," i said to her. she looked at me and smirked. i chuckled, "yah, we're nothing. plus, his sister is joining us." i told her.
"he didn't come tonight's mma," she said.
"yeah, i don't know why they never attend mma." i said as we walked.
"probably too much competition and it's just a waste of time and energy to prepare for the performances." somi said. i nodded in agreement.
"we prepared months ahead of this performance. just to perform less than 10 minutes." i said.
she nods.
"alright then. my room is here," she said as we stopped in front of her greenroom.
"oh, okay then. i'll see you tomorrow." i said to her with a smile.
"nae. take care, eunnie." she said before giving me a quick hug. "nae. you take care of yourself too." i said to her and smiled.
"nae. good night," she said while waving.
"good night too," i smiled and bowed to her staff who were inside the room and who was entering the room. after that, i walk with my staff towards my waiting room.
i sigh in relieve after one award show is done.
🤎🤎🤎
i walked into the italian restaurant together with manager kim and two of my bodyguards. we immediatelywent upstairs because sofia texted me that they are upstairs, lesser people.
since it's nearly midnight, there are lesser customers. the restaurant is open until 3 am. nice, right?
i saw the siblings seated together, across each other. i walked towards them and vernon was the first one to realize my present. i signaled him to keep quiet as i slowly walk towards sofia who was seated backwards from me.
i tapped her shoulders and she turned to my back.
"eunnie!" she grinned and chuckled.
"annyeonghaseyo," i giggled as i pulled the chair beside her and take a seat. manager kim and my two bodyguards took another table a few tables from us.
"nah, yours." i said while giving sofia a paper bag. medium size. i took off my cap and mask after she took the paper bag. i could finally breathe properly and comfortably without the mask on.
"what's this?" she asked curiously before peeking into the bag. she gasped softly.
"the kids brought back lots of sugars from yogyakarta. i mean – sweets and snacks. so, i got some for you. there are tons more in the refrigerator. some aren't even in the refrigerator yet." i told her and look at vernon.
"yogyakarta for what?" he asked me.
"fashion photoshoot. dong-won and hye-joon went there for a week, two weeks ago. so, brought lots of unnecessary sweets. too much." i said and shook my head.
sofia laughed while vernon simply chuckled.
"wah, thank you so much." sofia said to me.
"you're welcome." i grinned. "have you ordered?" i asked them while taking off my jacket.
"no, not yet. was waiting for you." sofia said, putting the paper bag away.
"that's sweet. let's order then." i said to them.
we ordered our food and waited for it. while waiting, our drinks came first and we talked about what happened during mma just now. well, nothing much. just lots of performances and me sweeping daesangs.
"did you guys watch it?" i asked them.
"yeah," sofia and vernon both nodded. "i can't believe it that you're actually here. a three daesang winner is actually here with me. with us. maybe others are at their dance studio," sofia said. i laughed in response.
"well, i did well tonight. so, gotta reward myself and take a break. i haven't gotten enough sleep for the past four, five days. it's been a rough week." i said and smiled blandly.
"how is your forehead?" vernon asked me.
i pushed my hair away and showed the band aid, stick on the side of my forehead to cover the wounds that i had during the incident.
"was it stitched?" sofia asked me.
i nodded, "four stitches. just a small one but it was deep enough. some more, it was infected because i was on the ground and it was expose with lots of bacteria. sand and you know, staircase, where people's feet were. so, i had to take two antibiotics if i'm not mistaken." i said to them.
"what about your ankle and wrists?" vernon asked me.
i showed my wrist. now wrapped with herbal band aids. it warms up my wrist so it won't be swollen. it also relaxes the muscle so it won't tense up.
"still painful?" he asked while taking my wrist.
"not really. just precautions since i was really using my hand during the performance just now. lots of hand movements," i said and chuckled. he let my hand go and i pulled back.
"eunnie's performance was really good. i watched it and i was so obsessed with kiss me more," sofia said. i laughed and grinned.
"i'm glad you liked it," i chuckled. "are you and groupmates going to mama?" i asked vernon before sipping my drinks. he nodded, "yeah. we are. leaving tomorrow afternoon." he said.
i raised my eyebrows, surprised, "oh, i'm leaving tomorrow afternoon too." i said to him.
"really?" he asked me, eyes widened.
"yeah. around 1:50 pm, i think. around that time because i heard that it was the only flight available for tomorrow. somi is also taking the same flight. we're sitting side by side." i told him.
"ah, jinjja? i think we're on the same flight too. i think a lot of idols are taking the same flight. why is it only one flight for tomorrow, huh? that's weird..." vernon said.
"i don't know but perhaps something happened politically? maybe, i don't know." i said and shrugged.
"is it?" sofia asked.
"maybe," i grinned and chuckled.
"what seat did you take?" vernon asked me.
"business class." i said and smiled.
"i took first class." he replied and i nodded. "somi and i was sponsored. so, we didn't really mind taking any seats even though economy. i really want to try economy though." i said.
"short flight, economy is a good choice. long flight? from seoul to new york, really need the most comfortable. at least business or first." sofia said.
"damn, you're right. you can't cramp up for a 14-hour flight duration. you really cannot do that. business and first class are a must for those who afford. even traveling for 14 hours is really exhausting. i can't take it. the moment i step into the airplane for the first-time last year when going to the us, i already felt dizzy because i wasn't used to being in the airplane anymore." i told them.
"ah~, the flight is actually catered for only k-pop idols. so, it is really, so, only idols and their guards. no other people except for idols, managers and a few stewards and pilots." vernon said while looking at his phone.
i widened my eyes, "how is that possible? no stewardess? only stewards?" i asked him and he nods.
"why!?" i pouted.
"has there been any news? any scandals between idols and stewardess?" sofia asked. i laughed and turn to sofia, "did your read lots of fanfictions?" i asked her and she showed me her palm and we high fived.
"what's a fanfiction?" vernon asked.
"nothing!" both sofia and i said in unison.
"google..." he continues while looking at his phone. sofia immediately snatches his phone and at the same time, the waitress and waiter came bringing us our food that we ordered.
"no need to search it. not important and unnecessary," said sofia while putting vernon's phone in her bag. i laughed and shook my head. he looked dumbfounded.
"let's eat!" i said and ready to eat the food that was served in front of us.
and so, we started eating.
🤎🤎🤎
after dinner, we decided to go for a short walk along the streets. since the street is quite quiet and lesspeople, there's no problem to go for a walk.
"how's your parents by the way?" i asked vernon and sofia.
"they are doing great," sofia replies.
"that's good then. you're living with your parents right, sofia?" i said.
"nae," she replies.
"oppa comes back from time to time too," sofia told me, referring to vernon.
"of course, he goes back. i wished i could go back from time to time too. but jeju-do and super busy schedules. damn, i haven't went back jeju over 10 years." i said and shook my head as i slip my hands into the pocket of my padded jacket.
"ten years?" sofia asked, shocked.
"nae," i nodded and smiled blandly. "i know, it's shocking. i never went back jeju-do already. i think, 12 years including this year." i said.
"that long? you never had a break?" sofia asked me.
"i only have one day break. it's always one-day break. plus, i'm on-call every second. if i am needed, i need to go to the office. plus, for 8 years i was training. so, no break. no holidays." i said.
"don't you miss your hometown?" vernon asked me.
"neomu (very much). i am thinking to go back first before the concert tour starts next year. but then," i sighed and shook my head. "i only have two days break. so, my parents said that they will come to seoul instead of me going back there. plus, that break, i'm also on-call 24 hours." i said.
"you're really busy. but it's quite a relieve that you have time to go out to meet friends. at least you're not boring, only at home. eh, but you have your kids, right?" sofia said.
i chuckled, "the kids are in japan already." i said.
"for?" sofia and vernon questioned.
"dong-won and shin-hye is going to make appearance at mama. they are going to dance when the nominations are announced. the best dance male groups, female groups, male solo and female solo. they went to japan yesterday." i said.
"woah, attending mama? are they going on red carpet with you?" sofia asked.
i chuckled, "aniyo. just doing appearance when dancing. just that. that's what i know. i don't know if there are other things that they are going to do." i said and shrugged.
"so, what about cho-reum and hye-joon?" vernon asked.
"they are at japan too. we're going to disneyland the day after mama," i said.
"ah~, a short holiday with the children?" sofia said. i nodded in response, "we never had any holiday together or outing together. plus, this time, no filming. just family time together." i smiled.
"is cho-reum's father joining?" vernon asked and i shook my head, "no. he already has his own family." i said to him.
the siblings widened their eyes, "really?" sofia asked. i nodded and chuckled, "got another girl pregnant. this time because of the girl's strict parents, he had to marry her. forced." i said. they looked shocked once more.
"does he visit cho-reum anymore?" vernon asked.
i shook my head and exhaled, "he told me he's done with cho-reum. so, i told cho-reum that he has moved out of seoul for work and wouldn't be visiting her anymore."
"damn, that's sad..." vernon muttered.
"i couldn't tell her that her father doesn't want to meet her again because he's done with her. to put it straight, he's the father. but damn, i'm not a forcing type. plus, i have my helpers to help me take care of cho-reum. so, i don't really mind. plus... his girlfriend is a bitch too." i muttered the last few words.
sofia and vernon laughed.
"wae?" sofia asked me why. i hissed and shook my head.
"the last time i saw her was when cho-reum's father pick the kids up for school in the morning. so, i send the kids to the car he was driving. the girl was there, sitting in front. but didn't even bother to look at me. didn't greet me. just act like i was not there when i was talking with cho-reum's father. i was quite stunned but then, hmm, okay. it's okay. dong-won also told me that she never talks to them. and then i told them, it's okay. you don't have to talk to her." i said to them.
"wow, that's... is she older than you?" vernon asked.
"a year younger than me? nearly 2 years younger than me if i'm not mistaken." i answered.
"eunnie, there are a lot of other men in this world who wants you. and, would volunteer to take care of all four of your children," said sofia. i chuckled.
"that's what i thought." i said and grinned.
"what's with you and daniel-hyung though?" vernon asked.
"na (me)?" i asked him back. he nodded.
"wae? are you jealous?" sofia shot a look at vernon. he looked back at her and she laughed, moving to my side, didn't want to be attacked. i chuckled and pulled her to my other side and made me in the middle of the siblings. i put my arms around her arms and continue talking.
"there's nothing between us," i said to vernon.
"nothing? there's obviously something..." he replied and smirked.
"ah, oppa is jealous." sofia whispered to me. i laughed.
"ah, sofia!" vernon exclaimed. i laughed together with sofia.
"arraseo, i'll tell you the truth." i said.
"you're dating daniel-oppa?" sofia asked, excitedly.
i shook my head, "aniyo. but our companies are making us date. fake date. to gain popularity and to cover one thing that will be announced next year." i said.
the two looked surprised.
"fake dating?" they asked and i nodded.
"daniel is quite popular in china too. so, sm entertainment suggested us for me to help daniel gain more popularity. plus, i heard there's something huge is going to happen next year. in k-pop and politically. so, daniel and i are used for this time. just for six months though." i said to them.
"wow..." vernon muttered.
"dispatch is going to announce it. 1st of january. we're the couple that people thought are really dating. we purposely didn't hide. everything will be fake. but we'll try to distract the citizens or k-pop fans." i said.
"is that what happened between jennie and kai too? what about daniel and jihyo? momo and heechul? joy and crush?" sofia asked.
i shook my head, "that i don't know. but a lot of fans say that it's because of that too. political and any scandals. i'm not sure. i don't know about them. daniel and jihyo, i don't know. i never asked about them." i said and shrugged.
"wow, now the government is using k-pop idols to cover scandals." vernon said.
"yeah, gotta be careful. your group could be next. i was shocked when i heard sm told me that. at first, i didn't agree. but then sm said for me to help daniel gain more popularity too. then i said, fine. fake dating. 6 months. we already start going out a month ago. once. cameras were around us. some were hired by sm to take photos of us and give it to dispatch. i think i'm acting in a k-drama. damn." i said and sighed.
"do you think you can restrain yourself from falling in love with daniel?" sofia asked.
i chuckled, "even if i have feelings for him... i think i'll never tell him. he's a friend. good friend. just like me and your oppa." i said to sofia.
"but he likes you," sofia whispered to me but enough for vernon to hear too.
"sofia..." vernon said in a warning tone.
"run in three, two, one!" i said before sofia and i run forward together while laughing, leaving vernon behind with our bodyguards and managers.
sofia and i was ahead. just the girls.
"but i'm serious, eunnie." sofia said to me with a soft voice.
"i know," i smiled, knowing it.
"you know?" she asked me, surprised.
"i do." i nodded and look at her. she looked at me with her jaw dropped. i laughed, "i do. i know. keep it a secret or your brother will be really embarrassed. probably gonna be awkward with me next time." i said.
"how did you know?" she whispered to me.
"jeonghan-oppa told wonwoo-oppa. he then told me last year when we were filming mv for bittersweet. he told me, yah, have you noticed that hansol has something with you?" i said with a soft voice.
sofia gasped and squealed in excitements. i laughed.
"do you like him too?" sofia whispered to me. i chuckled and shot her a smirk.
"jinjja-ro? eunnie! don't lie!" sofia said while our arms are linked. i just chuckle.
"i can hear you two," vernon said from behind.
"we know!" sofia and i said in unison before laughing together.
let's just... put that one there first.
♡