Tessa
For the first time since..since I don't know how long I don't wake from the alarm, which precisely my routine nightmare has been… Instead this time, my stomach grumbles angrily and ruins my peaceful slumber.
I groan, when I start feeling the surroundings.
It's morning, definitely late in the morning. Even with closed eyes, the brightness surrounding me is evident, making my head heavier. And it's hot.
Which chips of my slumber a little more because it isn't supposed to be this hot. As far as my still waking brain can process, it is supposed to be cold. It is supposed to be bitter cold. No?
Instead I feel hot. Extremely hot and hungry.
As my sleep gets lighter, I feel I am sweating. I can feel sweat drip slowly from over my forehead, following the path through my temple to my neck. And the sticky feeling washes off my sleep more.
It's that urge to wipe away the sweat that makes me want to raise my hands and run them over my forehead to wipe the wetness off but I feel constricted.
With still closed and exhausted eyes I try again, more so because I want to cover my eyes but the soft fluffy constriction is persistent.
The last thing I remember is, shoving my face into Hardin's chest, but that isn't supposed to be this satiny and fluffy!?
I groan as my brow knit in confusion. I refuse to open my eyes to face the world. There is a lurking need to just not wake up right now.
But my stomach. My hot wet skin and the unknown sheet under my body has other plans. It forces me to open my eyes, even though they complain about the strength of the light.
Yep definitely late in the morning…
The first thing I notice after I have blinked a few times and adjusted my eyesight to the brightness is that the ceilings are not something I am used to, it's a new place..
Focusing a little I remember sleeping in a hotel room… because…. because…. Casino… Suite… Hardin…
Fuck!!!!
In haste I try to get up from the bed trying to take in my surroundings. But like I said I am constricted. I look down at my body in confusion and a weird squeak emits my mouth. I see myself completely wrapped in a white comforter like a freaking burrito .
That widens my eyes, stripping off sleep completely off my eyes.
What the hell is this?
I look to my side.
And no, Hardin is not there, adding to my confusion..
I am alone in this bed and caged in a comforter like somebody has deliberately tried to imprison me in here.
Kicking my hands and legs in every other direction and wriggling my body like a bug I loosen the comforter. I wince once, because my actions causes my hair to get pulled.
Damn it!!
But recovering quickly, I wriggle some more.
Once loose, I kick the comforter away with both my feets making it fall to the other side of the bed.
It takes me exactly half a second to realise that I am completely naked underneath and I gasp in horror. Shuffling like a maniac I pull it back and hurry to cover back up to my chest.
I shift and drag myself back until I am sitting back and my body is resting on the headrest. I exhale from the short heart attack from embarrassment.
Five minutes into waking up in the morning and I already feel like I have returned from being in a war. So I sit there clutching the comforter at my chest tightly and breathe.
And in the most cliché way, that is exactly when everything from the past ten to twelve hours comes rushing in like a raging cyclone.
The costly Casino.. The posh party.. Those bitches!!
"Ohhh… Mr. Scott… So nice to meet you…"
Almost immediately I feel annoyed adding to my cramped headspace.
But then the embarrassment seeps in.
Me getting petulantly jealous over women around him and leaving!!
Oh my god!!
I click my tongue, practically pinching the skin under my throat, ashamed at my own stupidity.
I rub two fingers of the free hands over my temple.
Seattle, LA and now last night… My drunk mishaps just knows no end.
Last night Hardin was being so careful but I took a risk by leaving just carelessly . And I was caught by Aurther. Now even he must be thinking that his Mr. Scott was better off without my crazy ass.
"I think you need to shut the fuck up and let me fuck you.."
"Don't Tess me. I want sex. Right now."
Oh fuck!!
I pull my knees to my chest under the comforter and slap my hands over my face feeling the need to drown myself in complete embarrassment as Hardin's dumbstruck , flushed face flashes in front of me.
And the scenes in my mind are not even hazy because like I said last night to him I wasn't belligerently drunk. I was just tipsy enough to have lost that filter. Completely at that.
" Pardon me for trying to fix shit and not make a similar mistake twice Theresa! " He snaps in mix of fear and impatience.
"You were helpless, stuck and I took advantage of you Tess…" He begs, his voice filled with deeprooted shame. But not understanding my need for him...
I throw my head back, closing my eyes. I am ashamed how practically I whined into forcing him to fuck me while he was genuinely trying to be nice. He was trying so hard. I know.
Or I fucked him.
I forced him into giving in to my demand. My demand which my normally sober brain or mouth would never accept. The demand I felt the entire evening yesterday and spewed it all in liquid courage the moment we found privacy. The moment his eyes captivated me.
" Well then let's make it even. I am drunk. I want to take advantage of... of you. " I throw back at him own words. Desperately carving my way to make him succumb
" I need you to repent. Let me fuck you." I him... It's actually a good idea... He gets repent. I get tp have him..
I practically tumble over to the other side, lacing the comforter more around me until I shove my possible tomato face in pillows to hide. It difficult to believe I did all this but I did. I know I did.
But along with shame I am immediately bombarded with his scent. His maddening scent.
I inhale sharply and It makes me crazy… Him looking like that, in a suit last night made me crazy. And shamefully horny. So I threw myself to him until he was practically helpless.
I took advantage of him.
It's like we are even now and quite literally.
I know I am right as I visualise myself negotiating with him. I remember him scared to a point where I could feel it in each touch of his on my skin. I could feel him his shaking begging form. I could went he down on me apologizing. When he let me ride him, giving up control.
I have literally scarred him for life with my behaviour, like a sex-crazed person. I am sure.
So I shove my face deeper into the pillow hide away from him, but I get more soaked in his scent, extracting comfort.
But that it until I hear his voice from a distance.
It's isn't the soft voice he used on me last but the rough loud tone.
Squinting my face and turning my head to the side, I focus on his speech a little, perking my ears up…
".... I don't fucking… … I cannot put her….. that…" His sentence reaches me half. Worry takes over my system because of the agitation I can hear from this distance in his voice.
Even though I don't get the sentence I feel like I know the reason for half of his agitation.
Ofcourse he is beating himself up about last night. Of course he is too scared to stay beside me this morning. Of course he is outside alone anxious about my expected reaction about last night. Because as far as I know he will put it all on himself. He will put it entirely on himself even though I was the drunk one.
The need to hide vanishes just like that and the need to find out what is wrong outside takes over immediately. I turn back over producing myself out from the comforting scent of the pillow and kick the comforter away again to sit up.
I have already been naked last night with Hardin so who the hell cares, Right ?
But obviously I'm not going to go out there walking like this naked so I roam my eyes around the room to find something to wear.
The first thing I notice are my earrings which Trish gifted me and the hair pin safely and neatly placed on the bedside table. I'm a little relieved that he chose to treat those things with care because of course they are important for me and I am thankful I didn't lose them while being drunk last night.
The next thing I notice is my velvet dress which is also neatly placed on the sofa beside the bed along with his clothes…
I hop off the bed in urgency.
Wearing that dress right now is impossible and impractical so I reached out for Hardin's white shirt in the pile. I quickly just slip it on. It takes me ten seconds thankfully because I don't need to unbutton and button back, given it's way too large on me to slip on just like that. I smoothen it and look at it satisfied that it reaches my knees.
Giraffe!!
I'm already walking while I am pushing the sleeves to make my hands immerge. And as gently as possible I open the door to not alarm him and peek out.
My eyes immediately locates him in a flash by the couch. It's impossible not to when he is standing in just a track pant , with his back fully on display to along with gorgeous physiques. To add to that, oxygen falls short when I am reintroduced to his winged dragon, dangerously decorating his upper back.
I stumble back on my foot into the bedroom. My thighs clench together. My stomach tightens. My throat dries. My respiration, erratic.
I peek lunging forward a little.
One of his veiny arm is holding the phone to his ears and the other flexing because he is smoking. Creating a cloud of haze around him. But my eyes squint trying to see his unclothed body.
I hadn't gotten a chance since, LA to have a look at it. He always remains clothed here. Even last night I only got a glimpse of the Dragon's face on his chest, when I licked it up in greed.
It was so dark then, I didn't get to admire the lines of black on his skin. Infact since I have found him back I didn't even get to notice how shredded he looks.
He is broader yet leaner. His packs are defined. He clearly works on them.
Definitely more detailing has been added to the wings of the tattoo, I realise as my eyes run down the skin of his back.
" I know.. I spoke to her…" He says in his thick, still sleepy voice. Blinking I straighten up hiding again from gawking at him and swallow the rising need in my throat.
Two minutes ago, I was ashamed about throwing myself at him. But right now, I cannot but think about doing all those things again.
I shake my head trying hard to gain control over my mind but I feel it. On my skin. On my hardening peaks. In my moistening centre. On my prickling scalp. I feel the effect of bare lithe self. It's ruthless.
And I know I am done. I was reminded of his taste last night. Of how it feels to be loved by him. And now I will only want more. I know it.
But that can wait. My perverted thoughts , courtesy of Hardin, can wait until I find out what's going on.
Because as hot as he looks, I can't deny that he is also looking all tensed , and anxious in a thick cloud of smoke surrounding him.
He said he was trying to reduced. What is making him smoke like this?
So drag the length of my hair from behind and throw it on my breast area covering my nipples visible through his white shirt. I put my hands on my cheeks and massage them so that the red and warm tinge to it lessens a bit.
I step back out again this time tiptoeing closer… " No… I will personally meet with him before he leaves… That's it. " He barks too loud, too sudden for my ears and I audibly flinch.
He whirls his face to see me… and I almost melt when his front comes into view. His green bright eyes, holding me captive.
His eyes widens seeing me before they run over meline form. His face become hard and jaws tight. His eyes slightly looses the green even through the bright light from the window… He breathes out the smoke he was probably holding inside him. Form curtain like haze around him adding more to his layered personality.
I almost shiver from the tension.
Somehow, I didn't take into account until his eyes are scanning me like i'm sort of prey that he possibly could be angry too, over my deed from yesterday. I am probably in for an earful for trying to leave without informing him. He might be holding his furious reprimands from yesterday for now.
That raises my pulse more as I grow wary.
So I gingerly walk and take a seat on the plush couch and await his reaction. Anger, anxiety, a bark. Anything from him at his point should be better than this silence.
He stares some more, his green eyes swirling with unspoken words. Then his face falls.
He shuts off his phone without even informing the person on the other side. He haphazardly looks around him until he spots an ashtray on the table and plunges the stick there lighting it off completely.
"Sorry… " he mumbles and looks at me. His gaze flickering once again over my body then looking away..
A little pride flickers in my chest at the way he drops the stick but it's immediately pushed aside with. I am confused whether he is angry or upset. "Something is wrong?" I ask, gesturing, tilting my chin towards his phone.
He looks back at me still standing. He opens his mouth to say something but stops.
"No. Just I have a meeting later. I wanted to reschedule but I can not…" He says before coming to sit on the couch beside me but keeping a definite gap.
With a closer view on him, the stress in his features are too stark to miss.. " I am so sorry. Did I wake you up with my talking? " He asks while leaning with his elbows on his knees.
"No no. I was up already and it was hot. I was sweating."
"Hot!? Sorry.. I will lower the heater.. " He stands up quickly.
"No no No. Hardin I am ok now…" I stop him from walking further… " But did you wrap me in a comforter like that?" I ask, because no way that was a self made burrito.
He sits back down ..."Ummm … You keep kicking the blanket away, the entire night. " He says. I flush because, as if I didn't already know that. " I had to take this call so before I was leaving I did that because you did not have clothes on. I did not want you to feel cold" He says in bare murmurs.
My inside completely melts into a puddle at his gesture but also it hurts. This continuously apologising- Hardin is not something I am fond of. He has somehow managed to apologize to me in every sentence he has spoken since I have seen him this morning.
"It's okay… I am glad you did… " I assure him…. " I didn't wake up because of that. I am just hungry."
"Really?" He looks a little taken aback at my comment… As if me being hungry is some unbelievable news to him.
"Yum yeah."
He check the time on his phone,
"I am sorry… I thought you str_" He begins with apologising again but stops mid sentence. " Give me a moment I will order…" He says unlocking his phone " What would you want to have?"
"Anything.." I say because that is the least important thing lurking in my mind right now. I just want to stop my stomach, so that it doesn't growl in the need to be filled. All I am bothered about is Hardin's scary silence…
"Normal Brekkie sounds good?"
"Yeah…"
I watch as he quickly types in a long detail long details on his phone and then keeps it aside to look back at me.
"I thought you normally stretch when You wake up. So I didn't order… "
Of Course he notices everything, Theresa!! My my subconscious mind yell at me raising a mocking eyebrow.
"Yeahh… I am not doing that today…" With the slight throb in my head and the anxiety of impending reaction I doubt even Yoga can calm me down right now.
"Mmmmm…." He hums as if the news gives him some sort of pleasure but soon that void expression returns. He scans my features once again with dark eyes. "Would you like to change before the food arrives? I have arranged clothes." He says, looking away and pointing at the table beside the door. I see a few shopping bags which I do not even want to know how he got so early in the morning.
But when he doesn't look back at me, I have had enough. I am done with this silent drama….
"Are you angry at me?" I directly ask, making him snap his face back to face me.
"Me??!! On you?!!" He straightens.
"Yeah?"
"For what??" He asks after running his tongue over his lips. It dawns upon me that indeed this whole thing is about him feeling guilty.
But just because the topic is up already, I continue. Also I know I have to apologise anyway. "For forcing you to have sex with me last night?"
As the words are out of my mouth I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I was actually being brave trying to face last night but now when I am actually uttering what I did, it actually sounds mortifying so I look down.
" Christ… No baby no…." Hardin immediately denies.
When I look up from my fidgeting hands on my lap, to see his face I find him already flushed to my side. Reaching out for my hands.
"It's the other way around…" He says squeezing my hand … " I am sorry… I couldn't…control.. What happened… I tried to… But… but… Please don't hate me… " He finally mumbles, unable to form words, letting out his ultimate paranoia… Making me realise I am right indeed . He is beating himself up over my doing….
"Hardin.. Why would I hate you? I asked for it…" as I lace my fingers along with him, I notice it is so much rougher than before… looking down I find so many scar marks. But before my mind divert from the original topic and ask about all of these which I'm noticing this late he speaks again.
" But you were drunk. I know you wouldn't have if you weren't… "
Would I?
As unnatural it may sound eventually I would. The alcohol just made me do what I already needed.
" Four glasses of that pink champagne didn't make me drunk Hardin… I remember what happened….I was tipsy…. I know what I wanted… And I know you tried to be sensible…. "
"So you are seriously not angry that I agreed? "
" No…In fact I am sorry for the drama I caused by leaving... "
He looks straight ahead from staring at me., his features tensing back a little even though he doesn't rip his hands away.. "It's okay…."
I tug on his arm a little to make him look at me. I don't want him to hide his emotions from me because of our past.. "No it's not. I am sorry for the way I left…. And I am sorry I forced you to have sex…"
His gaze flickers to my shoulder once and he clears the hair from there while mumbling "You can always force me to have sex with you, if you need me in that way… You know I am yours to have anytime… " He says softy wiping away my embarrassment, with utmost conviction, announcing, party to the butterflies in my empty stomach. But then his gaze flickers again to my neck and I watch his jaw clench. In a weird move he brings the hair back in front.. "But yeah, you leaving unguarded alone was a stupid move, Theresa." He adds, reprimand strong in his voice yet controlled.
"Sorry.." Hoping that me latching on to him might work for this situation I wrap my arms around one for his… Before resting my cheek on his bare biceps. To flush more to him I raise my feet up and rest my thighs against his.
He exhales as if in defeat and places his palm on my knee.
"Can I ask you something?" he asks after a few moments of letting me stay like that…..
"Yeah…" I nod.
"Why do you do that stretching shit??"
A chuckle slips past my lips at the way he disgustedly says stretching shit… I bump my cheeks on his skin in reproach.
"It's Yoga Hardin…"
I feel him look down at me.
" Yeah. That. Why?..... Is it because I said you that you would not fit in? Three years back??" I look up at him immediately. His face obviously looking upset. I should be surprised that he caught on to that conversation from last night so easily but I am not. He is smart, no doubt. He always has been." Because if that's the case, then I really sorry for engraving that into your system. I never meant that. You should know that by now Tess… Everything I said while leaving that day was utter bullshit…I was desperate... "
"I know… I know…. Yesterday was just me be being tipsy and irritated about_"
"About whom? The women who throw themselves at me?" He asks cutting me off. He pulls back a little to get a netter view of my face.
But I sink in more to his side, looking down. Of Course it is about them, but I don't say that. Taking my silence as a confirmation he himself says, " It's the money love… They are only interested because of my title and money… My shit attitude is quite famous along with my anger… If not for my bank balance nobody would care even to look at the kind of monster I am…" He pours his hearts out , full of self degradation.
I am speechless at the amount of grudge he holds against himself. It's like he finds no good thing about him. Which is utter nonsense!!
My problem with him is what he has put me through because of his assumptions and decisions. But I could never deny that he obviously has a major genuine, nice part in him. He has that magic.
If others are blind not to see Hardin's niceness then I am selfishly glad right now.
"And even if they are genuinely interested, I am not interested… so don't spend your energy getting jealous about them… it's baseless." He add cutting my thought and grabbing my chin gently, demanding eyes contact.
I do have a lot to say. I do want to tell him that everyone knows he is a nice person. I do want to deny him that, no, women notice that he is such a gem. I do want to deny him about so many things. I want to tell him that yes I am worried that there are much more hotter women than me. I want to tell him that yes I am still jealous and a little apprehensive that they might fit in better, not because of what he said three years back but because of my own complex.
But his eyes holding me in place, with so much honesty, is what melts me. It's just the way he explains doesn't leave any place to doubt so I offer him a nod laced with a smile..
___________________________________
Take love, ND